Another Dilemma

We all encounter every day things in our life that present us with dilemma's. The psychological bifurcations we face and deal with are manifold. My problems reside deep  within and have been with me since I was an early teen. Even then I wrote and yet was deeply pained by the process of creating. I love words, I love to write and yet to phrase my thoughts exactly and put the rush of ideas in my mind into precise formulations, expressing precisely what I mean, is excrutiatingly hard. So I procrastinate. I invent a thousand small, very important chores that keep me from writing. Today, for example, I have washed, by hand, three of my best cashmere sweaters. Insane!!! I framed a picture, spent three hours in a most interesting exotic Mercado, followed by lunch. Then I read countless paragraphs of informative news and topped it all off by writing letters, cards, e-mails, cooked dinner, dined and now--listening to Spanish Pop, I began to write.

I should, if I were immersed in my usual routine, be editing and finishing an intriguing story I began writing long ago, instead I chose to moan and wring my hands over the keys of my computer. A while ago I fell out of my routine. Illness, pressing business, the commencement ceremony for my doctorate and numerous other commitments kept me following the routine that keeps me honest and productive. Now, I am floating like a leaf on a river, being carried along at a pace set by the flux of the stream, feeling light, drifting, detached from the core.