Christopher Sharp's Blog: The Blog Of Sharp
April 8, 2016
Quora
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March 18, 2016
Remember These Five Things Before You Get Upset With Your Kids
1. Once upon a time, you were a child too.
For some it was thirty or forty years ago, for others it was far less (but you were, in fact, a child yourself) so keep that in mind when you deal with your own children. Try to remember what is was like when you were a kid and your parents got upset with you. Chances are it was no picnic and you can probably remember a scolding (or worse) to this day. See if you can remember how it made you feel, do you want the same for your child?
Before you go dealing out any harsh punishment, put yourself in their shoes. You don't have to walk a mile in them, just take one step. Look around at what they see; it's not the same as what you see. Think about what they know, it's not nearly half as much as what you know.
Children act according to an entirely different set of rules and their world is much smaller than yours. Their priorities are simple and they depend on you for their very existence. Dangers that you can see coming a mile away don't even come onto their radar until it's too late. Instead of being harsh and going off on them, try to guide them. Show them what it is that they are doing wrong and point out the pitfalls that they can't see.
2. We don't cry over spilt milk, but we do clean it up.
Unless your child is about to walk out into oncoming traffic or fall off a cliff while you're visiting the Grand Canyon, chances are that whatever you are getting upset about is small potatoes. Eminent danger deserves a swift and curt response from you, leaving their notebook on the counter does not (even if it's the one thousandth time you've told them to pick it up). I would suggest using cause and effect for the notebook. "The next time I see your notebook on the counter, you're going to spend the weekend in your room." No emotional response is required on your part, just the ability to follow through.
Keep in mind that getting upset is just that, an emotional response. You should try to be more diplomatic with the trivial things. This will teach your child that you mean business in a way that doesn't give you any more grey hair than you already have and they will gain respect for your authority if they stray a little too far over the line of what is acceptable (especially if you are dealing with a younger child).
I am delighted in the fact that when I ask my child to take out the garbage he does it with no questions asked, no complaining and no more energy on my part other than a please and thank you. This has taken years to achieve but the understanding is absolute on his part, "If I do what I'm asked, I don't have to stare at my walls while everyone else is outside playing."
3. Are you getting upset because of unrealistic expectations on your part?
These can easily lead to disappointment and make you upset with your child. We want our children to excel at everything they do and it's a good thing to push them. But if you find yourself getting upset because they don't hit the ball every time they come up to bat you need to tone it down. We all want our children to be the best they can be and encouraging them will go a lot farther than getting upset.
"Did you do the best you could?" That's what I ask my children, a sincere response in the affirmative is enough for me. The trick here is that as the parent you always know if they did their best or not and the child has no clue as to how you know. Believe me, if I can see that he is goofing off or not trying his hardest I most certainly get in his face about it. There's a difference, and I think knowing that difference is a skill that all parents cultivate over time.
The report card, this is an excellent example and opportunity to check our expectations and see if they are too high. We all want our children to be straight A students and maybe in their first few years at school, they were. Now that they are in a higher grade, the A's are turning into B's and C's. If you are doing everything in your power to help them with their homework and their grades don't come up you will have to accept the fact that their capacity for certain subjects just isn't that high. Everybody is different, that's life. Praise them for what they do well on; help them when they struggle and always be there for them when they need help with something.
4. "Mother is the name for god on the hearts and lips of all children." Brandon Lee
I like this particular quote because it sums up a child's view in just a few words. They look up to you for approval, guidance, praise and everything in between. You are their alpha and their omega and your words carry more weight, in their eyes, than anything else on earth. This is an awesome power over another human being and you should not wield it lightly. With a single word, you can either make their little heart soar or crush their spirit, keep this in mind before you fly off the handle at something trivial.
Another thing to keep in mind when dealing with your children is to ask yourself, "Is their behavior a direct reflection on me? Is the thing that is making me upset something they learned from me or heard me say?" Put a mirror in between and your child and make sure that it isn't you that is to blame, not them, for making you upset. Often we see our children reflect our bad habits as well as our good ones and it can generate negative emotions in us that they wind up receiving the brunt of.
5. Nothing is "That Bad."
We live in an imperfect world and your child hasn't been here that long. Instead of getting upset when they do something you don't approve of, show them the error of their ways. Tell them why you are upset and what danger they might have put themselves in as a result. Use the wisdom you have gained in life to open their inexperienced and un-jaded eyes to the things they just can't see.
Finally, you should remember that this isn't a dress rehearsal, it's the real thing. When they get older they will remember the highs and lows of their childhood, even if you don't. Believe me, it will influence the relationship they choose to have with you once they are old enough to make all of their own decisions. That is a fence you don't want to wind up on the wrong side of so be as patient as you can now and in the future you'll be someone they will be proud to call mom and dad.
