Evil viziers represent!

Over on G+, Peter da Silva wrote: ‘I just typoed “goatee” as “gloatee” and now I’m wondering why it wasn’t always spelled that way.’ #evilviziersrepresent #muahaha

The estimable Mr. da Silva is sadly in error. I played the evil vizier in the first run of the Arabian Nights LARP back in 1987. No goatee, and didn’t gloat even once, was much too busy being efficiently cruel and clever.

What, you think this sort of thing is just fun and games? Despotic oriental storybook kingdoms don’t run themselves, you know. That takes functionaries. Somebody gotta keep the wheels turning while that overweight good-for-nothing Caliph lounges on his divan smoking bhang and being fanned by slavegirls. Or being bhanged by slavegirls and smoking his divan. Whatever.

A thankless job it is too. You keep everything prosperous and orderly with a bare minimum of floggings, beheadings, castrations, and miscreants torn apart by camels, and your reward is a constant stream of idiot heroes with oversized scimitars trying to slit your weasand. With the Caliph’s daughter looking all starry-eyed as they try it on – now there’s a girl who’s way too impressed by an oversized, er, scimitar.

Now if you’ll excuse me I need to go see a man about a lamp.