Stephen Graham Jones's Blog, page 265
February 17, 2013
Three Things We (Horror Folk) Can Learn from The Mooring
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1. Horror can still be very disturbing and very complete without gore and nudity Is there even any profanity in The Mooring? I can’t think of it, if there is. Which isn’t to say over-the-top gore isn’t a complete riot, just all kinds of fun. I like it when I have to hide my eyes. Last time that happened, I guess, would have been Excision. First time? Probably The Exorcist. Well, okay, The Eyes of Laura Mars, but that wasn’t from gore, but absolute, undiluted terror; I was eight, I think. But, nudity in horror—for a long time the theory (or, maybe, just the practice?) was that it was enough of a pendulum swing the other way from gore that it allowed the visual palette of the film to achieve a kind of balance. Or is that just a rationalization? It could have been just as simple as the filmmakers knowing that, even if the story was thrown together and the production poor, there was still one way to lure their target demographic to the drive-in. One way that’s significantly cheaper than hiring a Tom Savini or a Kevin Williamson. And sometimes I think nudity in horror—in the slasher in particular—is just the director being all leery, taking advantage of girls fresh off the bus, as it were. It’s not called exploitation cinema for nothing. And nudity could even be setting the audience up to be punished, I suppose: if it’s thrilled when the clothes are peeled off, then what about when the skin . . . → → →
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1. Horror can still be very disturbing and very complete without gore and nudity Is there even any profanity in The Mooring? I can’t think of it, if there is. Which isn’t to say over-the-top gore isn’t a complete riot, just all kinds of fun. I like it when I have to hide my eyes. Last time that happened, I guess, would have been Excision. First time? Probably The Exorcist. Well, okay, The Eyes of Laura Mars, but that wasn’t from gore, but absolute, undiluted terror; I was eight, I think. But, nudity in horror—for a long time the theory (or, maybe, just the practice?) was that it was enough of a pendulum swing the other way from gore that it allowed the visual palette of the film to achieve a kind of balance. Or is that just a rationalization? It could have been just as simple as the filmmakers knowing that, even if the story was thrown together and the production poor, there was still one way to lure their target demographic to the drive-in. One way that’s significantly cheaper than hiring a Tom Savini or a Kevin Williamson. And sometimes I think nudity in horror—in the slasher in particular—is just the director being all leery, taking advantage of girls fresh off the bus, as it were. It’s not called exploitation cinema for nothing. And nudity could even be setting the audience up to be punished, I suppose: if it’s thrilled when the clothes are peeled off, then what about when the skin . . . → → →
January 12, 2013
Movies, 2012
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Man, sat down to make this list on the last day of 2012, but stumbled into the opening line of a novel instead, and have been there ever since. 160, 170 pages in right now, and staring down that last chapter. Which, as always, is terrifying. So, to stall, here’s my list, taking into account the specific kind of loser I am—that is, one who somehow missed Final Destination 5, just because I got burned by Final Destination 4. But I should have just remembered how much I loved the first three. Now, though, FD5′s already cycled out of Redbox. So: soon, soon. Same with Innkeepers, which I keep hearing good about. And, to sum up beforehand: no, there’s no Hot-Tub Time Machine this year. No Machete. But there was one Cabin the Woods, and that maybe counts for both of them. And, like most of these lists, I’d guess mine’s leaning towards the latter half of the year, as that’s the half I can kind of sort of remember, if I squint just right: Best Opening Scene EVER, from ANYTHING, for ALL TIME: Rock of Ages Coolest MacGuffin I’ve seen since Pulp Fiction: it’s in Lockout Best Ante-Upper Since Scream: Cabin the Woods Best Combination of Gore and Pure Comedy Gold: Mon Ami Coolest Car Since In Time: Hit & Run Most Intense Final Sequence: Paranormal Activity 4 (spoiler, spoiler, see the movie first) Most SkyHigh / Scott Pilgrim under-the-radar slasher: Detention Surprisingly Good Sequels, So Deep into the Franchise: Paranormal Activity 4, Ice Age 4 (which also . . . → → →
