I.C. Robledo's Blog, page 7

Don’t Forget the Fundamentals

In our life goals, we sometimes forget about the fundamentals or the basics that we know we should be focusing on. This can be a great mistake, as the fundamentals are important enough that we should never lose sight of them.

For living a good life, the fundamentals may be: eating well, sleeping well, deep breathing (to help destress), exercise, staying hydrated, nurturing and working on important relationships, avoiding chronic stress, seeking out supportive friends and colleagues, and having some free time to enjoy yourself.

I would also say that monitoring your progress is a fundamental skill, as this can help you to notice if your mental health is suffering or if you have lost your motivation, and to help resolve small problems before they become big ones.

If we consider work, the fundamentals there may be: prioritizing your most important tasks, showing up on time, making sure you understand what is expected of you, working together as a team, developing good relationships with your boss and colleagues, setting attainable goals, and identifying obstacles and problems.

Since I value mental and cognitive development, other important fundamentals may be: meditation or yoga, reading, learning, challenging yourself, brainstorming ideas, creative or artistic expression, and writing or documenting your ideas.

We sometimes form grand goals that we want to accomplish, and it is good to be ambitious, but we should be careful not to forget about the fundamentals.

If we try to advance too far without continuing to apply the basics, then some important part our lives will likely suffer.

Many times, people want shortcuts to help meet their goals. However, when it comes to the fundamentals, this often means putting in the work every day. Simply sticking to them can provide a struggle every day for many of us. And so we must remind ourselves when we want to advance and reach higher levels, that the basics still matter.

What good does it do you if you get that promotion, but you no longer have time to eat right and sleep well? You may earn more respect and income, but in time, your health may suffer. You may even lose motivation at your work.

The fundamentals are there for a reason. And while they may differ from person to person, many of the basics do apply to all of us, such as the ones listed above that matter for living a good life.

Be aware that even the fundamentals can be overdone and get in the way of each other. For example, what good does it do you to meditate an hour every day if you do not have a job or the funds to support yourself? What good does it do you if you oversleep, and this drains your energy and motivation rather than helping you. Exercise can be useful, but if you obsess about it, you may fail to make time for important relationships in your life.

Today I would like you to think about the most important 5 fundamentals are in your life. What are they?

To be fundamental, they should be important to do every single day. Are you happy with how you are accomplishing them? Are you overdoing it?

A lesson I would like you to understand is that the fundamentals can appear quite easy and simple, and so we may get bored with them and want to move on. But you may find that if you do this, your life will fall out of balance and you will need to go back and perform those fundamentals that you had neglected.

One of my books which I am most proud of explored some fundamentals in our thinking processes, and how having the right thoughts can help us to live our best lives. For example, the first three Thoughts are:

Focus on What You Can Control, Not on What You Cannot Control.

Focus on the Positive, Not on the Negative

Focus on What You Can Do, Not on What You Cannot Do

The book is 7 Thoughts to Live Your Life By: A Guide to the Happy, Peaceful, & Meaningful Life - These Thoughts changed my life around, and I hope they can impact your life too.

Looking Forward to It

I believe we should have something to look forward to every day. Today is just an ordinary day for me, and so I thought this would be a good day to think up what I am looking forward to. The point is not to consider things I may look forward to for next week or next month – it should be for today.

Having something to look forward to makes the day better, more fulfilling, you feel more energized, and you get more done. The benefits are endless, so this is worth doing daily, or at least periodically. Also, if you struggle to come up with anything to look forward to, it is a sign that you should make some changes in your life.

I want you to consider what you are looking forward to today. Perhaps seeing my list below will help you to come up with some ideas.

 

I am looking forward to listening to music while I work

I have always enjoyed listening to a wide range of music, and this is something that I like to do when I am working. I usually put the volume low so that it does not disrupt my focus. Today I am listening to Kimbra’s album “Vows.” Many people may not be aware, but I have quite an eclectic taste in music. I find something enjoyable from almost every genre.

 

I am looking forward to picking up my wife from work

The ride home is only about 10 minutes, but it feels great to see her so that we can spend the evening together. On the ride, we often discuss problems that came up during the day, either with my work or with hers, but this is our way of staying caught up on each other’s lives. Sometimes we also  discuss things we are looking forward to doing. Our topics of discussion tend to vary widely, but I suppose that’s something that we enjoy about each other’s company.

 

I am looking forward to writing today’s post

This is a bit of a cheat, since I’m literally writing it right now. But this morning when I was getting ready for work, I was looking forward to writing the day’s post. I don’t have a specific plan for every post. Usually I just come up with an idea that I find important and want to discuss with you, and then I write it. I enjoy writing, thinking, sharing, and exploring new ideas, so of course I usually look forward to writing my post for the day.

By the way, I also look forward to hearing what you think about today’s post, if you would like to comment on it below.

 

I look forward to hearing from friends or family

A close friend of mine who is living in Paris now just connected with me on social media and sent me a message, so I was quite happy with this. These small ways to stay connected truly make a difference in my life. I have learned that it is important to stay connected with friends and to make the effort to maintain important relationships in our lives.

Some of the most frequent people I connect with, aside from my wife who I live with, are my Mom, my brother, Arthur (friend who has commented on the site many times), Dave (friend and co-author of Question Yourself), my readers of course, and a variety of other family and friends. I usually don’t know who will contact me, but I am honored to have enough close connections that on most days, someone will connect with me.

 

I look forward to the unexpected

Most of my day is planned out. I know what I will do and when, and what my goals are. However, I have learned to look forward to the unexpected. Sometimes this brings something pleasant, and sometimes it is just an obstacle.

Most of the times, even when new obstacles seem overbearing, they are actually manageable if we keep a calm head and evaluate our options.

As most of my day is ordered, I actually look forward to something new that will come my way that I didn’t see coming. Often, this will be my day’s challenge, and I am not someone who will shy away from this.

