6 Keys to Raising a PhD
One of our sons, Stargazer, recently earned a PhD and since several people have asked me how we did it, I thought I’d share some thoughts on raising a bright child.
His PhD in Astronomy was the result of some DNA (he’s got math whizzes on both sides of the family and several generations of engineers), but mostly Stargazer’s success is the result of hard, concentrated and imaginative work.
We’re very proud of him.
Six Keys to Raising a PhD.
(Applies to both girls and boys)
1. Love him through thick and thin.
Of course Stargazer is unusual–undoubtedly like your child. We always referred to him as “the Stealth Child,” because while he was perfectly out in the open with his life, he surprised us all the time with what he knew.
Who taught him to read? When did he learn to ride a bike?
When he was being demanding, “the schedule says right here we’re having macaroni and cheese for dinner–what do you mean it’s going to be burritos?,” we overlooked anything that wasn’t logical.
(The week’s menu did say “macaroni and cheese,” it’s not anyone’s fault I didn’t have time to make it that day.)
When he had problems we were firm, but we didn’t reject him. He learned at an early age “actions have consequences.”
Even when he drove me crazy, I hugged him and prayed for him–and me.
The original copy
2. Read early and often–and across his areas of interest.
Stargazer was an infant in the snugli the first time he went to the library and he regularly visited for the rest of his childhood. When I realized what he liked, I made sure we had picture books to capture his interest, chapter books to read aloud, and all sorts of out-of-genre reading to broaden him from a total focus on Star Wars.
He heard The Little House Books and all the Narnias, as well as Lloyd Alexander’s Chronicles of Prydain read aloud to fire his imagination and teach him about life on sort-of-earth.
He practically memorized David McCullough‘s Truman, not because he necessarily was interested in the president, but because we had the book on tape and he listened to it every night before falling asleep for a couple years. That was after he wore out the tape that accompanied Adventures in the Solar System: Planetron and Me!
3. Introduce him to a spiritual life
We took all our children to church from an early age and that was important for this clever boy. His brain raced ahead of so much and he was capable of expansive thinking far beyond his age. My husband spent a lot of time discussing spiritual issues with him, answering his questions and encouraging him to keep on asking them.
We were fortunate to meet astrophysicist Hugh Ross when Stargazer was a teenager. The materials found at Reasons to Believe have been helpful to put the most recent scientific data into a context–for at least some members of our family.
It also gave me some topics to bring up in conversation–not that I personally could follow them very well.
(Note: Reasons to Believe amazes this English major).
4. Get him outside
Some kids do well at sports, others just need to run around, but for outdoor activities, the boys scouts were beneficial for Stargazer–particularly the 100-mile hikes he did in Yosemite with his troop. For his eagle project he built fences for a local Audubon preserve.
We limited computer time until he was older–which was easier to do in his childhood. I continually sent all three of my sons outside whenever the sun shone–just as The Mother’s Almanac advised me!
Stargazer’s a cyclist, skier and triathlete. He started playing rugby in grad school.
5. Share music with him.
Since birth Stargazer heard a lot of classical music. I’d turn the radio on at 6 am–my favorite station is King-FM out of Seattle–and not turn it off until we went to bed at night. He grew up listening to the finest music ever written.
When he entered fifth grade, he took up the trombone and the instrument went with him all the way through high school. Scouts and music groups helped with all the moves caused by our Navy life.
6. Make sure he has siblings.
My proudest moment was reading Stargazer’s dissertation dedication. As the third son with a princess sister behind him, his was a challenging birth order spot. But having those siblings is important.
He dedicated the dissertation to his older brothers, in part:
“Without having to look up to you I never would have had the motivation or the determination to improve myself or to exceed what I would otherwise believe were my own limitations. I hope that this work will be only one of many successes wrought from your examples.”
I cry every time I read it.
Bonus: Provide plenty of Lego.
Most of this is common sense parenting. It’s no guarantee of an advanced degree, but using these tips can go a long way towards enjoying a well-loved child.
And having a lot of fun along the way yourself.
Did we set out to raise a PhD?
No.
As with all four of our children, we set out to give our children the tools they needed to be the people God created them to be.
The rest was up to them.
Tweetables
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A PhD, yes, but a well-rounded person was the real aim. Click to Tweet
Love, nature, books, music, God and siblings: 6 keys to earning a PhD. Click to Tweet
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