Patti Doss's Blog, page 4

Being like Solomon…

 

Everyone is familiar with FAITH, HOPE, & LOVE. Those three words goes  hand in hand and are often coupled together. I actually have a tattoo with those words along with symbols that symbolizes each word.  However, there is another trilogy of words that are also very spiritual. No I’m not talking about FATHER, SON, & HOLY GHOST, that trilogy tops all the rest.

I’m talking about WISDOM, UNDERSTANDING, and KNOWLEDGE.  Three spiritual building blocks necessary for  to live a godly life.  Proverbs 24: 3-4 states, Through Wisdom a house is built and by understanding it is established and by knowledge the rooms are filled with precious and pleasant riches. 

Although FAITH, HOPE, LOVE, WISDOM, UNDERSTANDING, & KNOWLEDGE is needed not only for spiritual growth, it is also needed for growth in marriages or relationships.  Mark 3: 25 states, And if a house be divided against itself, that house cannot stand.  I cannot stress how truth that is. I experienced the dangers of division within a household first hand during the trials of my marriage.  I thank God we are in a better place now, but it’s only because we learned to allow FAITH, HOPE, LOVE, WISDOM, UNDERSTANDING, & KNOWLEDGE into our lives.

As in the construction of a house, wisdom is needed in relationships. A relationship built on a sand foundation will surely crumble just as a house build with a sand foundation will not stand.

Understanding is needed in order for a relationship to flourish and a house to be kept.  It takes planning, effort, thought, skills, and insight to maintain a house and to maintain a relationship.  Both require non-stop maintenance….planning and work.

As for knowledge, the scriptures called for it to fill rooms with precious and pleasant riches that can easily be seen as a need to accumulate wealth.  Although the Bible warns about wealth, it has more to do with wealth consuming you than with you accumulating it. God created everything and He wants us to have everything, but the problems arise in the things we do to accumulate wealth and letting our wealth overtake us.  A house filled with valuable treasures not by greed, dishonesty, and avarice, but rather by wisdom, understanding, and knowledge  will prosper because they were obtained through honest work and labor. A relationship with wealth accumulated through greed and lies will not prosper. And no I’m not talking about houses, cars, jewelry, etc. I’m talking about honesty, openness, love, encouragement, etc.

All I’m saying is that without building anything on a solid foundation,  you are liable to sink! So, LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE! HAVE FAITH, FEEL FREE TO HOPE, & EMBRACE THE LOVE FOR YOURSELF AND OTHERS BY USING WISDOM, UNDERSTANDING, AND KNOWLEDGE !

“Marriage does not guarantee you will be together forever, it’s only paper. It takes love, respect, trust, understanding, friendship, and faith in your relationship to make it last.”

-Unknown

The Silver Lining

I am trying hard not to be disappointed, because a part of me already knew the system rarely works for people, especially black people, but I am. I feel powerless to protect myself, my name, my image, and my brand.

I have been dealing with cyberstalking/cyberbullying/harassment/slander/libel situation for over a month now.  I did everything I needed to do to handle things the correct way and still it got me nowhere.  I feel as if I have been running around in circles. The laws regarding harassment need to be changed, because it absolutely makes no sense that they do little to protect victims of stalking, harassment, or bullying as if those offenses are not real issues.  Maybe won’t consider the severity until the victim stabs, shoots, or kills their attacker.  That’s when it will be an issue. Why wait until it gets to that point when people come to law enforcement for protection only to have stupid rules and guidelines prevent them from seeking justice. Now I understand that there are people who abuse the system for malicious reasons, but what about the people who really need help and can’t get it. Where is the balance in that?

The attack of the devil is real, and the more I try to live right the more and more I get hit.  At the end of the day, it’s not about whether I’m scared to fight. The fight for me is a spiritual one.  I am no longer the person I used to be.  The old me wouldn’t care about wearing orange or stripes.  The old me wouldn’t stop until I felt I had cleared my name, but that’s not me anymore.  It’s not my battle to fight.  I’ve learned to pick my battles wisely. When dealing with hateful, jealous, angry people, I decided a long time ago, I’m not going to  entertain it anymore. I decided to ignore it; however, it doesn’t mean it won’t be brought to you. That’s my story.  What do you do when you have done all you can do and trouble still comes to you?

