H.M. Shander's Blog, page 7

Want to win an ARC of That Summer?

I am giving away 10 e-book (kindle copies only) ARCs of That Summer

Want a chance to win a copy? 
Comment on this blog post before 12:01 am MST February 16th with a link to:
Your 3-star or higher* rating/review on Goodreads of Duly Noted (1 entry)Your 3-star or higher* rating/review on Amazon, Kobo, iTunes, Smashwords or Barnes & Noble (1 entry)
On February 17, 2017 at 10:00 am MDT, I will randomly pick ten winners. Winners will be contacted that day, and sent out a kindle** copy.

Easy right?

Good luck and go...


Aurora may be named after a fairy tale princess, but she has never believed in happily ever afters—especially since her PTSD won’t let go, and her addiction to prescription pills still taunts her. 

Now with only nine weeks to get her shit together and prove herself to Nate, Aurora must find the will to believe in herself so she can stop her true love from making a career ending decision. In order to defeat her darkest fears, she needs help from the only person she trusts with her life—Nate's younger brother, Lucas.

Through therapy and relapses, Aurora and Lucas become best friends. However, deep and dark emotions bubble to the surface threatening both the friendship and everything she’s worked hard to overcome. 

When darkness descends, threatening to take you away forever, do you succumb or fight back with all you've got?

That Summer is the expanded portion of Duly Noted readers craved. A story of love and courage. A story of a beautiful friendship between two lost souls.


*Obviously if you rate it 2 stars or less, you didn't really like it and therefore wouldn't likely enjoy That Summer.

They're Together Again, and this time, it's Forever.

This morning I was awoken to some sad news - my beloved Grandma has passed away. It wasn't a shock, we'd been expecting it for quite some time. But it still hurts. You see, we just lost my Grandpa on March 14th.
He died after a courageous battle with cancer. Right up until his last night on Earth, he was still Grandpa, still witty and trying to smile. I'm forever glad I saw him on that last night.

Grandma was different. In the weeks following his death, her dementia worsened, and she was hospitalized. Slowly, the disease ate away at her brain, changing her in unnatural ways. Her memory suffered, and the things she used to love doing, disappeared. She stopped knowing who my kids were, and I could tell she struggled to remember me. But that was okay.

Then the unthinkable happened. November 20th she had a stroke. I was urged to say goodbye not long after that. The stroke had done enough damage that it completely changed her. She looked like Grandma on the outside, but was anyone but on the inside. So I did the hardest thing I've ever had to do - I said goodbye to someone who was still very much alive. I held her hand, I shared with her many memories, I cried beside her. Then I prayed over and said goodbye.

We started our death watch at that point.

I went once to visit Grandma, but only as a support for my mom. In the six weeks from her stroke to that point, she had changed so much. It was unbearable as a granddaughter to watch that, and to see how it was affecting my mother. I can't even imagine the pain of witnessing that as a child to a parent. It breaks my heart.
This week the doctors gathered my mom and her siblings to prepare them. They gave her a week at most, likely a couple days. We knew the bitter end was coming. The kids and I prayed.

And then it happened. It doesn't matter that we knew, and had mentally/emotionally prepared ourselves. It still hurts like hell. The matriarch of our family is gone, and with it, it leaves a huge void in all our hearts. Family gatherings will never be the same.

But I know, deep in my heart, that Grandma and Grandpa are together again. At least for now, that brings me peace.

#BellLetsTalk - Yes, I struggle with anxiety.

anx·i·e·tyaNGˈzīədē/nouna feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.
"he felt a surge of anxiety"
synonyms:worry, concern, apprehension, apprehensiveness, uneasiness, unease, fearfulness, fear, disquiet, disquietude, inquietude, perturbation, agitation, angst, misgiving, nervousness, nerves, tension, tenseness; More
desire to do something, typically accompanied by unease.
"the housekeeper's eager anxiety to please"
synonyms:eagerness, keenness, desire
"an anxiety to please"PSYCHIATRYa nervous disorder characterized by a state of excessive uneasiness and apprehension, typically with compulsive behavior or panic attacks.

