Shiloh Walker's Blog, page 4

Decolonize Thanksgiving

I’ve been working on decolonizing my mind. It’s an ongoing process and one that will take a lifetime. That’s okay, as the place where I am in life took several lifetimes to attain.

I’m not likely to be around much to go into a lot of detail about colonialism, the harm it’s done and still does, and why I’m working on myself, but for those interested, I quietly got interested in it when I read about Landback.

In recent years, more and more states have replaced Columbus Day with Indigenous People’s Day. This is part of what decolonizing is.

Christopher Columbus was hugely whitewashed when many of us learned about him in school, where we’re taught he was a hero.

This ‘hero’:

kidnapped and took Natives back to Europe with him to show off like animals took women as slaves and gave at least one away to be rapedhad men disfigured and humiliated women for criticizing him…One man caught stealing corn had his nose and ears cut off, was placed in shackles and was then auctioned off as a slave. A woman who dared to suggest that Columbus was of lowly birth was punished by his brother Bartolomé, who had also travelled to the Caribbean. She was stripped naked and paraded around the colony on the back of a mule.” Source

And that’s just for starters.

As more and more use a day that once honored him to honor the Native peoples that suffered so much because of him, there are a lot of people who struggle with Thanksgiving as well. Supposedly, the first Thanksgiving was given to commemorate a peace between early white settlers and Natives here in America, specially the Wampanoag.

But that’s a myth.

According to this piece in Time:

It was the Wampanoag in 1621 who helped the first wave of Puritans arriving on our shores, showing them how to plant crops, forage for wild foods and basically survive. The first official mention of a “Thanksgiving” celebration occurs in 1637, after the colonists brutally massacre an entire Pequot village, then subsequently celebrate their barbaric victory.

Time, Sean Sherman, November 2019 Link

Millions of Natives people died in the years since Europeans first settled here and America is built on stolen land.

It’s well past time we stop honoring unworthy people like Colubumbus.

And high time we listen to Native Americans about Thanksgiving.

Nalita Murray, a tiktok creator account I follow suggested renaming the day to Tribal Nations Day, still spending time with family and friends, but shifting the focus. You should watch the video. It’s a wonderful idea and I’m all for it.

I only saw the video today and I’m not really doing much cooking, but I think I’ll make the guy fry bread. His mom is Native Alaskan and that’s something she used to make for him when he was younger. I think it’s a common food among various Native peoples. Next year, I’ll look into doing more.

And…Happy Tribal Nations Day.

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November is National Native American Heritage Month

I saw this book pop up in October and started reading it then, but set it aside several times, not because it wasn’t good, but because it’s…kind of dark. I saw the cover on Tiktok and I read the blurb and had to buy. It’s horror, written by indigenous author, Stephen Graham Jones.

I don’t scare too easily, but there were a few moments when one of my dogs came up and poked at my foot…and…well. I’m not going to say I jumped…but I’m not not saying that, either.

It’s unsettling as hell, sad, but with weird moments of humor and warmth, too.

The creeping horror of Paul Tremblay meets Tommy Orange’s There There in a dark novel of revenge, cultural identity, and the cost of breaking from tradition in this latest novel from the Jordan Peele of horror literature, Stephen Graham Jones.

Seamlessly blending classic horror and a dramatic narrative with sharp social commentary, The Only Good Indians follows four American Indian men after a disturbing event from their youth puts them in a desperate struggle for their lives. Tracked by an entity bent on revenge, these childhood friends are helpless as the culture and traditions they left behind catch up to them in a violent, vengeful way.

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For readers of my Kit Colbana series

A Special Announcement

A Kit Colbana World short story, told from Damon’s POV, set between Night Blade and Broken Blade.

For supporters of my Patreon.

Join us.

It’s set between Night Blade and Broken Blade.

Excerpt

The message sat in my voicemail for almost a week before I finally listened.

She’d called two more times, but I’d deleted them.

I already knew what Tricia wanted and I had to get off my ass and deal with it, but it was the last thing I wanted to do. I’d put the order in for that blade back before everything went to hell and I didn’t want the reminder.

Still, I couldn’t exactly stiff a person who’d done work.It wasn’t her fault I was an asshole.

Laying on my back in a bed that still smelled like Kit, weeks after she’d last been here, I played the message through, heard exactly what I’d expected to hear.

Before I could put it off any longer, I sent her a text.

I’ll meet you at Bridie’s to pick it up and pay the balance. When?

She responded back by the time I was out of the shower—which was in under three minutes. I couldn’t stand being in the bathroom anymore. Hell, I didn’t like being in my quarters anymore. Everything there reminded me of Kit. The whole fucking city did.

My adopted son reminded me of her.

But anybody who knew Doyle the way Chang and I did would understand that.

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Crashed, Now Available

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First love, last love, only love

Travis Barnes isn’t looking for a happy ever after

Unlike his brothers, he doesn’t think he deserves one. As a teenager, he broke the heart of the girl he’d fallen in love with and he’s never forgiven himself. He sure as hell doesn’t expect her forgiveness.

