Shiloh Walker's Blog, page 25
May 29, 2017
May 27, 2017
And so… the Diva moves on to college
Well, not today.
Today, actually, she’ll be in her cap and gown, graduating from high school, an associate’s degree already under her belt, along with several rather impressive distinguishments that make me look at her and scratch my head.
So. The first rotten is moving on to college.
Huh.
I’m writing this a few days in advance. I’m not sure what to think right now. I’m kinda curious how I’ll feel when I see her in her cap and gown. It’s…bizarre.
Anyway…congrats, Diva.
May you have the wisdom to know that while not all dreams are meant to happen, if you work hard enough, it’s possible for the ones you really want to come true. I’m so proud of you.
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May 24, 2017
Nope, not today
That’s the general state of things here in Shiloh land.
Some days are better than others, and the better ones are starting to outnumber the bad ones, but right now, even my better days aren’t good ones yet.
This is the lousy thing about dealing with depression, and when you’ve got family matters that threaten to push you over that brink and there’s not much you can do…well, once you fall over that bring, you can try to grab for the ledge, catch something on the way down and maybe hang on, or you just hit rock bottom. I think I caught some sharp jagged rock about half way down.
Depression is physically exhausting, It’s mentally exhausting. It’s emotionally exhausting.
I want to say that everything with my brother is all roses, but it’s not. Even if it was, that wouldn’t help me. I’m still pulling myself up, hands all bloodied from that sharp rock I grabbed on the downhill slide, and now I’ve got to climb back to the top of that ledge.
But…I did go see my doctor last week. We adjusted meds.
Sometimes, it’s necessary.
Today I went to the gym, and I didn’t have to make myself.
I’m sleeping five hours a night now, most nights.
That’s a step in the right direction.
Don’t ever feel bad about reaching out for help, or talking to somebody. It’s human. We’re all human.
The post Nope, not today appeared first on Shiloh Walker.
May 23, 2017
Another old book reissued…Some Kit news
For some of you who have been reading me for…well, forever, this is third time this book has been around the block. Oi.
No Longer Mine – Shiloh Walker
One woman, one man, and a love that won’t let either of them go.
Born on the wrong side of the tracks and dealt a fair share of hardship, Nikki Kline never gives up a fight. Even when her reason to keep going is ripped from her, Nikki tries desperately to hang on. But when the man who broke Nikki’s heart comes back into her life she doesn’t know how much she can take. Especially since that man seems determined to win back her damaged heart.
Wade Lightfoot is a man who knows he’s made more mistakes than most. As much as he would like to repair the damage he’s done to those he loves, Wade also knows there is no going back. But when he sets out to put things right the last thing he’s prepared to find out is that he had a son. A son he’ll never get the chance to meet.
When the truth is out and all the old wounds are bared, it seems impossible that Nikki and Wade will find their way back to each other. But true love is an undeniable force that even past hurts can’t destroy.
This book has been previously published and has been revised from its original release.
“Why don’t you make yourself at home?” she drawled, her voice sugar sweet. She soaked a rag with cool water and lifted it to her nape, swiping her neck and chest and arms with it, taking perverse pleasure as his eyes heated.
“Don’t mind if I do,” he returned, sipping at the drink and winking at her over the rim. His eyes, however, lacked the lighthearted tone that was in his words.
As she pressed the cloth to back of her neck, Nikki closed her eyes, trying hard to ignore him, but it was damn near impossible. She could feel his eyes on her as she swiped the cool rag over her hot flesh.
The pounding of her heart had nothing to do with him, she insisted. It was from the exercise, only the exercise.
“Need some help?” Wade offered, his voice going low and rough as her eyes opened and she studied him, her face flushed and damp, body gleaming slightly from her exertions.
Recognizing the look in his eyes, Nikki stopped playing with fire and threw the cloth into the sink. “What are you doing here, Wade?” she asked flatly, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning against the counter.
“I came to see you, of course.”
Only on Kindle & Kindle Unlimited at this time.
Will be made available on other platforms in fall 2017
I’m trying to reach some new readers this time around so it’s a KU exclusive and I’ll issue it far and wide in 90 days.
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Over at my Patreon platform, patrons got to see the cover for Kit #5. It will go public in 4 more days, or if you want to see now, plus find out what patrons will be getting when I’m done with the book, you can join us…
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And…last but not least…
This book will be reissuing on Friday. If you like my friends to lovers stories, don’t might have your heart strings pulled and maybe some menage fantasy…
Playing for Keeps
Jacob has always been part of Dana Cochran’s life. They’ve lived next door to each other for years, they’ve dated on and off and now they see each other through work.
But their timing has just never been right, and when Dana invites Jacob over to play with her and Mason Caldwell…things get complicated.
Doctor Jacob McCoy loves Dana. So much so, that he’s even willing to share her with Mason Caldwell. But a red-hot threesome isn’t all that Jacob wants from Dana.
