Callously assuming that everybody had a best friend when they were growing up

Today: a story of goodwill, Joe Allen’s beard, Wenger knowing and Adam Sandler

Borussia Dortmund v Liverpool is a game that needs no introduction. But 11-word cliches like that are of little comfort to a teatime email that needs to fill around 400 words to avoid a passive-aggressive dressing-down from The Man. Thankfully sentences like that last one – and this one, and the next one if we really feel like pushing our luck – help fill 60-odd words. Only 340 to go!

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