Since then, he fell into a dangerous double life, one nobody, not even his twin, could begin to guess at. He accepts the risks, hoping to atone for his sins and save others like he couldn’t save his former love. When an assignment lands him in the hospital with a near fatal injury, his handler gives him a choice, take a break…or he’s out.

The last thing Travis expects is for his handler to put him up in a house next to her, the woman he’s never been able to forget…

Bella Franklin was once known as Isabel Steele, daughter of a high-powered, corrupt U.S. District Attorney. Meeting Travis Barnes had been the one good thing in her life—then he’d abandoned her.

Years later, living in witness protection, she takes care of foster kids and pretends she’s forgotten him…until the day she finds herself face to face with an unforgettable gaze the color of the ocean. Travis Barnes, the boy who nearly broke her, is now a man who carries shadows in his eyes and holds far too many secrets.

The fire still burns between them. But can she forgive his betrayal, forgive his abandonment? And can she trust the secretive man he’s become?

Trigger warning: this story involves miscarriage, infertility and off-page references to abuse suffered by the heroine (not caused by the hero). This book also touches on teen transgender issues such as bullying and dysphoria as one of the heroine’s foster children is trans. It also involves found family, forgiveness and two battered souls who find their way back to each other.

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The intensity that had lived just under his skin as a teenager had only grown.

Isabel had caught glimpses of it in the days since she’d found out her temporary neighbor was none other than the boy she’d once loved—a boy who’d grown into a devastatingly handsome man with eyes so full of secrets and pain, it stole her breath.

Now, all that intensity was focused on her and she thought she might be terrified … if he’d left any room for anything else to exist inside her head.

But he took over with that kiss, pushing his hands into her hair and craning her head back, adjusting the angle until he had her exactly as he wanted her.

And then he took.

He sampled.

He savored.

He devoured.

She didn’t know how he’d done it, but she was sprawled on his lap on the steps of the deck, lost in the shadows cast by the house. When she tore her mouth from his to gasp for breath, she shoved her hands to his shoulders. “Your side … your wound.”

“I can’t even feel it,” he said, pushing his hands back into her hair and pulling her mouth back to his.

She couldn’t resist him. With a moan, she sank back into his kiss.

He cupped her breast, his hand sliding under her sweater and tank to find her flesh, his touch sure and confident, and her breath stuttered out of her in a gasp as he teased her nipple until it was pulsing in time with her heart.

“Travis … ”

“Iz … ” His lips painted a path down her neck, found the sensitive spot just above her pulse.

When he bit her there, she arched and cried out.

The hand on her breast traveled lower and she went still as he toyed with the waistband of the ankle-length skirt she wore paired with the summer-weight sweater and tank top.

“I want to touch you,” he whispered against her lips.

“I … Travis, we can’t.”

“I know … I just want to touch you. Let me.”

She lifted her head and stared into his eyes, fell so, so deep into the endless blue-green. Gripping his wrist, she hesitated. Then, cheeks flaming, she nodded and dropped her head onto his shoulder.

He nuzzled her as he spread his hand wide over the dip of her waist but he didn’t do anything else.

He just rubbed his lips over her skin and murmured to her, voice too low for her to hear, but the rhythm of the words, the cadence of his speech was both erotic and soothing. Soon, she lifted her mouth to his, needing more of his taste.

Isabel found herself rocking against him and he slid his other hand down her back, fingers sliding under her shirt to splay wide over her bare skin. She shivered and pressed closer, only to gasp as she felt his fingers trailing up over her bare thigh.

He’d pulled her skirt up and she’d never noticed.

“I’ll stop if you want,” he murmured. “Just tell me.”

“I don’t want you to stop.” Brow pressed to his, she gripped his biceps and watched him as he circled ever closer to the drumbeat that seemed to have settled between her thighs.

She whimpered he grazed one finger over her clitoris, a harsh growl escaping him. “Baby … you’re so wet.”

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And yet another sneak peek…CRASHED

Posting another Crashed Excerpt… Crashed is the final story in the Barnes Brothers series…my contemporary romance series about five sexy brothers.

FYI, if you’re a librarian, bookseller or reviewer, you can request to review it from NETGALLEY! It will only be available another two weeks (roughly) so grab it while you can!

Amazon | Apple Books | BN | Kobo

He’s not looking for a happy ever after…he doesn’t think he deserves one…Crashed Excerpt

“I’m fine!” Travis thought about getting out of the hospital bed to shout the words into his handler’s face but he had a bad feeling he might collapse where he stood.

If he did, it would kind of negate the entire point of his argument.

“Bullshit.” Miles stormed across the room and bent over the bed, gripping the bedrail with a hand that become thin since the last time Travis had seen him. “You are going to take some time off this time, Travis. Take time off—real time, or you’re out. For good.”

“I just took a couple of weeks last year.” He glared into Miles’ haggard face, taking in the bags under Miles’ eyes, the pale cast to the older man’s skin. “Shit, you don’t look much better than me.”