Donnie McClurkin advises through song that you must stand. The Bible tells us to pray for those that hate us, to turn the other cheek, to cast our cares on Him, because He cares for us.  The way the laws of this world is set up, God is the only one that can give us results that we need.  Although I’m disappointed in the outcome, I’m sure that God has an answer to my problem. He will work it out, but I can’t help but think about the women that are being harassed by old lovers, wannabe new lovers, crazy psychotic boyfriends/friends/family members…. How do they get the protection they need if they don’t have the entire 411 on their attacker?  Some  people don’t know anything about their stalker/abuser/cyberbully, so why is that a requirement for them to get help?

God is always up to something, and I know that He can make a way out of no way. That is the silver lining.  Jeremiah 29:11 reminds me that God has a plan for my life. I’m going to trust that there is a bigger plan at work even if I don’t see it!

Just my rant for today.  I won’t dwell on the situation, because despite it all, I know that I am blessed and that God is working on me! So, I’m trusting that God is going to work this thing out!

 

 

 

Early Morning Reflections…

 

 

When I first started blogging, it was a way for me to say the things I felt I could say aloud.  The good, the bad, the ugly, the trying, etc. It was my way to vent. My first blog became so personal that once I came out of the dark place I was in and looked back over my past posts and stuff, the transformation was amazing. The pain that was in those posts scared me and I deleted that blog, hoping to erase all the pain, hurt, betrayal, etc I felt in those posts.  I never ever wanted to feel like I felt during the time of those posts. My life was a mess and besides God, nobody even knew what I was going through. I don’t know if they just didn’t see it or they didn’t want to see it, or if it was because I hid it well. I struggled with pride. Well, I still do. I hate bothering people with my issues. I hate feeling like I’m worrying someone else, so I internalize a lot of things in my life. I’m learning to lighten my load by given it to God and slowly breaking down barriers and walls I put up, long enough to let people in. Sometimes it work, but sometimes I still shut down, because I’m not used to people being genuinely concerned about me. I’m not saying there’s no one in my life that love me or even loved me at the time when I felt alone.  What I am saying is that most of my life, caring for me always came at price. What I had to offer in return or what I could do for them? etc and if they weren’t going to benefit from it, then they weren’t really there and I’m not just talking about friends, but some family members, and business associates, too.

Although, I am a strong person (or at least I like to think so), I’ve always, always had a big heart. I’ve always wanted to see the good in people, wanted the best for people, and was the type that would always help if I could. There has been times, when I would just help people and help people and end up hurting myself because I’ve given all of myself to helping them to the point, I would forget about myself. Again I internalized it.  It got to the point where, I had night terrors for years before I even knew what night terrors were.  I started having anxiety and panic attacks before I even knew what it was called. I became depressed, sometimes severly depressed and antisocial. Yet, I kept that part of me hidden. I didn’t want anyone to know. I didn’t want to admit that I was flawed in some way.  Truth be told, I not sure if anyone in my family besides my husband and children know what I deal with. Crazy right? But sadly, that’s the story of my life. When you are a strong person in my family or if people perceive you as strong, they never ask if you are okay and because it was normal for me to be a loner or distant,nobody ever questioned it. So, I found temporary fixes to control my anxiety and depression the best way I could.  There has been many moments where it got extremely hard and I thought I wasn’t going to make it, but I did. No matter how hard it got, somehow, I always got the courage (from somewhere) to keep going. Thankfully it is getting better and better as i get closer to God. I’m learning to tear down these walls and let people in because walls not only keep people out, but they keep me from healing.

Crazy how this isn’t even what I wanted to blog about, but I guess it’s true; in silence you hear God’s voice and maybe this is something that needed to come out that I’ve been holding in so long. Maybe that’s why I’ve been insomniac the last few days.