A tip I recommend is allowing some blank space (or time where nothing is scheduled) in your day so that when something unexpected happens, you actually expect it and can deal with it more smoothly.

Enough about me – Get a piece of paper and fill in the blank – Today, I am looking forward to: _________________

(Or of course, let me know in the comments below if you would like.)

Who is Helping You? (Don’t Be Afraid to Get Help)

Today what is on my mind is whether we know when to seek help.

I feel like this has a negative connotation. When you are struggling, people often mention that you should get “help.” Sometimes they mean seeking mental health services, or getting tutored so that you can get caught up. Usually by the time someone mentions “help,” you are frustrated and beat down, and you may feel that all hope is lost.

Of course, our minds often make things worse than they truly are. In reality, there is nothing wrong with getting help, and we should all be open to getting it when we truly need it.

The problem with the way we think about help is probably that we don’t worry about things much until they are collapsing. We may deny our mental health until we are crippled and unable to work. We may ignore an injury until it gets worse and worse, and a part of our body becomes incapacitated. If we are in a class, we may act as if studying harder will get us back on track, even when we have failed multiple exams.

Perhaps most parts of your life are working in perfect order, and you don’t need help, or you have never needed help in the past.

But sooner or later, we all tend to reach a point where we need someone there to help us get back on track.

As you may see where I am going, I think a major mistake is to wait to get help. At the first major signs of trouble, you should be thinking if there is a way for you to get ahead of this problem, before it becomes a major problem.

Could someone help you with this? Or can you truly get it done on your own?

Sometimes we have to help ourselves. One of my friends recently got Covid, and he has always been very healthy, so he was overconfident and tried to work his normal schedule (at his home office) through it.

Eventually, he found himself in bed most of the day, needing to catch up on rest. Perhaps he didn’t need much help from anyone else in this case – he just needed to acknowledge the problem and start putting his health first so that he could truly get better.

There are many, many ways to get help. I will post about some of them here:

Help Yourself

Stop being stubborn and simply acknowledge that you either need to change something, to solve your own problem, or to get help. You should always be prepared to help yourself to improve your situation, but part of helping yourself will involve seeking outside help as well. Everything functions more smoothly when you have the support of someone to help you along.

Books

I’m the type of person who likes to solve my problems by reading. A book (or usually many, many books) have been written on virtually any issue you could have in your life. I view authors as my personal mentors. If you believe it is likely you will face certain kinds of problems, you may even read books on such topics in advance.

Online Advice

This can help to point you in the right direction, if you have problems that you don’t know how to tackle. Or perhaps even if you need to vent. Reddit has many subreddits (or forums) where you can get help and advice. For example –

https://www.reddit.com/r/selfhelp/

https://www.reddit.com/r/selfimprovement/

https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/

People in these communities may either ask for advice, or give advice to others on how to tackle their life problems. You can either ask a question, help someone else with their problem, or you can search for advice that has been given to others on the type of problem you are having.

Hotlines and Helplines

These are phone services that are there for people in need.

As an example, one of the most important ones will be the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. According to their website, they provide “Free and confidential emotional support to people in suicidal crisis or emotional distress 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.” Their listed phone number is:

800-273-8255

Therapists or Psychologists

If you struggle with a mental health issue that interferes with your daily life goals, then I would recommend seeking out a professional therapist or psychologist to help you work through these issues. I have struggled with my mental health in the past, and I did see a psychologist who helped me to get better. Also, many, many people that I know personally have struggled with their mental health at some point in the past. If you are concerned about your mental health, this is a time when you should feel comfortable asking for help.

Mentors

An ideal mentor is usually someone who has accomplished what you would like to accomplish in your life, but they may be 5 or 10 years ahead of you. This is someone who will generally be available to chat or help if you ask for some advice. You want to find mentors who are happy to work with you and help you, as it will be important for you to form a relationship and to trust them. You do not need to follow everything they say, but as they will be more experienced, you will want to consider their advice and experiences carefully. Keep in mind that most mentors will be hands-off - they will be happy to discuss general problems you face, but they probably will not dedicate enough time to walk you through exactly how to solve your problems.

Coaches or Tutors

If you need more one on one attention to tackle key obstacles in your life, you could find it useful to get a coach or tutor of some kind. For example, if you lack self-confidence and you find it difficult to start conversations with new people, you may find a coach who specializes in improving social skills and who can work on confidence building. The benefit of a coach would be that they will know how to help you with your unique situation. These are services that can cost, but if you are being held back and have struggled to make progress in your life, then it can be worth trying out.

It is the same idea with tutors. I still remember that in 9th grade, I struggled immensely with learning algebra – but I was stubborn and I refused to get a tutor. Luckily, my teacher ended up helping me to catch up. If you are struggling that much with a class, I fully recommend getting a tutor.

Guides or Masters

A guide transcends the role of mentor, going beyond that level. This is someone who usually develops a personal bond with you (but not always), and can learn to see your problems before you see them yourself. I have come to think that we have many guides in our lives, that come in many forms, and that we do not always realize that they were guiding us until many years or even decades have passed. A guide will teach you, and you will probably not even be aware that you are learning anything. They may guide you along certain paths that they know will work better for you, without forcing you into it or making you feel that you must go on that path.

Our first guides are usually our parents, but many other guides will pop up in our lives. If something ever leaves a life-changing impression upon you, then a guide may be responsible for it.

A true guide may be there for anyone, when that need arises.

As a brief example, my mother told me that she was once in the hospital waiting for my father while he was receiving treatment. And while she was waiting for him, she saw a young woman sobbing, and she seemed completely broken. My mother understood that she had a relative who was very sick, and the circumstance seemed uncertain as to whether he would recover. So my mother helped to calm her down and explain to her that she should take things one step at a time. That no one could know for sure what the outcome would be. My mother had a heart to heart talk with her that helped her to cope with her anxiety, pain, and emotions in the moment. At that point, my mother was a guide for this young woman in need.