“I’ve been sick, dumbass. I also ride a desk. I’m not trying to infiltrate human trafficking circles. My life isn’t at risk every second of every day while I’m on the job,” Miles snapped. “When you’re in that line of work, you have to have razor-sharp instincts. Once mine started slipping, I made the decision to move off the front line.”

“I’m not slipping,” Travis growled. “The intel was shit and there were more potential targets than anticipated. And what the fuck are you bitching about? I got the information you needed. I got in, got out.”

“You got in, got shot, you … ” Miles stopped and turned away, stomping over to the window to glare out over the skyline of Mexico City. “Travis. You can’t keep this up. With your last injury, that bullet you took put you down for three months. This time, you were on an op that should have been a cakewalk for you. You—fuck. Never mind. But you’re done. You’re taking time off. Six months, minimum, and if you even try to argue this, I’m cutting you loose.”

Six months?

Travis hauled himself into a sitting position, ignoring the nauseating pain through sheer will alone. Sweat dripped down his brow, the thick, clammy sweat that came from illness or exhaustion—or both. He ignored that, too, staring at Miles’ back with something bordering on desperation.

“Miles … shit. Look, okay, I’ll be careful. You’re right. Maybe I was a little reckless this time.”

“Stop.” Miles turned and pinned a hard look on him.

Something in his old friend’s eyes made Travis do just that.

“You think I’m blind to how much you’ve changed in the past few years? How much you’ve changed since that night you saw Isabel?”

Travis jerked his gaze away, fixing it on the overbright sunlight streaming in through the window. “She’s got nothing to do with this.”

“Bullshit.” Eyes hard, Miles cut between Travis and his determined study of the view of the city beyond the window. “Fuck me, it started before that. You’ve been half-dead inside ever since you learned the truth and it’s gotten worse every single year. For more than a decade, I’ve been watching you self-destruct, but this past year? It’s twice as bad. I think what really pushed you over the edge was seeing your twin get hitched. What’s the matter? Are you that fucking jealous of seeing your brothers all happy?”

Travis shoved out of the bed, temper exploding out in a rush of violence. “Keep it up, Hawkins, and we’ll see how fast I can put you on the floor.”

“You can’t stay upright for more than a minute.” Miles crossed his arms and leaned against the wall, giving his watch an insulting glance as if to measure the time. “Maybe we should make a wager on it. If you can come over here and make me eat my words, then fine, you can come back to work once the doctor releases you.”

 Travis clenched a hand into a fist and cursed, each one blistering and hot. But he didn’t take a single step; he could already feel his legs going wobbly and weak under him, adrenaline deserting him.

“I don’t begrudge my brothers any happiness,” he bit off, furious Miles would even insinuate it. “Especially not Trey. He’s been through enough hell. He damn well deserves what he’s found with Ressa.”

“I never said you begrudged him, or any of them,” Miles said quietly. “You’re too good a man for that sort of pettiness. But even the best of us can feel envy and I know you too well, probably even better than your brothers, better than your own twin at this point, because you don’t let them know you. Ever since you got back from Trey and Ressa’s wedding, you’ve gotten quieter, darker, sadder. And we both know why.”

Travis wanted to tell Miles to shut the fuck up.

Not because he was wrong, but because Miles was right.

Too right.

About most of it.

“You’re wrong about one thing,” he said, dropping back down onto the bed, grunting as it sent pain screaming through him. “I’m not a good man.”

A good man wouldn’t have turned his back on the woman who’d loved him, not when she’d needed him the most.

“Travis … ” Miles sighed. “You made a mistake. You were just a kid. And shit, you’re easier on me than you are on yourself. I’m the reason you made the mistake. Can’t you forgive yourself? It’s been almost fourteen years.” “Ask me in a hundred and fourteen.” He flipped the thin, scratchy blanket over his legs and flung a forearm over his eyes. “You win. I’ll take some time off. But I can’t go back to my family with my head in the shape it’s in. Figure something else out. Shoot me the details when you do. Now get out and let me sleep. I’m tired, Miles.”

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Crashed – Another Sneak Peek

**Trigger warning** this scene contains discussion around child loss & miscarriage and allusions to off-page references to rape. Be advised.

Posting another look at CRASHED, the final story in the Barnes Brothers series…my contemporary romance series about five sexy brothers.

FYI, if you’re a librarian, bookseller or reviewer, you can request to review it from NETGALLEY! It will only be available another two weeks (roughly) so grab it while you can!

Amazon | Apple Books | BN | Kobo

Isabel

September

19th Birthday

Richmond, Virginia

“Sir. Sir! You can’t come in here!”

Isabel Steele rolled her head so she could bury her face in the pillow. She hurt so bad, she would have curled into a ball to ease the pain in her belly, but even moving hurt, so she stayed still.

If she had the energy, she would have told the well-meaning medical staff not to bother. Nobody told Wilson Steele what he could and couldn’t do, where he could and couldn’t go.

“I’m going to speak to my daughter now.”

She barely controlled a flinch at the whip that was her father’s voice.

