Alain de Botton – your questions answered, on art, God and ugliness

The philosopher is back with a new novel, The Course of Love, and answered your questions in a live webchat – addressing everything from the refugee crisis to rejection in love

2.10pm BST

Thanks very much to everyone who left a comment. Sorry I was only able to scratch the surface. If a question is burning, please come to visit me at www.alaindebotton.com - and I'll do my best.

2.09pm BST

benist asks

Is there such a thing as selfless love, where one does something entirely for the benefit of someone else?

A lot of parental love is like this: we don't expect our kids to ask how our days are, or to worry that we might be needing a nap. As a parent, we give love rather than expect it, it is the most selfless of all daily kinds of love. In my view, we should learn some lessons from the way we love children and apply them to the love of adults too; ie. a focus on giving love, and on interpreting the troubles that others give us in benevolent ways (ie. they haven't slept very well rather than 'they are evil...')

2.07pm BST

Frugal_Dougal asks

Do you see any positive signs of change in the UK housing market since you made your Perfect Home series?

Not focusing on the price of houses directly, there are some real signs that architectural quality has improved a lot. Much has to do with the moves of the last Labour government, that put the quality of housing delivery at the heart of its agenda (some of this has been scrapped, but not all of it, fortunately). But an ordinary housing block going up now in London or Inverness has a better chance of following best practice than it did 10 years ago. As with food, we in Britain are very slowly catching up with ideas that have been common in Holland or Germany for a while.

2.03pm BST

neutralpaddy asks

How did your father’s work ethic inform the writing of this book? (I was privileged to work closely for him for 18 months – he had astonishing focus and discipline.)

Small world! I've grown up with a very strong work ethic, which in me is really animated by a sense of just how short our time on this spinning planet really is. So I'm constantly guided by a guilty sense that there is a lot to do and very little time left to do it. At best, I can put out another 8 books or so. That's a scary prospect in terms of choosing what might be the best topics and how not to mess them up too badly.

2.02pm BST

ID9552055 asks

The poet Shelley said: “We are all Greeks.” In this respect, if we take out the Greeks from our civilisation as it stands today, what are we left with?

I would say that we are a mixture of Greek and Judeo-Christian ideas. The latter have just as much of an influence of the former. Our idea of human rights, of equality, of democracy are as much Christian as they are Greek.

2.00pm BST

MsMooch says

Lately you have been very down on love: in the otherwise excellent TSOL videos for example. I loved your Essays in Love and I can’t wait for the sequel, but do tell me, are you still in love with your wife, or is all that doom and gloom stuff because you fell out of love but are clinging on for the sake of remembrance of temps perdu In which case, are you free for dinner next week?

I should say that the films on Youtube are not the ongoing story of my life and my marriage. They are heartfelt perspectives, but arise from a number of sources. There is a very understandable temptation to connect up what a writer discusses - say - in a novel with the events in their life, but the awkward truth is that it's immensely fun and liberating to invent perspectives on problems one hasn't necessarily directly experienced. All this to say - thank you so much for dinner, but not this time around.

1.57pm BST

ptah1972 asks

Hi Alain, what is your view about ethics and education for young people? If young people were introduced to ethics as part of the national curriculum and how different moral choices/problems that we might end up growing a population of more moral, responsible adults who would be more likely to take custodianship over issues such as the environment, poverty and inequality?

The tricky thing is HOW such an education would work. I recently was reading David Hume who was very against delivering lectures on ethics to young people. He cheerfully explained why: they won't listen, they'll find it boring. So for Hume - and he was right I think - what those with ethical ambitions need to do is find ways to make 'the good' not just true but convincing and - to use a doubtful word - charming. Hume believed that popular history and plays could help to reform character far more than dry lectures in philosophy. In short, any ambition to reform the young always has to start with the true enemy one is facing: boredom, disengagement, and the unbelievable charms of twitter. These are the things that any educator has to overcome in a quest to reform the world.

1.54pm BST

ellalw asks

Is a sense of purpose necessary for a fulfilled life? If so, how should you navigate the consequent feelings of failure and shame if you can’t find out what yours is? The overwhelming pressure to find one makes all options seem inauthentic.