For some it was thirty or forty years ago, for others it was far less (but you were, in fact, a child yourself) so keep that in mind when you deal with your own children. Try to remember what is was like when you were a kid and your parents got upset with you. Chances are it was no picnic and you can probably remember a scolding (or worse) to this day. See if you can remember how it made you feel, do you want the same for your child?
Before you go dealing out any harsh punishment, put yourself in their shoes. You don't have to walk a mile in them, just take one step. Look around at what they see; it's not the same as what you see. Think about what they know, it's not nearly half as much as what you know.
Children act according to an entirely different set of rules and their world is much smaller than yours. Their priorities are simple and they depend on you for their very existence. Dangers that you can see coming a mile away don't even come onto their radar until it's too late. Instead of being harsh and going off on them, try to guide them. Show them what it is that they are doing wrong and point out the pitfalls that they can't see.
2. We don't cry over spilt milk, but we do clean it up.
Unless your child is about to walk out into oncoming traffic or fall off a cliff while you're visiting the Grand Canyon, chances are that whatever you are getting upset about is small potatoes. Eminent danger deserves a swift and curt response from you, leaving their notebook on the counter does not (even if it's the one thousandth time you've told them to pick it up). I would suggest using cause and effect for the notebook. "The next time I see your notebook on the counter, you're going to spend the weekend in your room." No emotional response is required on your part, just the ability to follow through.
Keep in mind that getting upset is just that, an emotional response. You should try to be more diplomatic with the trivial things. This will teach your child that you mean business in a way that doesn't give you any more grey hair than you already have and they will gain respect for your authority if they stray a little too far over the line of what is acceptable (especially if you are dealing with a younger child).
I am delighted in the fact that when I ask my child to take out the garbage he does it with no questions asked, no complaining and no more energy on my part other than a please and thank you. This has taken years to achieve but the understanding is absolute on his part, "If I do what I'm asked, I don't have to stare at my walls while everyone else is outside playing."
3. Are you getting upset because of unrealistic expectations on your part?
These can easily lead to disappointment and make you upset with your child. We want our children to excel at everything they do and it's a good thing to push them. But if you find yourself getting upset because they don't hit the ball every time they come up to bat you need to tone it down. We all want our children to be the best they can be and encouraging them will go a lot farther than getting upset.
"Did you do the best you could?" That's what I ask my children, a sincere response in the affirmative is enough for me. The trick here is that as the parent you always know if they did their best or not and the child has no clue as to how you know. Believe me, if I can see that he is goofing off or not trying his hardest I most certainly get in his face about it. There's a difference, and I think knowing that difference is a skill that all parents cultivate over time.
The report card, this is an excellent example and opportunity to check our expectations and see if they are too high. We all want our children to be straight A students and maybe in their first few years at school, they were. Now that they are in a higher grade, the A's are turning into B's and C's. If you are doing everything in your power to help them with their homework and their grades don't come up you will have to accept the fact that their capacity for certain subjects just isn't that high. Everybody is different, that's life. Praise them for what they do well on; help them when they struggle and always be there for them when they need help with something.
4. "Mother is the name for god on the hearts and lips of all children." Brandon Lee
I like this particular quote because it sums up a child's view in just a few words. They look up to you for approval, guidance, praise and everything in between. You are their alpha and their omega and your words carry more weight, in their eyes, than anything else on earth. This is an awesome power over another human being and you should not wield it lightly. With a single word, you can either make their little heart soar or crush their spirit, keep this in mind before you fly off the handle at something trivial.
Another thing to keep in mind when dealing with your children is to ask yourself, "Is their behavior a direct reflection on me? Is the thing that is making me upset something they learned from me or heard me say?" Put a mirror in between and your child and make sure that it isn't you that is to blame, not them, for making you upset. Often we see our children reflect our bad habits as well as our good ones and it can generate negative emotions in us that they wind up receiving the brunt of.
5. Nothing is "That Bad."
We live in an imperfect world and your child hasn't been here that long. Instead of getting upset when they do something you don't approve of, show them the error of their ways. Tell them why you are upset and what danger they might have put themselves in as a result. Use the wisdom you have gained in life to open their inexperienced and un-jaded eyes to the things they just can't see.
Finally, you should remember that this isn't a dress rehearsal, it's the real thing. When they get older they will remember the highs and lows of their childhood, even if you don't. Believe me, it will influence the relationship they choose to have with you once they are old enough to make all of their own decisions. That is a fence you don't want to wind up on the wrong side of so be as patient as you can now and in the future you'll be someone they will be proud to call mom and dad.
March 17, 2016
Micro Housing
Is micro housing just a fad, or is it the future?