Then she forgot all about him as pain tore through her abdomen, arcing up through her spine, then down through her thighs. She tried not to scream, but the pain was too severe and her cries shattered the taut silence of the room.

“Here,” a soft voice said and she opened bleary eyes to look at the kind nurse who’d been with her almost since the moment they wheeled her onto the floor. “Squeeze my hand.”

Behind her, she could hear Wilson berating the staff and demanding to speak to her.

“He … ” She stopped and licked her lips. She was so thirsty. It felt like it had been days since she’d had anything to drink. “He won’t leave. You can’t make him.”

The nurse’s eyes glinted against light brown skin, almost like golden coins in their brightness. Leaning in, the woman lowered her voice, but the intensity never wavered. “Honey, I know all about who your dad is. But he’s met his match. Don’t worry.”

Isabel wanted to believe that. But that last time she’d believed in anything, it had led her straight into hell.

“You should all be careful,” she said, pitching her voice low even though the voices behind her were too loud for anybody but Tamika, the nurse with the bright eyes and warm smile, to hear. “He’s dangerous.”

“I know, baby. But nobody pushes Dr. Viv around. Trust me.” She brushed Isabel’s hair back. “Is there anybody you want here? Anybody you’d like me to call?”

Isabel thought of a warm smile, a boy with laughing blue-green eyes who’d told her he loved the second day after they’d met. Another pain seized her, but this time it was in her heart and nothing, not even the drugs they pumped into her system to help with the contractions, could help.

She wished they’d just drug her heavily enough to knock her out. It wasn’t like it mattered. The tests already showed that the fetus was dead. A pregnancy that had been forced on her, just like too many other things. Now it was ending and the dead baby was another casualty of her father’s cruelty. Couldn’t she have the respite of unconsciousness for a little while?

But she’d asked twice, and had been told no twice. She wouldn’t ask again.

Aware the kind-eyed nurse was still watching her, and patiently waiting, Isabel shook her head. “No,” she said softly. “There’s nobody. I don’t have anybody.”

* * * * *

The man in the chair across from her had faded, tired-looking gray eyes. His shoulders bowed forward somewhat, as if he carried a heavy weight.

“I want to assure you that absolutely nobody will know you’re talking to me, Ms. Steele.”

Isabel studied him a long moment before shrugging and looking back out the window. The sky was impossibly blue and the leaves already started to turn golden.

She usually loved this time of year.

Fall was her favorite season and the colors in Richmond were stunningly beautiful.

But all the color had washed out of her world over the past two weeks. No. Longer. More than a month since color, life, joy … hope had disappeared.

“My father has people everywhere, Mr. Hawkins,” she said.

He said nothing for a long time. And when he did speak, he sounded puzzled.

“You don’t sound very concerned about that.”

“It’s not a matter of concern.” She lifted one shoulder. “I just don’t care.”

She knew she should. The hospital had a shrink come in to talk to her every other day. That shrink, and the dogged determination of Dr. Vivian Atwell, were the two main reasons why Isabel was still in the hospital after two weeks.

The first week would have been understandable.

She’d started bleeding the day after the baby had been delivered—still-born, just as the doctors had known it would be. It had taken surgery to stop the bleeding.

Her father had strode in on the third day and hauled her out of bed, which tore stitches, both inside and out. She hadn’t attempted to fight as he led her out of the room, even though she’d felt the blood on her thighs in a hot, thick flow.

Doctors and nurses swarmed him, security staff facing down with Wilson’s bodyguards in a stalemate that ended when Isabel collapsed.

She hadn’t woken up for two more days following the surgery needed to repair the damage he’d caused.

The story was leaked to the press and her father, normally so protected and unaffected, was faced with a firestorm of negative publicity from all fronts.

One of his bodyguards was found dead in his home—the reports were suicide but nobody knew what to believe.

His second bodyguard was arrested for trespassing on hospital grounds after being thrown out twice and the judge, a very vocal opponent of Wilson Steele, had denied bail after the second arrest.

All this time, she’d seen her father as the boogeyman and now the public had a glimpse of the monster, too.

It had been Dr. Viv who had come to Isabel about an FBI agent wanting to speak with her. If she was up to it, the doctor would make it happen. If she wasn’t, then the doctor would make sure he stayed away.

Isabel had nothing left to hold onto, so she’d agreed.

She hadn’t been surprised to find out that when he entered, he’d looked familiar. Special Agent in Charge Miles Hawkins had tailed her several times—she’d seen him. Chances are, he’d wanted her to. And now, he wanted her help to put her father away.

But he just sat there.

So she did the same.

A suppressed sigh from Hawkins caught her attention and she looked at him, puzzled by the way he watched her. “What do you want, Agent Hawkins?”

“I’ve already told you that I’d like your help in locking away your father.”

“Yes. So … why aren’t you asking questions?”

“Frankly because I’m concerned.”

She waited.

Leaning forward, Hawkins said, “I’m concerned about you, Isabel. You’ve been through a rough few days. You lost your baby—”

“I wanted an abortion,” she said, cutting him off.

He sat back, caught off guard.