Anyway, I have been doing well for a few months now, but I now know it doesn’t take much to drag you back to the dark place if you not carefully and if you don’t have the power of God on your life.  The last few weeks, I felt myself being drawn back into that place that I never want to be at again. So instead of looking for someone to be there for me. I indulged myself more and more into the WORD OF GOD and it gave, it gives me the peace I need when my feelings overtake me. I’m learning that I can’t trust my feelings that I have to trust God, especially knowing that I’m vulnerable because of my anxiety and depression. I read something the other day, that sometimes God makes us uncomfortable to get our attention, not to hurt us, but to draw us closer to him. When I say trial after trial have been coming at me from all angles, that’s exactly what I mean. Not major trials or tribulations, just emotional trials and issues with some of the people in my life. Nobody wants to be used and when you are, you feel like a fool for allowing yourself to be taken advantage of. You want to develop this idea of I’m not helping anyone else because I always get hurt in the long run mindset even when you know God wants us all to be givers. I struggled with that part and still do.  It’s like how do I give the way God wants me to give when  it only leaves me with the short end of the stick. Then I realized, maybe I was giving not because God said give, but because I wanted people to see me as a helper, a good person, or a giver. I wanted people to like me or appreciate me when the glory was never intended for me. At least, that what I think the issue was. Anyway, I almost retreated back into my shell indefinitely, but I know it’s other ways to deal with things, so I’m trying.

Although God wants us to be givers and help each others. The Bible speaks about users, but it hurts extremely bad when it comes from people that supposed to love you. When people used to use me or get mad at me because they could no longer use me. I used to want revenge. You want to be mad, well I can be mad too. You don’t talk to me, I don’t talk to you. You  want to ignore me, then I’m ignore you, etc. but that became too much. The hatred, dislike, anger, and pain just kept building up and the only person it was hurting was me. Walking around holding on to grudges for no reason at all. I had to learn to let go. These last few weeks have really tested the limits of the verse below.  It was so hard to listen to this verse and apply it to my life knowing that it was a chance that i could be used again or even hurt again. But what I’ve learned is to make a conscious effort to follow it as much as i can because at the end of the day, God will protect me from users and people with malice intent. I’m also learning though, that there are some people that you have to love from a distant; not because you don’t love them, but because they don’t love you.

Matthew 5:38-42

“You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you

This weekend was one of those weekends where I just wanted to briefly snap but again i cant and don’t want to go back to that, so I just been prayer over the situation and moving on with my life. I don’t know how or when, but I know God is going to fix it. He may have to put in some overtime on this one because this situation been brewing for years. (LOL, not doubting God’s power, just been funny) but seriously I don’t know how God is going to do it. I just trust that HE will and at the same time remove people out of my life that don’t mean me any good and replace them with some good people.

 

Lessons I’ve Learned from my Daughter: Ancient Times

via Daily Prompt: Ancient

As a mother, it is my job to prepare my children for the real world.  I have three children and for the most part, they are respectful, smart, and on the right path to being productive citizens in this world.  My oldest daughter is thirteen and she is experiencing “Puppy Love” for the first time and I must say that it is hard to accept the fact that she is growing up, but it also warms my heart to know that she is not in a rush to grow up or act grown. She has a friend that is a boy (yes, I still can’t bring myself to say boyfriend, lol) that she has grown closer to. They’ve been friends for two years and now they are crushing on each other. As I watch their friendship blossom,  I’m reminded of the ANCIENT TIMES of when her father and I first started dating.

My husband and I dated in the late 90’s when technology wasn’t as big as it is today, back when writing letters and poems, drawing pictures, making music CDs to explain how you feel about each other, dressing alike, taking walks, drawing pictures, etc were popular. Today, most relationships are established and recorded on social media for likes and comments, which actually hurts the relationship more than it helps.

Well, overtime after getting married and having kids, we too drifted away from doing the things we used to do for each other like write little love notes and all that.  The other day, I saw my daughter with all of these heart cut-outs in a small cube made out of paper. I instantly knew it was from her little friend because they are both very creative and they are always making little things to give to each other. I normally don’t invade her privacy (although, I do monitor her contact with this friend and all that), but the fact that we were at church and she was playing with these scraps of paper, I wanted to know what was on them. Of course, she didn’t fight me on it. She handed me the cube filled with the little notes and to say I was blown away is an understatement. Now, her friend is very intelligent. He’s smart, caring, and very respectful. On each heart-shaped note, was one or more statements of what he loved most about her  and why he loved those things about her.  A few of them even had  statements about how she made him feel and how his life has changed since meeting her.  Although, they were very sweet, touching, and innocent (there was no mention of anything inappropriate in the notes), I remember thinking, this little boy got some game, but as I pondered the situation more. I realized that I was overthinking it and probably a little bit jealous.  That used to be my husband and I before life happened. The fact that my husband and I met and fell in love at the age my daughter is now,  made me consider the fact that maybe, just maybe whatever is happening between her and her friend, whatever they feel for each other, it may actually be genuine.   Even though they both have cellphones and are constantly texting, skyping, snapchatting or IGing it up, they still make time to write letters, draw pictures, and give just because gifts.  Some Mothers don’t like to admit that their kids have taught them something but not me.

