The Signs You Are Recovering from Child Abuse
One of the most common fears I hear survivors voice is that they will never recover. In the midst of our hard work, we can’t see that we have made progress. Our childhood experience robbed us of the ability to see ourselves moving forward on our journey. Learning road signs marking recovery progress can give us both hope and encouragement.
Learning to Focus on the Negative
As survivors of childhood abuse, we have usually received a lot of conditioning to focus on negative, fearful and difficult things in our lives. When we were kids doing that was a survival behavior. We believed we had to focus on potential harm to try to avoid it and stay safe. For many of us, our childhood revolved around awful, negative experiences. Our family system was dysfunctional. We grew up with chaos and people hurting one another physically, verbally or emotionally. Our parents may have had a very negative outlook on lives themselves. It’s no surprise that we grew up to focus on them as adults, as well.
How Focusing on the Negative Hinders our Recovery
While understandable, that becomes a hindrance when we are recovering. Focusing on the negative, unable to see positives, means that it’s very difficult for us to see our own progress in recovery. We often feel like we’re going nowhere or maybe even losing ground as we work so hard to move forward. When someone else tells us they can see us making progress we can be distrustful or cynical.
Road Signs That We’re Making Progress
So let’s take a look at some “road signs” along the path to recovery. What can we objectively look for to let us know that we are making progress? Here are some common signs that our recovery is moving forward:
We become more resilient, bouncing back from difficult or traumatic experiences quicker and more easily than we have before
Our Distress Tolerance increases
Our Frustration Tolerance increases
We begin to experience and express emotions that previously felt off limits or too frightening to experience
We utilize fewer “negative” coping skills like dissociation and over eating when we encounter stressful situations
Our self-talk is more positive and supportive than negative and destructive
We have increased hope about our future and believe that it holds a life we will enjoy living
We recognize and own the truth that our abuse was not our fault
We begin owning and exercising our personal power to support ourselves and our recovery
We practice self-care more frequently and with greater self-compassion
We maintain positive growth and coping strategies during times of stress and challenge rather than reverting to old coping strategies and behaviors that don’t serve us.
We have built and are able to maintain strong boundaries against toxic people and toxic treatment
We experience a decrease in our PTSD symptoms like nightmares, intrusive thoughts and disrupted sleep.
Having Hope
It may take some practice, but we can use these road signs to gauge our recovery progress. Initially our vision might not be clear enough to see them. In those moments we can ask our therapist, partner or good friend to help us. They can see how far we have come even when we cannot. Progress gives us hope and forward momentum. When we learn to see it then we can use it to gain even further ground.
Our childhoods were ugly and damaging in so many ways.
We deserve to have a recovery that is as smooth and as supported as possible. Hopefully, knowing these road signs along the path to wholeness and healing will help you see and celebrate your progress, making your entire journey easier and faster.
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photo courtesy of Unsplash
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