Shifting her gaze back to the window, she stared at the endless blue sky. It hurt to see that shade of blue. It made her think of Travis. The ice around her heart grew another layer. She welcomed it.

“One of my father’s friends raped me,” she said tonelessly. “My father knew. He’d been pushing me into dating Stephen—our fathers are thick as thieves. I told him no. But my father doesn’t believe in the word no. Neither did Stephen. We were at a charity dinner on Valentine’s Day and my father trapped me in a corner all throughout dinner, then left with my mother near the very end of the meal, leaving me stranded at the banquet hall with nobody but Stephen to take me home. Stephen raped me, then walked me back into the house once he got me home and smiled at my father.”

Hawkins’ breath came out in a harsh burst. “Your father … he knew?”

Isabel turned dead eyes to the man. “He’s involved in human trafficking. People are commodities to him, agent. Especially women. Why would you expect him to see me any different?”

The look he gave her actually struck her as funny.

She’d tried to tell so many people who Wilson Steele was, had tried for so long. But nobody believed her.

“You really think you can lock him away?” she asked quietly as the shadow of the girl she’d once been stirred inside her.

Hawkins inclined his head. “With your help, I think we can.”

“I want something.”

She barely saw the flicker of his lids. He didn’t hesitate to ask, though.

“What do you want?”

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CRASHED… Sneak Peek

Posting the first few pages of CRASHED, the final story in the Barnes Brothers series…my contemporary romance series about five sexy brothers.

FYI, if you’re a librarian, bookseller or reviewer, you can request to review it from NETGALLEY! It will only be available another two weeks (roughly) so grab it while you can!

Amazon | Apple Books | BN | Kobo

Excerpt

September

15 Years Old

Text messages sent & received

Isabel: I miss you already.

Travis: I know. I can’t believe it’s going to be a year before I can see you again. Can’t I at least call you?

Isabel: Travis, I told you about my dad. He’s absolutely the worst. He probably thinks I’ll get pregnant just talking to a guy I like.

Travis: Alright, alright. I’d just as soon avoid pissing him off since I plan on marrying you as soon as we’re 18.

Isabel: You can’t be serious.

Travis: I told you I fell in love with you the second I saw you and I meant it. You said you love me, too, right? So, why shouldn’t we want to get married, Bella mine?

Isabel:    Bella mine? That’s so sweet!    

Travis: Yeah, well. It’s how I feel. You’re mine. I’m yours. That’s it for me.

Isabel: I don’t know how I ended up finding a guy like you. You’re so wonderful.

Travis: Is that a yes?

Isabel: You’re impossible.

Travis: I’ll keep asking until you say yes.

August

16 Years Old

Text messages sent & received

Travis: It’s official, Bella-mine. I hate that guy. Your dad is a dick.

Isabel: I told you. I’m sorry he was so rude to you and your brothers. Your mom, though…wow. She’s a queen. I’ve never seen anybody put him in his place like that.

Isabel: Travis?

Travis: I want to ask you something. Please don’t lie to me.

Isabel: Okay.

Travis: Do you promise you won’t lie?

Isabel: I won’t lie. But I can’t promise to answer, either.

Travis: I guess if you don’t answer, that will be an answer on its own, won’t it?

Travis: My dad followed you and your family out to the car. I know because I was kinda following, too, and I saw him. I didn’t say anything about it. I planned to, but then we got home and everybody had gone to bed … well, I went downstairs and heard him talking to Mom.

Isabel: About what? Why would he follow me?

Travis: The same reason I did. He was worried your dad would hurt one of you.

Travis: Isabel?

Travis: Iz?

Travis: Iz, damn it, answer me or I’m calling.

Isabel: Don’t call! Please!

Travis: You’re scared of him.

Isabel: I can’t answer that.

June

17 Years Old

Text messages sent & received

Travis: One more month until I can see you again, Bella-mine. I can’t wait.

Isabel: Me, neither. The months get longer and longer, don’t they?

Travis: Yeah. But that’s only because we’re almost done with this shit.

Isabel: I hope so. But you have to remember what we planned.

Travis: I know. We’ll take care of all that. I’ve spun some bullshit to my mom, pretending I was thinking about a book and asked her. We can do this, Iz. I promise.

Isabel: I hope so, Trav. I really hope so. Dad did something…never mind.

Travis: What did he do?

Isabel: Don’t worry about it, okay?

Travis: Tell me.

Isabel: You’re a bully sometimes. Look, maybe it’s no big deal, but he introduced MK to some guy. It’s the son of a friend of his. Maybe it will be okay. I don’t know. But I heard him on the phone and he’s already talking about them getting married. It was…weird. Okay?

Travis: Your dad talking about them getting married and being okay with it? That’s not weird, baby. That’s straight-up Twilight Zone shit. And what the fuck? MK is 15! He doesn’t even want you dating.

Isabel: Not unless it’s some asshole he likes. And I don’t like the assholes he thinks I should date.

Travis: When did this start! WTF!