That day, I learned a very valuable lesson from my 13-year old daughter and I’m not afraid to say it. Because of my daughter, I was reminded to do the simple things and simple pleasures, my husband and I used to enjoy to strengthen our bond. I don’t know if my daughter and her friend will be together but what I do know is that, you never get too old to learn and sometimes looking back on Ancient times, is not a bad idea!  IJS.

As an Indie Author

 

 

[image error]October is not only Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Domestic Violence Awareness, or even Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder Awareness month. October is also a month set aside to celebrate Indie Authors.  Amazon Kindle Direct Publishing is celebrating Indie Authors through their #PoweredByIndie Campaign, which brings awareness to Indie Authors and share their story with others.

Through avenues such as Amazon Kindle Direct Publishing and CreateSpace, Indie Authors, like myself, are able to share our writing with the world.  Indie Authors deal with a lot when it comes to getting recognition or acknowledgement from authors that became published through major companies, which is why this #PoweredByIndie Campaign is super exciting and very much needed.  I’ve been an Indie Author for almost two years and it’s almost like an imaginary line exists that separates Indie Authors from Published Authors of major or minor publishing companies. Sometimes it feels as if, I am not looked at as a real author because I didn’t go through a major company to publish my books.  However, becoming an Indie Author, empowered me.  It made me believe in myself and trust that I could play a major role in establishing my own brand and works, even if no one believed I could.  If anything I think Indie Authors should be celebrated more, because as an Indie Author, you are literally doing all the work yourself pertaining to your book(s) and your brand. You are responsible for the book contents, cover, formatting, editing, and marketing. That scares some people and that’s why some prefer to be signed over being an Indie Author. I won’t lie and say it’s easier because it’s not. When something goes wrong or doesn’t go as planned, well you have no one to blame but yourself, so you get up and try again. When things go right and you do it all yourself, the sense of pride, power, and  satisfaction you  feel from accomplishing something is simply amazing. It’s almost like the feeling you got when you first learned to ride a bike or drive a car for the first time. Being an Indie Author is not all glitz and glamour

Is it hard work? Yes.

Are their moments I want to give up? Yes.

Do I regret being an Indie Author? No! Not at all.

I enjoy the flexibility being an Indie Author gives me. I love the decision-making aspect of being in control of every part of publishing my book(s). Becoming an Indie Author was the best decision for me, because it opened the door for me to accomplish some of my other writing goals such as starting my own blog and magazine, and even starting my own independent publishing company. So kudos to all the Indie Authors and special thanks to Kindle Direct Publishing and CreateSpace because they have literally made millions of people dreams of becoming a published author come true!

I have learned so much on this Indie Author journey.  Although, I know I have a lot more to learn, I’m appreciative of the resources that allows me to be an Indie Author. I currently have four contemporary women romance books available(Somebody Else’s Husband: Tammie’s Story, Somebody Else’s Husband,Too: Persia’s Story, Somebody Else’s Husband, Again: Rachel’s Story, and Illicit Lovers: Secrets of a Wife), as well as a LGBT novella (Finding Love at Christmas), a short story collection (Diaries of the Heart: Laced with Joy and Pain), one anthology from my own publishing company (A Hood Summer Night’s Dream, the title is an ode to Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream but the novel deals with the many perplexities of love just as Shakespeare did). I also have two children’s book that I self-published (I love to Write &  Never Too Busy).

This journey has been amazing and I plan to continue on with more books and different genres.

DOUBLE STANDARDS

For the last couple of days, there has been a new photo challenge going around where you post three full body pictures and let your friends comment which one they like best. I rarely ever participate in those sort of things, and although my timeline was literally filled with people doing the challenge, I was amazed at the confidence that people held for themselves. Of course there were the ones that posted more that three pictures and some that used the challenge to attack and tear down others.

