A Character You Probably Know

“The aging and lonely Preslar probably harbored hope that the pretty young coed would find him, an overweight, snuff-dipping peckerwood twice her age, as attractive as he found her. It was pathetic but also pitiable.”

—The Daughter (© 2015)

You don’t have to have grown up in these hills to be familiar with people like Steve Preslar, known to most of us as “Stevie.” Of course, if you want to see our Stevie in his native habitat, drop by during “hillbilly holy week” (that would be deer season). You’ll likely find him in deer camp with his runnin’ buddies drinking, playing poker, and either barbecuing or making camp stove chili.

It’s not necessary to make a special trip to Hawthorn County though. Drop into the neighborhood bar or pub, the gas station at the crossroads, a downtown coffee shop, or an uptown bistro, and you’ll likely find him there. He’s the perennial “good ole boy,” aptly named because he is destined to never grow up. He will go straight from being a teenager to being a middle-aged man without navigating any rite of passage.

If he’s intolerant, sometimes belligerent, and often insufferable, he’s also the first to help should you have car trouble in the middle of the night. If you’re a “lady” or an elderly person, he’ll change your tire in the pouring rain. He’s the first to begin a search for a child lost in the woods, and the last one to give it up. He’s never been in the service, mind you, but he’s as patriotic as all get out. His bigotry and misogyny can’t really be excused by saying that he’s lonely, unfulfilled, and bitter, nor should it be, but those are contributing factors.

You may think him eccentric, but Stevie is no outlier. In a way he’s the best and worst of us—us being the common people. And yes, I did say he’s the “best” as well as the worst of us. That’s because Stevie knows no middle ground. He is all extremes. He’s dog loyal and loves his buddies, but he would never say he “loves” them. He doesn’t use that word except for food and drink.

For the big problems in life, he reflexively advocates cutting the Gordian knot (although he’s never heard the term). His foreign policy is “nuke ‘em if they mess with us.” His domestic policy is—well, let’s not get into that. I would have to write terms and epithets that I am uncomfortable with repeating, and I’d have to in order to adequately convey Stevie’s meaning.
You might think him despicable, but I can vouch one thing for him: he would never intentionally harm a woman, child, or dog, and he’s ready to hang anyone who would.

I’ll bet you know him—but your "Stevie" probably speaks with a different accent.