Isabel: Fuck. I shouldn’t have said anything. He’s just had a couple of guys from his office come over and SUGGESTED I accept when they ask me out. I haven’t, okay? But he’s pushy about it.

Travis: I want to kill him.

Isabel: Don’t say that. He’s a jerk, but he’s still my dad.

Travis: I didn’t say I would kill him, just that I wanted to. Don’t let him push you into anything, Bella-mine. I love you.

Valentine’s Day

18 Years Old

Text messages sent & received

Isabel 9:52 PM: Travis. Something happened today.

Isabel 10:59 PM: Never mind. Forget about it.

Travis 11:37 PM: Hey, I saw your text. Sorry I didn’t answer sooner.

Travis 12:02 AM: Isabel?

Travis 7 AM: Isabel, come on, answer me.

Travis 8:31AM: Hey, are you mad at me? I meant to text earlier than I did last night, but things got a little crazy here. I don’t want to keep texting cuz it was getting late and I didn’t want to wake you. I know the gift card thing isn’t the same as flowers or anything, but you know I love you.

Isabel 8:45 AM: I’m not mad at you. It was just a shitty day. My dad pulled that “it’s time you start thinking about your future” shit again and we were all out to dinner this time and I couldn’t get away from the fucking prick he invited along as my DATE. I hate him, Travis. I hate him so much. I hate him, hate him, hate him.

Travis 8:47 AM: I hate him, too. Want me to fly out there and beat him up?

Isabel 8:50 AM: I want you to fly out here and take me away from all of this. Now.

Travis 8:53 AM: If you’re serious, I’ll be on a plane as soon as I can get a ticket. Just say the word, Bella-mine.

Travis 9:02 AM: Iz?

Travis 9:39 AM: Isabel, do you want me to come get you?

Isabel 10:01 AM: More than anything. But I can’t. My sisters need me. My mom won’t do shit to protect them from Dad. They’ve only got me. If I run off without finishing school, it will make it that much harder to get custody. But this summer, I’ll graduate, they’ll be 16 and it will be different. It’s just a few more months. Right? I can do it for a few more months. I can.

Travis 10:03 AM: You can. Then you’ll never have to see the prick again.

Summer

18 Years Old

Provincetown, Massachusetts

“Hey…aren’t you Zach Barnes’s little brother? Travis, right?”

Travis glanced at the older guy before focusing back on his phone. “You’re a little old to be a Kate+Nate fanatic, aren’t you?”

Travis was used to people recognizing him. Some even mistook him for Zach at first, although that was happening less and less. Both Travis and Trey were catching up to their older, very famous brother, but over the past couple of years, Zach, the former child star and tattoo-artist-in-training, had started sporting a fair amount of ink.

The paparazzi had gone crazy over the first few tattoos, but Zach had ignored it all, pretty much as he had ignored just about everything Hollywood-related, save for his co-star, since the last episode of the sitcom aired a few years earlier.

“Yeah.” The stranger smiled, a friendly, affable grin.

Travis didn’t buy what that smile was selling. Not for a minute.

“Guilty, kid. I never watched it much. My sister did. She had pictures of him tacked all over her room. Now Abigale…” He smiled. “She’s something else.”

Snorting, Travis shot a look to the line waiting at the counter. Zach was up there, along with Travis’ twin, Trey. But the line was moving damn slow and they were too far away to hear.

“You better not let Zach hear you talking about her. He’s crazy about her. And … ” He gave the man another look from head to toe before giving a derisive snort. “She’s a little young for you, don’t you think?”

“I’m not talking about that. She’s a beautiful young woman, of course, but I’m old enough to be her father.” The man frowned, and the look of distaste in his eyes told Travis he meant it. But then he shot another look back at Zach. “They got a thing going, huh?”

Travis put the phone face down. Isabel probably wouldn’t be able to text him any time soon, but he was ever hopeful. They were on the final countdown here. Just a matter of days. That’s all it was.

But first, he had to deal with this jackass.

Leaning against the padded back of the bench, Travis gave the man a hard look. Probably close to forty, he decided. Old. But his eyes were even older. He wanted something, too. Growing up with a famous—and rich—older brother, Travis had learned how to spot the takers and users pretty young.

“What do you want?” he asked bluntly. “You’re not here to talk about Zach or Abby. Are you?”

The guy’s eyes narrowed in speculation, then, after shooting a look over his shoulder toward the front of the restaurant where the other two Barnes brothers waited, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small white card. Placing it in front of Travis, he used one finger to push it to the edge of the table. “You’re a sharp one, aren’t you? I want to talk to you about your girlfriend, kid. She’s…not exactly what you think.”

Anger punched through him, cutting through his surprise that this guy knew about Isabel. “Fuck off.”

“I’m serious. Look, I know all about the thing going on between you two. Adorable, really. But there’s a lot of shit about that girl—and her family—that she hasn’t told you. And it’s ugly, dangerous shit.” He leaned closer. “I’m talking shit that could put that family you love so much in danger. Call me. Or don’t. But if you’re as sharp as I think you are, you’ll do the right thing.”