 

As a last note, one time I helped shift someone’s perspective so that he could begin to resolve his life problem, and he was incredibly grateful toward me for it. I told him not to worry about it. I could offer advice on his issue because I lived through it myself and I overcame it. I told him:

Today I have helped you, tomorrow you will overcome your problem, and the next day you will help someone else overcome that same problem.

Is It Worth Reading if It Isn’t Tweet-Worthy?

The other day I had a thought that could apply to many of us:

Most people started off reading books, made their way to articles, and ended up at tweets and headlines.

Is this how the devolution of human thought begins?

Before you think I am accusing you of anything, I can admit that to some extent I have gotten into this pattern myself. I still read books, but I do find myself scrolling through headlines just to get the gist of what is going on. Partly, this is due to the fact that so many apps encourage this. Facebook, Twitter, Google News, Reddit (and probably loads of other apps and social media) are all organized as never-ending feeds.

You can scroll down to your heart’s content, and never reach the end. This is a bottomless well of information and entertainment. Rather than needing to click or select anything, you can just keep scrolling down. It’s comforting, like a friend who is always there for you.

You may not even feel the need to actually read the articles, as the headlines may tell you all that you felt you needed to know. You can feel like you know so much, while actually knowing so little. You get dopamine bursts as you continue to scroll down, learning more and more, about less and less.

When it comes to these apps, tomorrow’s posts will probably contradict today’s posts, but tomorrow is another day, and so we are not worried about that for now. Even if there is no contradiction, tomorrow’s posts will continue along a path with many twists and turns, as if a never-ending soap opera. Since the drama is never-ending, there is no need to really dig deep. You can just ride along the surface, scrolling down mindlessly, endlessly, in a loop, day after day.

When someone asks what you’re doing. There Is no longer a need to say that you are on a particular app, as they mostly function in the same way.

When they ask what you are up to, you can respond:

“I’m just scrolling.”

f you are about to scroll, and you haven’t yet begun, you might say:

“I’m going for a scroll.”

I admit maybe I’m being alarmist (and facetious), but sometimes I wonder if we are scrolling our minds away.

When I used to live in Paris, I recall crossing a street that was crowded with pedestrians, and most people had their phones out. Loads of people proceeded to bump into each other like bumper cars, not saying anything, not acknowledging what had just happened, they kept moving along, kept staring down at their phones. Were they on GPS? To cross the street – seems dubious. Were some of them just scrolling? Probably. (In defense of the French, many of these people were probably tourists – and of course, this could happen anywhere.)

Often when I am on Facebook, someone may post an article, and then there are a flood of comments, outraged at the premise of the article. Inevitably, multiple people comment that no one actually read the article. The article apparently did not state what people thought it would claim. People have gotten angry, outraged, attacked the author’s competence, sometimes even taking the dramatic action of “unfriending” some of their long-time “friends” over a petty disagreement about this article, all the while not having actually read the article.

Many of us don’t want to take the time to read and learn, we just want to form an opinion and spread it, even if this is just based on a headline’s worth of information.

And we now know, headlines are designed to get you to click.

Then if you manage to click, most of us expect a list (e.g., 5 Steps to…), or some quick way to scan the material.

This could make sense to make the reading process more efficient – but it seems like scanning has become a way of life. Sometimes I am having a conversation with someone, and it looks like they are scanning for something better to come their way. Similarly with reading, if we can’t absorb the material in seconds, we become impatient. Rather than us needing to work harder to understand, we tend to blame the material as not being Tweet-worthy enough. Are we at the point of needing catchy headlines and convenient bullet lists, otherwise we can’t read and understand? If so, this is quite the devolution in our comprehension abilities.

Just yesterday, I had a dream, or a vision. I thought – What if people read? What if they didn’t keep scrolling? What if they not only read, but what if they actually found something worth reading? What if instead of wanting to spread their ill-formed and baseless opinions, they desired to actually learn and understand first?

And then I woke up, and instead of dreaming, I decided to write this post.

5 Steps to Reading Insightfully:

1.     Learn to read

We all think we know how to read, but maybe we don’t. Maybe we are stuck at reading in a basic way, not reading or thinking critically. Whatever you are used to reading, seek out material that challenges you more deeply to improve your reading skills, learn more, and deepen your understanding.

2.     Read to learn

Reading is one of the best ways to learn. You will exercise your thinking, logic, imagination, questioning, and problem-solving, all while learning new things. We can read for fun, but we should also read some books to learn.

3.     Learn to understand

When you learn, you will come to an understanding about life and the world. You will start to see and perceive more fully, more deeply. We shouldn’t learn just to accumulate random facts, but instead aim to focus on facts that help us to understand.

4.     Understand to form useful opinions

As you understand things on a deeper level, you will begin forming novel and useful opinions, and to think more critically. People may even start to come to you to see what you think about a topic. These useful opinions are your reward for having read and learned deeply. Many of us want to believe that our opinions are useful, but without having met the prior steps, this is difficult to accomplish.

5.     Form useful opinions to enact meaningful change

Work on developing opinions that can help to change things for the better. This can be done in virtually any field, but in general the idea is to help solve problems, help humanity, life, or the world in some way. At this stage, you are not the only one rewarded, but society itself is also gaining from your deep reading and thinking abilities.

If you would like a guide to better reading, you may be interested in reading one of my books - The Insightful Reader: How to Learn Deeply & Attain Life-Changing Insights from Books

It Runs Both Ways – What Flows Out Flows Back In

Today when you find yourself blaming someone else and absolving yourself fully of any responsibility, remember that it runs both ways.

When you get upset that a friend has not called you in a long time, remember that it works both ways. Perhaps you have not done your part in making this friendship work. Perhaps you have only thought of picking up the phone at times, and not actually done it.

