Ambition

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I don’t think I have ever used the word ambitious to describe myself. For some reason, there is a wall between the acts of an ambitious person and my own mentality.

It has taken me until this point in my life to realize that I am ambitious. I take on projects. I step up to volunteer for things that need to be done. I take on a lot of work. I could list off the scores of things I realized I am doing and you’ll look at me and say, “And you didn’t realize you were ambitious until now?”

Yes. I haven’t realized that I am ambitious until recently, where I have realized I have too much on my plate. I started to recognize it when I saw this article come up on my Facebook feed: Work, Sleep, Family, Fitness, or Friends: Pick 3

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You don’t really have to go to the article to see what it means; the title is pretty self-evident. The creator calls it the entrepreneur’s dilemma. I would call it a basic mental health dilemma.

The issue I was having with my ambition is that I had split the area of work into far too many subcategories. I have a full-time job–one that demands overtime as well as odd hours. I am a writer of my own fiction and a collaborative comic. I am on the board of several associations. I am in a critique group. I am co-coordinating an event. I blog here every week.

I can’t split my time any further and keep sane. As a result, I’ve faced some hard decisions and taken steps back from things. I’ve resigned from one board already. I’m working on relaxing control over some things at work. I am trying to do tasks for the event faster so they don’t loom over me giving me anxiety.

By removing sub-categories from the Work portion, I am giving myself more power over the ones that mean the most to me.

Work isn’t the only category I’ve had trouble with. There are a lot of things I need to refocus on. But realizing it is the best way to start.

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