It’s The Big Things

I have a terrible habit of getting ahead of myself. Just ask anyone who knows me. There are scenarios I’ve concocted in my brain that I convince myself are real, or soon will be—both good or bad.

I won’t get that promotion.

I will sell a million books.

That sort of thing.

But really, what’s the point? No one knows the future (despite what they might tell you), and I certainly have been wrong before. Expectations are what drag me down. Self-imposed weights that impede any of my creative endeavors. Lately, I’ve been trying to remind myself it’s about the doing of something, not the results of the doing. Yes, I give my all in my writing, drawing, designing, whatever, but if I were to allow my feelings on how something will turn out to dictate my present actions—something I have little-to-no control over—nothing would get done. How do I know this?

Because it’s happened my entire life.

Big plans. Crushing fear. Procrastination. These three things are what kill most artists right out of the gate. Before the first word’s written, note sung, or line drawn, they’re finished. Buried under the weight of it all.

I wish I could go back fifteen years, and tell myself it doesn’t have to be this way. But I can’t. All I can control is what I do now. There is no too late. It sounds trite, but life is what we make it. I have control over the books I write right now. I have control over the projects I pursue right now. That’s a powerful thing. Whatever happens after that, so be it. At least I’ll be safe in the knowledge that I did something that mattered—even if it only mattered to me.

It’s the big things. It’s everything. Once I was able to make peace with the fact that I would count myself blessed to have a single person read and review a book, the floodgates opened. It wasn’t that I no longer cared—in fact, it’s quite the opposite. With a newfound sense of vigor, I have the ability to sit down and pursue interests that actually interest me.

Success or no success, I will consider this mental shift a victory because I finally get to be creative and make the best art I can. Then, I get to share it with others. I will not be ruled by my expectations.

The important thing is the doing. Without it, there is no beginning, there is no end, and there is nothing but regret at time unfulfilled.