Life Isn’t a Straight Line

Lots of people are under the misconception that getting from here to there is a straight line. Sure, that’s the shortest path but it isn’t the only path, and setting that high an expectation can be self-defeating.

You may have decided to live within your means, get rid of your debt, or build up a savings pool to buy a home. You’ve laid your plan. You know what you have to do. But, damn, life just seems to keep getting in the way. That’s when you have to remember that getting from where you are now to where you want to be is not a straight line.

While you may be eager to start along the road, and full of the excitement of finally reaching your destination, thinking the road is a straight and smooth is unfair to yourself and your goals. If each time something comes along to push you off your path you see it as an affront, you’ll get frustrated and angry. You may even give up.

Sure, you may not have done all the things you were so enthusiastically determined to do when you got started but you’ve done something, and you should be proud.

Don’t beat yourself up over what you haven’t accomplished. That’s demoralizing and counter-productive. Focus on what you have achieved. And even if it is taking a little longer than you imagined, don’t sweat it.

In fact, knowing you’re only human, you should expect lapses and plan for them. Failure, after all, isn’t tripping and falling. That happens to the best of us. Failure is staying down. Having the tenacity to get back up, the determination to pick up, brush off and get moving again, now that’s really something to be proud of. So accept that there will be stumbles and have a plan for how you’ll refocus and get moving again.

No matter how disappointed you may be in your recent actions and how off course you’ve gone, look at that disappointment as a kick in the pants, not as a reason to give up. Your goal hasn’t changed, right? So being temporarily sidetracked just means you’ll have to redouble your determination to move forward. Give yourself a hug and get going.

Make sure that as you move forward, you don’t view what you’re doing as “punishment” for the mistakes that you’ve made. Rather, it should be “desire” to have what you want next. If you take the attitude, “Well, I can’t buy anything for a million years because I have to pay off all that debt I racked up,” you’re much more likely to fall off the path. Instead say: “I’m going to consciously cut way back on my spending so I can pay off this first credit card within the next three months.” Now you’re moving towards something positive.

Looking at the small successes you’ve achieved will help to keep you motivated. “Yes, I fell off my budget when I went out for dinner with the girls, but I’ve not spent my clothing budget yet, so I’ll move that around, and come out even in the end.” Or “I did it, I paid off that first credit card balance. Now I can snowball that amount to my next debt.” Celebrating successful completion of each step sets you up for a series of successes.

It helps if you find a way to remind yourself of how great you felt when you made the decision to get from here to there. Having a picture of your goal up on the fridge, creating a goal board, or charting your successes can help. So too can choosing a reward you’ll give yourself when you achieve your goal, and measuring how much closer you are to that reward. Perhaps once you have 1/3 of your debt paid off you’ll take a day off just for you: get up a little later, have lunch with a friend, go for a swim, make yourself a special treat. Or you’ll give yourself a Movie Monday, forgoing chores for a marathon of rented movies you’ve been dying to watch.

Remember, lapses don’t mean you’ve failed, that you’re an idiot, or that you’re a loser. They simply mean you’re human. Give yourself a kiss. Then figure out what you’re going to do to make up for your detour.