When you do your work halfheartedly and can’t wait until it’s time to go home all day, every day, then how can you be surprised to be met with this same halfhearted attitude everywhere you go? Perhaps you go to your boss, and he doesn’t seem to care about you or your life. You go to your kids, and they don’t care. You go to the store and ask for help with finding something, but the person who works there isn’t concerned with your problems.

When you are lonely and you want someone to be there for you and support you, ask yourself – what was the last time you were there for someone in need? Did someone want your help at some point, and you were not fully engaged in helping them? Perhaps you offered to help, but it was obvious you were not truly interested in being there.

When you are toxic and only seeing the negative in everything around you, pointing out the flaws and problems in all that you see constantly, then how can you be surprised if the people around you become bitter and they only see the negative in you? How can you be surprised when all they want to do is avoid you?

When you are walking in the streets, distracted by your phone, and a vehicle almost hits you because the driver was distracted, how can you be upset by this? Sure, the driver of a vehicle is responsible for driving safely and paying attention. But isn’t someone who is walking around vehicles also responsible for walking safely and keeping his distance from vehicles?

When you are mad that all the people around you are selfish and only looking out for themselves, ask yourself – what have you done that was motivated by truly helping someone else, and not just to benefit yourself? And for whatever excuses you come up with, understand that the people around you who have acted selfishly probably have the same reasons.

When you expect or ask something from your subordinates, and you don’t live up that standard yourself, you cannot be surprised when they lose respect for you. If you are going to ask the people below you to do something (e.g., to arrive on time), you should be able to meet the same standard or better for yourself.

When you focus on punishing all the people around you for minor mistakes and wrongs, what else can we expect than them wanting us to be punished equally any time we would commit a minor mistake? You may argue – “No, this is different. I have a good reason.” But did you listen when other people had their reasons?

When you want to control someone else’s way of life because you don’t think they are smart enough or capable enough, how can you be surprised when someone else who views himself superior to you, wants to do the same to you?

Whether poison or love, anything that flows out of you ultimately flows back in.

The Evolution of Thoughts

Sometimes I wonder if I have ever had a novel or original thought in my life.

Think for a moment – Have you ever had a truly novel thought?

There are many ways to define originality, but in this case I mean a thought which has never been formed by anyone in all of human history and even pre-history (e.g., before written records existed).

There is no way to know for sure. I suppose if you work on developing modern technology, which would not have existed in the past, then it may be more likely that you will have a new thought that no one else has ever had.

However, in my experience, we all tend to hold similar thoughts to the people around us – our thoughts are defined by our location, family, culture, religion, and peer groups. Whatever they tend to think – you probably share many of those thoughts.

Sometimes it bothers me that I cannot be certain that I have ever had an original thought in all of my life. I consider myself an original thinker, but time and again, any thought that I believed to be original, I ended up realizing that someone else had had the same one before me. And often, their thoughts were better developed.

I sometimes read philosophy, psychology, or sociology books where I feel that I have already had some of the same thoughts they are discussing. But if I dig deep enough, sometimes into Eastern philosophy, I end up realizing that some people have thought through my own “original ideas” (or those which I used to think were original) and they have thought through them more deeply, elaborated them more fully, and created vocabulary that could properly express the ideas.

And so this is a pattern, that if I search hard enough, I end up finding books or sources that discuss my ideas that I thought were original, in a deeper way than I ever would have.

And this makes me question: Have I ever had an original thought in all of my life?

Of course, as I am a writer, the fact that I have created sentences no one else has ever written, makes them original. But this is superficial. In the end, the sentences express thoughts. To me, the real question is whether any of those thoughts are truly original. And then to make the task even more challenging, if there are any original thoughts, are they meaningful?

In the movie Garden State, Natalie Portman’s character wants to know that she has done something that no one else has ever done. So, every day she produces some strange combination of bodily movements, so that she can know she has done something no one else ever has.

If someone committed themselves, surely they could string together the most bizarre thoughts. But what is the point, if this isn’t useful in some way?

The point of originality isn’t just to do something new, but hopefully to do something great.

Another way to define originality is to say that something is original if it is new for you. If a child discovers how to do long division on his own, without any formal teaching, then this is quite original for that child. It is truly an accomplishment. However, of course, this is not original when we consider all of humanity.

Often I think that when we discuss new ideas, thoughts, or ways of doing things, that they are rarely new at all. Often, we are applying something that has been done in the past to our current situation. It appears to be new and original, but in many ways it is just an extension of what was already there.

What seems to be new and original, is more like a natural evolution. Perhaps even, it was inevitable. I actually think of Darwin’s theory of evolution. In animals, some of the unnecessary features gradually become lost in time. Those features that are critical to survival end up becoming instincts in the new generations. These processes take generations upon generations to become visible, but it is part of evolution.

With thoughts, perhaps something similar happens. The thoughts evolve based on prior thoughts. The useful thoughts tend to be more common. They may aid with survival, or accomplishing goals, or building social bonds, or solving complex problems. I used to have thoughts that were not so useful, or that were inefficient – in time my thinking has improved. As in evolution, the parts of my thinking that are not helpful for any useful purpose are being dropped off. And the parts that are useful are staying, or adapting and being modified. The thinking is evolving.

I sometimes laugh on the inside, when someone is praised as being some great and original thinker. Usually these people do deserve credit, but I believe now that most of us do not realize that to a single human being, 99.99% of all knowledge out there is original.

For 99.99% of what is known to humans as a collective, I probably am not aware of it, even as an educated and well-read individual. There are so many topics that I know little or practically nothing about. If someone takes a moment to discuss such topics with me, everything will seem novel and original and brilliant.

My point is that sometimes the original and novel thinker may not be so novel after all. He may just have access to all kinds of knowledge that is not frequently known.

The question I have for you is this: If someone reads books no one else is reading, watches movies no one else is watching, travels to places rarely traveled to, and associates with people who think differently, will this person eventually become an original thinker, or just have the appearance of being an original thinker? Even if he absorbs and repeats what he experiences, to most people these will be original thoughts, because they will be new to most people.