It is immensely hard to find a sense of purpose, but if you are feeling very actively that you haven't found it, that you are on the wrong track, these are signals that imply - like a negative implies a positive - that somewhere within you you do have a sense of what might be meaningful for you. A feeling that things are inauthentic wouldn't be possible without an underlying (even if still veiled) belief in authentic possibilities. It's important not to panic or despair because the answer hasn't manifested itself yet. It may well take a decade or two till one can start to know oneself well enough to realise what might bring purpose to life. In the meantime, sympathy for the scale of the challenge one's facing is important - that and an accurate sense that one is far from alone (even though society constantly presents us with examples of people who seem to know exactly what is what; people who in fact constitute a painfully small majority, who nevertheless make it to the front pages of websites too often for our mental well-being.

1.52pm BST

hvadaltsaa asks

How do think we will look back on the current refugee crisis? With pride, guilt or shame? Do you think that we as a species will ever learn from our history and stop fighting wars?

The origins of the refugee crises will, I think, be what particularly concerns historians. The roots have to do in the catastrophic approach of the Western powers to the politics of the Middle East. Don't forget that Syria was a client state of France for many years, it's ancient tribal structures were destroyed and the current regime - responsible for the war in key ways - is the fruit of an entirely dysfunctional state, which took years to get into the shape it was in when the conflict broke out. In short, we are still - as a species - learning some basic principles of good statecraft: that intervention in the affairs of other nations causes problems that can last centuries, that human rights have to be respected, that economic liberty needs to go hand in hand with political liberty, that women's rights must be respected etc... The refugees we are seeing in the stations of Germany and the camps of France are the last link in an appalling sequence of mistakes that goes back to the mid 19th century. None of this is an argument for passivity. Simply that good governance is at the heart of the crisis and something humanity is still only just learning about.

1.50pm BST

Allan Ray Jasa says

Alain, I have two questions:
1. how long did it take you to write The Course of Love?
2. in what ways did The School of Life / The Book of Life affect your novel?

1. It took 3 years.
2. The School of Life provided a forum in which I could test some of the ideas, by presenting them to small audiences - and also, learn from the many people who come through our doors. We run a psychotherapy service and our resident therapist was extremely helpful to me in discussing some of the problems of couples. So all in all, it's very good to go into an office rather than spend all day alone in a room...

1.49pm BST

BaddHamster asks

Given that, with a long enough timeline, all life is ultimately futile, and sooner or later humanity will cease to exist, am I justified in calling in sick for the week and instead just watching movies in bed and drinking cheap wine?

The lack of 'meaning' as humans can conceive it when we look at our lives on a cosmic perspective should not be an invitation to do nothing. However nice beds and cheap wine are, knowing that our lives are short and our efforts fragile could as well be a goad to action - especially around helping others - as to indolence. That shouldn't sound hectoring or ungenerous. Most of all, I wish you a nice break.

1.47pm BST

Ian Batch asks

Yes, we will - I think - eventually reach a post-religious age. In many ways, in Western Europe, we are already here. This would be very desirable in my view; of course, there are better and worse ways of secularising. For me, the best way is to remember all the emotional needs that we once turned to religion with - and to try to find alternatives in the secular world. No longer believing generally isn't the end of some of the feelings that took people to belief.

Suspicion of intellects has many sources, not least, that many intellectuals have made enormous mistakes, especially around politics (think of the very misguided ideas of Sartre, or of Heidegger or other big mid 20th century names). That said, allowing a variety of voices onto the airwaves seems a way to achieve genuine plurality.

1.40pm BST

PatrickLee asks

I’m writing this from my office, where I feel under extreme pressure to get things done. I’m also working a freelance job simultaneously, and so am currently all about making money. Basically, I’m making good tracks career-wise. I’m ‘doing OK’, I’m saving money to one day have a house and am doing a good job. But I don’t know if this is what I want to be doing. I try and imbue it with as much meaning as pos, but it doesn’t really work. Surely it’s too late to start again and spend all my hard-earned money on re-studying. Three more years of poverty just to start from scratch again.