According to the National Association of Home Builders, in 2009 the size of the average American home was two thousand seven hundred square feet. That means for a family of four there would be, on average, six hundred seventy-five square feet of living space per person. Based on these numbers, a single person living in just five hundred square feet (the size of several micro homes) sounds perfectly reasonable, in fact, it sounds like what many people are already accustomed to. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention the part about not being able to have a swimming pool, back yard, barbecue, tree house, tool shed, garage or anything else you would have outside of your home. Since most micro housing is being located in densely populated areas, the people that would live in them have already decided they don’t need any of these things, or have found an acceptable alternative.
However, if you look at the bigger picture it sounds like we are choosing to be packed like sardines into a can. If you take into consideration that there are nearly three million square miles of land in the contiguous United States, and let’s say half of it is either BLM, watershed or national park (that’s a heavy estimate). This leaves us with one hundred and fifty million square miles of good old-fashioned Tera-firma. The current population of the United States is a little over three million people. Simple math will lead us to the conclusion that there is enough physical land to put only two people on each square mile.
That’s thirteen million nine hundred thirty-nine thousand two hundred square feet each. With all of this land, why would someone intentionally choose to live in a space no more than five hundred square feet? Just so you can get an idea of the size, the five hundred square feet taken out of the center of a half square mile would be smaller (proportionately) than putting a postage stamp in the center of a football field.
If you put an acorn in a small pot it will still grow just as if you planted it in the forest, with one difference. Like a Bonsai, it will look just like its wild cousin, but it will never reach the height and depth that nature intended it to. It will be forever stunted in its tiny pot, being able to grow only as far as its environment allows let it. Will living in a micro-home have the same effect on the American spirit, stunting it to the point that we will stop reaching further and higher to better it?
The psychological aspects to living in such a small space could easily be found, just go to your local prison. A modern cell is just one hundred square feet and houses two inmates. In contrast, an NCO on a modern army base gets to share two hundred square feet with a bunk mate. Would people choose to live in these micro homes as the result of some deep seeded throwback to our caveman ancestors? Do they feel safer in a confined space from the sabre tooth tiger that’s lurking around outside?
In NYC, approximately sixty thousand people applied to live in just eleven available units that are under construction on East 27th St. in Kips Bay, Manhattan. In the movie The Fifth Element, (released in 1997), the 23rd century New York City apartment that Bruce Willis’s character occupied couldn’t have been more than three hundred square feet. It had a bed that retracted into the wall, a shower that stacked on top of a full sized refrigerator and plenty of shelf space. Is that the direction we are heading, hundred story buildings packed to the gills with people?
The answer lies in a simple place, where the money is. If there is a profit to be made there will be funds available to grow the industry from eager investors looking for a percentage. Weather it takes off or not, only time will tell.
Christopher Sharp
Author
Stand up Philosopher
According to the National Association of Home Builders, in 2009 the size of the average American home was two thousand seven hundred square feet. That means for a family of four there would be, on average, six hundred seventy-five square feet of living space per person. Based on these numbers, a single person living in just five hundred square feet (the size of several micro homes) sounds perfectly reasonable, in fact, it sounds like what many people are already accustomed to. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention the part about not being able to have a swimming pool, back yard, barbecue, tree house, tool shed, garage or anything else you would have outside of your home. Since most micro housing is being located in densely populated areas, the people that would live in them have already decided they don’t need any of these things, or have found an acceptable alternative.
However, if you look at the bigger picture it sounds like we are choosing to be packed like sardines into a can. If you take into consideration that there are nearly three million square miles of land in the contiguous United States, and let’s say half of it is either BLM, watershed or national park (that’s a heavy estimate). This leaves us with one hundred and fifty million square miles of good old-fashioned Tera-firma. The current population of the United States is a little over three million people. Simple math will lead us to the conclusion that there is enough physical land to put only two people on each square mile.
That’s thirteen million nine hundred thirty-nine thousand two hundred square feet each. With all of this land, why would someone intentionally choose to live in a space no more than five hundred square feet? Just so you can get an idea of the size, the five hundred square feet taken out of the center of a half square mile would be smaller (proportionately) than putting a postage stamp in the center of a football field.
If you put an acorn in a small pot it will still grow just as if you planted it in the forest, with one difference. Like a Bonsai, it will look just like its wild cousin, but it will never reach the height and depth that nature intended it to. It will be forever stunted in its tiny pot, being able to grow only as far as its environment allows let it. Will living in a micro-home have the same effect on the American spirit, stunting it to the point that we will stop reaching further and higher to better it?
The psychological aspects to living in such a small space could easily be found, just go to your local prison. A modern cell is just one hundred square feet and houses two inmates. In contrast, an NCO on a modern army base gets to share two hundred square feet with a bunk mate. Would people choose to live in these micro homes as the result of some deep seeded throwback to our caveman ancestors? Do they feel safer in a confined space from the sabre tooth tiger that’s lurking around outside?
