I Want To Be An Author

So, I want to write a book. Understood. Did I ever think about what that actually meant? No, I didn’t. Am I a dedicated person? Am I creative? Am I willing to do what it takes to finish writing a story? Can I exist in dark spaces, away from people, because I must write? Do I care what others think of me and what I write? Am I willing to drop all of my protective walls and expose myself as a writer? (Not that expose––concentrate!) Do I like to work long, hard hours upon hours for very little financial gain? At the time, it didn’t matter if I said yes, or no, to the questions. I wanted to be an author.
I went through my younger days wanting to write, but lack of time prevented me from writing. Trying to raise a family and build a career took precedence, and a lot of time. Trying to get the kids to sleep took whatever energy I had left at the end of the day. My employer didn’t care if I was tired and worn out, because I was up all night with a sick child. He wanted me to “work hard for my money” (Donna Summers). Every day at work, I thought about some other way to make a living. “Hey, maybe I can be an author!” (Bulb lights.)
When the kids were grown, I started to write. Headphones on, the rest of the world shut out and not in my face, two fast fingers, and there I went––I was a writer. “The first page is…well; I’ll get back to it. The second page sounds good, but doesn’t mesh with the first page. I’ll fix it later.” By the fifth page, I was glad I was using a computer and not wasting paper. I got a call from a friend, but I was busy writing… “Okay, we’ll only talk for a minute.” Two hours passed, now where was I? “Oh yeah, page one.”
I went online, and visited a bookstore. I was awed by the amount of books there were. I wanted to know who my competition was so I looked deeper––ah ha, everybody in the world is my competition! That’s when I figured out why they created ebooks––because there’s not enough room to put us all on shelves. Everyone wants to write a book, and I was no different.
It took discipline, stamina, and a determined disposition to finish my first manuscript. I thought it was over, so I sat back and waited for the agents and publishers to find me. It got quiet. No one knocked on the door. No one reached out and held my hand on the road to fame and fortune as an author. Why not, others had done it, but it didn’t happen for me. I entered Phase Two and learned about formatting, editing, cover design, query letters, public relations, marketing, book fairs, good reviews, bad reviews, box sets, Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, blog sites, my website, and after all that (and a lot is missing), selling my book for $0.99, or giving it away for free.
But, I still want to be an author.
––CAS