The Case of the Pout
You’ve all seen it, the profile pic of the pretty girl, who for some reason best known only to herself, and the thousands of other pout-adopting minions, has decided she looks so much more attractive with her lips pursed into what has to be the least natural expression ever.
Hey, I’m not one to judge beauty – I can only speak subjectively after all – but I can’t be the only one that simply does not ‘get it’. No matter how hard I try I cannot for the life of me see those pouts, any of them, and think, ‘oh yes, you look so much better doing that’.
I’ve tried doing it myself – just to see if there is something I’m missing. ‘Will my pouts bring all the men to my yard?’ I’ve asked as I’ve attempted to push two rubbery bits of skin together in a way less flattering than a grimace. Mostly I just succeeded in feeling pained, and a little inadequate for apparently not having lips that will even go in that position.
Perhaps, and this is highly likely, it’s just because I’m not a teenage girl (though I hasten to add, this thing does seem to have infiltrated the twenty-somethings, and beyond). Maybe I’m not equipped with the ability to see what’s so good about the pout.
I’m actually theorising right now that it could be some biological difference in the brains of much more intellectual females. Could it be their intelligence has surpassed that of their peers to a point where they have discovered the holy grail of beauty.
For all I know, there could have been some ‘think tank’ that spent millions of pounds discussing this matter, sponsored by the pocket-money of bored fourteen-year-olds. Maybe an esteemed Professor of the Advanced Study and Investigation into the positions of Labium has spent his life coming to the conclusion ‘pouts are good’, and sadly managed to pass on the results of his research to pubescent girls before realising his life’s work had been for nought and it was time to return to perusing his wife’s Avon catalogue.
Yes! That must be it. I’m clearly not up to understanding this new phenomenon, and must come to terms with that fact before I can once again embark upon any internet browsing. I shall then see the pout, stand back and fully appreciate its glory, secure in the knowledge I shall never be able to squidge my own lips into that position and thus, remain unworthy.
