Poppy Z. Brite's Blog, page 68
April 16, 2011
Are You Loathsome Tonight? (Poll)
I have to select two stories from Are You Loathsome Tonight? for my former agent's company, eReads, to offer for sale separately. Since (A) I have a hard time looking back at my work and (B) I kind of hate that whole collection anyway except for Peter's introduction and Caitlín's afterword, I thought I'd let y'all choose. Unfortunately, I have to omit the two collaborations because the company doesn't want to deal with possible rights complications. I'll use whichever two stories receive the most votes.
View Poll: #1730781
View Poll: #1730781
Levon Me Alone
In gratitude for all your kind advice, I drew this picture of concern troll Elton John pushing me in what is probably the most poorly drawn wheelchair ever.
(Sorry for the horrible entry title. I could not help myself. Also, upon rereading this entry, it sounds kind of sarcastic. It isn't. I genuinely appreciate the advice and I drew this to amuse you.)
(Sorry for the horrible entry title. I could not help myself. Also, upon rereading this entry, it sounds kind of sarcastic. It isn't. I genuinely appreciate the advice and I drew this to amuse you.)
Rolling Iron
I was going to post this in
![[info]](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/hostedimages/1380451687i/2040817.gif)
dot_gimp_snark
, but it's not particularly snarky, so I hope some of you who got here from there can help me.
I'm thinking of becoming a part-time wheelchair user. This was prompted by my admitting recently -- to Chris and to myself -- that I don't really enjoy going out to eat anymore. I miss the delicious (or, occasionally, hilariously bad) food and the festiveness, but there are just too many steps. I have to get dressed. I have to get to the restaurant. I have to sit there for the length of the meal, and most restaurant chairs aren't very comfortable. I can't enjoy lingering over food and conversation; no matter how good they are, I'm always ready to leave sooner than other people want to. Then I have to go straight home instead of joining my party for a last drink or a set of music or whatever else normal people might do. Truth be told, I'm usually out of spoons by the end of the appetizer course.
Of course I have to keep in mind that part of the problem is my tendency toward agoraphobia, and another part of it is that being in pain often kills my appetite. But some of the problem, and what daunts me the most, is the actual getting there and sitting there. I'm wondering if a wheelchair with the right cushions and such would allow me to stay comfortable longer. From a quick online scan, it looks like prices for manual chairs are much lower than I expected, but I don't want to get a crappy one.
So, part- or full-time wheelchair users, what do you think? Recommendations? Things to look out for/stay away from? Trollface decals for the hubs of my wheels? Would I even be strong enough to push myself? (I'd mostly be using it when I go out with other people, who would presumably be willing to push me, so this isn't as big an issue as it might be.)
Also, I wish people would quit looking so sad when I tell them about this idea. I'm trying to increase my ability to do things, not lessen it.
dot_gimp_snark
, but it's not particularly snarky, so I hope some of you who got here from there can help me.I'm thinking of becoming a part-time wheelchair user. This was prompted by my admitting recently -- to Chris and to myself -- that I don't really enjoy going out to eat anymore. I miss the delicious (or, occasionally, hilariously bad) food and the festiveness, but there are just too many steps. I have to get dressed. I have to get to the restaurant. I have to sit there for the length of the meal, and most restaurant chairs aren't very comfortable. I can't enjoy lingering over food and conversation; no matter how good they are, I'm always ready to leave sooner than other people want to. Then I have to go straight home instead of joining my party for a last drink or a set of music or whatever else normal people might do. Truth be told, I'm usually out of spoons by the end of the appetizer course.
Of course I have to keep in mind that part of the problem is my tendency toward agoraphobia, and another part of it is that being in pain often kills my appetite. But some of the problem, and what daunts me the most, is the actual getting there and sitting there. I'm wondering if a wheelchair with the right cushions and such would allow me to stay comfortable longer. From a quick online scan, it looks like prices for manual chairs are much lower than I expected, but I don't want to get a crappy one.
So, part- or full-time wheelchair users, what do you think? Recommendations? Things to look out for/stay away from? Trollface decals for the hubs of my wheels? Would I even be strong enough to push myself? (I'd mostly be using it when I go out with other people, who would presumably be willing to push me, so this isn't as big an issue as it might be.)