In NYC, approximately sixty thousand people applied to live in just eleven available units that are under construction on East 27th St. in Kips Bay, Manhattan. In the movie The Fifth Element, (released in 1997), the 23rd century New York City apartment that Bruce Willis’s character occupied couldn’t have been more than three hundred square feet. It had a bed that retracted into the wall, a shower that stacked on top of a full sized refrigerator and plenty of shelf space. Is that the direction we are heading, hundred story buildings packed to the gills with people?
The answer lies in a simple place, where the money is. If there is a profit to be made there will be funds available to grow the industry from eager investors looking for a percentage. Weather it takes off or not, only time will tell.
Christopher Sharp
Author
Stand up Philosopher
March 7, 2016
Empathy
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February 28, 2016
Excerpt from an upcoming book (OK, so it's a book)
The Bridge
By the time I was finally able to get up off the floor, I was still disorientated. The pool of vomit I was laying in smelled like sour milk and bile and the pain was slowly creeping into the elbow I landed on when I blacked out.
I staggered to the bathroom to get a something to clean myself up with. When I caught my reflection in the mirror it took a moment for me to recognize my own face, I wasn’t an albino when I woke up this morning, but the face staring back at me was as white as a linen bed sheet. All the blood in my skin was sucked into my internal organs to protect them from damage due to oxygen deprivation.
I went back to the rancid pool of vomit and fell to my knees, then began to clean up the mess. I never realized how much the human stomach could hold until I saw it spilled all over my kitchen floor and I had to sop it up with a washcloth; it wasn’t nearly big enough to absorb the mess. I did what I could with it then switched to a dishtowel that was hanging on the handle of the dishwasher.
I never saw this one coming. It had been years since anything like this happened to me, and back then, I had no Idea what caused it. Now I knew better. Eight years can teach you a lot, now I understood.
I was walking back from the office that’s in the front of the complex where I live, my wife works there. Everything had been fine with me for so long that I had almost forgotten everything I went through to get here, I actually felt normal. On my way back to my apartment I happened to pass by one of my neighbors who was sitting on his patio, smoking a cigarette and staring at the floor. (I say “Happened to pass” but the reality is that there isn’t much that just “Happens” to me anymore. Everything is for a reason and I spend a lot of time figuring out what that reason is)
His daughter had recently passed away and he was in bad shape, really bad shape. I had been counseled in the past to wear, or keep on my person, a dark colored stone to protect me from absorbing other people’s negative energy. But being me, I figured I could handle anything. Boy was I wrong, and what a way to find out.
I walked over to his patio, greeted him, shook his hand and asked him how he was holding up. That was all it took. He started out slow at first, telling me about the funeral and all the people who came to show their respects. Then he went into the arrangements he made for her estate and how much his ex-wife was selling off and keeping the proceeds. He sold and gave away, well donated, most of his own assets because material things no longer meant anything to him.
It wasn’t until he described the hospital room where she died that I got a strange tingling sensation down the center of my body (that was the warning that I didn’t heed) or understand. I guess it just like when an epileptic feels an aura right before they have a seizure.
I was absorbing all of his pain, and fast. When he described seeing a coyote just minutes after she passed I felt a shudder course through my body which caused most my muscles to twitch. As he kept talking, pouring out all of his pain, I started to feel light headed and nauseous. I felt like I was going to pass out right there in front of god and everybody.
I cut the conversation short and headed the few hundred feet to my front door. Barely making it up the stairs still upright I pushed the door open, staggered in. Everything was going black. I made it as far as the kitchen before I passed out and hit the floor. I guess I’m lucky I spilled my guts as I was falling, or at least I think I did, or else I would have choked on my own vomit.
I don’t think I was there very long before I came to. The last thing I remember hearing was the thud from my body hitting the ceramic tile floor, but I didn’t feel anything. When I opened my eyes and could finally move, the first sensation I could feel was the warmth of the slick, gritty vomit between my face and the cool floor.
Everyone calls being an empathy or psychic a gift, that’s a bunch of bullshit. It’s a burden you learn to live with like being born with one leg shorter than the other except that no one points and stares at an em-path, they just think you’re a weirdo. That’s why I haven’t told many people about it, just a few trusted souls that understand what it’s like to be different.
That was the bridge I crossed, the one between the five physical senses and the sixth. The only example I can think of to help someone relate to this experience is that I felt like I was John Coffey in The Green Mile. I took in this man’s pain to the point of overload on myself. I can only hope that in some way I was able to help him or eased his suffering with this curse of mine.
By the time I was finally able to get up off the floor, I was still disorientated. The pool of vomit I was laying in smelled like sour milk and bile and the pain was slowly creeping into the elbow I landed on when I blacked out.