Yes, that's what anxiety is. 
But what does it feel like? For me, I imagine it's similar to what a heart attack feels like. My heart beats ridiculously fast, my breathing is laboured, my extremities tingle, and I have a feeling of doom. But it's not a heart attack (I've had my heart looked at, and had an ECG and an echo done - my ticker is in amazing condition). It's bad enough when it comes on during the day, but to wake up to it? Bloody wonderful. <insert sarcasm>

I have few known triggers, so I can prevent an anxiety attack by avoiding alcohol, for instance. Yes, alcohol is a trigger for me. During a particular venerable period a couple years ago, a new trigger presented itself. Alcohol. I had an ounce of alcohol and within a short time, was in the middle of a full blown anxiety attack - in the middle of the night. I thought I was dying. I worried my kids would be motherless when they woke up in the morning. After the symptoms slowly ebbed away, I realised it wasn't death. (thank God). I'd had a few anxiety attacks before that, but figured the alcohol would relax me and I could escape my worries for the night. Haha! Yes, worrying excessively is a huge trigger. Lucky me. 

I worry about being fired, about why it's taking someone so long to return a text message when I know they are attached to their phones. I get anxious just thinking about my anxiety. I worry about death. Death is also a trigger. It's all around me. I lost three family members/friends between March 14 - Dec 29 of this year. I have two others fighting cancer, and we're on death watch with my grandma. :(

I get anxiety over thunderstorms, but at least *I* know why, and it's something I will never share. Still knowing what causes them, and trying to finds ways of dealing with them are two separate things. I've tried facing them. I've tried making a game out of it. I've tried to pretend it's not making me a pile of mush on the inside. But they trigger me all the same.
I'm trying to take control of it. I use medications - sparingly, and only when nothing else will work. I talk with a therapist. I'm trying. :) It's all I can do.
I don't discuss it with friends and family because of the stigma that's attached. I mentioned it once to a family member and it was received with eye rolls. We need to break the stigma.

So let's spread the word. Let's combat the stigma associated with mental illness (ugh, I hate that word... illness). Talk to me. Talk to a friend. Let's talk.





For every text, or tweet with the #BellLetsTalk or FB post or instagram post, Bell Canada will donate five cents to Mental Health Initiatives. Let's TALK!

Know someone like me who battles anxiety? Here's a great article on helping them because there's power in knowledge.

My 2017 Resolutions

Ah, the new year has descended upon us like the freshly fallen snow here. It's beautiful and gives us a moment to pause and breathe in the newness of it all.

This year, like the years previous, I have a list of things I'd like to accomplish. Some are the basic ones that I'm sure a lot of people have, and some are personal to just me.


My lofty professional goals:

To release two books this year. This goal is very manageable since That Summer is off to the editors & proofreaders within a week, and set to go out into the world before Valentine's Day. The sequel to Duly Noted has an anticipated release of late summer/early fall. It's already half written. If I really wanted to push myself, I'd say releasing three books in 2017 would be a strong push, but we'll see how the year goes.  To budget money for advertising. I'd like my novels to get further out, but that doesn't come free. I'd be thrilled if any of my books--already released or soon to be--ever reached above the top 1000 point for longer than an hour. :)  To find an affordable and excellent editor to use over and over again. I've shelled out good, hard earned money in the past to editors that come recommended and made all the corrections they said, and yet, time and time again, reviewers mention grammatical errors. (Yes in case you're wondering, I have contacted the editors about this, and been met with stark silence.)  :( This is heartbreaking. I get that everyone is human, but when one reviewer sent me a two page list of mistakes, it's anger inducing. Time to locate someone who will do the job right. Any ideas? To promote the hell out of my author friend's books. Be prepared. My friends write amazing books and I am going to promote them on every social media platform I belong to. The world needs to read their books. 
In my personal life: To blog more under my author name. I've blogged about things I'm thankful for, but think this year I may do more of a diary type blog. Be more transparent with my thoughts and feelings. Something I think I need to work on. To unsubscribe from so many damn email lists. I've started this and it's already amazing. No longer is my phone pinging with "Buy One, Get Two Free" offers, or "TODAY ONLY" deals. It's freeing. Each day another four or five come in, and each one I let go. Now if I get an email, it's from someone I want to read. :) Definitely less stress, and time away from more important things. Deleting 50 emails a day doesn't sound like much, but it's time consuming.  To let go. I have several friends who have said "let's get together for coffee" and for whatever reason, it never happens. Time to let go and stop trying. There is only so much of me to give and if they don't have time for me, well, I guess that's their problem. ;) To be more selfish. In a good way. To take more time for me. Do more things that make me happy. If that's evening teas with friends, or pedicures or facials, I want to do more. So for starters I've joined a book club. An evening out with a group of ladies to discuss books. What a great way to start being "selfish". More date nights. The kids are old enough to manage a couple of hours by themselves. Hubs and I need more time together - away from the home, the kids, to be a couple again and do things that make us happy.