I'm sorry about the challenges of day to day life: yes, we do need a good communication person... But I would just ask what it is about further study that you're hoping will move you out of the current situation. In general, when people consider a job move, the risk is a faulty analysis of the current dissatisfaction, a flawed analysis of what one's true talents and interests are - and a misreading of the job market. All these are hugely tricky issues - which is why i'm a firm believer that one should spend a h ugely long time unpicking the dilemma, possibly with the help of a mentor - and only very slowly judge whether a big move is necessary. The tragedy of most job searches is that they proceed under the pressure of immediate feelings of instincts, which turn out not accurately to reflect the aptitudes of the people involved. In short, take it slowly and think a lot...

PS: I would add that there are many ways in which a greater deal of meaning can be found in existing jobs, without the need to throw everything in. At the School of Life, we're keen on what we call 'branching' moves, which involve a little shift to the right or to the left. These undramatic moves - which may involve a conversation with a colleague or boss about slightly changing how things are done - may hold a remarkably important part of the solution to a situation of dissatisfaction. We're often fatefully in love with the dramatic move.

1.38pm BST

Pagey asks:

Alain, do you really believe (as your recent Guardian opinion piece gives the impression) that most workers have the power to shape their destiny at work more than at home? Your theory seems to be based on an exclusive notion that doesn’t include people who don’t work in offices and are not highly paid.

I was pointing out, in a recent piece, that in certain ways, possibilities for good communication are greater in the work place than in the home. This was merely a suggestion and doesn't represent every home and every workplace. It's just that we operate in a society that very much valorises love and slightly demonises work. I was attempting to tilt the debate in a slightly different direction.

1.38pm BST

Coenj asks

Alain, do you hold out any hope that our education system could be restructured to once again recognise philosophy as a foundational subject, with critical thinking and discourse about values and the good life seen as central to the healthy life of both individual and society? If so, how do you think this could be achieved?

My view is that we should reverse engineer the education system from the problems of life. In other words, we need to look at the issues that most people struggle with and really critically examine whether the skills we acquire in school years are those that are helping us with these struggles. So, on my ideal curriculum, I would look much more closely at a range of issues that beset people around Love and Work: how to form satisfying relationships, how to deal with conflict, how to deal with reversal, how to understand the economic system we live within, how to be financially literate and learn all the skills necessary to take apart the financial machine we exist within... All these are topics which seem to be very neglected in the current education system, but which would be very rewardingly addressed in the future.

1.36pm BST

apodictic asks

Following your book Religion for Atheists, isn’t it a religious apologist approach. “Isn’t religion brilliant?” screams from your book, trying to provide positive spin that atheists should long for and missing out. You seem to rejoice in religious irrationalism as having superiority over us miserable rational atheists. What gives religion a special place to assume it is the best thing? Humans commune freely without the intrusion of religion and quite frankly do better without it.

I only ever meant to provide a very selective journey through religion, picking out aspects which seem to me important, wise or beautiful. For me, a lot of religion is utterly unpalatable and in no way something I would recommend or back. I am a committed atheist and always have been. That said, many of the problems of our age stem from our inability to notice the gap left by the disappearance of God and to fill it adequately. This is really the project that Nietzsche announced when he declared the death of god in the 19th century. He wasn't gleeful at the prospect. He realised that there would be many areas in which the disappearance of religion would cause great difficulties. My book was an attempt to rescue some of what still seems relevant and interesting (the ritualistic aspects, the ethical emphasis, the use of art as a didactic medium) from a lot that cannot seem true or good to me (doctrine, dogma, murderous commands etc.).

1.35pm BST

ajhurley writes:

I recently started reading one of your School of Life books: How to Find Fulfilling Work. I was struck by many things, but particularly that our “happiness” doesn’t increase beyond an income of roughly 45k (sorry, don’t have book to hand). Do you (& others) in the School of Life subscribe to this view, and if so, how has it affected your life?

