Saw a dude a little while ago with a toupee so obvious it may as well have had a chinstrap.

Embrace the bald, dude. Emphasize it, in fact. Shave that melon entirely, then shine that bitch up with some high gloss oil.

Sheen is what you’re after, my friend.

Then get your ass down to a college bar and hit on 22 year old sociology majors.

You’ll thank me later.