Telling vs. Tattling: “Constructive” Criticism from a Book Reviewer

Hello Fans!

By now, I hope you’ve viewed my Facebook Live Streaming video posted on my Facebook Fan Page @ Books That Sow: Strength, Character & Diversity. I spoke about Telling vs. Tattling from the perspective of a “constructive” critique received from a great grandmother who purchased my little rhyming book on bullying titled, “Teacher, Teacher, Can’t You See?”

 

I have not identified the reviewer, as it is not my goal to embarrass anyone, but I really feel if people believe, especially when a child is being bullied, telling is tattling, this topic needs more attention.

 

My goal is for us to exchange friendly dialogue/discourse about this topic. Let us share our thoughts and perhaps experiences as we attempt to unlock the true meaning and perhaps differences in these two terms.

 

Of course, you do not have to agree with me. We can agree to disagree, but if you have viable, usable suggestions and recommendations, please share it with us. The goal is to help children with bullying issues of all kinds.

 

Here goes:

From the Reviewer

“I am sorry, but I want to give constructive feed back.  I looked forward to this book, and purchased it, could not use it.  A student cannot just run to teacher and tattle, and the child gets counseled.  And not everyone will go to your website and look up what to say or do.

This book should encourage children how to not take “bullying” personal, how to understand the person who bullies and how to preserve their self-esteem in the rat race of life.  How they react to the bumps in life as a child sets the stage for how they will view life’s difficulties as an adult.  They have to learn to keep their dignity throughout difficulties.  And, not every school has enough counselors for every child who needs it. Too many students, no aides, no money for supplies, and we do need to support our teachers better.  It is a subject that needs discussion, but this book falls short.  Sorry.”

 

My Response to the Reviewer (titles added later for purpose of blog post clarity):

Just as any author, I love constructive feedback.

I am happy you purchased my book, but sorry you found it no use, as many do.

 

Although most educators and parents do not encourage tattling, rather problem solving techniques, bullying behaviors has grown in leaps and bounds with national attention, so I’m not sure if we’d want to scorn our children, and label them tattlers for gaining the attention of teachers sooner than later.

 

Here’s what anti-bullying advocates encourage

Most anti-bullying advocates plead with children to gain assistance earlier on. By doing so, these negative and unwarranted behaviors are “nipped in the bud” sooner than later.

 

Too, intervention may save many heartaches, allow more time in our classrooms for actual teaching/learning, and decrease nuisance behaviors on contact, and by ALL means decrease the most alarming issues facing the negative effects of bullying behaviors (as statistics has alarmingly shown us these days) = SUICIDE.

 

Some children come to school with “baggage” and anger stemming from all sorts of home, and/or personal issues. We do not get to choose our students. The bully does choose a victim they find weaker (as many believe).

 

So, yes. Most anti-bully advocates teach children to alert a friendly face, speak-up and tell a school official just as soon as possible. If we do not know, we cannot begin our intervention processes helping both children with their needs as relative to the bully and bully-ee (victim).

 

Yes, the Bully does need help: It’s not the victim’s role to fix the bully

The bully does need so much love, social skills, counseling and redirecting, but why place this monumental chore on the victim? When someone is being bullied (physical, verbal, religious, cyber, and more), most times it gets personal, so I beg to differ.

 

It isn’t a child’s job, or concern to figure out why another child chooses to physically (in most bullying forms) hurt them. It is the adult’s job – beginning with the bully’s parents.

 

Were you aware, (I typed reviewer’s name here), children as early as kindergarten get bullied? How does this child begin to unlock the many convoluted threads of bullying, along with the possible antecedents which causes another child to bully them? Most young children are eager to come to school for learning, making new friends and bonding with their new teachers.

 

Encouragement/Empowerment to Children

In addition, we need to teach children not to be afraid to speak-up whenever they’ve had enough pain and abuse, and need our assistance. Children should not be made to feel ashamed, or weak for gaining assistance. Children deserve to attend bully-free schools.