He turned and walked away, leaving Travis to glare at his back. He almost jumped up and went after him, but stopped himself when he caught sight of his twin waving him down. Trey pointed at the sign and mouthed something Travis didn’t care enough about to parse through so he just nodded and went back to fuming.

Looking at the card, he read the simple font.

Miles Hawkins

The official-looking seal on the card was what really got under his skin … that, and those three words just under the man’s name.

Federal Bureau of Investigation

“What the fuck?” Scowling, he picked up the card.

“Don’t forget the ketchup, Trey.”

Hearing Zach’s voice, he shoved the card into one of the pockets on his board shorts, zipping it shut just before Zach put down a tray filled with soft drinks—and an amber bottle.

Zach had recently turned twenty-one and was enjoying his legal drinking-age status.

Normally, Travis would have razzed him about it.

But he was too busy thinking about the card the guy had left.

An FBI agent.

What the fuck?

*

“You going to tell me what’s up?”

Travis shot his twin a dark look. “Nothing.”

“Bullshit. You’ve been in a mood ever since lunch.” Trey swung his legs over the side of the bed. “What’s the deal? Your girl not here yet?”

Travis glared at him. He’d never outright told Trey about Isabel. Hadn’t needed to, really, because his twin knew. The one time Trey had asked for information on whoever it was that had him twisted up, Travis told him the truth.

“I love her. We’re going to get married as soon as she graduates high school.” Travis and Trey had both already graduated and were in college—a couple of years early. “Don’t go running and tell Mom or Dad, though. Her dad is psycho—seriously psycho and if he hears anything about it, he’ll hurt her.”

“If he’s crazy, why not call the cops?”

“Because her dad is a US District Attorney, man. He’s a dick and he’s crazy, but nobody will listen if I just call the cops without any proof. She’s afraid he’ll hurt her family and none of the cops will listen if I just try to report him. I can’t risk him hurting her.”

“I told you not to talk about her,” he said now, keeping his voice low, although it was just the three of them there at their parents’ vacation house just outside of Provincetown, Massachusetts.

Zane was in Europe … somewhere, waiting tables in Italy, hiking the Alps, taking pictures in France or eating stinky cheese. Travis had no idea.

Sebastien was spending the night with one of the kids he’d become friends with during their numerous summers here.

Zach was probably online chatting with Abby, which meant he wasn’t aware of anything, or anybody, else.

Their dad had surprised their mom with a getaway to a B&B for just the two of them their first three nights in the Cape Cod area, so for the first time, it was just the three brothers.

Trey rolled his eyes but held up his hands. “Okay, okay. I’m just wondering what’s wrong, man.”

“Nothing.”

“Bullshit.” Trey scowled. “Look, if you don’t want to talk, fine. Tell me. But don’t lie to me, okay?”

Guilt twisted his gut and he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “Sorry, Trey. I’m just in a shitty mood, alright? That’s the truth, too—no lie.” He wasn’t going to go into detail, though. He trusted his twin, but his gut was in knots about what that Hawkins guy had said earlier.

He needed to talk to Isabel but they had just gotten into town a few hours earlier. It would be tomorrow at the earliest before she could get away from the vacation house her father owned.

“I’m going for a run, alright?”

Trey eyed him. “Want company?”

“Nah. I just need to clear my mind.”

*

Isabel: Dad has a fun-filled day of deep-sea fishing lined up tomorrow.

Can we meet early?

Travis’s heart almost jumped out of his chest when the text came. It was already racing from the three-mile run he’d just taken and now thundered in his chest, the beat brutal.

He’d been waiting to hear from Isabel ever since he woke up that morning—at five fucking a.m.

She’d be here today. They always got to Provincetown on August 2, rain or shine, no matter what.

He knew he wouldn’t see her until tomorrow, at the earliest. But once she was ready, they were leaving this town, getting away from her father, and getting married.

He already had everything planned, from how much money he needed to pay a guy in town to drive them to Boston, to the tickets they’d need to fly out to California—no way could they stay here. Not right away, at least. He already knew his parents would be pissed, but they’d get it, once he talked to them. They’d understand. And Mom could help, too. She might not be some hotshot US District Attorney but she was still a lawyer, and she was fucking whip-smart and she had a brain that was almost scary.

His hands were shaking a little as he lifted the phone and read the message again. Another popped up before he could text his reply.

Isabel: Travis, listen. There’s something I need to tell you. It’s really important. I

“I what?” Frowning, he waited, but no other text came.

He texted her after a few minutes of waiting.

There was no response.

Not then.

Not thirty minutes later when he arrived on the outskirts of the property owned by Wilson T. Steele, US District Attorney and the man Travis had hated since he was sixteen.

He stayed in the shadows created by the hedges as he looked across the carefully manicured lawn, lip curled in disgust at what he saw. A fucking party. Steele was always having these parties here, even flying in friends he wanted to impress, making his girls and wife dress up like living dolls to parade in front of people.

A slim, almost frail figure passed by and he recognized Mary Kate, felt a wash of protectiveness run through him. Steele called her and she nodded, heading over to her father without speaking.

