Bad advice from a good place

If there’s one thing I hate, it’s over-simplification. This means that I get an aneurysm from just about every inspirational meme on the Internet, and people view me as overly negative when I don’t buy that kind of fortune cookie wisdom.

Like this one, for example: “Stop doing what doesn’t give you joy.” It sounds like good advice, but is it really that simple?

Well, no. If there’s a thing in your life that makes you miserable, and you continue doing it, chances are that a) it also gives you a measure of joy or satisfaction, or b) the alternative is even worse.

Take jobs, for example. Maybe you’re in a job that you hate, and people around you tell you to quit and find something else. But a decision like that is rarely made on a whim. Maybe there are aspects of the job that you like – your colleagues, the fact that it’s close to your home, or the status it gives you – not to mention the fact that making a change always involves a measure of pain, loss, fear, etc.

Besides, maybe this painful/boring/scary thing you keep doing is a big part of your identity. Maybe giving it up would mean admitting defeat in an area close to your heart: for example, you always dreamed of being a teacher, and now that you’ve realized that you’re not cut out for it, giving it up means changing your view of who you are. It can also smart to acknowledge that you aren’t as good at it as you thought, and maybe you’ll miss the students.

Life isn’t simple, and giving advice as if it was doesn’t really help. From an outsider’s perspective, it may be a no-brainer to stop dancing if it worsens the pain in your hip, but what if the dance is who you are? If you give it up, there will be a gaping hole where your dancing used to be, and gaping holes are no fun.

I know, advice like that comes from a good place – but the best help often comes from people who know what it’s like. Another dancer who had to give up because of circumstances. Another teacher who soldiered through despite the obstacles. Another person who made the jump and found a new job.

If you had to choose a guide, wouldn’t you go for the one who’s been there and knows the way out?