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Man, sat down to make this list on the last day of 2012, but stumbled into the opening line of a novel instead, and have been there ever since. 160, 170 pages in right now, and staring down that last chapter. Which, as always, is terrifying. So, to stall, here’s my list, taking into account the specific kind of loser I am—that is, one who somehow missed Final Destination 5, just because I got burned by Final Destination 4. But I should have just remembered how much I loved the first three. Now, though, FD5′s already cycled out of Redbox. So: soon, soon. Same with Innkeepers, which I keep hearing good about. And, to sum up beforehand: no, there’s no Hot-Tub Time Machine this year. No Machete. But there was one Cabin the Woods, and that maybe counts for both of them. And, like most of these lists, I’d guess mine’s leaning towards the latter half of the year, as that’s the half I can kind of sort of remember, if I squint just right: Best Opening Scene EVER, from ANYTHING, for ALL TIME: Rock of Ages Coolest MacGuffin I’ve seen since Pulp Fiction: it’s in Lockout Best Ante-Upper Since Scream: Cabin the Woods Best Combination of Gore and Pure Comedy Gold: Mon Ami Coolest Car Since In Time: Hit & Run Most Intense Final Sequence: Paranormal Activity 4 (spoiler, spoiler, see the movie first) Most SkyHigh / Scott Pilgrim under-the-radar slasher: Detention Surprisingly Good Sequels, So Deep into the Franchise: Paranormal Activity 4, Ice Age 4 (which also . . . → → →
January 4, 2013
Chainsaw Massacre 3D
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This deep into a franchise—really, I’ve lost count of the Texas Chainsaw Massacres—most horror series are limping along, putting a movie out just to keep the brand in-house, that kind of stuff. Not here. Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D is every single thing I want from a horror movie. And the story actually surprises me. Worse, I almost missed the whole thing. Because I accidentally read a review or two, and it’s so easy to pan the sequel to a remake, or however this one’s stacked. Really, I’d guess a lot of the bad reviews were pretty much written before the reviewer even saw the movie. The movie just confirmed what the reviewer thought going in. And, I understand the impulse: hating the new version is a way of showing allegiance to the old version. It’s a way of resisting the studios grubbing for remake dollars. And it’s low-hanging fruit: no, this Leatherface isn’t quite as scary as Gunnar Hansen’s. Yes, the grittiness of the original is gone, never to be done again. And no, we shouldn’t ever compromise, but TCM3D isn’t remotely a compromise. TCM3D knows exactly what it needs to do, knows that the audience is expecting certain things—a van of kids, a hitchhiker, ‘Texas,’ those red shorts, somebody getting hung on a meat hook; Leatherface—and so it rigs the story such that all of that starts unfolding as quickly as possible. No, as efficiently as possible. And in a completely fun way, and out at an All the Boys Love Mandy Lane kind . . . → → →
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This deep into a franchise—really, I’ve lost count of the Texas Chainsaw Massacres—most horror series are limping along, putting a movie out just to keep the brand in-house, that kind of stuff. Not here. Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D is every single thing I want from a horror movie. And the story actually surprises me. Worse, I almost missed the whole thing. Because I accidentally read a review or two, and it’s so easy to pan the sequel to a remake, or however this one’s stacked. Really, I’d guess a lot of the bad reviews were pretty much written before the reviewer even saw the movie. The movie just confirmed what the reviewer thought going in. And, I understand the impulse: hating the new version is a way of showing allegiance to the old version. It’s a way of resisting the studios grubbing for remake dollars. And it’s low-hanging fruit: no, this Leatherface isn’t quite as scary as Gunnar Hansen’s. Yes, the grittiness of the original is gone, never to be done again. And no, we shouldn’t ever compromise, but TCM3D isn’t remotely a compromise. TCM3D knows exactly what it needs to do, knows that the audience is expecting certain things—a van of kids, a hitchhiker, ‘Texas,’ those red shorts, somebody getting hung on a meat hook; Leatherface—and so it rigs the story such that all of that starts unfolding as quickly as possible. No, as efficiently as possible. And in a completely fun way, and out at an All the Boys Love Mandy Lane kind . . . → → →
October 31, 2012
Halloween 2012
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ten in the morning, just after comic book class: and. the close-up: and, will be something different tonight, I suspect. Jason Voorhees, Ghostface, a horse-head dude, I don’t know. I do know this night’s never long enough.
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ten in the morning, just after comic book class: and. the close-up: and, will be something different tonight, I suspect. Jason Voorhees, Ghostface, a horse-head dude, I don’t know. I do know this night’s never long enough.