I staggered to the bathroom to get a something to clean myself up with. When I caught my reflection in the mirror it took a moment for me to recognize my own face, I wasn’t an albino when I woke up this morning, but the face staring back at me was as white as a linen bed sheet. All the blood in my skin was sucked into my internal organs to protect them from damage due to oxygen deprivation.
I went back to the rancid pool of vomit and fell to my knees, then began to clean up the mess. I never realized how much the human stomach could hold until I saw it spilled all over my kitchen floor and I had to sop it up with a washcloth; it wasn’t nearly big enough to absorb the mess. I did what I could with it then switched to a dishtowel that was hanging on the handle of the dishwasher.
I never saw this one coming. It had been years since anything like this happened to me, and back then, I had no Idea what caused it. Now I knew better. Eight years can teach you a lot, now I understood.
I was walking back from the office that’s in the front of the complex where I live, my wife works there. Everything had been fine with me for so long that I had almost forgotten everything I went through to get here, I actually felt normal. On my way back to my apartment I happened to pass by one of my neighbors who was sitting on his patio, smoking a cigarette and staring at the floor. (I say “Happened to pass” but the reality is that there isn’t much that just “Happens” to me anymore. Everything is for a reason and I spend a lot of time figuring out what that reason is)
His daughter had recently passed away and he was in bad shape, really bad shape. I had been counseled in the past to wear, or keep on my person, a dark colored stone to protect me from absorbing other people’s negative energy. But being me, I figured I could handle anything. Boy was I wrong, and what a way to find out.
I walked over to his patio, greeted him, shook his hand and asked him how he was holding up. That was all it took. He started out slow at first, telling me about the funeral and all the people who came to show their respects. Then he went into the arrangements he made for her estate and how much his ex-wife was selling off and keeping the proceeds. He sold and gave away, well donated, most of his own assets because material things no longer meant anything to him.
It wasn’t until he described the hospital room where she died that I got a strange tingling sensation down the center of my body (that was the warning that I didn’t heed) or understand. I guess it just like when an epileptic feels an aura right before they have a seizure.
I was absorbing all of his pain, and fast. When he described seeing a coyote just minutes after she passed I felt a shudder course through my body which caused most my muscles to twitch. As he kept talking, pouring out all of his pain, I started to feel light headed and nauseous. I felt like I was going to pass out right there in front of god and everybody.
I cut the conversation short and headed the few hundred feet to my front door. Barely making it up the stairs still upright I pushed the door open, staggered in. Everything was going black. I made it as far as the kitchen before I passed out and hit the floor. I guess I’m lucky I spilled my guts as I was falling, or at least I think I did, or else I would have choked on my own vomit.
I don’t think I was there very long before I came to. The last thing I remember hearing was the thud from my body hitting the ceramic tile floor, but I didn’t feel anything. When I opened my eyes and could finally move, the first sensation I could feel was the warmth of the slick, gritty vomit between my face and the cool floor.
Everyone calls being an empathy or psychic a gift, that’s a bunch of bullshit. It’s a burden you learn to live with like being born with one leg shorter than the other except that no one points and stares at an em-path, they just think you’re a weirdo. That’s why I haven’t told many people about it, just a few trusted souls that understand what it’s like to be different.
That was the bridge I crossed, the one between the five physical senses and the sixth. The only example I can think of to help someone relate to this experience is that I felt like I was John Coffey in The Green Mile. I took in this man’s pain to the point of overload on myself. I can only hope that in some way I was able to help him or eased his suffering with this curse of mine.
February 15, 2016
Another Article
This one just got published on line, check it out and if you like it leave a comment.
http://everydaypowerblog.com/2016/02/...
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February 12, 2016
The Latest Article
How To No Longer Be Afraid Of Your Goals
http://everydaypowerblog.com/2016/02/...
(Please leave a comment if you like this article, thanks.)
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February 2, 2016
Staying Happily Married
Staying Happily Married
Before our wedding, the priest told us that the divorce rate among newlyweds was fifty per cent. (That was seventeen years ago) Since then I'm sure it's gone up, but we never became a part of that statistic. The priest told us always to remember the four F's of marriage and we would be fine.
Fidelity - You have just agreed to keep yourself for your spouse for the rest of your life, stick to your vow and you will always move forward in your relationship from a solid place. Your partner will know this as an absolute and it will create the foundation from which you both will move forward in your life together. It's a place of refuge that you will feel safe in as you enjoy life's journey together.
Friendship - You have just married your best friend and you don't even know it yet. Throughout your life together, you will share good times and bad, passion and sorrow, success and failure. Your best friend will be there with you through it all to support and motivate you, to console and grieve with you, to celebrate the good times and help you pick up the pieces when things fall apart. This friendship will evolve each year you spend together, though you may only see it once in a while.