What about you? Care to share any of your goals? Personal or professional? 

My Top Five Favourite Books

I have read many books this year. Some were so amazing I could make a blog post on each one, and some were so awful, I could also do the same.
However, for the sake of sanity, I'll keep it narrowed down to one post.

I had decided to break up the list into indie and non-indie, but changed my mind. To me, I don't care who published the book, as long as it was engaging and kept me flipping the pages. The main character didn't have to be relatable as I've read so many books where the character is nothing like me. So what. If the writing is good, then I will keep reading. As long as the character grows, it's all good. :) One of the criteria for making my list, is whether or not I tell others about it. It could be random, or a face to face conversation where I tell someone they MUST read this book.

Based on my loose requirements, because I read for pure pleasure and escape, these are my top five. Only the number one is my ultimate favourite. The other four round out the top in no particular order.




The Fill-in Boyfriend - by Kasie West 
 This book came with a selection of others for school. Before I could display it for our book fair, I needed to see if it was appropriate for Div 1 and Div 2 kids. I deemed it more appropriate for Div 3 (grade 7 and up) as there's no language, or graphic scenes. That being said, I found it an easy, enjoyable read. It was light hearted and when I finished, I was satisfied. Sometimes, you just need to sink yourself into another time and place. 



Gemini- by Dylan Quinn
I'm not a reader of paranormal romance, but a friend asked if I could beta read her book. Of course I could, and I did it in a timely manner. In fact, I read it all in one sitting, stopping only to refill my coffee mug and check on my children (my hubs was home - they weren't neglected). Obviously, it was engaging and different, but not so off the wall I couldn't follow along. The characters were amazing, and although I couldn't relate to Zoe - as I'm no musician, Chayah (read it to find out what this means), or even in the ball park of beautiful, I enjoyed reading about her. And Cade - yep, swoony! The ending though - while completely satisfying, it made me want me. Good thing too. A sequel was released, and there is another in the works.



Me Before You - by JoJo Moyes I decided to give this a go after passing by it in Costco so many times. When I heard it was being turned into a movie, I caved. It was a fairly easy read, and I read it in a couple of sittings. Not a fan of the main character Lou, as I found her really lacking a lot of ambition in her life, but I loved the story. The whole idea. It will make you think, and in some conversations with friends, we've disagreed on what we'd do if we were Will. But I hated - absolutely hated - the ending, however that's what made me add the book to my top five. I BAWLED. It brought out the emotions in me, which is a hallmark of a wonderful book. If you can make me cry, you've done well. :) My advice, don't read it without tissues nearby.



 Middle School - my Brother is a Big Fat Liar by James Patterson

This was another school book selection. In fact it was a Young Reader Choice Award nominee for 2016. A great grade 4 and up book. I laughed. A lot. To me it was funny, as I went to the same school as my father, who because some of the same teachers still taught there, remembered the last name and wondered how similiar I am to him. In a way, I could relate to Georgia - sort of - but I hope my father was never as destructive as Rafe. It was a great read. Took me less than two hours. After reading it, I realised there is a whole series on this, so I'm working my way through them. Great series. :)




The Martian by Andy Weir
Saw the movie, not knowing there was a book. Friend strongly encouraged me to read it, even though I'd already watched the movie. I did. Another I couldn't put down. Mind blown on how amazingly well written this book is. It's very science based (which I like) but totally readable. It's not so indepth that one doesn't get it. Andy Weir explained it all very well. There were so many scenes in the book that I really wish had been in the movie, as it would've explained things there better. Oh well. Guess that's just for the readers. It was an incredible story, and even though I knew how it ended, I still kept turning the pages. And something else that made me fall in love with this book, it was first written on WattPad, a chapter at a time. Then Andy self-published it and it took off like a rocket, where he got picked up by a publisher. :) Gives me hope that maybe someday, one of my books will 'take off'. Hey, a girl can dream.


What were some of your favourites this year?

My Week in Review: Dec 11 - 17 - A Surprise Party!

As I sit here and write, it's been a busy weekend. Usually I get my blog ready to go sometime on Saturday so I can easily do a quick read through and publish on Sunday. Yeah, not this weekend. ;) Too busy - too close to Christmas - too many other things to do. Life, right?

But there are a few things I am thankful for.

