Know Your Tendencies and Try Something New – YOU

Several years ago, I gave a talk at the Texas Women’s Conference. At this talk, a woman asked me a common question, “My two little children hate dinner time – what can I do?”

The answer I gave her, which came from my heart, actually shocked and delighted the audience. I told her,

“Shake it up. They are little people who are growing. They aren’t interested in sitting still – but they do want to connect with you. So have dinner outside, have it as a picnic on the floor in the living room, have dinner in the bath tub!”

The audience cracked up and then applauded. And it’s not because my dinner-tub time was the most profound suggestion. It’s because suddenly the 200 person audience felt a breath of possibility and space around the way they exist inside of parenting.

When we experiment with our thoughts, our feelings, and our behaviors – suddenly patterns can shift and there is way more possibility and space in ourselves and our relationships. This is why experimenting with what works is critically important for you!

So today, let’s focus on YOU. Your predominant thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, and how you can experiment with them. Below I wrote out common examples parents bring to me, along with possible experiments to run.

– Thoughts –

If you’re constantly thinking,

“I’m not enough.”

“I’m the only one who does anything around here.”

“I can’t handle all of this!”

(And on and on…)

What if you started experimenting with holding the thoughts,

“I’m rocking this!”

“Life is challenging and we’re all doing our best.”

“I’m helping humans wire their brains, I’ve accomplished so much.”

What does that evoke? Do you find yourself wanting to hold on to the original thoughts? Can you let go and see how you could think about the situation in different ways? And most importantly, how do the new thoughts make you feel?

 

– Feelings –

Most of the time we operate under the belief that our feelings come from our experiences. While it is true that situations stir feelings inside us, we also have ways of evoking the feelings we want to feel in any experience.

Right now – think of a person who you really love. Picture them in your mind. Play out a scenario and notice how that makes you feel. You do have control over how you feel. And the more you actively evoke feelings like appreciation, delight, joy, the more you with experience those regularly.

 

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So, as you approach a situation that you already feel resistant to – see if you can experiment with feeling a different way before you even enter that experience.

For example, if you dread bedtime, what feeling can you evoke internally before you even mention it? Or step foot into the room? Can you play with holding a feeling of gratitude for your people? Or a feeling of curiosity about how things are going to go tonight? Or a feeling of true calm and peace as you walk into their room?

– Behaviors –

Last week we talked about knowing your tendencies and trying something new. The same applies to this idea of you first.     

For example, if the time after school feels challenging, and you normally try to feed everyone a snack, but feed yourself last (or not at all), experiment with getting some food in your system before you focus on them.

Similarly, if you feel grumpy and irritated when your growing people wake you up, experiment with getting up earlier and see how that influences the morning.

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We are creatures of habit when it comes to thoughts, feelings and behaviors. If you want to have a different experience — personally and with the people you love — you have an opportunity to shake it up!

Let me know what experiment you’re going to run with YOU today. Even if it flops it’s all good intel on what works and what doesn’t.

Cheers,

Carrie

 

P.S. Want to learn the 3 questions to boost your self care? See them here!