Finance - You are now bound to each other's assets and debts. Always think about how your financial actions will affect your spouse, not just yourself, and you'll avoid a maelstrom of turmoil. To this day I have to actively keep my wife in balance financially. Her indiscretions aren't a tragedy, but left unchecked, they would become a real problem for us. She does the same for me whenever the need arises and things have worked out well. Always discuss your finances together and out loud, you may need her to balance you and you don't even know it yet. (I didn’t)
Family- Along with the ring, you just received your very own family. I'm not talking about your in-laws, I'm talking about your spouse. The two of you two together are your very own nuclear family, never lose sight of that fact. Your extended family consists of everyone you are now related to and they will take the place in your life that you choose to give them. Believe it or not, this is the most important F. If you let the extended family influence either of you too much it will create tension and nothing good will come of it. Your partner will resent them and that will lead either to lonely nights on the couch for one of you or worse. More than money or friendship, the family can wreak the most havoc on a marriage.
Never go to bed angry, stay up and fight. The anger will fester and grow, which will take you to places you don't want to visit. Always, always, settle things before your head hits the pillow and you'll get to spend the next hundred years with the most awesome person on earth.
One last thing, don’t forget the mystery. As the years pass people tend to let slip the things that they would keep to themselves when they were first married. Your spouse doesn’t need to know all of the little details of your existence so try to keep a little mystery in your marriage for as long as you can, when you’re both old and grey your partner won’t be able to remember anything you say anyhow, so save it for then.
(I’ve been married for seventeen years to the greatest woman on planet earth)
Please leave a comment if you like this article, thanks.
Christopher Sharp
Author
"The Last Ticket"
http://getBook.at/TheLastTicket
Before our wedding, the priest told us that the divorce rate among newlyweds was fifty per cent. (That was seventeen years ago) Since then I'm sure it's gone up, but we never became a part of that statistic. The priest told us always to remember the four F's of marriage and we would be fine.
Fidelity - You have just agreed to keep yourself for your spouse for the rest of your life, stick to your vow and you will always move forward in your relationship from a solid place. Your partner will know this as an absolute and it will create the foundation from which you both will move forward in your life together. It's a place of refuge that you will feel safe in as you enjoy life's journey together.
Friendship - You have just married your best friend and you don't even know it yet. Throughout your life together, you will share good times and bad, passion and sorrow, success and failure. Your best friend will be there with you through it all to support and motivate you, to console and grieve with you, to celebrate the good times and help you pick up the pieces when things fall apart. This friendship will evolve each year you spend together, though you may only see it once in a while.
Finance - You are now bound to each other's assets and debts. Always think about how your financial actions will affect your spouse, not just yourself, and you'll avoid a maelstrom of turmoil. To this day I have to actively keep my wife in balance financially. Her indiscretions aren't a tragedy, but left unchecked, they would become a real problem for us. She does the same for me whenever the need arises and things have worked out well. Always discuss your finances together and out loud, you may need her to balance you and you don't even know it yet. (I didn’t)
Family- Along with the ring, you just received your very own family. I'm not talking about your in-laws, I'm talking about your spouse. The two of you two together are your very own nuclear family, never lose sight of that fact. Your extended family consists of everyone you are now related to and they will take the place in your life that you choose to give them. Believe it or not, this is the most important F. If you let the extended family influence either of you too much it will create tension and nothing good will come of it. Your partner will resent them and that will lead either to lonely nights on the couch for one of you or worse. More than money or friendship, the family can wreak the most havoc on a marriage.
Never go to bed angry, stay up and fight. The anger will fester and grow, which will take you to places you don't want to visit. Always, always, settle things before your head hits the pillow and you'll get to spend the next hundred years with the most awesome person on earth.
One last thing, don’t forget the mystery. As the years pass people tend to let slip the things that they would keep to themselves when they were first married. Your spouse doesn’t need to know all of the little details of your existence so try to keep a little mystery in your marriage for as long as you can, when you’re both old and grey your partner won’t be able to remember anything you say anyhow, so save it for then.
(I’ve been married for seventeen years to the greatest woman on planet earth)
Please leave a comment if you like this article, thanks.
Christopher Sharp
Author
"The Last Ticket"
http://getBook.at/TheLastTicket
January 21, 2016
My next book
Here's the link to the first chapter of my next book, the title and the cover are for working purposes only, check it out.
(revised 3/20/16)
www.wattpad.com/user/ChristopherSharp9
(revised 3/20/16)
www.wattpad.com/user/ChristopherSharp9
Driving Forces
Are There Other Driving Forces For Humans Other Than Money, Fame & Love?