But when we consider all of humanity, these will not be original thoughts, of course.

How can we have original ideas to begin with? How can I come up with something that is fully new? Everything I come up with will be in the context of what is known, what I have seen and observed, my goals, my culture, the way I was taught to think, and so on.

Or is original thinking just a natural evolution? Perhaps some original ideas may even be like mutations, where they happen unintentionally, but they can still be useful somehow.

Do you think most original thinkers are truly original, or do they just spend more time with sources that are unfamiliar to most people?

As another explanation, perhaps some people are credited with original thoughts, yet really they were quite logical and analytical and their thoughts went so deep that most of us could not keep up with them. This means their thought processes were not original, but somehow the outcome of their thinking was original, as they discovered something new.

It seems to me that true originality is quite difficult to find - what do you think?

Stay Connected with the People Who Matter Most

Most people now have large networks of people that they know. There may be family, friends, coworkers, acquaintances (or friends of friends), professional connections, and so on.

Our networks get larger and larger, but also more and more superficial. We know more and more people, but we know less and less about them.

Through the years, I find that it’s very easy to lose the connections that were actually the most important to our lives. If given enough time, the ties get weaker and weaker, to the point where they can break off after a certain point.

Of course, if you had a strong enough connection with someone, you should always have some ability to reconnect and continue your bond or friendship.

Today, I want you to consider if there are people who you are gradually losing connection with, but who are worth keeping up with. Just because one of you moved or changed jobs does not mean that you cannot keep in contact.

Some simple ways to maintain a connection are through email, social media, messaging, or phone calls. Of course, there are even letters or postcards.

What I have found is that staying connected is a two-way street. You may try to stay in touch with someone, but perhaps they don’t make much of an effort. Perhaps they are content to allow some of their relationships to fade away with time. This can be difficult of course, but you can only do your part to try to keep up with relationships that are important to you.

Who have you lost touch with that made a big impact on your life? Is there someone you would like to reconnect with?

In some cases, perhaps you actually had a problem with someone. You can ask whether that problem is worth losing contact over. Sometimes it may be, but in other cases perhaps with time you have seen that the issue was not major enough to hold a grudge over. It may be time to make amends and reconnect.

What I have found is that good friends are worth keeping in contact with. Close family are also worth keeping in contact with. Sometimes certain bonds may not be as strong as you would like – of course, in those cases, working on continuing to develop those bonds and friendships is worth it.

It’s easy to make excuses - but that’s all they are, excuses. We all have a few moments here and there to send an email, a message, or even make a phone call. No one is so busy that they can’t periodically check in on someone important to their lives.

You may be interested to learn that the author of The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying (read a useful summary on her website here), Bronnie Ware, actually identified this as one of the common regrets people had when they were dying:

“I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”

Some of my best friendships go back to middle school and high school. Unfortunately, with three of my closest friends, they ended up moving away during high school and I never kept in touch with them after this. I did manage to find one of them on social media, but the other two I have never heard from again.

Sometimes we don’t realize the value of certain relationships until it is too late and we have lost them.

Try to think of someone who is worth reconnecting with (or building a deeper connection with) in your life. Consider this:

Is this someone you love?

Is this someone who supported you during a difficult time?

Is this someone who you grew up with and you were there for each other?

Is this someone that you miss?

Is this someone who you regret having fought with over issues that now seem trivial?

Is this a friend or family member (e.g., cousin or aunt) who felt more like a sibling or second parent?

Is this someone who you “clicked” with or connected with immediately when you met them?

Today, think back to the important people in your life. Is there someone you haven’t talked to in a long time that was a good friend or who played an important role in your life? Consider trying to get in touch again. They may be happy and excited to hear from you.

A Universe of Thoughts

As I continue with I. C. Robledo’s Thoughts, writing a post every day, I have been left feeling that I have a Universe of Thoughts inside me that are not fully known even to myself.

And this has made me realize that we probably all have a Universe of Thoughts within us, and it seems much of that is left unexplored.

Perhaps much of our Thoughts are left dormant, like seeds that never germinated and never amounted to much.

What I mean by a Universe of Thoughts is that just as you have a rich life of behaviors and feelings and desires, we tend to forget that there is also a whole universe of thinking happening in our minds.

In writing out my Thoughts, sometimes I feel that I am arriving at new ways of thinking, and processing, and figuring things out. This is usually how writing our thoughts works.

Yet, much of the time I feel that these Thoughts were always within me somewhere, just waiting to be expressed. And of course, my thoughts are not fully my own, as they are a result of all I have learned, my experiences, and my interactions with people.

Today, I want you to consider what Universe of Thoughts you hold inside you that perhaps you are not even aware of.

Surely, part of what I am getting at here is what is referred to as the subconscious mind. There are parts of the mind we are aware of, which we are conscious of, and parts which we do not fully know, the subconscious side.

When I write these posts, I have been entering into a mode of flow, where the words flow out of me as if I am tapping into a Stream, as if I these were thoughts that were always in me, simply dormant and waiting to be expressed.

I’m not sure that I am expressing my thoughts, recording them, or even “thinking” them, so much as I am capturing them. Imagine a radio signal - the radio isn’t thinking and speaking to you, it is just capturing the message.

Rather than looking outward at the world around me, I am exploring inward. I am turning the focal lens of my mind onto itself. I am seeking to explore the boundary between my subconscious and conscious mind. The parts that were perhaps once subconscious, I am aiming to get into words, and express them for your benefit.

Clearly, we all have hidden sides of our mind that we are not fully aware of. Yet if we search enough, we can actually explore these subconscious parts of ourselves and make them conscious.

This type of exercise, where you capture the uncapturable, and express the unexpressable is a similar concept as when you are able to recall a forgotten memory. Have you ever done that? Have you ever “forgotten” or not thought about something in many, many years, then suddenly it came to you? You took something hidden in a dark cloud inside your mind, and you brought it to light.