It's a paradox that economists have been very wise to start to point out in recent years: levels of happiness do not keep rising in relation to incomes. Indeed, one striking fact sticks out: 60% of a person's life satisfaction can be connected up with the quality of their relationship. This is really rather a dazzling fact, given how much time politicians focus on certain priorities and how little time is ever spent trying to improve the quality of relationships. Yet serious political problems - drug abuse, family breakdown, criminality - always start in the home, with a range of psychological issues we're collectively very unsure how to address at a political level. We should start with the two ways in which people are educated: schools and media. In both areas, rewarding and emphasising the area of emotional intelligence seems key to me.

1.34pm BST

Namedoftherose asks:

Who is your favourite thinker of those covered on the School of Life?
Thanks for all the great work.

I'm especially fond of Montaigne; he is an extremely humane thinker, always alive to the possibility of absurdity and pomposity. You have to love someone who can write: 'Even on the highest throne, we are seated - still - upon our arses.' And who could write also: 'Kings and philosophers shit, and so do ladies.' This remains a refreshing attitude to take even in our own times.

1.32pm BST

MrJellyby asks

In France philosophers regularly appear on TV, prime time popular TV, and are asked to comment on current events – they are generally expected to be engaged in politics and have a clear affiliation to either the right or the left. In the UK, of course, things are substantially different. Do you think its because philosophers in the UK lack clarity and the courage to morally engage in the issues of our times?

The reason is simple. If you asked Tony Hall to put a philosopher anywhere on the BBC, the answer would be a flat out no. Philosophers are dying to be on TV; some of the worst dressed ones harbour particularly intense wishes to be beside Evan Davies on Newsnight. The problem is that the BBC, among its other failings, simply doesn't recognise the latent star quality in many of Britain's academic thinkers...

1.32pm BST

theearhole asks:

Which modern artists can best console anxiety? Many seem to aggravate it.

Indeed, Abba seems a good choice. Also Richard Neutra and Eric Rohmer and London Grammar and... well, pretty much any talented artist at work today, of which there are millions...

1.30pm BST

andrea14 asks

What can be done about the increasing contempt for the humanities among politicians?

Some of the problem must be placed at the door of the humanities themselves. Politicians pick up on the public mood; they don't create it. The problem is that academics have been singularly unable to explain to the society that pays for them quite what their value is. For the last 40 years, it's become ever harder for people in the departments of ENglish, Philosophy, German etc. to explain clearly to the public just why they matter so much - and they do! The result has been that in straightened economic times, the government can be very tempted to stop feeding a system that the public themselves show little love for.

1.29pm BST

Carlos Hughes asks

Did you really say that people who work as TEFL teachers have failed at life? (As you were quoted in an article by Sebastian Cresswell-Turner in 2004) And what makes you an expert on working for a living? Especially regards TEFL teaching?

I'd like to put on record that I have the deepest respect for TEFL teachers, either those teaching now or those who have taught in the past.

1.28pm BST

Steve3931 asks

James Boswell once said: “I have tried too in my time to be a philosopher; but, I don’t know how, cheerfulness was always breaking in.” This seems to be at odds with your approach that philosophy can make you happier. How do you stay cheerful at the same time as being a philosopher?

The task of thinking isn't so much to make people happy - happiness is a tricky word around which we are rightly suspicious. The task is to encourage us to come to a more consoled and consoling perspective on the disasters that befall us; to frame our sorrows more helpfully and to guide us towards a slightly less punitive and incensed attitude to the world. The greeks had a useful word 'eudaimonia', meaning fulfilment, which they preferred to use over happiness; the true goal of philosophy for Aristotle isn't to make people happy, it's to foster conditions for eudaimonia. This seems a good way to view things.

1.27pm BST

TommyTraddles asks

Have you ever had what can be loosely termed a “proper job”?

I published my first book, Essays in Love, at the age of 23. I then worked as a freelance journalists for my 20s before becoming a full time writer at 29 after the publication of my book, The Consolations of Philosophy. Since 2008, I've been running an organisation called www.theschooloflife.com - which now has a staff of 50 and branches in 12 countries. This keeps me fairly busy, but who is to say, really, whether that satisfies your criteria of 'work'?