When tragedy strikes their fledging relationship, Jacob has to convince Dana that pushing him away isn’t the answer.
He wants to be in her life forever. And some things are worth fighting for.
Excerpt
If he kept looking at her, he was going to do something stupid.
Of course, when it came to Dana, he’d been doing stupid shit for half of his life, it seemed.
Need and love could make a man do some seriously strangely things. Like move back into a home he hated, just so he could be near when she visited her parents on break. Things like taking her up on the sassy challenge he’d seen in her eyes one hot, stormy night. Things like sharing her with an overly cocky, egotistical bastard who didn’t have the sense to appreciate Dana for the woman she was.
It had been storming that first night when he’d gone to check on Dana. Her electricity had gone out during the storm and he hadn’t realized she had company. He ended up walking around the house when she hadn’t answered the door and had found her on the back porch, slightly tipsy, wearing nothing but a T-shirt made transparent by the rain and a wide, wicked smile as she smiled up at Mason Caldwell’s face.
She hadn’t noticed him right away.
If Mason hadn’t said anything, Jake could have walked away, suffering nothing more than heartache and jealousy. Well, that and the need to pummel the man’s face until that cocky grin was nothing more than a memory.
But Mason had seen him, dipped his head to whisper in Dana’s ear. Dana had looked at him and that was all it had taken. He’d been lost to her…but then he’d been lost to her pretty much from the beginning.
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Rain pelted down all around, soaking his hair, soaking through his clothes, puddling under his feet as he came to a stop at the back of Dana’s house.
She was soaked through, too, but she did things for that wet T-shirt that were just plain torture. Her nipples thrust against the white cotton, hard and erect, and the wet material clung to the slopes of her breasts, her trim torso and flat belly, clinging to her hips and making it all too clear that she wasn’t wearing anything under the T-shirt. It stopped at her thighs and left the long, golden length of her legs bare.
Water droplets clung to her legs as she sauntered his way, smiling at him through the rain. “Hey, Jake…”
“Sorry. Wanted to make sure you were okay.” Forcing the words past his tight throat, he met her pale golden gaze and shook his head, backing away. “The…ah…the storm. It’s knocked out all the power…”
Mason, the guy she’d been dating off and on since the past summer, slipped up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. Over her shoulder, Mason smiled at him, apparently not the least bit concerned about Dana’s all-but-bare breasts, or the fact that Jake was all but drooling over them.
Dana leaned back against Mason and pressed a kiss to his jaw. “Hmmmm…I’m just fine, Jake.” She slipped away from Mason and came towards him with a smile on her face. She stopped just a few feet away, and tipped her head back to the sky. She wobbled on her legs and ending up falling against Mason with a giggle. “I love thunderstorms.”
He knew that. She’d always loved thunderstorms, even when they’d been children and other kids would run inside to hide. Dana’s parents would have to drag her in out of the rain and watched her like crazy to make sure she didn’t slip back outside.
Smoothing a hand up her side, Mason steadied Dana on her feet before grinning in Jake’s direction. “We were playing truth and dare.” There was a smirk in Mason’s eyes, a look that made it more than clear that he knew what Jake was thinking, even if Dana was blind to it.
Just barely, he managed to keep from sneering at Mason as he replied, “I stopped playing games a long time ago.”
Dana giggled and wiggled free from Mason’s arms again. “You should play more, Jake.” She stumbled against him, braced her hands on his chest. Lifting her face to him, she smiled and pressed her lips to his. “Wanna play with us?”
The post Another old book reissued…Some Kit news appeared first on Shiloh Walker.
May 18, 2017
Come hang out with Nora Roberts & me…
Today 5.18.2017
6 PM – 9 PM
There will be goodies, books, sweets (or that’s the rumor) and more!
Turn The Page Bookstore Cafe
18 N Main St, Boonsboro, Maryland 21713
The post Come hang out with Nora Roberts & me… appeared first on Shiloh Walker.
May 14, 2017
May 10, 2017
Kit Stuff, Reissues & All That Jazz…
Sometime this week, I plan on sharing the rough draft of HAUNTED BLADE on my Patreon page, with a full cover reveal coming once I have the final cover in the next few weeks. Feedback came in on Damon’s short story and the patrons loved it.
At the end of the month, I’ll be reissuing PLAYING FOR KEEPS, one of my old Samhain titles.
This is one a hot mess of raw sex, raw emotion and childhood friends who become end up as partners as adults, then lovers.
Excerpt
If he kept looking at her, he was going to do something stupid.
Of course, when it came to Dana, he’d been doing stupid shit for half of his life, it seemed.
Need and love could make a man do some seriously strangely things. Like move back into a home he hated, just so he could be near when she visited her parents on break. Things like taking her up on the sassy challenge he’d seen in her eyes one hot, stormy night. Things like sharing her with an overly cocky, egotistical bastard who didn’t have the sense to appreciate Dana for the woman she was.
