How to Write a Best-Selling #Shifter #Romance Novel by your devoted authors at @WolfPackReads #humor

30 Tips for how to get rich quick by writing shifter romance from best-selling Wolf Pack authors

No sex, ever in a shifter romance
Happily Ever After? Totally optional.
Readers love infidelity.
The hero should hit the heroine at least once.
The hero should have really gross manners. Heroines love to fix their man.
The hero should tell the heroine she’s fat. And put her on a diet as a sign of his devotion.
The hero should pick his nose
The hero should shout, “She’s mine! All mine!” Every third page.
Having a naked male chest on your cover does NOT sell books.
Instead, the cover should feature a moon and flowers.
Romance readers love the word “cunt”.
…and “dick”.
It’s a “bunghole”, not “anal”.
All heroines should be super needy. Their only mission in life is to get a man.
Strong women are NOT attractive.
A heroine should be whiny, useless, and dependent.
Pathetic is preferable.
Take your sweet time getting to the story.
Describe every little gasp and fart in precise detail.



“Dick” is out of fashion.
But “pantaloon python” is okay.
The hero must rant all directives…
…and throw things when he’s angry.
He’s always angry.
A real Alpha shares his lady with everyone.
In fact, he recommends it.
And rents her out by the hour.
Bestiality is totally acceptable. They should go at it AS bunnies.

And finally…

Incest sells best. Be sure to use “Daddy” and “Daughter” in the title.