 

Also, anti-bullying advocates (like me) are known for encouraging by-standers not to turn their heads when they see a peer being bullied. Who knows, they may save a dear life. We want to encourage our children it is okay to seek help. This is another great lesson in life. This encouragement also teaches our little girls not to remain in abusive relationships (a topic for another forum).

 

We often preach tolerance. To me, it depends on what one is being asked to tolerate. Bullying behaviors should not be tolerated.

 

Of course we want to empower our children along the way, and build self-esteem. This does help them get through tough times. Some children may never need adult assistance with bullying. While that is great, some others may need help.

 

My Experiences/Observations

By the way, I have been a public school educator for the past 34 years, and an Adjunct Professor for the past 8 years, so I am the last person who wishes to discredit a teacher. Trust me!

But, I also have lots of experience, have observed lots of teachers, and what trumps it all is I am a devoted mother. My own child has experienced being bullied, and it didn’t feel good to me as a parent.

 

Although we have many wonderful teachers in our classrooms, we have a few who are not worthy of teaching anyone’s child. Another topic for another occasion – There are teacher bullies as well.

 

Story-line of “Teacher, Teacher, Can’t You See?”

I think you failed to grasp the full meaning of my story. The little boy was overly excited to begin school. He and Johnny started off as friends, but then Johnny’s bullying began. The story-line emphasized in “Teacher, Teacher, Can’t You See?”  realizes the young child crying out for help. He just needed his teacher to take notice.

So many times teachers get busy and have tunnel vision. They are stressed-out attempting to get their test scores up because they need their “bread and butter” like each of us. Their livelihood is just as important as their supervisor’s livelihood – the people who evaluates their teacher effectiveness each year, but those test scores must shine.

 

With this in mind, teachers need to teach, but they sometimes do not realize bullying acts going on in their classrooms around them.

 

Budget Cuts: No School Counselors and Support Staff on our Campuses

I realize there are school officials tasked with making difficult decisions how best to spend their allotted funding from the state and district budgets. There are a few who decide (as per what their stakeholder climates suggest) if they will have a counselor, or nurse available on their campuses for students. Although most elementary schools employ both, some district officials are plagued with choosing which is needed the most. Trust me, however, whenever a child needs any of these two, principals and school administrators are trained when to call for assistance (back-up).

 

Going to my website is an added choice – an option – just another resource made available of the many out there. I not only offer people (fans) visit my website, I also stream live with various topics on bullying, diversity and related topics. There are many resources available out there. Authors love to give fans choices.

 

What some few critics fail to understand is this: Authors like me have many stories in our heads. We write from various experiences, but cannot possibly write all our books in one setting. This book took another angle that many appreciate.

 

Additional Note from Me

This reviewer responded back to me saying I should have expanded the story giving uneducated parents, or caregiver options. She went on to say children need to learn how to deal emotionally with a very complex, and often cruel world, stand on their own two feet, deal with the bumps of everyday life, and even away from the protected home, or school environment. She also said her great grandson needed bullying assistance in a different way, so my book was of no help for their family situation.

 

My Final Note to Viewers and Fans

While not everything this reviewer said was bad, she had a few great points, but she missed the story-line point of this one little book (of many I’ll write from varying standpoints about bullying), and failed to realize that sometimes children just need to tell someone.

 

Children should know its okay to speak-up and out in an attempt to seek help, if they need to. They should realize they’re not alone and should not be intimidated or made to feel they are tattle-tales

for not enduring bullying abuses of any kind.

 

Bullying is real, and so is Suicide.

 

My Goals for Writing Various Story-lines

My goal for writing books with multiple story-lines centered on bullying and diversity issues is to make every child feel comfortable in their environments. Children must realize they are not alone, and that there are people available to assist them.

 

Please Comment

If you are reading this post and have a thought, or two, or if you have viable solutions, and/or recommendations on this subject, please comment and share your view points. I’d certainly appreciate it and other readers will too.

I hope to hear from you very soon!