Free Reads!! Wednesday Briefs – Innocence & Carnality Part 38
Welcome to the next part in my Wednesday Briefs flash fiction serial, Innocence & Carnality! Each chapter has to be between 500 and 1,000 words and this week I chose the to skip the prompt.
Nathan comes to a decision.
Click here to start from the beginning
Part 38
I stormed upstairs refusing to catch anyone’s eye. Thankfully, the bedroom was clear when I arrived and I couldn’t close the rest of Delaga House out fast enough.
Seething, I paced about the room, stopping myself short of breaking anything I found within my reach. Everything from my personal clockwork tools to the gaslights to the ornate dressing mirror near the bed was at risk. A maelstrom of emotions left me vibrating and I spun in the center, awash in rage. While I was furious at my husband for his lack of respect, I was equally upset at myself for being so colossally stupid.
Here I was, a newly wed nobleman in a foreign country and somehow I imagined that while I worked to indoctrinate myself into the culture, the culture would shift to allow me in. Expecting it all to step aside so one can merge in, was pure vanity. And the fantasy of my brothel-owning spouse living a virtuous life simply because he wed a virgin? I now understood the definition of idiocy. The sad part is I had to give Rother credit for not trying to disguise his indiscretions. There was a strange honor in his honesty, no matter how misplaced.
I’d told myself Rother’s past didn’t matter. With our age difference, there would be a gap in our experiences, but to no end? I didn’t want to picture my husband with potentially so many others. What would I, a man with no prior carnal knowledge, have to offer in comparison? Could my relative innocence make him happy?
My lessons carved the way. My duty was to support my husband in all ways and I’d held to it with conviction. Deep down, I knew our marriage was not a act of equality. I knew I didn’t hold the same power as Rother.
But it didn’t have to be proven to me this way. Even scandal ridden houses in Victoria managed to find a quiet dignity amongst the aristocratic facades. Their dramas did not play out in front of everyone.
My thoughts continued to whirl, caught between reliving the whole office debacle, and the decision I’d come to from the moment I opened the door to find my husband being pleasured by someone else. It was the only device I had to wound my husband’s pride in an equal fashion.
A persistent knock interrupted my self-recriminations, refusing to stop in spite of my attempts to ignore it. In the end, I opened the door because only one person in this house would respect my right to privacy and refuse to barge in.
“I heard what happened. Are you all right?” Harston asked.
I urged him inside and closed the door behind him. “How did you hear?”
“Vivian wouldn’t stop squawking about it until Samantha snatched her away. Remind me to never upset that woman. I can’t believe you slapped Vivian.”
“I’m not proud of how I lost my temper. No matter how malicious she was being. I’ve never raised my hand to a woman.”
While I felt vindicated Samantha was on my side, my reaction to Vivian’s game left me hollow. The two of us were of similar size, but there was something inherently wrong in how I responded. It’s how I was raised. No matter how many Victorian habits I tried to shed, some would never fade.
“I gather she pushed awfully hard.”
“Of course she did. What else was she born to do? Not that it’s any excuse.”
“You’ve done far worse to your brothers in the past. I dare say she earned it.”
“I appreciate you trying to make me feel better, but can we move the conversation on?”
“Is it true about how you found Rother? Indisposed?”
The ethics of striking Vivian became more enticing, but this topic could hardly be avoided. I could only nod. Anger and humiliation were married far better than I and they stole my tongue.
“What will you do?” he asked.
I drew a deep breath and lowered my voice. “I’m leaving tonight. I can’t face the people of this house after this. I refuse to live the rest of my days as the foolish little boy that Rother married.”
“Where will you go?”
“It’s not much of a choice, but it’s all I have.” I eyed the opened crates still sitting in the center of the room. “Home.”
There would be a scandal with my unannounced arrival, but I wanted to believe my family, even my father, would be willing to help me. Perhaps even annul the marriage to prevent the truth spreading to the other houses. It was all I had to hope for, even if the thought of doing so made me nauseous. I wasn’t sure how I could do this. My confidence forged from shame was welded with a weak torch.
“But what about your possessions? They just arrived.”
“They’re only things. I’ll only take what I absolutely need. I can buy the rest. Will you come with me?”
Hartson almost looked affronted. “Of course. How could you think you even need to ask? I have no intention of abandoning you. Does Rother know?”
“No. And I intend to keep it that way.”
Brow creased, Harston rubbed his chin in thought. “If I’m not there tonight, they may suspect. I can cover for you. They’ll never believe you left without your valet. Go tonight and I’ll follow tomorrow morning before the main staff wakes up.”
“You’re right.” I swept Harston up in a hug. I’d never been so grateful for his presence. “Thank you, Harston. I’d say you’ve become my only friend, but I think you always were whether I realized it or not.”
He hugged me back, his hands shaking as if he didn’t know what to do with them. This was unbroken ground after all. “Stop. I’ll get all weepy.” Pulling apart, Harston stepped to the door with misty eyes and a restrained smile. “Be careful, Nathan. I’ll see you soon.”
Check back next Wednesday for the next installation… Be sure to take a read at the other briefers free reads this week here: Wednesday Briefs