Anyway, I didn’t participate in the challenge, as I stated I rarely ever do. Despite that I didn’t try to deter the people that wanted to participate. This morning I work up to this variant of the challenge: [image error]

Now I’m guessing someone did this as a joke, but I missed the punch line. I DON’T SEE ANYTHING FUNNY ABOUT THIS AT ALL! NOTHING! I WAS LIVID WHEN I SAW  THIS AND  TO KNOW THAT SOMEONE BLACK DID THIS, PISSED ME OFF MORE.TOO KNOW THAT IT WAS A BLACK MALE THAT DID IT HURT MORE. HERE WE ARE FIGHTING AND STANDING UP FOR BLACK LIVES MATTER, CALLING FOR FAIR TREATMENT OF OUR BLACK SISTERS AND MOSTLY BLACK BROTHERS,  BUT THEN THEY TURN AROUND AND MAKE HARMFUL JOKES ABOUT BLACK WOMEN.

I don’t  know about anyone else but I’m offended. And we all know that if a person of a different race had posted or reposted this, we would be ready for war. Smh! We have to do better and as a black woman, I’m double offended. WE CAN’T TEAR DOWN OUR OWN BLACK SISTERS AND DEMAND RESPECT FROM OTHERS TO RESPECT OUR SISTERS. WE CAN’T SCREAM BLACK LIVES MATTER, WHEN WE DON’T EVEN CARE ABOUT BLACK LIVES.

OH, IT’S HARMLESS! IT’S JUST A JOKE! PEOPLE TAKE THINGS TOO SERIOUS! ETC. NO, IT’S NOT HARMLESS. WE ARE POSTING THIS STUFF ONLINE TO SEE AND THE RACISTS ARE WAITING TO SEE IT, SO THEY CAN JUSTIFY THEIR ATTITUDES TOWARDS US. THE ALL LIVES MATTER FOLLOWERS ARE JUST WAITING FOR AMMUNITION TO PROVE THEIR POINTS AND SOME OF US ARE GIVING THEM EXACTLY WHAT THEY NEED TO JUSTIFY HATING US, KILLING US, AND THINKING THEY ARE BETTER THAN US.

THE WILLIE LYNCH SYNDROME, AND THE CRABS IN A BUCKET MENTALITY IS REAL AND EVEN IN 2016, IT IS STILL VERY MUCH ALIVE.  WHITE PEOPLE DON’T HAVE TO IMPRISON US, BECAUSE WE DO IT TO EACH OTHER EVERYDAY.

WHY IS IT SO DAMN HARD FOR US TO UPLIFT OUR SISTERS AND BROTHERS? WHY? WHAT DO ANY OF US HAVE THAT IS SO PRECIOUS THAT PLACES US ABOVE ANOTHER?  YOU CAN BE RICH AND STILL GET PROFILED BY THE POLICE AS WE HAVE SEEN PLENTY TIMES. YOU CAN BE RICH AND STILL BE HATED JUST BECAUSE OF YOUR SKIN COLOR.  YOU CAN BE RICH AND STILL END UP DEAD AT THE HANDS OF RACISM, BRUTALITY, OR INEQUALITY. THIS DOESN’T CARE ABOUT YOUR SOCIOECONOMIC STATUS, WHERE YOU LIVE, WORK, OR WHO YOU ASSOCIATE WITH. ALL THEY WILL SEE IS THAT YOU ARE BLACK?

WE HAVE SEEN PEOPLE CARE MORE ABOUT A GORILLA BEING KILLED THAN A YOUNG BOY WITH A TOY GUN, A MAN SELLING CDS, A GUY COMPLYING TO POLICE DIRECTIONS, A MAN READING A BOOK,  A WOMAN PROTECTING HER CHILD IN HER HOME, OR A GUY HAVING CAR TROUBLE.  WE HAVE SEEN WHAT THIS WORLD THINKS OF US, YET WE TURN AROUND AND TREAT EACH OTHER THE SAME WAY THEN WE WANT TO HOLLER ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT AND ALL THAT, WHY?  CHANGE NEED TO HAPPEN WITHIN US BEFORE IT CAN HAPPEN ELSEWHERE.

I JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY BLACK PEOPLE DO STUFF LIKE THIS.  IT’S LIKE WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO PROVE? WHOSE ATTENTION ARE YOU TRYING TO GET? WHAT MESSAGE ARE YOU TRYING TO SEND?

SOMETIMES I’M ASHAMED TO BE A BLACK WOMAN, TODAY IS ONE OF THOSE DAYS! MANY PEOPLE WON’T GET THIS MESSAGE, BECAUSE THEIR EYES ARE CLOSED, BUT ONE DAY THEY WILL OPEN AND I PRAY IT’S NOT TOO LATE.