A back and forth email with my critique partner, where the focus hasn't been all Lucas & Aurora but rather a real in depth of getting to know you. I think if we were to ever meet, we'd have so much to talk about, time would slip away quickly. I'm sure she'd agree. :)  Outdoor recess. Seems like such a trivial thing, but with the temperatures being so ridiculously cold, the kids have been cooped up inside. Bless the teachers, though, as there are only so many times you can play Simon Says, or put on a dance video to get them moving. They may have only gone out once when the temperature rose to -17C, but it was something. Hopefully the upcoming week, where the temps are going to be warm, there will be a lot more outdoor play! For a surprise party for a dear friend. This had been planned for a while, and I am blessed and humbled that we were chosen to be guests at this party. Having texted back and forth with the host, we had a lot of fun preparing (well, he prepared, I sat on my hands and tried to contain my excitement.) The Guest of Honour was starting to catch on (I swear I hope it wasn't because of me) so I tweeted out some misleading tweets to throw him off.  I LOVED being a part of something so fun! Yeah - this is me... 


For the "SPEAK" part of Word. I've only recently discovered this. You highlight a certain amount of text in your doc, and you can hear your computer read it out to you. It's exceptional because it reads EXACTLY what you've written, so you hear anything out of the ordinary. As it ran through the first few chapters of my forthcoming MS, I heard some missing words. Words I swore were there, but they weren't. The eyes gloss over and the brain fills in, but SPEAK catches it all. :) I'm almost done listening to my novel read to me. I have to admit, it makes me giggle to hear it swear. LOL. Santa's Anonymous - As a family, we got to be a part of the delivery team. We loaded up our sleigh the night before, and took off for the depot early Saturday morning. The outdoor temperature hovered around the -27C point, and the wind pushed it cooler. The kids were decked out head to toe in winter warmth while we braved the nippy conditions. Forms filled, we loaded up the sleigh with donated presents for our city's less fortunate. It's always eye-opening and heart-filling to do this. I hope it has an impact on my kids. Some of the places we visited, their homes weren't much bigger than our master bedroom, and yet, the residents are so warm and welcoming. It makes you step back and look at your life, and realise how good you have it.  Christmas is fast approaching! I won't likely post anything on Christmas Day or New Years, but I will try on Christmas Eve and the day after New Year's. :)
As always, thanks for reading - and have an amazing week. 

My Week in Review: Dec 4 - 10

I'm having a tough time - there I said it.

I don't know if it's because of the cold weather, or people around me suffering through various illnesses and heartache or what, but I feel - bitter. I'm not depressed, I'm angry. Life is unfair, vastly unfair. It doesn't seem right that good people suffer and the bad people thrive.

And I want to do all the things to make it all better, but I can't. Some things are out of my control and just being there - holding space with them - doesn't seem enough. So what can I do?

Well, I try to be thankful for the good things in my life. There is always something there, sometimes one just needs to look for it.

This week, I've struggled to find it, but I did. My top five things I'm thankful for:


Saturday mornings. We all hung out together, all playing on our devices and yet still interacting, laughing and enjoying being in the same space together. We don't always need to be doing the same thing in the same space to enjoy the presence the others bring. A warm house. As the temperatures plunged this week (to average Edmonton temperatures, but without the adjustment to help us acclimatize) to -23C (-9F), I'm grateful for the warm house to thaw out in. We went out Friday night in -33C temps to watch the International Space Station fly over. We were outside for all of six minutes and we were chilled. I reminded my children that there are many people without homes in our city who are sleeping outside in the brutal cold and how lucky we really are. I don't know if it had a lasting effect as we raced back into the house, but I'm trying to raise them with a bit of empathy. I hope I'm successful. Time will tell. For a field trip with my youngest to Edmonton's Waste Management Facility. Such an amazing place and truly a world class facility. With the Waste to Bio-Fuels in the final stages, they are able to divert 90% of the garbage into compost, bio-fuels, recyclables and more, keeping it out of the landfill. 90%!!! That's truly astounding. And to see it all in person, wow. They do offer free two-hour tours, and if you are in the Edmonton Area I highly recommend it.  Part (a very small part) of the Materials Recovery Facility notice the areas for lids/bottles/cans? How our leftover un-compostable and un-recyclables become bio-fuels, Truly fascinating.  For finally getting a project idea for my special person, and having it work out successfully. I used two different types of materials so an adhesive problem arose that I was unsure of how to overcome. However, I had a bit of luck that the glue worked and my project is ready for the final stages. It's not at all the grand scale of my original design that I ended up trashing, but it will still turn out to be a nice Christmas present. I hope my special person likes it. :) I'd post a pic, but I think my SP follows this blog and I don't want him/her to see it before Christmas Eve. ;) For a local book club. The hostess is having her first book club meeting in January. She selected Duly Noted as the Book of the Month!! At first I was over the moon thrilled. New readers! I packaged up the required books she needed and dropped them off lickety-split. Then the nerves set in. The accolades (if any) will be easy to take, but what if they are angry and they hate it? Like truly hate it? I have a pretty thick skin, but it still causes me to worry. How will I react? Will I be able to laugh off their anger, surrounded by 20 people? Or will I crawl into a corner, waiting for the first opportunity to escape? How will I be able to argue and defend the characters without revealing who I am? The hostess told the group that I will be attending, but won't reveal who I am until after (when I can sign their copies). Since I write under a pen name, no one will know its me. Unless they do a bit of digging. ;)  As much as I'm thankful, I'm more nervous. EEk. 
Thanks for reading. Share with me something you are thankful for. 

