An Open Letter to CBS

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strated by the squandering of his success, I decided I wanted to turn the powers of the Sheen towards some sort of self-indulgent good.

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An Open Letter to CBS

Greetings Network People,

Listen, I know things are probably pretty crazy over there right now.  I mean, what with this whole Charlie Sheen thing going on, screwing up your programming and all.

It seems like every other meme on the internet has his name attached to it.  I suppose the world is endlessly fascinated by those who exhibit bad behavior in public. I suspect he’ll end up with a reality show out of it or something.  I wish I knew what was wrong with him, I really do.  Granted, I’m in no position to be doling out any kind of diagnosis.  After all, I just write entertaining works of fantasy fiction.  Maybe it’s the drugs.  Maybe it’s the drinking.  Maybe it’s having grown up with no perception of reality beyond his celebrity… I’m not quite sure.  I only know that with every passing day, there are new outrageous quotes popping up out of his mouth, all the while his other cast members and crew go without work.  Maybe he wants out of his contract by any means necessary?  I doubt we’ll never truly know…

I suppose that’s why I’m taking the time to write.  I don’t want to appear opportunistic, but when I see such reckless disregard on his behalf, I can’t help but pose a solution, and yes, that solution involves me and my own work writing the Simon Canderous series of contemporary fantasy novels for Ace Books. 

I think there is some solid reasoning here as to the finer points of picking up a show based on my series to help fill the void Mr. Sheen is leaving, unless of course you are planning to soldier on and re-title your show One and a Half Men… but first a few sensible points about working with me and my book series as show content before talking about more show specific details.

I would actually be very appreciative and thankful to be on television, which some people out there do not seem too mindful of, unless you count showing up as a laughing stock on the news.

No one would have to worry about my antics under the influence.  Outside of a deep love of lemon flavored PEZ, that’s about the height of my addictions.  Mind you, I like a good drink, but I don’t have all that much of an addictive personality. The worst you’ll probably hear of me was that I was in a hotel room and ran around in circles until I crashed out from too much sugar.  You can rest assured that I’ll keep writing the best books I can, and hopefully content for the series once picked up.

Unlike some people, I would consider it a privilege to be involved in a network show, actually taking those working around me into consideration before jeopardizing the lives and jobs of everyone involved in production.

Yes, yes, I know that every author thinks their precious darling books should be made into films and television series, but I tend to write very cinematically and I think there are some convincing arguments to be made for why this show would be a worthy pilot project:

Cop shows set in cities are beloved.  Be it The Shield, Law & Order, The Wire, CSI:  Wherever… you can’t swing a dead cat for fear of hitting a long running or much loved cop show out there.  It’s a solid formula.  Mystery, Investigation, Solved, rinse and repeat.  Tune in next week! Consider the Simon Canderous series CSI:  Ghostbusters Edition.

Supernatural shows are beloved… especially the show actually called Supernatural.  Paranormal shows even spurn their own cult fan followings that have their own conventions and fanzines… it’s proven that viewers love the paranormal.  For your consideration:  Buffy, Angel, Supernatural¸ Charmed, The Walking Dead and the wildly popular True Blood on HBO (which is also based on an Ace Books series by my lovely friend, Charlaine Harris).  The Simon Canderous series has many of the well-travelled creatures people come to expect of paranormal fantasy shows, from chupecabras right on down to non-sparkling vampires and ooey-gooey zombies. 

As an added bonus, it doesn’t take itself too seriously.  It’s got a lot of humor to lighten the mood.  Fighting the creepy crawlies and undead of Manhattan while keeping under budget… well, you kind of have to laugh your way through your workday if only to keep from going mad from all the Lovecraftian horrors out there.

Bearing all that in mind, a paranormal cop show based on my Simon Canderous novels should be a no-brainer to chance yourselves on.  Most of it could be filmed on location on streets of Manhattan—my personal stomping grounds—a film and television friendly town.  The rest of the pivotal locations are narrowed down to a handful of staged locations, as well as some semi-famous real world locations around the city.  It’s likely that the biggest expense would be special effects, but I can’t imagine they’d run higher, say, than Charlie Sheen’s weekly salary.

Anyway, just some delicious, delicious zombie brain meats for you consideration.  You can reach my agent at ICM through me at: anton.strout@gmail.com

Thanks for your time.  I look forward to hearing from you.

Best,
Anton Strout
www.antonstrout.com