October 30, 2012
Ten Scariest Scenes from Horror Movies
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This was the easiest list to make. These are the images and jump-scares I think of first thing each night at two or three in the morning when I wake up. Take last night for example: I’m gonesville when I hear something crash downstairs. Or, I hear the end of it. So of course I have to investigate. By degrees. And, instead of anything understandable, what it is that fell is this skeleton hand we keep perched on an antique typewriter. Why it would fall at three in the morning, I have not a clue. But, going back up the stairs, these are all the scenes that assault me. So, now the job for me, it’s to somehow get back upstairs when the house is all empty. One trick I’ve learned is to pretend for the dogs that I’ve got some kind of treat for them. They follow and follow, not meaning to use their ears and noses, not meaning to give me the company I need. And then, a few minutes later, we’re upstairs, and all’s well. Unless this is the time they’ve grown weary of this game. Which is to say, yes, I looked for a picture of that dog from The Omen, but couldn’t find it framed . . . → → →
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This was the easiest list to make. These are the images and jump-scares I think of first thing each night at two or three in the morning when I wake up. Take last night for example: I’m gonesville when I hear something crash downstairs. Or, I hear the end of it. So of course I have to investigate. By degrees. And, instead of anything understandable, what it is that fell is this skeleton hand we keep perched on an antique typewriter. Why it would fall at three in the morning, I have not a clue. But, going back up the stairs, these are all the scenes that assault me. So, now the job for me, it’s to somehow get back upstairs when the house is all empty. One trick I’ve learned is to pretend for the dogs that I’ve got some kind of treat for them. They follow and follow, not meaning to use their ears and noses, not meaning to give me the company I need. And then, a few minutes later, we’re upstairs, and all’s well. Unless this is the time they’ve grown weary of this game. Which is to say, yes, I looked for a picture of that dog from The Omen, but couldn’t find it framed . . . → → →
October 19, 2012
The New Neighbors SUCK: Paranormal Activity 4
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When Katie from Paranormal Activity moves in across the street, it’s a pretty sure bet things are going to get demon-y, and fast. And, we’ve seen the other three, so we know all the rules: demons love to move furniture adults never notice anything there’s always some reason to have a camera rolling 24/7 something in the background will move, if you watch long enough witches aren’t scary. What this fourth installment adds is: nobody closes laptops a certain in-jokiness (is that the big wheel from The Shining, or the tricycle from The Omen?) a movie can be made from jump scares. And of course by now you’ve seen the trailer, know that this is the Skype/Kinect version of the Paranormal story. And we also know that Matt Shively (Ryan Laserbeam from True Jackson, VP, for those who, you know, know True Jackson) is providing the comedy. Which, according to the rules of horror, of course means he’s doomed. And we know that, much like the Saw franchise, every narrative crack is being not just mined for story, but pillaged. So, because everybody is dead by now, we’re following Katie, after walking away with Hunter in 2, I think it was. Which was a pretty revolutionary sequel, even if it wasn’t quite as scary. It folded together so well with the first. Not in that Halloween/Halloween II way, either (which rocked), but in a filling-in-the-gaps way. However, remember how the first Matrix pulled the rug out from under us so completely that the second and . . . → → →
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When Katie from Paranormal Activity moves in across the street, it’s a pretty sure bet things are going to get demon-y, and fast. And, we’ve seen the other three, so we know all the rules: demons love to move furniture adults never notice anything there’s always some reason to have a camera rolling 24/7 something in the background will move, if you watch long enough witches aren’t scary. What this fourth installment adds is: nobody closes laptops a certain in-jokiness (is that the big wheel from The Shining, or the tricycle from The Omen?) a movie can be made from jump scares. And of course by now you’ve seen the trailer, know that this is the Skype/Kinect version of the Paranormal story. And we also know that Matt Shively (Ryan Laserbeam from True Jackson, VP, for those who, you know, know True Jackson) is providing the comedy. Which, according to the rules of horror, of course means he’s doomed. And we know that, much like the Saw franchise, every narrative crack is being not just mined for story, but pillaged. So, because everybody is dead by now, we’re following Katie, after walking away with Hunter in 2, I think it was. Which was a pretty revolutionary sequel, even if it wasn’t quite as scary. It folded together so well with the first. Not in that Halloween/Halloween II way, either (which rocked), but in a filling-in-the-gaps way. However, remember how the first Matrix pulled the rug out from under us so completely that the second and . . . → → →
October 12, 2012
Sinister