1.26pm BST

DanHolloway writes

It’s great to see you webchatting here. I feel like I have grown up with you, since at least back in the 90s when I remember feeling mildly jealous that you had the kind of job I wanted, and had thought had become redundant since Jonathan Miller’s heyday.

In a mass society, it's really important to have a mass diffusion of ideas. And ideally, quite good ideas. So it's as important in my eyes to have intellectuals who speak only to the few as it is to have some that explicitly set out to address many .

1.26pm BST

Guarachero asks

Is it a forlorn hope that the therapy industry will ever stop prescribing art as a palliative for the customers whose vulnerability it has cultivated?

It's always been part of the ambition of art to help its audiences. In Ancient Greece, tragedy was a medium that sought to create a cathartic set of emotions - and to help spectators come to a less shameful and less punitive view of disgrace and failure. Later on, Christian art had similarly therapeutic ambitions: a painter like Bellini or Memling was setting out to render the truths of the gospels more intuitive and more visceral. It's only in the last five minutes in the history of culture that we've become suspicious of the idea of charging art with a therapeutic mission. Modernism wished to tie itself to a m ore abstract, internal agenda, shunning the work previously associated with the church. In my eyes, this has been a pity, cutting art off from its deepest roots and its true motivation.

1.24pm BST

Maygrey67 says

The school of life is such a wonderful idea - any plans for rolling out beyond London?

We exist in Melbourne, Seoul, Amsterdam, Paris, Antwerp and Istanbul.

1.23pm BST

paulinejeyasubha asks

I am your great fan and follower from India. I would love to know how a previous rejection affects the future relationship of a person? Have you experienced rejection in love personally and what was the drive to write this new fiction on love the 2nd time?? Also want to know your philosophical consolations for female Sex shaming and racism???

Rejection is an extremely challenging event, I'm sorry to hear it. I've known so much rejection i feel hugely competent to speak at length on the subject. But not now, not here (in the offices of the Guardian). For now, I feel for you.

1.22pm BST

Christopher Whalen says

A great frustration I have around dating is a lack of interest on the part of women to getting tested for STDs prior to any physical contact. I have tried to broach the subject many different ways, but I refuse to move forward with a physical relationship until we have both been screened for STDs. Can you elaborate on the psychology of why a person, man or woman, would refuse this request? It is a major stumbling block to my having romantic relationships. As we know, condoms are not 100% effective at eliminating the risk of STD transmission. [Plus contributions by Carlos Hughes and Cayo]

As ever, fear is at work. The trick is to suggest that love can co-exist along with a vigorous commitment to addressing and dealing with STDs. An atmosphere of benevolent acceptance of the risk of STD is a must; and can easily be achieved on many first dates - after the first course ideally.

1.22pm BST

paulinejeyasubha says

I am your great fan and follower from India. I would love to know how a previous rejection affects the future relationship of a person? Have you experienced rejection in love personally, and what was the drive to write this new fiction on love the 2nd time? Also, I want to know your philosophical consolations for female sex-shaming and racism

Rejection is an extremely challenging event, I'm sorry to hear it. I've known so much rejection i feel hugely competent to speak at length on the subject. But not now, not here (in the offices of the Guardian). For now, I feel for you.

1.20pm BST

AbstractClown asks

Is it possible for a work that is accessible to the majority to break new conceptual ground? Can anything middlebrow be academically significant?

The novel is a good example here. A novel like Madame Bovary is obviously not high brow in the technical sense. It enjoyed a large commercial success. It changed how we think of love to this day.

1.19pm BST

Daniel Helland says

Hi Alain. It is with no doubt that you are a huge contributing reason for me still studying philosophy. I am so inspired about your thought about philosophy being something more that just a boring academic “fight” about ideas that only high scholars can understand; it should be about ideas and thoughts that can help ourselves live true and meaningful lives.

My general view is that academic philosophy has done an enormous disservice to the true ambitions of the subject. Nietzsche, for one, would never have been offered a job in any university.