Also, I wish people would quit looking so sad when I tell them about this idea. I'm trying to increase my ability to do things, not lessen it.
April 11, 2011
"Problem?" Is Such A Lonely Word
Fuck Yeah Trollface Tumblr
Must write post comparing two Billy Joel biographies, one bad and one pretty good, but I've been looking at the above too long and my neck is sore. Don't worry, I'll include a cut/warning when I do.
Must write post comparing two Billy Joel biographies, one bad and one pretty good, but I've been looking at the above too long and my neck is sore. Don't worry, I'll include a cut/warning when I do.
April 9, 2011
Gaaaaaaaa
Yesterday. Helping mother. Drove big-ass truck to Bibleland, loaded it with smaller stuff the movers didn't get, drove it back, and unloaded it in a hurry so we could get it back by the 7 PM deadline. Goddamn thing seemed to have no shocks. Every bump in the road felt like a painful carnival ride. Spider stowed away in my bag. Hate driving trucks. Hate highway driving. Am now dead of exhaustion.
April 7, 2011
My Unwieldily Titled But Easy Garden Beds
I'm writing this on the cutest little MacBook Air you ever saw. It weighs nothing and can probably even levitate. I think this (11") is about as small as I'd want my computer screen to go, though. My eyes are starting to get bad, though so far I can make do with generic drugstore reading glasses.
Stuck in bed again today. Had to postpone a vet appointment because I knew I couldn't carry the cat and carrier by myself. Last week's moment of incandescent rage hasn't returned, though. This is just my life. It is what it is. Many are far worse off. Anyway, since I can't actually do anything useful today, maybe this will be useful for some of you. When I mention cooking, people often ask for recipes, which is difficult because I hardly ever use them. I realized, though, that I could write a "recipe" for the super-easy (both to make and to maintain) garden beds I've been making this year. I'm growing tomatoes in them now and will soon add three kinds of peppers (fish, chocolate habanero, and Thai red).
DOC BRITE'S SUPER-EASY GARDEN BEDS FOR PEOPLE WHO CAN'T (OR JUST DON'T WANT TO) DO ALL THE WEEDING, DIGGING, AND HAULING REGULAR BEDS REQUIRE
You really need good soil for this. If your soil is not good, I recommend adding compost/sand (for clayey soil)/whatever else it may need to the bed area before you start.
1. Choose a sunny area for your bed. Pull up as many weeds as possible, or as many as your back will stand.
2. Cover the area you want to use with black weed cloth. This cheap and easy-to-find product lets water and air through while smothering the weeds underneath it. Anchor the cloth with garden staples, bricks, or rocks. Wait at least a few days, preferably a week or more, to let the weeds die.
3. Get the seedlings you want to plant and determine how widely they should be spaced. Use a utility knife to cut a small X in each spot where you want to plant a seedling.
4. Fold back the flaps of the X and dig a hole just big enough to accommodate the seedling's roots and loosen the soil around them a little. Your plants may not grow as quickly as plants in a bed of thoroughly turned and loosened soil, but unless your soil is rock-hard, they will grow.
5. Plant seedlings and sprinkle 3 tablespoons of organic fertilizer around the base of each one. It doesn't matter if the flaps of weed cloth unfold after planting and fertilizing, since the cloth is water-permeable.
6. Cover the new bed with at least two inches of mulch. I use pine bark. Bricks or garden edging around the bed will help keep the mulch from washing away, but isn't strictly necessary. Getting and moving the mulch is the least back-friendly part of all this, but a wheelbarrow, hand truck, or strong friend can help.
7. Water thoroughly.
And there you are: garden beds with a minimum of pain! A few small weeds may take root in the mulch, and you should pull them up regularly, but you won't have to do nearly as much weeding as with a regular bed.