 

 

 

Women and the Black Lives Matter Movement

Today it was announced that Sandra Bland’s family settled their lawsuit for $1.9 million.  Although, money cannot bring their daughter back.  It does offer little comfort knowing that some fault or misdoing was acknowledge in Sandra’s case.  Although, Sandra Bland one of many women killed at the hands of police case was a national one, the recognition of her case still does not get the attention that black males cases receive.  I know this isn’t the time to talk about the rift among black men and women, but eventually it needs to be addressed.  We hear Black Lives Matter all the time and even though the entire movement focuses on police brutality and death of blacks at the hands of police, BLACK WOMEN ARE STILL LAST ON THAT LIST. I’m not asking for black women to first, but I feel that the field for how we view police brutality differs when it comes to women as opposed to women.  Like recently, with the death of Korryn Gaines, a young, outspoken black women gunned down in her home by police and whose 5-year old son was shot in the process.  According to police, Korryn threaten them with a gun (while holding her son) and was shot/killed.  Now a new witness has stepped forth and revealed that the police set up surveillance in another apartment to spy on Korryn, that she tried negotiating with them to surrender before she was shot and killed.  SINCE WHEN HAS SWAT TEAM BEEN CALLED LET ALONE NEEDED SURVEILLANCE TO DELIVER A NON-VIOLENT WARRANT. NEVER. It’s clear that they had an interior motive for approaching the situation as they did (many think it was Korryn pending lawsuit against the police) Whatever the issue was, no negiotiator was called. Family and friends were turned away from helping diffuse the situation. Anyway, because of new evident, Korryn Gaines family is now suing the police for their daughter’s death as Sandra Bland’s family did.  The family of Korryn Gaines have launched a four million dollar lawsuit against the police and although money will not bring Korryn back, hopefully the family wins their suit or a settlement that will give them some comfort, especially to Korryn’s son.

These two cases are unique to me, because of how the world, but more specifically black people viewed them.  After Sandra Bland’s death, people were saying oh if she had kept her mouth closed, she would have been alive! (Forget about her first amendment rights). When Korryn Gaines died, people were saying she should have complied, she should have surrendered, she was a bad mother, she put her child in danger, etc etc. (forgetting that Korryn already had a bad incident with the police that resulted in her having a miscarriage thus creating her distrust for the police).  But after Alton Sterling or Philando Castile or Eric Garner was killed, nobody questioned what they did to contribute to their death. Nobody blamed them for their own deaths, so why were the women scrutinized after their deaths.

I didn’t know Sandra Bland and I didn’t know Korryn Gaines but as a black women I saw the difference in how the black community dealt with these deaths differently and when others see how we can’t even come together on something simple as protecting the character of deceased black women, it opens the door for other people to attack black people and further discredit the Black Lives Matter Movement.

HOW CAN WE SAY BLACK LIVES MATTER, WHEN INTERNALLY WE DRAW A LINE BETWEEN THE DEATHS OF BLACK WOMEN AND BLACK MEN KILLED BY POLICE?

Don’t misunderstand me, I stand with the BLACK LIVES MATTER MOVEMENT because they are at the forefront of the fight against police brutality and death of blacks at the hands of police.  All I’m saying is that I wish we could get to a point where the black women killed by police are held up the a top priority as men killed by police.  After Korryn death and all the attacks against her, I couldn’t even blog or write about it because it simply hurt to see that black people,especially black women attack her the way they did. I mean the woman was dead and was ridiculed, talked about in the worse way, and simply made out to be a villian.

Again, I didn’t know these women personally, but I know that they were both brave. They were outspoken and they were fighters for equality for black people (evident from their FB pages before death).  Society has a way of silencing leaders, but Sandra Bland and Korryn Gaines couldn’t be silence and when they could be contained, they ended up dead.   When Sandra died, I blogged about it and here is what i wrote….

My mouth has gotten me in a lot of trouble. I’m the type that will tell you how it is whether you like it or not. If I feel something is wrong, I’m going to speak on it. If someone tries to violate my rights, I’m speak on it. That’s why I try my best to know my rights. Do I deserve to die because I know my rights? No!!! This Sandra Bland case is damn near haunting me!!!!! Watching that ALTERED dash cam video, made it so personal for me. Of course I’m alive and Sandra is not! The way she acknowledged that she knew her rights and that she didn’t do anything wrong even down to her smart remarks, those are things I would have done and said if not more!