1.18pm BST

Daniel Helland asks

Any thoughts for people who want to study philosophy? What are your general thoughts on today’s academic philosophers? Why didn’t you finish your PhD?

My general view is that academic philosophy has done an enormous disservice to the true ambitions of the subject. Nietzsche, for one, would never have been offered a job in any university.

1.14pm BST

ID2844153 asks:

In your book Religion for Atheists you discuss aspects and practices of religions that you believe are beneficial and that should not be dismissed by secular and atheist societies. TSOL, like many other companies, offer a wide range of mindfulness products. Do you feel that removing aspects of religious practice from their traditional context (Buddhist 8 fold path) diminishes their potential for good or opens them up to a wider audience who would have been put off by religious association?

The shop is only at the start of its journey. We are launching The School of Life press in a few months, where we'll be putting together some very special books on a range of topics. At that point, our shop will reach its true audience and ambition.

1.11pm BST

Sergio Machado asks

Olá, Mr. Alain: do you think architecture will remain a cultural value in the future?

The future is in our hands - but I really hope so. The trick is to get people to see the connection between good architecture and well-being - as well as financial benefits to a region.

1.11pm BST

ID2844153 also says

In your article in the Book of Life, The Museum Gift Shop, you say that “The gift shop is quite simply the most important tool for the diffusion and understanding of art in the modern world” what do you see as the role of the TSOL shop within your organisation?

The shop is only at the start of its journey. We are launching The School of Life press in a few months, where we'll be putting together some very special books on a range of topics. At that point, our shop will reach its true audience and ambition.

1.09pm BST

ThisDay says

I agree that relationship education is one of the big issues we don’t address in the UK. However, because of this, it’s difficult to know where to start. People won’t come to ‘How to save your failing relationship’ courses.

i agree that there's a great challenge around reach when it comes to more serious ideas. The danger is that the elite is extremely suspicious of people who try to spread knowledge more widely. Immediately the accusation comes that someone is a populariser. Ask SImon Schama and listen to what people say about him in the common rooms of top universities. THis is very unfortunate. IN a mass society, we need really ambitious people to tackle the tasks of diffusing good ideas widely.

1.07pm BST

ID2844153 asks

Do you think that the ‘spiritual’ and ‘emotional well-being’ product markets serve to help individuals deal with problems caused by secular Capitalism or do they reinforce Capitalist values?

The chief emotional well-being product out there is probably music, closely followed by cinema and literature.
Many of the products of the music industry are deeply sincere and extremely helpful, allowing for a measure of catharsis and release.
That said, there is always the danger of abuse, but with any luck, the most talented producers can avoid it.

1.07pm BST

sinamon asks

Alain, do you think it’s possible, as a male millennial, to show one’s best side to and thus truly love someone whom one is not absolutely physically attracted to, given the Romantic culture we have grown up in? How can one content oneself with a partner who, although not stunning, is at least NOT ugly? Please share your wise words.

Romanticism suggests that love and sex belong tightly together: in fact, i think they often can exist at one remove, allowing for the ugly - i know whereof i speak - to be tolerated.

1.05pm BST

1.04pm BST

saldemar asks

Do you still stand by everything you said during the Munk debate on Progress?

Very little. Debates are a nightmarish medium for me. Along with quizzes, no more!

1.01pm BST

franzo asks

Do you see travel as a luxury afforded to only the middle and upper classes?

No, thankfully travel - in the UK at least - is a genuinely democratic, mass product.

10.17am BST

From the way we work to the way we love, Alain de Botton has considered the big questions in hit pop-philosophy books such as Status Anxiety and The Art of Travel. Recently, he has considered religious faith (Religion for Atheists), the era of 24-hour rolling news (The News: A User’s Manual), and How to Think More About Sex – the latter published by his adult education venture, The School of Life.

De Botton began his writing career in 1993 with Essays in Love, using fiction to think about affairs of the heart. It’s a an approach he returns to with his new novel, The Course of Love, exploring the ups, downs, children and affairs of a modern couple.

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