Stuck in bed again today. Had to postpone a vet appointment because I knew I couldn't carry the cat and carrier by myself. Last week's moment of incandescent rage hasn't returned, though. This is just my life. It is what it is. Many are far worse off. Anyway, since I can't actually do anything useful today, maybe this will be useful for some of you. When I mention cooking, people often ask for recipes, which is difficult because I hardly ever use them. I realized, though, that I could write a "recipe" for the super-easy (both to make and to maintain) garden beds I've been making this year. I'm growing tomatoes in them now and will soon add three kinds of peppers (fish, chocolate habanero, and Thai red).
DOC BRITE'S SUPER-EASY GARDEN BEDS FOR PEOPLE WHO CAN'T (OR JUST DON'T WANT TO) DO ALL THE WEEDING, DIGGING, AND HAULING REGULAR BEDS REQUIRE
You really need good soil for this. If your soil is not good, I recommend adding compost/sand (for clayey soil)/whatever else it may need to the bed area before you start.
1. Choose a sunny area for your bed. Pull up as many weeds as possible, or as many as your back will stand.
2. Cover the area you want to use with black weed cloth. This cheap and easy-to-find product lets water and air through while smothering the weeds underneath it. Anchor the cloth with garden staples, bricks, or rocks. Wait at least a few days, preferably a week or more, to let the weeds die.
3. Get the seedlings you want to plant and determine how widely they should be spaced. Use a utility knife to cut a small X in each spot where you want to plant a seedling.
4. Fold back the flaps of the X and dig a hole just big enough to accommodate the seedling's roots and loosen the soil around them a little. Your plants may not grow as quickly as plants in a bed of thoroughly turned and loosened soil, but unless your soil is rock-hard, they will grow.
5. Plant seedlings and sprinkle 3 tablespoons of organic fertilizer around the base of each one. It doesn't matter if the flaps of weed cloth unfold after planting and fertilizing, since the cloth is water-permeable.
6. Cover the new bed with at least two inches of mulch. I use pine bark. Bricks or garden edging around the bed will help keep the mulch from washing away, but isn't strictly necessary. Getting and moving the mulch is the least back-friendly part of all this, but a wheelbarrow, hand truck, or strong friend can help.
7. Water thoroughly.
And there you are: garden beds with a minimum of pain! A few small weeds may take root in the mulch, and you should pull them up regularly, but you won't have to do nearly as much weeding as with a regular bed.
April 5, 2011
Poof
I'm writing this on Chris' iPad. Right after I made that last entry, I was reading my friends list when my computer literally went poof, sent up a sad little cloud of smoke, and went black. Il est mort. I just had it fixed, but the repairs only cost $9 and they warned me it might still be on its way out. I was lusting after those nifty little Airbooks or whatever they are when I was at the Apple store, but just lately it seems like we need a new everything, all at the same time. Anyway, I may be online sporadically until I decide what to do.
April 4, 2011
Hi
Not that much to write about, but I'm tired of looking at the entry below and I thought I'd pop in to say hi. So, hi!
A fair amount of gardening this week. I worked on the backyard to get it turned into a garden again. Right now the grass is two feet high and there's crap scattered all around from our recently finished house-painting. The other day -- Thursday maybe? -- I'd actually gotten a lot done, but it was only about 4:00 PM, lots of beautiful day left, and I wanted to do more. And I realized that I couldn't, just couldn't. I might have been able to save Billy Joel and Stephen King from a raging fire if I had to, but barring that, I was done for the day. And I got angry, really angry. I didn't do anything. Looking at me, you mightn't have even known anything was happening. I just stood there with the hose in my hand and felt this white-hot supernova of fury expanding in my brain. I WANT A WORKING BODY. I WANT IT NOW, DAMMIT. THIS IS NOT MY FAULT. OTHER PEOPLE CAN DO THESE THINGS. JUST GIVE ME WHAT THEY HAVE. And other similarly useless thoughts that were so stark and simple they were really more like rebuses or something.
I got over the supernova, but it left an impression. I've never felt quite like that before. I've been angry at doctors, angry at myself, sorry for myself, even angry at the poor guy who led me into that damned abandoned house 22 years ago with no idea that the floor would collapse. I don't remember a bolt from the blue like this, though, a space of about thirty minutes when I just wanted to sock God in the nose. He's probably used to that.
Well, crap, I didn't mean to talk about that at all; I meant to tell you about the exotic peppers I got at the City Park Spring Garden Show yesterday. Next time, then.