If you have done something like this, you know it is possible to shine a light on hidden parts of the mind. Just because it is difficult to do at first, does not mean it cannot be done.

When you explore your mind and yourself enough, eventually you can intertwine your conscious, subconscious, and full mind together and start to flow as a stream, and then capture that Stream which is your Universe of Thoughts.

The Universe of Thoughts is just your conscious and subconscious minds put together. Once you see these Thoughts, your next challenge will be to understand and articulate what you see there. And what you will see are your full conscious and subconscious experiences, and all that you have ever seen, known, experienced, and felt.

This is the Whole self that is you, not the fragmented parts that we normally think up. We categorize and label ourselves to try to make sense of ourselves. But there is a part of us that is Whole and cannot be categorized. It is the True You.

Isn’t it interesting that we can see an image of the actual Universe while knowing very little about what happens in it? Similarly, you can see an image of your brain (which seems to house your mind), and yet you can know very little about what is happening there. Sometimes seeing visually isn’t enough. You have to learn to “see” with your mind in new ways that were never taught. With this new kind of seeing, you may learn about your own mind.

What is inside your Universe of Thoughts? There are Thoughts of Truth, Wisdom, Understanding, Intuition and Feeling, and Love.

I believe we all have volumes full worth of knowledge and books, or videos, or any kind of media stored in our minds. It is all there, usually uncaptured, untapped.

How can we actually explore our Universe of Thoughts?

This is not a skill that is ever really taught. It is intuitive for us to explore the world around us. We learn to read, to watch videos, to perform any actions we need to, to think about what is in front of us or even concepts discussed in a book.

But how good are we at exploring inward and seeing the thoughts, feelings, and experiences happening internally? Because these are not easily captured in a book or video or some measurable way, we forget about this experience inside. We may even take it for granted, or feel that it is not especially important. Keep in mind that reading or learning about someone else’s experience is not the same as fully understanding your own unique human experience.

There is a great difficulty in articulating your inner experience, as we may not even have the words to capture the experience fully. You may find yourself inventing words or concepts in order to properly articulate your inner mind and life.

At the end of the day, our Universe of Thoughts is just scratching the surface, and is just one single part of our Personal Universe of Being that we have access to (which would include Thoughts, Feelings, Behaviors, Experiences, Desires, Beliefs, Values, etc.).

Consider this: If you don’t have access to your own mind, life, thoughts, experiences, and beliefs in a fully conscious fashion, then what does all the rest matter?

If we do not know and understand ourselves, how well can we possibly understand something outside of us?

Everything expressed in today’s post was something that was forever inside my mind, and had simply not been expressed. All of this flowed from my inner mind (or a part that is intermixed with conscious and subconscious thinking), and so I know that it is not fiction, that it is coming from my True Source of Being.

If you want to access your Universe of Thoughts, start capturing (or recording). You can do this in a journal, audio, video, or even just by talking them out with a friend or family member. Don’t allow yourself to stay stuck on the surface of things. If you find yourself having conversations that run the same course as they always do, then you have not gone deep enough.

When you start tapping into your Thoughts more deeply, you may explore uncomfortable ideas or memories, or you may realize that you had stifled parts of yourself to appease someone or society. You may wonder about a lot of assumptions you made in your life. You may begin questioning more.

For example, why is it that every time I hear this particular word, I get angry? Or I get sad? Why would a single word have that affect on me? If you haven’t had such thoughts, you may relate to having a particular negative or even positive reaction to someone you only just met - why would that be?

What is it about You (e.g., your thoughts, beliefs, desires, experiences, values, etc.), that makes You this way?

But rather than just accessing memories, or ideas, or regrets, you may eventually tap into your own way of seeing the universe. You may start to understand yourself and why you think a certain way, why you believe a certain thing, why certain things are meaningful to you and others are not. You may explore deeper and deeper, until you can eventually read yourself as a book.

Eventually, you will have volumes of your own Thoughts and Being inside your mind. They may as well be in physical form as if reading a book right in front of you, because you will be tapping directly into the Stream or Universe of Thoughts.

You will start to see that there is a Universe inside of you that you can explore at will. You will move beyond the surface, and dive into the Deep.

Eventually, you can break down your own mind, and when you deconstruct it, you can reconstruct it to be whatever you want or need it to be. Discover the rules that make your mind what it is, and you will be able to see that things could be different than what they are.

None of this is easy, and I don’t know how to teach you to get There, other than to write this post which has been written. First it was written into my mind, then I tapped into it, then I wrote it here for you to see.

I am not the Source – I just managed to capture the Thought.

Dealing with Barriers on the Path to Living Your Purpose

Often people begin on the path to their purpose, and they come across a barrier that holds them back from accomplishing what they want to. Sometimes this barrier presents a huge weight on their shoulders, constantly reminding them that they cannot make much of a difference after all.

This tends to crush our spirits. Sometimes we have studied many, many years and obtained multiple degrees, or worked our way up the chain of command to finally get to the position we had dreamed of.

Then, nothing goes the way it is supposed to. Plans do not work as intended, The resources aren’t there. Budget cuts. Downsizing. The right talent is lacking.

We tend to have this ideal vision of what our lives should be like, and reality rarely lives up to what we had imagined.

Are there any barriers in your life holding you back from meeting your objectives and living out your purpose?

Barriers can come in many forms. They may be:

Colleagues that are too competitive and which do not help each other, rather than working as a team

The lack of funds, without a clear path to acquire them

Personal problems such as health issues (in yourself or a loved one)

Too much bureaucracy or paperwork and procedures that must be followed (or not enough of them when they should be in place)

Too many demands on your time and energy, leaving you drained

A lack of clarity in what path to pursue to meet your objectives

A realization that no matter how hard you work, you cannot truly meet your objectives, which becomes discouraging

A boss with a different vision, temperament, or perspective than you and that wants to impose his way on you

A complete lack of motivation, probably due to some other barriers you are facing

A simple way to know if you have found your purpose is to ask yourself:

Is this worth doing even if I fail? Is this worth doing even if it presents me with immense challenges? Is it worth doing even if I don’t earn quite as much as I would like?

