I'm Stuffed With Pastries And Drunk With Power

Sumana and I just returned from an anniversary trip to Paris, courtesy
of Sumana's mom. We had a great time, and as time permits I'll be
putting up mini-travelogues of the major sights we saw. I'll start things off with a catalog of our lesser adventures and discoveries.

As always, I travelled exclusively by private bus. We had to make
some minor livery changes to make my usual ride street-legal in France.

We skipped the Eiffel Tower and the Louvre, Paris's two biggest
tourist traps. However we did take a boat cruise of the Seine the
first day, so there is proof that I was near the Eiffel Tower
at some point.

We were more enthusiastic about Montmartre, home of the
perspective-tastic steps seen in Celine And Julie Go Boating.

I loved the Jardin du Luxembourg. For some reason people were
always taking selfies next to this statue.

Also in the garden but a bit harder to find
was this
awesome metastatue!

The Luxembourg also features a functional Beaux-Arts latrine (not
pictured).

The most touristy thing we did was a walk down the Champs ��lys��es,
which was the Paris equivalent of walking through Times Square on
Broadway, then crossing the street and walking back. It was cool at
the start (Arc de Triomphe), and again later on once it turned into
a park, but I'm gonna let this picture sum up the middle:

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We ate a lot of great food! I won't be sharing pictures of the food
because I don't take good pictures of food, but I'll say that raw
milk cheese is fabulous, and pastries and bread were routinely as
good as the best you can get in New York. High-quality carbs and
cheese: the culinary highlights of my trip. I tried escargot, as well
as the mysterious Futurist dessert known as the floating island, and
my verdict for both is "meh".

We didn't eat at La Grenoille but I thought it was cute and
it can stand in for a lot of Paris restaurants.

We also didn't eat at this restaurant, because it was closed, and
because the passive-aggressive note taped to the window ensures that
no one will ever eat there again.

(My translation: "We will reopen
upon completion of the work to stop the recurrent floods of fecal
water from the WC installed in the basement. We are waiting on the
leaseholder to act.")

But I'm sure you're asking: what do the French think of America
in today's Je Suis Charlie world? Well, here's the answer,
in sidewalk menu form:

Bad luck, rest of the country! According to France, New York City
is coextant with the United States, and Toronto stands in for all of
Canada. It could be worse; in the airport I saw a French guidebook
for "New York + Brooklyn". I mean, I get it, we didn't really leave
Paris, but I know there are different regions in France.

This tote bag we saw in a €1.20 store (i.e. a dollar store,
but more expensive) managed to achieve greater overall accuracy by
avoiding pesky details.

Not sure where that subway map comes from though.

Okay, that's it for now, but tune in soon for scientific
instruments, Duchamp's obviously fake readymades, and the Tetsuo
Milk-approved netherworld of Versailles. Just to whet your appetite,
here's the sort of thing you see in the Mus��e des Arts et M��tiers, a
really cool museum that wasn't mentioned by either of the guidebooks we used, but was mentioned by every French person we asked:

An early steno keyboard! Awesome. See you next time.