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We all live in Stephen King’s house. I mean, all of us who hope to write the scary stuff. Case in point: Sinister. Is there any way to move a writer into a new house and not conjure Jack Torrance? And, going back a touch farther—as King, I assume (going by Danse Macabre) would do himself—what’s Jack Torrance if not a more dangerous Eleanor, from The Haunting of Hill House? I mean, what you’ve got is somebody made vulnerable by their character flaws and/or past, and you’re plugging them into some haunting where that can be used against them, with other people very much at stake. That pretty much works as a synopsis for Sinister, which is meant to be Insidious’ cousin, and have Paranormal Activity bleedover as well, and, maybe more important, some crossover star-power: Ethan Hawke, troping around in the attic of the haunted house, maybe his first horror outing ever, not counting Daybreakers (or’s he got some horror? IMDb’s so far away . . .). And it’s got all the conventions we expect and love and keep paying for: kids who see the ghosts; ghosts who flit through the bac kground but are never there when the character’s actually looking; a lingering ‘crime’; some Samara-type visuals; ‘haunted’ media, which we know and love, starting about with The Omen but of course cycling through horror with pretty terrifying regularity; authorities who aren’t much help; scary drawings on the walls; and on and on. None of which is in any way bad, please understand. . . . → → →
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We all live in Stephen King’s house. I mean, all of us who hope to write the scary stuff. Case in point: Sinister. Is there any way to move a writer into a new house and not conjure Jack Torrance? And, going back a touch farther—as King, I assume (going by Danse Macabre) would do himself—what’s Jack Torrance if not a more dangerous Eleanor, from The Haunting of Hill House? I mean, what you’ve got is somebody made vulnerable by their character flaws and/or past, and you’re plugging them into some haunting where that can be used against them, with other people very much at stake. That pretty much works as a synopsis for Sinister, which is meant to be Insidious’ cousin, and have Paranormal Activity bleedover as well, and, maybe more important, some crossover star-power: Ethan Hawke, troping around in the attic of the haunted house, maybe his first horror outing ever, not counting Daybreakers (or’s he got some horror? IMDb’s so far away . . .). And it’s got all the conventions we expect and love and keep paying for: kids who see the ghosts; ghosts who flit through the bac kground but are never there when the character’s actually looking; a lingering ‘crime’; some Samara-type visuals; ‘haunted’ media, which we know and love, starting about with The Omen but of course cycling through horror with pretty terrifying regularity; authorities who aren’t much help; scary drawings on the walls; and on and on. None of which is in any way bad, please understand. . . . → → →
September 18, 2012
The Last Final Girl
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Life in a slasher film is easy. You just have to know when to die. Aerial View: A suburban town in Texas. Everyone’s got an automatic garage door opener. All the kids jump off a perilous cliff into a shallow river as a rite of passage. The sheriff is a local celebrity. You know this town. You’re from this town. Zoom In: Homecoming princess, Lindsay. She’s just barely escaped death at the hands of a brutal, sadistic murderer in a Michael Jackson mask. Up on the cliff, she was rescued by a horse and bravely defeated the killer, alone, bra-less. Her story is already a legend. She’s this town’s heroic final girl, their virgin angel. Monster Vision: Halloween masks floating down that same river the kids jump into.But just as one slaughter is not enough for Billie Jean, our masked killer, one victory is not enough for Lindsay. Her high school is full of final girls, and she’s not the only one who knows the rules of the game. When Lindsay chooses a host of virgins, misfits, and former final girls to replace the slaughtered members of her original homecoming court, it’s not just a fight for survival—it’s a fight to become The Last Final Girl. reviews : Manarchy links :
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Life in a slasher film is easy. You just have to know when to die. Aerial View: A suburban town in Texas. Everyone’s got an automatic garage door opener. All the kids jump off a perilous cliff into a shallow river as a rite of passage. The sheriff is a local celebrity. You know this town. You’re from this town. Zoom In: Homecoming princess, Lindsay. She’s just barely escaped death at the hands of a brutal, sadistic murderer in a Michael Jackson mask. Up on the cliff, she was rescued by a horse and bravely defeated the killer, alone, bra-less. Her story is already a legend. She’s this town’s heroic final girl, their virgin angel. Monster Vision: Halloween masks floating down that same river the kids jump into.But just as one slaughter is not enough for Billie Jean, our masked killer, one victory is not enough for Lindsay. Her high school is full of final girls, and she’s not the only one who knows the rules of the game. When Lindsay chooses a host of virgins, misfits, and former final girls to replace the slaughtered members of her original homecoming court, it’s not just a fight for survival—it’s a fight to become The Last Final Girl. reviews : Manarchy links :
August 24, 2012
Hit & Run