A couple years back, my husband worked in West Point, MS. One day, I was headed to his job for some reason and I was behind this car that was driving really slow. The speed limit was 55 but the car was going like 45 and instead of speeding up it keep slowing down. Then I started seeing a light from something like a mirror being reflected from the car in front of me into my car almost blinding me, so I passed the car and didn’t think anything of it. It was a slim white guy driving the car. About five minutes down the road I see an officer waiting on the side of the road. Of course, I’m not speeding my license good, my insurance good, I’m straight. As soon as I pass the police car. He pulls out behind me and  turns on his lights. I figure he has a call, so I pull over to let him pass only to see him pull off the road behind me. So of course, I’m in my car cursing wtf, I know I wasn’t speeding blah blah. The white officer approaches. I roll my window halfway down and he proceeds to ask me, do I know why he pulled me over? I said no because I wasn’t speeding and I have on my seatbelt. He said, I got a call that you were trying to run an off duty officer off the road.  I said what??? When????/he continues to say calm down ma’am the officer said he flashed his badge at you but you ignored him. At this point I’m sure my tone had gotten defensive and louder. I told him yes I saw him flash something that was blinding me but I didn’t know it was a badge. It was hurting my eyes and he was driving slow, so I passed him. Are you sure that’s what happened? Again I said yes that’s what happened. Why would I try to run an officer off the road & how am I supposed to know who is or ain’t an officer when they are out of uniform n in their personal vehicle. OK ma’am do you have license and insurance? Yes I do. I hand him my license and stuff he checked them out and came back to my car, OK ma’am I’m give you a warning but just be more careful next time. Grabbed my license and stuff rolled my window up and left. I was pissed at being stopped for no reason but because he couldn’t provoke the situation, I was allowed to go.

I said all that to say, who knows what would have happened if I just snapped like I wanted to. If I had told him he was harassing me for no reason. Sure I thought about it, but I also realized that I was by myself on a road with little traffic at the time and maybe it was because I live in MS that i didn’t see the potential danger but also police brutality wasn’t big at that time as it is now n almost nonexistence in the area.

I’m not blaming Sandra for snapping like she did because she clearly was profiled and provoked. That officer had an agenda before she even saw his face!!!!!

It is just sad that so much energy is going into covering up her death. From the edited dash cam to the mugshot and now to the autopsy! We may never know what truly happened to SANDRA BLAND but their evidence is so rigged up that even Stevie Wonder can see that bullshit!

Not only do we have to worry about black men in America, we have to deal with losing black women as well. It’s only July and over 500 people have been killed by police! 500! In a country that is supposed to be the greatest nation in the world. FOR WHO, MAY I ASK? Cause IT’S LOOKING MORE N MORE LIKE IT’S ATTACK ON THE BLACK RACE!!! MAKE YOU UNDERSTAND MALCOLM X PERSPECTIVE ON USING VIOLENCE! AT WHAT POINT DO WE KEEP TURNING A BLIND EYE N PROTEST THESE INJUSTICES PEACEFULLY? WHERE HAVE THEY GOTTEN US?

EMBRACING SISTERHOOD

 

 

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For years, I limited my circle.  I’ve always been a loner, so I never cared for following the crowd or having a lot of friends. For majority of my life, I was that way.  As I got older, I realized the importance of having people in your life that you could trust and people that will help you grow and not hinder your growth.  Now I’m open to friendship. I used to be so closed-off that I  ran people away that could have helped me. I was prideful and I had a fear of people taking advantage of me, so to prevent all of that I closed myself down to people. I’ve always been one that vibed more with male friends than female friends, not because of stereotypes, but because of past encounters of friendships and betrayal.  I had to learn that I couldn’t hold everyone else accountable for what so call friends did to me.

Now that I am older, a wife, and a mother, I see just how important it is to allow people into your life; how important it is to ask for help, help others, or even let others help you. I am truly enjoying the women ministry, and marriage ministry that I am apart. The lessons that I have learned so far has been well-needed and amazing.  I know I still have a lot of learning to do, but as an old preacher once said, “It’s not how to start the race, it’s how you finish.”

