Doubt, deletion and development

Today I continue Chapter 13 and slide (I’d love to say effortlessly) into Chapter 14 but it has been a painful write. The original draft was only 1,100 words so a prompt re-read and re-draft sees it up to 1,511 words but I don;t feel it adds much to the story. It is a necessary aspect to build up to an event but it feels a little laboured. I have changed it twice and considered putting the idea across in a paragraph or two but on that hand it also feels incomplete and lacking in detail.

In truth I recall reading an article about how cut-throat editors can be and like to remove things they feel don’t add enough to the story. I’m not sure if it is a case of seeds of doubt or else I am simply fluffing up one aspect of the story. And therein lies the issue of trying to conform to other people’s ideas and expectations.

I remember all too well that this is not something I have paid an expensive University to train me to do. Studying the form and function of the English language in literature form but that makes me all the more proud of my raw product, I can say it is entirely my own and not something that in itself gives itself up to conform to structures and forms that I do not understand. For me I have always been of the opinion that if I do not understand something then it isn’t something I should use, in this circumstance I suppose it is the finer art of writing and grammar/structure. Why make a fool of myself and get it wrong? Obviously the trade off being there are those who are literary scholars of scoff at how I write and condemn what they probably see as my bastardisation of the English language.

This road was the inspiration for the opening of Footprints On The Other Side – the irony is I now own the house that started the idea for the setting!

But again it is mine in its entirety and remains the truest form of the story and world that I have created. In that way it is a pure story, flawed but true to its origins.

So I close the latest version of Chapter 13 as completed but incomplete. How will it stand in the future I fully expect it to be a heavily edited version by the time it hits a respectable draft. In reality all the chapter covers is a visit to a hospital. A conversation with a completely unimportant character and the foundations of an extremely pivotal meeting within the story. Even as I write that I question myself as to whether I am dragging something out by using the means to justify the end. Who knows ultimately as the story is still growing and of course it may develop into an important addition but today I feel plagued with self doubt.

I feel I want to have added more, be further in the story but in a mindset such as this I know I am ultimately undoing myself with the story and perhaps taking the time to write is doing more harm than good.

So today I close the laptop and enjoy some family time. My only input into the story if Whispering Shadows will be in the form of idea scribbling ad not adding to the formal pages of the book yet. Forge ideas from the frustration and see where I take my imagination rather than try to formalise something which in the end will become too influential. Once it is committed to page it is hard to leave it behind whereas ideas can be scribbled and scratched away far easier.

Brainstorm as opposed to formalise is this weeks idea. Of course there is always the gym to pound away my frustrations – I suppose I’ve already spent an hour in there today this morning and came out with a clear head for one thing and still a muddled one for writing! Isn’t life a completely entertaining  and unpredictable journey…..gotta love it.