My Piece of the Puzzle (3) Handling Conflict

Each day and each experience when living with a child with autism is different.  Each child with autism is different.

For those who don’t know what autism is:

Autism is a developmental disability, which is defined as a syndrome. A syndrome is simply a mix of signs or characteristics that can be used to show a particular condition. Autism is a lifelong condition that combine both developmental and behavioural features.

Translation: Autism is a series of developmental issues in socialization and communication that affect each person differently.

It has been report card week in our house.  My older two children (ages 12 and 9) have been bragging about their A’s.  My youngest’s report card comes in and we look at it and see satisfactory progress all the way down the line, and then we get to “will use words to solve conflicts with peers” and the words minimal progress.

This is one of her biggest areas of difficulty.  This has been one of her IEP goals for over 2 years and still it says minimal progress.  The school has worked with her on this.  Her therapists have worked with her on this.  Her father and I have worked with her on this.  And she still struggles with it.

We are at a loss as to how to help her with this one.  Maybe in part because even my own conflict resolution skills are not spectacular.  I am a “tell it like I see it” kind of woman myself.  I tend to tell people not to ask for my opinion if they don’t want it.  But I do try to teach my children that if they have to start a sentence with “no offense, but” they should probably keep it to themselves because what is about to follow is going to be rude.

Some of the lessons come easily, and others come at great expense.  To teach Lauren how to handle conflict, there has to be a conflict to use as an example.  Quite frankly, we try to limit the things that are going to send her into meltdown mode.  And honestly she really doesn’t have many peer interactions outside of school.  She has her brother and sister, and that is really about it.  She doesn’t have any little boys and girls that she plays with outside of school.  She’s never been invited to play at another kid’s house on weekends.  So how do you teach conflict resolution in that kind of situation?

How do you help your child without trying to shelter them?  It really feels like such a very fine line to walk.  It’s about finding the balance.  Learning to let go a little bit each day and letting them learn to help themselves a little bit at a time in a controlled environment.  This mom is learning, too, right along with her.

Hamming it up for the camera!

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