The blog below is a blog I wrote earlier this year. I edited it a little today, but the main points is the article is an issue we still face today.  How I wish for a day when women learn to truly uplift and empower each other, but until that day occurs all we can do is shine light on the issue and hope that most women will do their part in making it happen.

As a black woman, I cannot tell you the many things we, black women, have to endure.  Whether we work outside the home or not, we have always worn many hats and performed many tasks most time without acknowledgement. We do what we have to, when we need to without an expectation of being rewarded.

Diving into the entrepreneurship was exciting to me. I felt accomplished and driven. Coming from being a stay-at-home mom (even though I had my degree), I always felt bad when asked what I did for a living.  I felt like being a housewife or stay-at-home mom was not good enough.

I remember I almost didn’t go to my tenth-year high school reunion because I wasn’t using my degree and was working at the post office.  Although I enjoyed being a stay-at-home mom, other women had a way of making me feel so bad. So, I tried working and hated it.  Every job I got, I would quit because working for others just didn’t seem right for me.  I started looking into working for myself and worked towards that. When I started walking into my purpose, doing what I loved to do, and stopped worrying about how others felt, I was happy. I felt a sense of pride to be doing something I loved and to actually make money from it, I gained a feeling of completion. Then I started my own business (publishing company & magazine) and although I felt and still feel a level of completion, I cannot even begin to tell you the level of hatefulness, lack of support, the smart antics, and comments I deal with daily. Even though I felt like I had done something, to others they felt threatened by it. They saw it as competition or some type of race to the top.  Being me, I choose to ignore it, but there are times where I want to address things;however, I realize that would be time spent off my family and business, so I just pray through it and keep it moving.

I read a quote that said, People worry too much about who’s supporting them and whose not. As long as you have God on your side, you don’t need anyone else!

That stuck with me, because it is true.  If you are still worrying about people supporting you, liking, you, or hating on you, then you not ready for success.  I try to keep myself so busy, I don’t have time to worry about who like me or not and who support me or not.  TRUST ME, IF SOMEONE WANTS TO SUPPORT YOU, THEY WILL!!!!

You don’t have to tag them  or constantly ask for their support. You don’t have to beg anyone to support you. If they are close to you, trust they know what you do. Now whether they will support you or not, I can’t say.  It’s not your job to worry about who will or who won’t support you.

As educated as Black women are today (black women make up the top percentage of educated group in the country) , we are our worse critics! Black men will stick together. They have a lobster mentality.  When in hot water, they will link together and help each other out, that’s why a chef  have to put a lid on a pot of male lobsters!(I have heard of that, but I haven’t tested that theory, but the analogy for men seems correct to me) Now Black Women, not so much. Black Women, not all but majority, have a crab mentality. When in hot water, female lobsters act as crabs and pull each other down in the water instead of helping each other out.  That’s that if I can’t make it out, you won’t either mentality.

Most women will down another sister at the drop of the hat instead of helping her up. Some will watch her fall instead of warning her of the hole in front of her. That’s why we have a generation of girls that feel like their bodies will get them further in life than using their brains, because no one is preparing them for life the right way.  The saying, It takes a village to raise a child  is true because back in my day, ever adult had the power to put you back in line if you overstepped or acted out.  You rarely see that now.   Older black women that should be pillars for the community are filled with the notion that it is not my job to teach or train the youth or they are threatened by them. Either way, the village is destroyed and it’s just sad! I can speak on this topic for days, but Bernie Mac (RIP) said it best, It ain’t no Big Mamas, anymore!  The crab mentality is real and until women learn to work  together and uplift each other, there will always be a rift among black women, no matter how educated we are.

Live on the Edge

Edge

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Balcony view of the Great Smoky Mountains   Gatlinburg, TN  (September 2016)

 

“I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge, you can see all the kinds of things you can’t see from the center. ” -Kurt Vonnegut

My first blog was about my trip to Gatlinburg, TN and my time on the balcony. Check it out when you can (https://wp.me/p7SR14-6).

It’s amazing what a little quiet time and solitude can do for you. LIVE LIFE ON THE EDGE,  I have heard that quote so many times, but being acrophobia, that was not possible.  On my trip to Gatlinburg, TN, I faced my fear of heights by participating in a helicopter ride.

It wasn’t so much as working on my fear as it was being on the balcony and the spiritual enlightenment I received.

Check out this post from England, I never been there, but this makes me want to. https://chrisbreebaart.wordpress.com/...

look at that beach!