It had been storming that first night when he’d gone to check on Dana. Her electricity had gone out during the storm and he hadn’t realized she had company. He ended up walking around the house when she hadn’t answered the door and had found her on the back porch, slightly tipsy, wearing nothing but a T-shirt made transparent by the rain and a wide, wicked smile as she smiled up at Mason Caldwell’s face.
She hadn’t noticed him right away.
If Mason hadn’t said anything, Jake could have walked away, suffering nothing more than heartache and jealousy. Well, that and the need to pummel the man’s face until that cocky grin was nothing more than a memory.
But Mason had seen him, dipped his head to whisper in Dana’s ear. Dana had looked at him and that was all it had taken. He’d been lost to her…but then he’d been lost to her pretty much from the beginning. read more
And I’m going to try to get either FOR THE LOVE OF JAZZ or NO LONGER MINE out to readers here in the next week or so.
The post Kit Stuff, Reissues & All That Jazz… appeared first on Shiloh Walker.
May 5, 2017
This, That & Kit & Damon & more Kit.
To those who’ve emailed & DM’d & sent messages on Facebook… I’m doing okay.
FINE is a ways off, and normal is, too. But I’m coping. I’m writing more than I have in several weeks. If I could sleep without dreaming that my hedgehog had turned into an evil weasel that is trying to eat my fingers or that some crazed maniac wants to break into my house to do me personal harm…but that’s neither here nor there.
Life goes on and I love it too much to let somebody else tear mine apart because their world is falling apart. I’m now focused on protecting my kids. That’s what the guy and I are going to do. That, and helping my mom, my sister in law, her kids as much as we can.
In other news…
I got the first look at the draft of HAUNTED BLADE, Book #6 in the Colbana Files. I want a few adjustments made, then I’ll start figuring out how to post it.
For now….
Diva is on the cover again. She’s beautiful and a perfect Kit.
I’m finally on a groove with this one and I want to finish it this month, I hope. If that happens, we can look at an August or September release date.
For those who have been seeing my posts on the Patreon, I’ve released my first patron-exclusive story, and it’s a Kit Colbana world story, DAMON. It’s a prequel to Blade Song, told from Damon’s perspective, leading up to the events that placed him in Kit’s office the first day they met.
The patrons loved it. Right now, it is a patron exclusive story, but patron support starts at only $1 if you’re interested. Pledges are collected at the end of the month and rewards go out after that.
If you’d like to check the page out, you can go here. You can read the first chapter here and the purpose behind the patreon here.
The post This, That & Kit & Damon & more Kit. appeared first on Shiloh Walker.
May 1, 2017
Dear lovely people
First, I’ve got some of the best readers in the entire world. Yes, I’ve sent your comments, I’ve gotten messages via facebook.
I’ve gotten emails.
I’ve gotten comments from some friends on twitter.
Right now, no, I’m not fine, but I’ll figure it out. I’m mostly already on the way there. I just…I don’t want to talk to people right now.
I had already figured out what I needed to do Saturday afternoon and I’d spoken with my parents. Yesterday, the idea was more clear. Some other things finally clarified, too. My brother is sick, yes. But he’s also just plain mean and he’s not the kid I loved and wanted to protect. You can protect somebody who doesn’t want it, won’t allow it. So I’m stepping away. Completely, fully. And I feel better. It’s a hard pill to swallow knowing you can’t help somebody you love, but at the same time, it’s a necessary one.
I’m posting this part mainly because I know other people out there are dealing, have dealt or will deal with it.
And it’s okay to step away. You can’t make somebody accept help, or even accept your love. It’s okay to let go. Sometimes, it’s even necessary.
Now I just have to come to grips with it and try to…I don’t know…grieve, I guess. It’s weird grieving somebody who is still here, but isn’t here. But that’s okay, too. The man he used to be is gone, or he’s just so lost, he might as well be.
I’m stepping back from social media for a while. I’m going to focus on writing, on me, on my family. I might blog. I might not. I doubt I’ll respond to personal messages when I do log back on, mainly because I just to deal with this in my own way, then let it go.
But I’ve seen your comments, your messages. It means a lot.
Thank you.
The post Dear lovely people appeared first on Shiloh Walker.
April 29, 2017
#bvw17, an apology, life, other assorted bullshit
Not necessarily in that order.
Also, bear with me as I’m doing this from my phone.
This is pretty much the note I sent to Barbara via text earlier.
I’m sharing with my readers as I’ve gotten several messages and emails and I feel I owe an explanation.
It’s complicated & long.
Yes.
I’m dealing with some shit. I’m going to do something I rarely do and that’s discuss some deeply personal matters.
I’m sorry I let people down. I know the organizers likely regret having me here and I am sorry for disappointing people.
