E - Esha

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You compliment me on my smile A smile that touches my eyes I have been toldI carry ahead with my chores, cooking, cleaningI go out with friends during the weekends 
I pretend to listen and sometimes I nod in responseWithout fully hearing what I'm asked You see inside my heart is a dark place A tiny hole that threatens to spill into an abyss 
That hole gapes a little wider each day Taking a part of me with it, eating up my soul bit by bitSome days I can pretend it doesn't exist And carry on my life oblivious to its presence
But the other days, that are growing at an alarming rateIt envelops me like a cold mist, a wet blanket It chokes me in its depths, I want to reach out Cry for help, the few times I dared to I was told to grow up 
Attention seeker, I was branded, It's all in your head I have never raised my voice again since I wear long sleeves, to hide the scars on my wrists With each slit I made I was a step closer to oblivion
They remind me of the crossroads I'm at The ones that I have to face inevitably sooner or later If the choice was in choosing to let go or to carry onWhat would I choose? Did I even have a choice?
You can pour cotton wool over my ears Numb me for a while, get me high on antidepressantsBut this feeling, it never goes away, not fully Until you have to learn to build your life around it
The only ones who offer me solace are the people who have been thereThey are the ones who hold my hand when I sink a little deeperAnother step, another day, they remind me I hold on, try to stay afloat and on some days, I still smile...
P.S. Though I have written this in the form of poetry, that hole, depression is real. Compassion can go a long way to help someone. May the Eshas in our midst find courage and hope despite it all. 

Linking this post to the A to Z Challenge.