Many of us are worried about failure. I say “So what?” Failure is not the worst thing. Failure will present you with the opportunity to learn and grow, and decide whether what you are doing was truly worth it to you to begin with.

Ask yourself this about your chosen path:

Ultimately, is it worth doing even if I realize that no matter how hard I work, I will never be able to accomplish my goals in the way I want to?

Some people may come to realize that they cannot meet their goals. If your goal is to save lives, you may come to understand that there is no way for you to help everyone. Some patients will die and there will not be anything you can do about it. Then you have to ask yourself if it is worth doing in spite of the fact that you can never meet your goals perfectly. More importantly, is it worth doing your best and trying to help everyone that you can, even when you know that sometimes it will not work out in the end?

Also, ask yourself:

Is this a field where I can look forward to the great challenges I will face, rather than expecting it to always be easy?

Hopefully you will get to a point where you look forward to the challenges that you will face. You will want to be challenged because with those challenges you will only improve your skills and get better at successfully fulfilling your purpose.

Understand that even if you have found your purpose, this does not make life easy, counter to what many may think. Even after finding purpose, people still struggle to be motivated in the face of obstacles. They still struggle with the need to earn a certain amount of income. They still struggle with being uncertain as to whether they are even on the right path.

The reality is that barriers will always be there. It doesn’t matter whether you work for yourself or someone else, whether you have the support of your colleagues or not, whether you are motivated or not. It doesn’t even matter whether you are working on your true purpose, or just a job where you can get paid.

There will always be obstacles on your path. The question is: Are they worth dealing with? Do you believe strongly enough in what you are doing for all of this to be worth it?

I will urge you to find a field to work in and to find a purpose for yourself where you are excited to work on it despite the barriers that will inevitably come up. Find something that is so worthwhile to you, that any barrier is just a temporary setback.

No barrier should truly hold you back from working on your purpose-driven goals.

When you are working on your purpose, don’t allow the barriers to take your sight off of your true objectives. If you have clients – return your focus to helping them meet their goals. If you are doing research, return your focus to doing good science. If you are a student, return your focus to learning what truly matters to you.

You may need to return to the fundamentals, to remind yourself what you are after.

Perhaps one day you get yelled at by your boss in front of your colleagues, and it’s not even for a good reason. This is obviously a difficult situation to deal with, but are you making progress on goals that are deeply important to you? Ultimately, this is what matters. Is your boss yelling just a minor obstacle on the path to living your purpose?

Consider this:

Are you working on your purpose now? Have you already found it?

Are happy to work on it, no matter the obstacle?

Or are you ready to call it quits? Your heart just isn’t in this, and perhaps it never was?

I will not urge you to keep going or to quit. Only you can make these choices for yourself.

But if you have found your purpose – then likely this will be worth hanging onto and pursuing in the face of all the obstacles. If you truly do not like your circumstances, there may be other options - you may be able to fulfill your purpose working for someone else or even working for yourself.

Or, if you are facing too many barriers without truly having your heart in what you are doing, then perhaps this is no longer worth it. If you feel drained and deadened, day by day without any true sense of fulfilment, it may be time to move on, and seek your purpose elsewhere.

STOP Resisting Your Purpose, and START Living It

A problem many of us have is that we are our own greatest obstacle. We have denied our own purpose rather than pursued it. Here are some tips to stop resisting yourself, so that you can actually make progress on living out your purpose.

Most of us have a good sense of what we are supposed to be doing with our lives, we just don’t know that we know. Years of denying our true self, our true feelings, and our own hearts have gotten us to the point where we don’t know what we were meant to do.

What you must do is stop resisting your purpose – here are some tips to accomplish this.

 

STOP listening to what everyone says you should do, and START doing what you know you are meant to do

The main reason most of us miss out on our purpose is we listen too much to what other people think we should be doing. Your family may want you to earn more money or to have a career with a good reputation, but ultimately you are the one living your life. If you do not like your job or your life, no one else will have to deal with it every day except for you.

Something to keep in mind is that many industries are unpredictable. An industry that earns very well today may go bankrupt tomorrow. This can happen whether we are fulfilling our purpose or not, of course. However, if I’m going go bankrupt, personally I would rather have it happen while I am pursuing my purpose, rather than pursuing a career that I had no interest in.

It’s not a pretty sight to study and work hard only to hate your life and job, just to earn a decent paycheck, and then have your whole industry go bankrupt overnight.

While working on my purpose, I know that I will be fiercely determined to keep doing my work. That’s because it isn’t just work, and it isn’t just a way to earn a paycheck. When you work on your purpose, you will be more likely to be among the best at what you do, and even if parts of your industry go bankrupt, you will find the motivation and the reason to keep going, and perhaps you will even thrive under adversity.

STOP working for a paycheck, and START working for a greater purpose

When your paycheck is the best thing about your life’s path or your job, then perhaps you should reconsider your direction. Of course it’s nice to make money, but I believe we should be working for a deeper reason. Generally, you should want to improve yourself, people around you, or the world in some way through your work.

In my opinion, it’s more rewarding to earn money as a byproduct of living out your life’s purpose, rather than having the money be the central thing that you are focused on.

When you know your purpose, you can focus fully on doing your best at this, and the money will tend to follow. I believe people have a good sense for when someone is doing something that they truly care about and want to help with, versus when someone is motivated primarily to earn income.

I am happy to pay people for their work when they are highly motivated and working on their purpose. Rather, when they just view me as dollar signs, I am not always so happy to pay them, and I may not return for their service again. For me it is easy to notice when someone is unhappy at their work, versus when someone is deeply motivated by a higher purpose. You will notice this too if you pay attention.