Unfortunately, if I said I was sorry I came, I would be lying. Last night was the first time I had laughed all week. The first time I had smiled. I would have been ok, but Kristen’s talk hit too close to home.
I have three brothers. We grew up in a home with an alcoholic father who could be emotionally abusive.
He’s been sober for some years, which is great for him. Selfishly, it is great for me too, especially as I need him now.
One of my brothers was diagnosed as being bipolar as few months ago. He has depression. He doesn’t take his meds well. He’s an alcoholic and messes with drugs. His marriage is a mess.
The past few weeks, he’s been on a downhill slide.
Tuesday, he sent us rambling texts, indicating he was going to kill himself.
Even tracking him down wasn’t enough. He tried to jump out of my moving car on the way to the hospital.
I ended up having him admitted to the hospital, but clearly that’s not enough drama for him.
My mom called me in a panic Thursday because of my brother….we will call him… Milton. No, that’s not his name, but I’m angry with him and i don’t really like the name…and he would hate it.
He told her if he didn’t some make phone calls, he’d be dead in a few days.
He has borrowed almost two grand from her that he hasn’t paid back.
He’s borrowed nearly a thousand from me. I got maybe half of it back.
My dad who finally got sober after almost 40 years and scrapes by week to week has even loaned him money.
His boss has loaned him money.
Putting this together wasn’t hard, especially knowing his history, although I wasn’t prepared for this eventuality. If he isn’t lying, he owes somebody money. Big time. It’s a worrisome picture.
When he was a teen, he ran with a bad crowd.
For context, one of the guys he hung out with was named Kendrick.
Kendrick was found dead a few years back in the trunk of his own car.
My husband, when we were dating, once got between Kendrick and me. He’d shown up looking for my brother. I was babysitting. My brother had been a jerk and I wouldn’t let him out or kendrick in. Kendrick took it personal and threatened me and I told him to put his money where his mouth was. He was about ready to swing at me.
At some point, he mouthed off to somebody, owed somebody, pissed someone off. He was murdered before he saw 30.
Thursday, the day I found out that “Milton” might be in danger, I went and got his cell phone from his house. His oldest son gave me a key. The kid is 23. He was kicked out a few days after he got between his dad after he came in and found my brother with his hands around my sister in law’s neck. He beat the crap out of his dad. I’d give him a medal.
He got kicked out and my brother was taken into custody until he sobered up. I witnessed the tail end because my niece, his only daughter, had texted me, said my name, then went quiet, keeping the line active. I live twenty minutes away. Cops were called but I didn’t know if I’d make it in time.
Two months, maybe, passed between that fight and another incident. This timr, my brother was sent to the hospital after he’d hurt himself at work, probably intentionally, then put on a psych hold.
This was when he was diagnosed as bi-polar, and having depression. It didn’t surprise me.
I’ve dealt with depression myself for almost 20 years.
“Milton” doesn’t deal. He drinks. He cuts himself. He does drugs.
And at some point, he’s gotten himself into so much trouble that he now fears for his life.
My mother was ready to somehow try and pay this debt.
I couldn’t let that happen.
I kept the phone, disabled location services & turned it off.
He’s been in a rage since, calling my mom, insisting I’m in danger.
Which begs the question… why should she have it?
He can’t. Not while in the hospital. But when asked, he won’t answer why my mom is OK to have the phone but not me..
Friday night, not long after I arrived, my sister in law called. “Milton” called the cops over his phone.
He called the cops because I had concerns over my mother’s safety.
All this shit in my head has gotten in the way. Addicts too easily destroy those around them.
Kristen’s talk hit too close to home and I had to leave the room.
The past week is the most alone I’ve ever felt.
The past week has been the hardest of my life, including the time I lost a child.
I’ve got a great husband. He’s there, but there’s only so much he can help with here.
I needed to get out. For a few days.
Kristen’s talk was beautiful, poignant…but too personal for me. I apologize that my pain made people uncomfortable.
I apologize for over sleeping and being late to the luncheon. There is no excuse for it
For the record, I was not drunk. It was commented that I weaved as I walked. I always do, and it’s worse when I am stressed. Part of it is vertigo. I used to pass out for no discernable reason. An unsteady gait is a much better option. I think some of it might be a focus thing…maybe? I have ADD, but I haven’t taken meds the past few days because I am already too worked up.
Last night, I did get totally wasted but frankly, I’d be lying if I said I was sorry.
I will apologize if I hurt, offended or caused problems, though-I’m sorry for that. I’m also sorry for my murderous headache.
I’m sorry to those I disappointed or let down but I’m not sure I can entirely say I’m sorry because my problems stem something too deep to explain and people shouldn’t have to apologize for pain. It’s part of the reason there’s so much stigma attached to mental health issues.
I don’t expect to be invited back and I understand.
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