By Christopher Sharp
Humans are an odd bunch, there’s no other animal on the planet quite like us (that we know of)
We’ve inhabited parts of this world continuously for tens of thousands of years. The subsequent cultures have achieved an identity that’s based on the solid foundation of their ancestor’s number one driving force, survival. In this modern age that we all live, the forces that drive us are far removed from the days of our forefathers.
Other cultures are so young (a few hundred years) that their identity is still in a stage of infancy. The majority of their population walks around in a fog of confusion with no moral compass to guide them and few role models worth mentioning. They are firmly set in the modern age and know little that isn’t broadcast on the TV or the Internet , having disregarded the wisdom of the last generation and sending it to a hospice.
The commonly held belief that money, fame and love are the main driving forces in the world today is a narrow view of the human condition with little emphasis on anything but the material side of life and the “I want it done yesterday” attitude. Less and less people stop to smell the roses, let alone contemplate their own existence.
The illusion of money is an empty cup
Some people lead simple lives with few material possessions and a humble lifestyle. They smile each day as the sun rises, happy to be alive. Others hold the world in the palm of their hands and it’s not enough. They’re taught from birth to do better, earn more, get a bigger house, get a better job, buy a nicer car. It’s a part of the culture.
Fortunes are had and lost, traded and stolen every day of the week, all around the globe. Money is a means, not an end. It’s a tool that’s used the same as a hammer or pipe wrench. It has a purpose and shouldn’t be worshiped like the golden calf. One thing I’ve learned about money, you can always make more.
We all come into this world the same way, head first and naked. When we leave, the only thing we can take with us is what we’ve learned on our journey through this life. (along with any tattoos you might have and the steel pins in your leg)
Fame is a fickle bedfellow
As long as you are looked upon in good favor by the masses and donate regularly to the proper charities you’re always warm. Say the wrong thing in public, be seen in the wrong crowd or get in a bar fight after a week of filming and you’ll shiver under a threadbare sheet, alone and cold, cast off by the very people that made you famous. How and when it was paired with fortune I don’t know, but many immigrants passing through Ellis Island came from far and wide to find it.
Love is rooted in the brain stem (or Reptilian brain) of man
Love is a primal force that evolution has hardwired into the human race just to keep the species from going extinct. (for better or worse, depending on who you ask) It is an elusive quarry for many who spend a lifetime searching for it and only find the signs of where it once was.
When one finds it, they protect it and keep it safe as if it were their own life blood because it is so precious. They fear it weakening and slipping away because it is so hard to find. Just the thought of leaving causes fear and panic that comes from the memory of when they were alone.
A force that drives us higher
One driving force that’s unrelated to money, fame or love is the thirst for knowledge, the need to understand above all else. The force that leads us, unafraid, to question the universe. "Why are we here?" "Where did we come from?" "Where are we going?"
This thirst drives many humans more than the other three combined. It can be more powerful than money, deeper rooted than love and more alluring than fame. To understand the why, what’s the end game for the human race? We’re still here (times seven billion) so there has to be a reason.
Throughout known history men and woman alike have been asking these questions, inching their way closer to an answer. Each time in they thought they had it, someone would come up with a new question and blow their theory out of the water. The riddle has never been solved (that we know of) but the questions remain.
There is a reason, a source for the human condition, an answer to it all and it's out there, waiting to be discovered, but so few people accept the challenge. So few of the billions of people can look past money, fame and love to see a force greater than themselves, a force that transcends time and space.
Get your head out of the sand
One of the greatest things about the human condition is our ability to change and our capacity to learn from our mistakes. Any force that currently drives you can be updated, upgraded or improved. You can adopt a new focus and dive into the mysteries of life at any age, if you so choose. When you begin to ponder, “Why are we here”, a strange thing happens. Your mind expands past the things your eyes can see and the force starts tugging at you, giving you tiny hints that keep you on the path. You find that it drives you differently than the other three forces, it becomes a well of insight that never runs dry. Once you taste the water from this well you’ll keep coming back for more.
An easy way to start would be to find people that are currently engaged in seeking out the answers to these questions. You can also search for books on the great thinkers in history, who knows, you might figure out something that they missed. A new set of eyes on any problem significantly increases the chances of finding an answer.
Here’s some food for thought. Imagine yourself diving into these questions, “Why are we here?” “What’s the meaning of life?” “Where are we going as a species?” You adopt the desire for knowledge as your driving force in life and it propels you to the answers you seek after only a few years of searching. What would you do then? How would you use the knowledge? Who would you tell?
The paradox is that the more questions that are answered, the more that arise. Does the answer come with instructions on how it is to be used? The truth is that it’s the search that drives us, not the answers. It’s the quest for knowledge, not the knowledge itself. That’s the unquenchable part, no matter how many answers we find, there’s always another question.
