Finding Some Light in the Darkness of My Story: A Memoir Moment
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
“A memoir should have some uplifting quality, inspiring or illuminating, and that’s what separates a life story that can influence other people.” Mark Allen
Photo credit: Free Google Images
Finding Some Light in the Darkness of My Story
“I’m not sure I want to keep reading this story. It’s a real downer.”
Have you ever had anyone tell you this about your story or have you ever felt like you couldn’t continue reading a book because the topic was too depressing?
At a recent critique session with fellow memoir writers, a respected colleague shared these honest feelings about a chapter I had read, And she was right. It was a very dark moment. It made me stop and take note of how I will convey my story. While I cannot and will not sugar-coat the event, it made me realize that there needs to be relief for the reader…and for me.
Years ago, when I started reading Paula, Isabel Allende’s story of her gravely ill daughter, I could not finish it. The topic was too raw for me because I feared for my son’s life on a daily basis due to his addiction.
As I work on my second memoir, I am very aware of the need to provide some lighter moments. And I know they were there because I have survived to talk about it.
The heart of my story is a mother’s love through her son’s addiction. It is also a story of the power of faith in my life as I battled cancer simultaneously.
Photo Credit: Christine MacDonald
The story has been burning inside me for years, grabbing me by the throat at any given time… begging me to release it, pour it on the page and send it packing.
When I looked into my son’s eyes and saw his father, it stopped me cold and held a grip on my heart.
My eyes still well up with tears thinking about the lost years since that moment…the heartache, the terror of watching him sink into the abyss of addiction. This is the pain I sit with and I am ready to let it go.
I’ve been giving a lot of thought to the importance of weaving in some lightness into the dark moments. Life is a combination of the heavy and the light so to focus only on the dark would be very burdensome, both in life and in reading a memoir.
I stand naked before the pages, curious how much deeper I have to go to convey exactly what it felt like to be in those moments of despair…locked in time and feeling a wide range of sensory assaults. Even though I knew it would be difficult, writing about my son’s addiction has been much harder than I anticipated. We have moved on –both of us; grown and found independence from one another.
How did we get from there to here?
The only way to the other side is through the mud and the muck of the trauma. So I’ve been digging into my memory banks to find some answers to my question.
But, how to find the light in the darkness of my story?
There’s nothing funny about cancer or having an alcoholic son and neither is reliving it to write the story. But, I know I couldn’t have gotten through it unless there was some comic relief along the way.
Finding the humor in the midst of the sadness can be a defense from sinking deeper into the sadness.
Since memoir is a “slice of life”, that life has to be portrayed in the most realistic and honest way possible. Linda Joy Myers of the National Association of Memoir Writers writes. “If we write the truth, then we write both the light and dark stories.” She suggests making a list of the light and dark stories.
As I plow through the pain, I’m making a conscious effort to get in touch with those lighter moments that helped me place one foot in front of the other. I am fortunate. My son has given me his blessing to “pour it on the page” for it is my story even though it is also about him.
Here are a few things I am doing to find the light:
Looking through old photos of happy times… helps me connect with the many positive things in my life.
Making a list of happy and sad times…life has both.
Journaling my thoughts my writing journey…helps me sort out and clarify my thoughts and feelings.
Allowing myself to grieve for those ”lost” years… all part of self-care and well-being.
Prayer is my meditation…Amen!
For now, the terror is gone and we are left with the love. Therein lies my story.
There is light at the end of the tunnel but I will continue to search for the light that was there along the way so my story will not be a “downer” but one of hope .
***
How about you? How do you find the light in the darkness of your story?
I’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
This Week:
Monday, 4/25/16:
I’m honored to be over at Susan Weidener’s blog, Women’s Writing Circle, with “A Mother of an Addict Finds Her Voice”. Hope you’ll stop by and join in the conversation.
April 2106 Newsletter : “Spring: The Season of Hope and Renewal”
If you are interested in receiving this monthly newsletter of updates, memoir musings and Max moments via email , please sign up in the right sidebar. I’d love to have you along!
Next Week:
Monday, 5/2/16:
“Nothing Short of Joy: How I Moved From Misfit to Magic by Memoir Author Julie Bond Genovese.
Julie is the author of a memoir, Nothing Short of Joy and will give a way an ebook or paperback copy to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.