Gripping one of the tall iron fence posts, he searched the crowd for Isabel, easily finding Ellen, Mary Kate’s twin. He grinned when he saw what she wore, suspecting she’d worn it solely to piss her dad off. Ellen couldn’t be more different from her more delicate twin, even though their looks were identical—at least on the surface. But nobody who really looked at a person would ever mistake one twin for the other. Ellen wore a dress that was probably better suited for a woman ten years older, a bold, blistering red that ended just a few inches past her butt and dipped low in the back—and the front, he realized when she turned around to wave at her father when he called her name.

Steele glared at her but she pretended not to notice before turning back to her conversation partner, a guy easily three times her age, who couldn’t keep his eyes off the neckline of her dress.

Travis wanted to scale the fence and go hit him, even though he’d never officially met Ellen. It was the right thing to do for a sister-in-law, though, wasn’t it?

“Finally … the guest of honor!” Wilson called out, his voice carrying.

Everybody fell silent.

The hair on the back of Travis’ neck stood on end.

“Hey, kid. Fancy seeing you here.”

He shot a look to his right and saw Miles Hawkins, the FBI agent—or so the card had said. But he only made eye contact for a few seconds before Steele’s voice caught his attention once more.

“Honored friends and guests, my oldest daughter, Isabel.”

Travis saw her in the doorway and his heart twisted in his chest, the exact way it had done when he’d seen her for the first time three years ago. It almost hurt to breathe now, just as it had then, and he had to remind himself that breathing was necessary.

The crowd parted and his hand tightened convulsively on the fence post. Could he get her attention? Could he—

“What the fuck … ”

Dazed, he grabbed a second fence post with his left hand, needing the support desperately as one of the guests went to stand next to Isabel.

As the tall man bent to kiss Isabel’s cheek, Travis felt his gorge rise.

When the guy put his hand on Isabel’s softly rounded belly, Travis felt everything in him crystallize, then shatter.

“They’re engaged.”

Travis had forgotten he wasn’t alone. Numb, he looked over at the older man standing next to him.

“She’s pregnant,” he said, voice barely more than a croak.

His girl was pregnant. He had no idea how far along she was—he only knew the basics about pregnancy. Oh, and he knew how to not get a girl pregnant. But he did know that baby couldn’t be his. Human pregnancies didn’t last a fucking year. Besides, the two of them had done a lot of fooling around the past summer, but they’d stopped just short of actually doing it—not because Travis hadn’t been ready, though. He was a guy—of course, he was ready. But the girl he wanted—Isabel—hadn’t been. So when she put the brakes on, each time, he’d stopped.

She hadn’t stopped this guy, though.

“Yeah. They’ve been together since Valentine’s Day, according to my sources.”

Valentine’s Day. Travis wanted to hit something.

Instead, he turned on his heel and strode away.

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Audible releases!

Those who like the Kit books in audio, I have news… books 6 & 7, Haunted Blade and Blooded Blade are now available.

Haunted Blade

Blooded Blade

The post Audible releases! appeared first on SHILOH WALKER.

Well, hello, @audible…

What do we have here?

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Haunted Blade

Blooded Blade

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Crashed is up on Netgalley!

So, it’s about a month away…CRASHED is up on Netgalley for review!

Blurb:

Travis Barnes isn’t looking for a happy ever after

Unlike his brothers, he doesn’t think he deserves one. As a teenager, he broke the heart of the girl he’d fallen in love with and he’s never forgiven himself. He sure as hell doesn’t expect her forgiveness.

Since then, he fell into a dangerous double life, one nobody, not even his twin, could begin to guess at. He accepts the risks, hoping to atone for his sins and save others like he couldn’t save his former love. When an assignment lands him in the hospital with a near fatal injury, his handler gives him a choice, take a break…or he’s out.

The last thing Travis expects is for his handler to put him up in a house next to her, the woman he’s never been able to forget…

Bella Franklin was once known as Isabel Steele, daughter of a high-powered, corrupt U.S. District Attorney. Meeting Travis Barnes had been the one good thing in her life—then he’d abandoned her.

Years later, living in witness protection, she takes care of foster kids and pretends she’s forgotten him…until the day she finds herself face to face with an unforgettable gaze the color of the ocean. Travis Barnes, the boy who nearly broke her, is now a man who carries shadows in his eyes and holds far too many secrets.

The fire still burns between them. But can she forgive his betrayal, forgive his abandonment? And can she trust the secretive man he’s become?

Trigger warning: this story involves miscarriage, infertility and off-page references to abuse suffered by the heroine (not caused by the hero). This book also touches on teen transgender issues such as bullying and dysphoria as one of the heroine’s foster children is trans. It also involves found family, forgiveness and two battered souls who find their way back to each other.

Preorder

Amazon | Apple Books | BN | Kobo

NOTE

I don’t tolerate bigotry in my space. Don’t like what I write about? Don’t read it. But hate isn’t welcome here. Trans rights are human rights.

The post Crashed is up on Netgalley! appeared first on SHILOH WALKER.