By Christopher Sharp
Humans are an odd bunch, there’s no other animal on the planet quite like us (that we know of)
We’ve inhabited parts of this world continuously for tens of thousands of years. The subsequent cultures have achieved an identity that’s based on the solid foundation of their ancestor’s number one driving force, survival. In this modern age that we all live, the forces that drive us are far removed from the days of our forefathers.
Other cultures are so young (a few hundred years) that their identity is still in a stage of infancy. The majority of their population walks around in a fog of confusion with no moral compass to guide them and few role models worth mentioning. They are firmly set in the modern age and know little that isn’t broadcast on the TV or the Internet , having disregarded the wisdom of the last generation and sending it to a hospice.
The commonly held belief that money, fame and love are the main driving forces in the world today is a narrow view of the human condition with little emphasis on anything but the material side of life and the “I want it done yesterday” attitude. Less and less people stop to smell the roses, let alone contemplate their own existence.
The illusion of money is an empty cup
Some people lead simple lives with few material possessions and a humble lifestyle. They smile each day as the sun rises, happy to be alive. Others hold the world in the palm of their hands and it’s not enough. They’re taught from birth to do better, earn more, get a bigger house, get a better job, buy a nicer car. It’s a part of the culture.
Fortunes are had and lost, traded and stolen every day of the week, all around the globe. Money is a means, not an end. It’s a tool that’s used the same as a hammer or pipe wrench. It has a purpose and shouldn’t be worshiped like the golden calf. One thing I’ve learned about money, you can always make more.
We all come into this world the same way, head first and naked. When we leave, the only thing we can take with us is what we’ve learned on our journey through this life. (along with any tattoos you might have and the steel pins in your leg)
Fame is a fickle bedfellow
As long as you are looked upon in good favor by the masses and donate regularly to the proper charities you’re always warm. Say the wrong thing in public, be seen in the wrong crowd or get in a bar fight after a week of filming and you’ll shiver under a threadbare sheet, alone and cold, cast off by the very people that made you famous. How and when it was paired with fortune I don’t know, but many immigrants passing through Ellis Island came from far and wide to find it.
Love is rooted in the brain stem (or Reptilian brain) of man
Love is a primal force that evolution has hardwired into the human race just to keep the species from going extinct. (for better or worse, depending on who you ask) It is an elusive quarry for many who spend a lifetime searching for it and only find the signs of where it once was.
When one finds it, they protect it and keep it safe as if it were their own life blood because it is so precious. They fear it weakening and slipping away because it is so hard to find. Just the thought of leaving causes fear and panic that comes from the memory of when they were alone.
A force that drives us higher
One driving force that’s unrelated to money, fame or love is the thirst for knowledge, the need to understand above all else. The force that leads us, unafraid, to question the universe. "Why are we here?" "Where did we come from?" "Where are we going?"
This thirst drives many humans more than the other three combined. It can be more powerful than money, deeper rooted than love and more alluring than fame. To understand the why, what’s the end game for the human race? We’re still here (times seven billion) so there has to be a reason.
Throughout known history men and woman alike have been asking these questions, inching their way closer to an answer. Each time in they thought they had it, someone would come up with a new question and blow their theory out of the water. The riddle has never been solved (that we know of) but the questions remain.
There is a reason, a source for the human condition, an answer to it all and it's out there, waiting to be discovered, but so few people accept the challenge. So few of the billions of people can look past money, fame and love to see a force greater than themselves, a force that transcends time and space.
Get your head out of the sand
One of the greatest things about the human condition is our ability to change and our capacity to learn from our mistakes. Any force that currently drives you can be updated, upgraded or improved. You can adopt a new focus and dive into the mysteries of life at any age, if you so choose. When you begin to ponder, “Why are we here”, a strange thing happens. Your mind expands past the things your eyes can see and the force starts tugging at you, giving you tiny hints that keep you on the path. You find that it drives you differently than the other three forces, it becomes a well of insight that never runs dry. Once you taste the water from this well you’ll keep coming back for more.
An easy way to start would be to find people that are currently engaged in seeking out the answers to these questions. You can also search for books on the great thinkers in history, who knows, you might figure out something that they missed. A new set of eyes on any problem significantly increases the chances of finding an answer.
Here’s some food for thought. Imagine yourself diving into these questions, “Why are we here?” “What’s the meaning of life?” “Where are we going as a species?” You adopt the desire for knowledge as your driving force in life and it propels you to the answers you seek after only a few years of searching. What would you do then? How would you use the knowledge? Who would you tell?
The paradox is that the more questions that are answered, the more that arise. Does the answer come with instructions on how it is to be used? The truth is that it’s the search that drives us, not the answers. It’s the quest for knowledge, not the knowledge itself. That’s the unquenchable part, no matter how many answers we find, there’s always another question.
The Blog Of Sharp
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