Molly Davis's Blog, page 40
August 31, 2019
Read The Directions
Saturday, a day when projects of all kinds get started, worked on, scrapped, and maybe even completed, seems like a good day to re-visit some good advice. Whether building a house, a career, or a relationship, not to mention a garden shed, it helps to read the directions.
Any successful project is dependent in large part on a clear understanding of what it will take to end up with the outcome we want. Hence the need to read the directions. Granted, some directions are harder to read (ummm, IKEA) than others, (hello Apple), but taking the time to read them can make all the difference. There are things that come with instruction manuals, but others that have to do with building our life, where so much more is at stake, come with a blank page. That doesn’t mean however that there arent’ good instructions to follow. It simply means that it is up to us to go find them.
Rather than waiting for all else to fail, let’s read the directions before we even start. The wisdom and guidance we need to build the kind of life we want are ours for the taking if we have the courage and willingness to seek help when we need it. Even better still, to get it before we need it.
August 30, 2019
Finding A Church Home
Recently I returned to a neighborhood from my childhood. Almost every week we used to drive up a hill past a little white church that I fantasized turning into a home one day. Even back then I had a longing to live in sacred space. To dwell where God dwells.
Today, more than fifty years after those childhood drives and dreams, I discovered that someone has indeed turned that church into their home. Looking up at the white spire and leaded glass windows, it hit me, it isn’t the building that makes a space sacred, it is the spirit that fills it. God, at least any understanding that I have of the Creator that, one way or another, started it all, dwells wherever invited.
Church as home. Home as church. It’s all sacred space. Or at least I think it is meant to be.
August 29, 2019
Teachers All
They may not be our favorite teachers, but they are some of our best teachers. The people who seem to be able to push our buttons, get under our skin, and rub us the wrong way, are the same people who offer us the chance to do it right even when it’s hard. They provide us with opportunities to practice being who we want to be even in the midst of challenging circumstances, and reveal the places in us that still need our attention. If we let them, they will stretch us and push us, and help us grow in ways that only a good teacher can. And before we get too carried away making a list of who all those people might be, it’s good to remember that we are showing up on a few other people’s list too.
August 28, 2019
25 Years And Counting
August 27, 1994
Yesterday we celebrated our 25th anniversary. I never knew love could be this big, or life this good, which is not to say that it has been smooth sailing or easy going. Far from it. It has however been worth every single minute that we’ve spent learning to create the life we share. Like most things, we’ve learned as much by what we got wrong (plenty) as by what we got right (thankfully plenty here as well it seems), and in honor of each of those years, and in no particular order, here is what my geologist and I came up with…
Love by listening.
Assume good intent.
Do your work and expect them to do the same
Don’t do their work for them and don’t expect them to do yours for you.
Play together.
Learn to laugh at yourself and with one another.
Talk about it, no matter what.
Learn to speak one another’s love languages.
Get a therapist.
Create at least one daily ritual that connects you.
Be active together.
Own up to what’s yours in real time.
Go on adventures.
Stay curious.
Be authentic.
Tell the truth even when it’s hard…especially when it’s hard.
Be courageous enough to be vulnerable.
Make your relationship the priority and move out from there.
Have the conversations that you don’t want to have.
Cook together.
Create lives of your own that strengthen the one you share.
Set boundaries that protect your relationship.
Identify and learn about each other’s enneagram numbers - really!
Love generously.
And because it bears repeating…do your work and expect them to do theirs.
I can’t wait to discover what we’ll learn over the next 25…
August 27, 2019
Peace
Peace, the kind that passes all understanding and that flows like a river, is an inside job.
It isn’t there because of our circumstances, but in spite of them.
It doesn’t come in the absence of change and challenges, but is what steadies us in the midst of them
It can be carried with us wherever we go, and will carry us through whatever comes our way.
It is the kind of peace that no one else can give to us or take away from us.
Cultivating peace, the kind that passes all understanding and that flows like a river, is the lifelong process of returning to our true self. The person we were when we first arrived on the planet and before the world told us who we should be.
Peace is coming home to the place we never left.
August 26, 2019
The Decision Before The Decision
Making big decisions is rarely easy. Even small ones can give us pause as we worry about getting it wrong, making a mistake, missing an opportunity or getting stuck. There is no doubt that some decisions have bigger consequences than others and have the potential to impact us, and those we love, for years to come. Developing the ability to choose well takes practice. We learn by getting it right, and, by getting it wrong, and while we can never know if things will turn out as we plan and hope, and in fact will rarely if ever work out as we envision, we can decide what matters to us. We can identify the boxes that need to be checked in order to feel good about our choices.
Making a good decision starts with deciding who we are, what kind of person we want to be, what we want to get out of life and what we want to give back to life. It’s the decision to make before making the decision.
August 25, 2019
Story Time
Finding our way to the truth can be tricky.
A story can help.
Finding our way to one another can be tricky.
A story can help.
If ever we needed to live in the truth, and in connection to one another, it is now. Sharing our stories is a good place to start.
Photo by Maël BALLAND from Pexels
August 24, 2019
Répondez S'il Vous Plaît
One of my pet peeves is people’s reluctance to RSVP to an invitation. It is like they are waiting to see if something better shows up before committing themselves. I should know because I’ve done that myself, but having thrown some pretty great shindigs in my day, I know firsthand that it’s hard to plan a good party when you don’t know who is going to show up.
Every morning arrives with a new invitation to bring who we are and what we have to offer to life’s party. Some times it’s harder than others to commit to the day at hand, and there are times when the best choice is to bow out and catch our breath. But every morning, the invitation is there, waiting for our response s'il vous plaît.
With or without us, the party is being planned. Are we in? Or out?
Photo by samaraagenstvo feeria from Pexels
August 23, 2019
It Takes Practice
The more we commit to doing the work of becoming more authentic and whole-hearted, the more we discover about ourselves. The more we discover about ourselves, the more things we find that we love and appreciate about ourselves, and the more things that, well, we don’t. So just what do we do with those things that aren’t what we might call our most endearing qualities?
First we notice them - There it is again.
Then we name them - Hello impatience, anger, defensiveness, fill-in-your-own-blanks.
Then we practice navigating them in better ways when they show up. Take a breath and choose a better response than the knee-jerk one we’ve been perfecting for all these years.
Notice.
Name.
Navigate.
Repeat.
If you’re like me, you’ll get plenty of opportunities to practice.
Pexels - Phtographer: Snapwire
August 22, 2019
Slow Learner