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Some movies give me hope. Just, generally. I mean, that you can still mix a movie up from just fast, bad cars and a bunch of happy-go-lucky characters who can’t really ever die. But maybe I should preface this by saying I’m much more of a Cannonball Run/Smokey and the Bandit/Deathproof kind of fan than I am of all the Fast and the Furiouses. Just because those cute little cars in F&tF, I’m sure they’re fast and somehow desirable, but they’re just not bad. Want to know one of the reasons I finally cashed in my smart phone? Because the gallery part was just way, way too full of pictures of cars. Especially El Caminos. Like, every parking lot I cruis, there’s another car I need to have on my phone to study later. It got to where I was looping back around five miles, so, yeah, I get along better with no smartphone these days. But, this movie, Hit and Run. I don’t even remember the trailer anymore, but I do remember that when I saw it, I was sold, that I knew I was going to be there opening day. And I’m so glad it was. The last time I fell out of my seat in a theater from laughing? It was What About Bob?, I’m pretty sure. And the last time I nearly threw up from laughing? Whichever Austin Powers had the (non-)fecal matter coffee. For Hit and Run, I nearly threw up from laughing. And I did slump out of my . . . → → →
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Some movies give me hope. Just, generally. I mean, that you can still mix a movie up from just fast, bad cars and a bunch of happy-go-lucky characters who can’t really ever die. But maybe I should preface this by saying I’m much more of a Cannonball Run/Smokey and the Bandit/Deathproof kind of fan than I am of all the Fast and the Furiouses. Just because those cute little cars in F&tF, I’m sure they’re fast and somehow desirable, but they’re just not bad. Want to know one of the reasons I finally cashed in my smart phone? Because the gallery part was just way, way too full of pictures of cars. Especially El Caminos. Like, every parking lot I cruis, there’s another car I need to have on my phone to study later. It got to where I was looping back around five miles, so, yeah, I get along better with no smartphone these days. But, this movie, Hit and Run. I don’t even remember the trailer anymore, but I do remember that when I saw it, I was sold, that I knew I was going to be there opening day. And I’m so glad it was. The last time I fell out of my seat in a theater from laughing? It was What About Bob?, I’m pretty sure. And the last time I nearly threw up from laughing? Whichever Austin Powers had the (non-)fecal matter coffee. For Hit and Run, I nearly threw up from laughing. And I did slump out of my . . . → → →
August 2, 2012
Teacher Needs to See Me After School: Detention
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I’ve usually got my tongue di-rectly on the pulse of anything slasher, but somehow — two months of book tour? — Detention slipped past. In April, yes, when Growing Up Dead in Texas was just advance copies. And just a couple of days ago I was having a big talk with a good friend about slashers that are probing the edges of the genre, feeling out the limits, poking the necessary fun: Cabin Fever, Leslie Vernon, Tucker & Dale, Scream, Severance. The Killage. Then stuff like Mandy Lane or Cry_Wolf or The Hole, that are taking a less funsy angle into that particular interrogation. And, for me, of course, all these are in the coming context of my The Last Final Girl, in October (from Lazy Fascist, but I don’t think we’ve officially announced yet). You know that feeling when you have something coming out, and you get all sensitized to everything even remotely like it, suddenly certain that you’re going to get undercut? I wouldn’t know anything about that. And I consider myself to always be huddled over the slasher radar, anyway. I’ll sit through twenty Tamaras for just one of these. Or fifteen Darkness Fallses. Before I talk Detention, though, first, the caveats — why I’m already conditioned to fall for this: all the Demon Theory fun. How could I both write that novel and not swoon in the general area of a movie that also uses Anthony Michael Hall’s ‘who we think we are‘ voiced-over essay? And, that guy who shows up at . . . → → →
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I’ve usually got my tongue di-rectly on the pulse of anything slasher, but somehow — two months of book tour? — Detention slipped past. In April, yes, when Growing Up Dead in Texas was just advance copies. And just a couple of days ago I was having a big talk with a good friend about slashers that are probing the edges of the genre, feeling out the limits, poking the necessary fun: Cabin Fever, Leslie Vernon, Tucker & Dale, Scream, Severance. The Killage. Then stuff like Mandy Lane or Cry_Wolf or The Hole, that are taking a less funsy angle into that particular interrogation. And, for me, of course, all these are in the coming context of my The Last Final Girl, in October (from Lazy Fascist, but I don’t think we’ve officially announced yet). You know that feeling when you have something coming out, and you get all sensitized to everything even remotely like it, suddenly certain that you’re going to get undercut? I wouldn’t know anything about that. And I consider myself to always be huddled over the slasher radar, anyway. I’ll sit through twenty Tamaras for just one of these. Or fifteen Darkness Fallses. Before I talk Detention, though, first, the caveats — why I’m already conditioned to fall for this: all the Demon Theory fun. How could I both write that novel and not swoon in the general area of a movie that also uses Anthony Michael Hall’s ‘who we think we are‘ voiced-over essay? And, that guy who shows up at . . . → → →
