captain-liddy:One thing that abusive people do is try to convince their victims that their...

captain-liddy:

One thing that abusive people do is try to convince their victims that their instincts are corrupted and inherently wrong and bad and that they need someone to guide them and control their behavior so that they don’t ruin their relationships. 

That’s why Mary’s constantly belittling John’s reactions is important. Laughing at him when he’s angry with Sherlock in TEH and telling him that she likes Sherlock, then pressuring him to make up. Implying that John doesn’t understand what Sherlock needs in TSOT (she does this to Sherlock about John, too. First about getting out on a case during the wedding planning, then about John’s relationship with Major Sholto). Suggesting that John’s admiration of Sherlock is disproportionate in HLV. Asking John why he would offer to go help Kate and Isaac as if it’s a ridiculous suggestion, despite the fact that he’s a doctor and a soldier, so probably the best person near at hand.  

Even scolding him for the moment he picked to discuss their reconciliation at Christmas with the Holmes family. He can’t choose the baby’s name. He doesn’t mow the lawn. Does she ever praise him? Does she ever show him any affection? Can he do one single thing right for her? 

Yes. She’s particularly abusive in TAB – she openly belittles John as being useless on Sherlock’s cases in the scene where she appears in the black widow’s outfit. And she belittles Sherlock for being slow and not being the smart one. Even in the modern day scenes, she is belittling to everyone– making fun of Mycroft’s security, bringing up Sherlock reading John’s blog, then when she confronts John about the “I’m taking Mary home.” comment. Either she is showing her sociopath colors more and more, or Sherlock just SEES her, in his head, as abusive. (I say ‘either’ because I’m not sure if the modern day scenes were real or still in Sherlocks’ MP).