Stories I would like to read (or see) just once

THE HOUSE HUNTER WHO DID SOME RESEARCH

REALTOR: Of all the houses on the list I sent you, the one I think you might like best is the one at 13 Nocturnus Lane.

HOUSE HUNTER: I looked it up on the Internet. Apparently there have been several gruesome, mysterious murders there.

REALTOR: Or we could start with 1255 Bright Meadow Road.

THE TEENAGER WHO RESPECTED HER ELDERS

PRINCIPAL: So that’s why we take Tranqui-Pills, Jennifer. In the olden times, strong emotion led to a war that nearly destroyed the world. Now that you understand, will you promise to take YOUR pills every day?

TEENAGER: I sure will, Principal Davis, I sure will!

THE COP WHO PLAYED BY THE RULES

HANNIGAN: The Ace of Diamonds killer and his victim could be right on the other side of this door!

GOMEZ: You can’t go in, partner! We don’t have a warrant or probable cause!

HANNIGAN: Darn, you’re right. We have to respect the Constitution. You want to get some lunch?

THE COP WHO PLAYED BY THE RULES 2: THIS TIME IT’S PERSONAL (ALTHOUGH NOT SO PERSONAL THAT HE TURNED INTO SOME KIND OF MAVERICK OR SOMETHING)

THE LIEUTENANT: You’re too close to this one, Hannigan! You’re off the case!

HANNIGAN: Okay, Lieutenant, if that’s what you think is best.

THE SCIENTIST AND THE CLERGYMAN

CLERGYMAN: Victor, you have to stop! Man was never meant to resurrect the dead! That’s the province of the Almighty!

SCIENTIST: Gee, I never thought about it that way. Shut it down, Ygor! Shut it all down!