But the tricky part is - Can you notice this in yourself? Are you truthful with yourself when you are unhappy with your life’s direction?

Ask yourself: Is your purpose shining through in your life, or are you dragging your feet every day?

By the way, whether you like your job or not, I think you should aim to do your best. Many people don’t want to be where they are in life – this doesn’t give us the right to treat others poorly or to do our work half-heartedly.

STOP giving up on yourself, and START believing in yourself

Many of us can end up in jobs we don’t like, don’t believe in, and possibly where we don’t even get paid well. When you give up or don’t believe in yourself, it’s easy to take lower level jobs that offer no path to a better future.

Unfortunately, it’s also easy to get stuck there for life.

If you don’t believe in yourself, then you won’t see the point in trying to meet your purpose, because you will assume that you would fail. Or perhaps you don’t want to fail in front of other people – you are worried about what they will say or think.

When you are feeling stuck and ready to give up on yourself, consider what you have to lose by trying to fulfill your true purpose? Nothing at all. Why not give it a shot?

Ultimately, we must believe in ourselves so that we can fulfill our true purpose. The next best thing is to find someone who believes in you. In time, their belief in you will help you to believe in your own abilities.

Note that a belief in yourself doesn’t mean that you think you are the best. It doesn’t even mean that you are necessarily prepared to meet your purpose. It just means that you know you can learn what you need to, and build the experience you need, to go on the path toward meeting your purpose.

STOP talking about what you will do, and START doing it

Many people get stuck in talking about what they want to do, what their purpose or their dream is, and they never actually do it. I think it’s best that when you know your purpose or your dream, you shouldn’t even talk about it at all. The more you talk, the more you will feel like you are making some progress because you are discussing your ideas. However, nothing is actually getting done.

Personally, I spend very little time discussing my ideas. I prefer to use that energy on outlining, organizing, planning, and implementing those ideas.

Someone can make the argument that in discussing ideas, it helps you to figure out which ones are good. That may be true, but it’s hard to judge an idea if it hasn’t been implemented on some level. Consider going for a Minimum Viable Product (MVP), where you create something small to see what people think of it. If you want to write a novel, instead write a short story and get some feedback on it. There is no need to discuss your novel idea with everyone – in the worst case you may get negative feedback and become discouraged.

Some people may be able to talk a lot about their ideas and execute them, but in my experience the ones who talk more, execute less and sometimes they do not execute at all.

STOP getting stuck in the same old patterns, and START creating the life you want and need to happen

If you struggle to find your purpose, it may be because you have allowed yourself to get stuck in a job you do not care for, or in a life situation that you do not care for. When we find ourselves in such a place, of course we can feel drained, bored, or overwhelmed.

Someone who works at a full time job that they do not care about will probably not feel energized to meet their purpose.

However, when you are stuck in a place you do not want to be, your options are limited. It doesn’t seem realistic to quit your stable job and then hope to land your dream job, not without any planning, anyway.

The main option I have seen work is to stay at your stable job, and then pursue your purpose or your dream on the side. For example, how much progress could you make on your purpose by working evenings and weekends? Of course this can seem overwhelming, but you just have to ask yourself – is your purpose worth it?

Even if all you can do is work on your purpose (or in developing your skills so that you can work on your purpose) for half an hour per day, it is worth doing. Small, steady progress is still something.

Ask yourself: Do you want to wake up in twenty years at the same job you can’t stand, and not having made any progress on your purpose just because you made up excuses?

STOP worrying about your resume, and START learning what you need to make progress

When I started on the path toward my purpose, I used to worry a lot about my resume. I used to think – if working for myself doesn’t work out, then I’m going to have a gap of unemployment and a lack of skill development in my timeline. I was completely wrong. Through working on my purpose, I had become self-employed. I had become my own boss, and I was doing the tasks that I had decided were best for my business.

The reality is it took time before I felt like I was making real progress. But as the years passed, I realized that I was gaining skills and improving in my abilities day by day. Eventually, I realized that I was learning more self-employed than I would have working for a company. This is because my standards were high and I was working on a variety of projects that required a variety of skill sets. When I didn’t know how to do something, I took the time to learn it and improve at it.

I laugh now at any concerns about the resume. I don’t even have a resume, but I have developed many skills along the way to living my purpose, as I regularly learn new skills and advance my abilities on my purpose journey.

When you are living your purpose, you will learn any skills you need to get the job done, because you will be doing what truly matters to you. Whether you work for yourself or someone else, you will be driven by a higher need to make your purpose into a reality, and you will be more motivated to learn and develop your abilities this way.

STOP listening too much to reason, and START listening to your heart

Ultimately, I think we all have a feeling for what we are truly supposed to be doing. When you dread every day because you can’t stand your life’s path, it should be quite evident that you have denied your life’s purpose, and that this is not the best path for you.

As much as reason is a powerful tool to finding solutions, we can also get stuck in reason. I have often seen people reason their way into bad life choices and causing problems in their lives. When considering your life’s purpose, don’t crowd out your heart’s desires with too much reason.

When you listen to your heart, you will be guided along a much better path.

When you deny your heart, in the back of your mind you will always wish you were doing something else. With this, how successful can you truly be? You may feel like a fraud, living a life that you knew was not truly meant for you. You may always be left wondering – Why didn’t I take a chance on what I truly wanted to do?

It’s easy for everyone around you to tell you that you won’t make it, that you aren’t talented or skilled enough, but how can you know unless you just do it?

Many people will tell you, “But what if it doesn’t work out?” This is well-meaning, but if you have failure on your mind when you’re beginning on a new path, this is already a bad way to start.

Keep in mind that I am a highly practical person, and I am still telling you to listen to your heart. Listen to your head too. If you need the income to stay afloat, then keep your stable job, or find the best-paying job you can find. But don’t get stuck in that for your whole life. Work on what your heart wants you to do so that eventually you can dedicate most of your time to your life’s true purpose.