A fair amount of gardening this week. I worked on the backyard to get it turned into a garden again. Right now the grass is two feet high and there's crap scattered all around from our recently finished house-painting. The other day -- Thursday maybe? -- I'd actually gotten a lot done, but it was only about 4:00 PM, lots of beautiful day left, and I wanted to do more. And I realized that I couldn't, just couldn't. I might have been able to save Billy Joel and Stephen King from a raging fire if I had to, but barring that, I was done for the day. And I got angry, really angry. I didn't do anything. Looking at me, you mightn't have even known anything was happening. I just stood there with the hose in my hand and felt this white-hot supernova of fury expanding in my brain. I WANT A WORKING BODY. I WANT IT NOW, DAMMIT. THIS IS NOT MY FAULT. OTHER PEOPLE CAN DO THESE THINGS. JUST GIVE ME WHAT THEY HAVE. And other similarly useless thoughts that were so stark and simple they were really more like rebuses or something.
I got over the supernova, but it left an impression. I've never felt quite like that before. I've been angry at doctors, angry at myself, sorry for myself, even angry at the poor guy who led me into that damned abandoned house 22 years ago with no idea that the floor would collapse. I don't remember a bolt from the blue like this, though, a space of about thirty minutes when I just wanted to sock God in the nose. He's probably used to that.
Well, crap, I didn't mean to talk about that at all; I meant to tell you about the exotic peppers I got at the City Park Spring Garden Show yesterday. Next time, then.
March 27, 2011
Open Letter
Dear loved ones and world in general,
I'm glad you care that I'm often exhausted and/or in pain. I truly appreciate your caring. However, please don't assume my body is even crappier than it really is, or try to police what I can/can't /should/shouldn't do. If I know I CAN'T do something, I'll be honest with you about that, and you need to believe me. If I say I CAN do something, you need to believe me then too, or at least give me a chance to try. I've been in pain for years. I know my limits. I know how to move and sit so as to least hurt myself even if it looks weird. I know where I want and don't want to go. There are things I want to do even if they hurt, and if you don't do some of these things with me, I won't get to do them at all.
Also, if you don't know me personally, please don't give me negative medical advice. That is, it's fine if you mention treatments I might not have heard about (yes, I've tried acupuncture, PT, chiropractic, etc., etc., etc.), though I reserve the right not to take your advice. But don't tell me how I'm doing it wrong. Remember, I'm the one who has to live in this crippled old corpus.
Love,
PZB
(I'm writing this on Chris' new iPad. Cute little gizmo, I suppose, but it makes me slightly motion-sick and I don't understand the concept of a computer that needs a computer. Yo, dawg, I heard you like computers ... )
I'm glad you care that I'm often exhausted and/or in pain. I truly appreciate your caring. However, please don't assume my body is even crappier than it really is, or try to police what I can/can't /should/shouldn't do. If I know I CAN'T do something, I'll be honest with you about that, and you need to believe me. If I say I CAN do something, you need to believe me then too, or at least give me a chance to try. I've been in pain for years. I know my limits. I know how to move and sit so as to least hurt myself even if it looks weird. I know where I want and don't want to go. There are things I want to do even if they hurt, and if you don't do some of these things with me, I won't get to do them at all.
Also, if you don't know me personally, please don't give me negative medical advice. That is, it's fine if you mention treatments I might not have heard about (yes, I've tried acupuncture, PT, chiropractic, etc., etc., etc.), though I reserve the right not to take your advice. But don't tell me how I'm doing it wrong. Remember, I'm the one who has to live in this crippled old corpus.
Love,
PZB
(I'm writing this on Chris' new iPad. Cute little gizmo, I suppose, but it makes me slightly motion-sick and I don't understand the concept of a computer that needs a computer. Yo, dawg, I heard you like computers ... )
March 23, 2011
Powerless
Computer woes have silenced me, except for what I can post on my iPhone (mostly Twitter). Taking the goddamn laptop in for repair soon. I swear, the moment I get one thing taken care of, something else shits the bed. My mom is here, though, free of Bibleland, and that's nice.