Read all About it - That Summer

A lot of people have asked 'Just what the heck happened between Aurora and Lucas towards the end of Duly Noted?' Now - you'll be able to find out!


Aurora may be named after a fairy tale princess, but she has never believed in happily ever afters—especially since her PTSD won’t let go, and her addiction to prescription pills still taunts her. 
[image error] Now with only nine weeks to get her shit together and prove herself to Nate, Aurora must find the will to believe in herself so she can stop her true love from making a career ending decision. In order to defeat her darkest fears, she needs help from the only person she trusts with her life—Nate's younger brother, Lucas.
Through therapy and relapses, Aurora and Lucas become best friends. However, deep and dark emotions bubble to the surface threatening both the friendship and everything she’s worked hard to overcome. 
When darkness descends, threatening to take you away forever, do you succumb or fight back with all you've got?
That Summer is the expanded portion of Duly Noted readers craved. A story of love and courage. A story of a beautiful friendship between two lost souls. 

Here's a link to a 'video' I made. What do you think? Are you curious to read it? 




Now available on Kobo, iTunes, Barnes&Noble, Smashwords and Amazon.

Coming FEB 28 - That Summer

A lot of people have asked 'Just what the heck happened between Aurora and Lucas towards the end of Duly Noted?' Soon, you'll be able to find out.
It will be available on Kobo, iTunes, Barnes&Noble, Smashwords and Amazon.


Aurora may be named after a fairy tale princess, but she has never believed in happily ever afters—especially since her PTSD won’t let go, and her addiction to prescription pills still taunts her. 
Now with only nine weeks to get her shit together and prove herself to Nate, Aurora must find the will to believe in herself so she can stop her true love from making a career ending decision. In order to defeat her darkest fears, she needs help from the only person she trusts with her life—Nate's younger brother, Lucas.
Through therapy and relapses, Aurora and Lucas become best friends. However, deep and dark emotions bubble to the surface threatening both the friendship and everything she’s worked hard to overcome. 

When darkness descends, threatening to take you away forever, do you succumb or fight back with all you've got? That Summer is the expanded portion of Duly Noted readers craved. A story of love and courage. A story of a beautiful friendship between two lost souls. 

Here's a link to a 'video' I made. What do you think? Are you curious to read it? 



Because I'm having way too much fun making teasers... here's another. 


[image error]

Coming Soon - That Summer - A Novella

A lot of people have asked 'Just what the heck happened between Aurora and Lucas towards the end of Duly Noted?' Soon, you'll be able to find out.

The cover is ready and it's BEAUTIFUL. I'll slowly release sneak peeks of it - so stay tuned to see. No release date as it's with beta readers (who are loving it!) and it's deep into the editing phase. My personal goal is early 2017, but that may be pushing considering everything going on in my personal life.
Here's the blurb to tease you.


Aurora may be named after a fairy tale princess, but she has never believed in happily ever afters—especially since her PTSD won’t let go, and her addiction to prescription pills still taunts her. 
Now with only nine weeks to get her shit together and prove herself to Nate, Aurora must find the will to believe in herself so she can stop her true love from making a career ending decision. In order to defeat her darkest fears, she needs help from the only person she trusts with her life—Nate's younger brother, Lucas.
Through therapy and relapses, Aurora and Lucas become best friends. However, deep and dark emotions bubble to the surface threatening both the friendship and everything she’s worked hard to overcome. 

When darkness descends, threatening to take you away forever, do you succumb or fight back with all you've got? That Summer is the expanded portion of Duly Noted readers craved. A story of love and courage. A story of a beautiful friendship between two lost souls.