Ashe Vernon's Blog, page 118
January 1, 2016
"Open hands are out of season.
These days, everyone I know
talks about coming at their hearts
with..."
These days, everyone I know
talks about coming at their hearts
with their fists.
I try to talk about myself that way:
violence and timbre,
teeth to pink underbelly,
all ache in a skin suit.
Bravado is a bad look on me–
the fabric doesn’t hang right.
I only bark at the things that scare me;
I was born to be a soft, bruising thing.
Like a fresh peach.
No turn of phrase could
suit me for the battlefield. Not when
the hunger I feel is less fire,
more symphony.
My heart hums like the thrall
of a cello.
It sings
and sings
and softens.”
- BRAVADO by Ashe Vernon (via latenightcornerstore)
Ashe, all these years down the lane, I feel like a mess of rejection. Rejected in love, rejected in spaces that would have meant more. I'm hopeful everytime I get rejected and then again the cycle repeats itself. It is just me? And sorry.
Oh, sweetheart, I am a jumble of unanswered text messages, of estranged friends and past-loves, of ‘I love you but not like that’s. You are still worthy of love. You will still find someone who loves you. In the mean time, try your best to be kind to yourself.
I love you.
he's all huge heart spilling & nasty temper spewing. ive loved him for years. it's always back and forth. he's broken glass from a fighting childhood & he's left, again. i know he'll be back, he needs me the way i do him. but im not the patient kind.
You can’t make a summer shower from a hurricane. His broken home doesn’t give him a free pass to mistreat the people who love him. Fuck patience. He has to learn he can’t walk away from people and expect them to still be waiting for him.
Stop waiting for him and move forward.
ashe, i've been gaining hella weight so far this winter (due to stress from family and school and general life shit) and can't stop saying mean things to myself about it. how do i start loving myself like i did before? wait, maybe that's too big of a quest
I’ve been overweight my whole life, moreso at certain points than others. But I can promise you this: the time I was my skinniest, I wasn’t my happiest. Those two things aren’t related, at all. Self-love has nothing to do with weight, we just use weight as a new reason to find something wrong with ourselves.
I learned to find myself beautiful by learning to find the people around me beautiful. I got rid of the word ugly; I looked for the beautiful things in every person I saw. Everyone has something lovely about them. Start teaching yourself how to see them in everyone else, and be patient with yourself. You won’t be able to see those things in yourself right away. You’re not a failure for taking time.
Eventually, you’re going to see that you’re pretty damn lovely, too.
And I want you to know something, and I want you to believe it with every ounce of faith you have in your body:
I have never seen you. I have never met you. But I know, without a doubt, without a second thought, without even a moment’s hesitation, that you are so beautiful, you take my breath away. You are so beautiful. You are so, so beautiful.
You don’t have to believe it, yet. But I want you to know that I do.
ashe, i've been gaining hella weight so far this winter (due to stress from family and school and general life shit) and can't stop saying mean things to myself about it. how do i start loving myself like i did before? wait, maybe that's too big of a quest
I’ve been overweight my whole life, moreso at certain points than others. But I can promise you this: the time I was my skinniest, I wasn’t my happiest. Those two things aren’t related, at all. Self-love has nothing to do with weight, we just use weight as a new reason to find something wrong with ourselves.
I learned to find myself beautiful by learning to find the people around me beautiful. I got rid of the word ugly; I looked for the beautiful things in every person I saw. Everyone has something lovely about them. Start teaching yourself how to see them in everyone else, and be patient with yourself. You won’t be able to see those things in yourself right away. You’re not a failure for taking time.
Eventually, you’re going to see that you’re pretty damn lovely, too.
And I want you to know something, and I want you to believe it with every ounce of faith you have in your body:
I have never seen you. I have never met you. But I know, without a doubt, without a second thought, without even a moment’s hesitation, that you are so beautiful, you take my breath away. You are so beautiful. You are so, so beautiful.
You don’t have to believe it, yet. But I want you to know that I do.
pretty sure he just wants sex but I want something more
You have to tell him what you want. And you have to brace yourself for the reality that he might not want the same thing. But you can’t, you can’t, you can’t keep silent and hope things will change. Because they won’t. You can’t make someone fall in love with you, and if you aren’t both on the same page, you’re going to get hurt.
pretty sure he just wants sex but I want something more
You have to tell him what you want. And you have to brace yourself for the reality that he might not want the same thing. But you can’t, you can’t, you can’t keep silent and hope things will change. Because they won’t. You can’t make someone fall in love with you, and if you aren’t both on the same page, you’re going to get hurt.
Hi Ashe. I kissed the girl i fell in love with. And she kissed me back. Thank you for giving me the courage to take that leap
Oh, sunshine, I’m so happy for you. I’m so, so happy. And I’m so glad my words could help, but all that brave? That was all yours.
Wishing you many, many more kisses and more love than you know what to do with.
