What the Minutes Should Have Said
The minutes of our town council meeting in February included this gem from the mayor’s report: “In regards to the dog attack, the Animal Commission had a hearing in January and subsequently ruled the dog as vicious. If it is returned to Prince George’s County at any time, it becomes the property of the County and is to be taken.”
This is a more accurate depiction of what the mayor could have said, “After a fourteen year campaign, we were finally able to run the lesbians out of town. Granted, we should have achieved this in 2002, when they first moved into the neighborhood. Then the neighbors circulated a petition to prevent them from installing the fence on their property, and we had a town council hearing about it. Sadly, back in 2002, the lesbians hired a lawyer who insisted that the council act according to federal laws, which prevented us from really telling them what we thought about them and their nasty lifestyle and taking action to force them from our special hamlet. We were not yet effective then in our system of harassment and intimidation. We had an opportunity again on two other occasions to harass and intimidate these women when they needed permits to do work on their house, but alas on each of those incidents we were not aggressive enough either. Finally, in the late fall of 2015, we were presented with the perfect issue with the dog bite. We mobilized the resources of hateful neighbors to really deliver on our mission to drive these dykes, er, lesbians, from our nice town. I am happy to report that over the last fourteen years we have improved our strategies of racist and homophobic threats, harassments and intimidation. Phone calls, monitoring the house, threats to kill the dog (and by extension the owners of the dog), and effectively pressuring and engaging Animal Control to further harass and intimidate these women really worked. This time we were successful. The dog won’t be back in our precious neighborhood and neither will the lesbians. Hopefully, we can now all move on in peace since we have rid ourselves of them and the scourge they brought to our lovely town and homes. Thank you to everyone involved; I know it was not easy, but it was job well-done.”
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