Ashe Vernon's Blog, page 100

"Boy, we both know you did not grow upin an easy home–that your mother was a freight trainof..."

“Boy, we both know you did not grow up

in an easy home–

that your mother was a freight train

of Christian gospel, that your father

took his fists and laid tracks in your skin.

We know how you tried to be good for them:

good little Catholic boy–sits himself in confession

two times a week, telling god about the men

who made you weak in the knees, telling god

you were sorry

when you weren’t.

And you shouldn’t have had to be.

Catholic boy in a home like hot stove:

your mother’s love, a cast iron skillet–

too heavy for a boy your age to carry,

left burns like stigmata on your fingers.

Mama called them recompense.

Your mother’s love was big enough

for an abusive husband, but still too small

for a gay son.

How many times were you put on your knees

in the church of a god you didn’t believe in

and told to beg a ghost for forgiveness?

Boy, what they did to you was not salvation.

It was betrayal.”

- excerpt from MAMA’S WHIPPING POST by Ashe Vernon (via latenightcornerstore)

sext: you moan my name in your sleep and I unravel into nothing but a gasp in the dark.

sext: you moan my name in your sleep and I unravel into nothing but a gasp in the dark.

"I’m sorry you were a coward.I know how sharp that sounds,but even now I have dreams where Islip..."

“I’m sorry you were a coward.

I know how sharp that sounds,

but even now I have dreams where I

slip under your skin; I paint cherry red on my lips

and think of leaving it on your hipbones

like a map of all the ways to leave you breathless.

I think of kissing a concerto of you.

I think of making us breakfast,

but only when I’m lonely.

And that isn’t fair to either of us. Still -

I’ve been having dreams about your mouth lately.

I swear, some of my dreams are innocent,

but I don’t wake up crying from the dreams

where you take my clothes off, so I’d rather

talk about those instead.

As much as I wish there wasn’t,

there’s still some part that’s just

a little bit in love and she wants

to road trip up to see you. She’s

packaging kisses to send through FedEx.

She forgets the hard parts:

how I was always making room

for all the creaking clanking aches in you

and smuggling my own out the window.

If this wasn’t going to work anyway,

I’m sorry that you’re sorry. Because

I would never be this heartsick for a boy

who meant to hurt me, but of course

you did it unwittingly. You’re just

a clumsy wrong step in a long line

of blundered feelings, so I’m never going

to be able to hate you for it.

In my dreams you are still so soft.

I would have been happy to love you for it.”

-

TROUBLE IS, YOU’RE STILL EXACTLY THE PERSON I FELL IN LOVE WITH, Ashe Vernon (via latenightcornerstore)

This poem is available in my second book, Wrong Side of a Fistfight!

(via latenightcornerstore)

ashe, i don't love her anymore. she held my hand and i felt nothing where as seven months ago i probably would have passed out if she held my hand. everything feels lonely now. :(

You are not broken for having fallen out of love. Falling out of love is just as easy and natural as falling into it. The two of you don’t fit, anymore. It doesn’t mean either of you have done anything wrong, it means your heart asked a question that she is no longer the answer to.

That’s okay.
Tell her–as gently and as kindly as you possibly can. Hold it to the wind.

Let go.

does someone really love you if they cheat on you?

Maybe they love you, but they don’t respect you.

The fact of the matter is, sometimes love just isn’t enough.

wanpoetry:“These are the 10 men women have warned me against...

wanpoetry:

“These are the 10 men women have warned me against becoming.”

Sam is a breathtaking poet and one of the nicest people ever and this poem is a really great view on toxic masculinity

chnayeols:ashe vernon, skeleton song

chnayeols:

ashe vernon, skeleton song

i'm from a family of agegaps- parnts 12 yrs apart, siblings all 3-7 with their S/Os. but thyre all over 18. im 16, but i take college courses and work 2 jobs, so my friends are mostly older. i've started seeing my 21 y/o coworker and i'm p conflicted. i li

This isn’t going to be the answer you want to hear, but I agree with them. That’s not to say that the boy you’re seeing is intentionally being predatory [although he very well could be] but even in “healthy” versions of relationships like this, there’s still an unbalanced power dynamic. That power-shift can be abused even unintentionally.

I know that you feel like you’re mature for your age. I’m sure you are. I was too, when I was sixteen. But there is SO MUCH growth that happens between the ages of eighteen and twenty-two. Even if you’re ahead of the curb, you’re still going to see a world of difference in your life and yourself as you graduate high school and college.

Personally, I don’t think age gaps matter once you’re both proper adults. There’s not all that much difference between 25 and 30. But there’s an ENORMOUS difference between even 17 and 20. 16 and 21? That’s too much.

I know you like him, but you’re playing with fire and I don’t want you to wind up hurt.

i'm from a family of agegaps- parnts 12 yrs apart, siblings all 3-7 with their S/Os. but thyre all over 18. im 16, but i take college courses and work 2 jobs, so my friends are mostly older. i've started seeing my 21 y/o coworker and i'm p conflicted. i li

This isn’t going to be the answer you want to hear, but I agree with them. That’s not to say that the boy you’re seeing is intentionally being predatory [although he very well could be] but even in “healthy” versions of relationships like this, there’s still an unbalanced power dynamic. That power-shift can be abused even unintentionally.

I know that you feel like you’re mature for your age. I’m sure you are. I was too, when I was sixteen. But there is SO MUCH growth that happens between the ages of eighteen and twenty-two. Even if you’re ahead of the curb, you’re still going to see a world of difference in your life and yourself as you graduate high school and college.

Personally, I don’t think age gaps matter once you’re both proper adults. There’s not all that much difference between 25 and 30. But there’s an ENORMOUS difference between even 17 and 20. 16 and 21? That’s too much.

I know you like him, but you’re playing with fire and I don’t want you to wind up hurt.

i'm from a family of agegaps- parnts 12 yrs apart, siblings all 3-7 with their S/Os. but thyre all over 18. im 16, but i take college courses and work 2 jobs, so my friends are mostly older. i've started seeing my 21 y/o coworker and i'm p conflicted. i li

This isn’t going to be the answer you want to hear, but I agree with them. That’s not to say that the boy you’re seeing is intentionally being predatory [although he very well could be] but even in “healthy” versions of relationships like this, there’s still an unbalanced power dynamic. That power-shift can be abused even unintentionally.

I know that you feel like you’re mature for your age. I’m sure you are. I was too, when I was sixteen. But there is SO MUCH growth that happens between the ages of eighteen and twenty-two. Even if you’re ahead of the curb, you’re still going to see a world of difference in your life and yourself as you graduate high school and college.

Personally, I don’t think age gaps matter once you’re both proper adults. There’s not all that much difference between 25 and 30. But there’s an ENORMOUS difference between even 17 and 20. 16 and 21? That’s too much.

I know you like him, but you’re playing with fire and I don’t want you to wind up hurt.