Daniel Darling's Blog, page 59

What Dad taught Me: 5 Invaluable Principles I Use Every Day

My dad is a quiet man, more comfortable working with his hands than delivering a speech or writing an essay. But this doesn’t mean Dad wasn’t a teacher. Dad’s life spoke to me in ways that I still think of today. Most of these lessons were simply by following his example.

My father grew up in a broken home. He didn’t know his real father until he was fourteen years old. He dealt with the devastating effects of alcoholism and was forced to grow up fast. While still in high-school, he got up early to work at a bakery, using this income to support his mother (my grandmother) as she helped raise six children with my father’s step-dad.

While in his late teens, my father came to faith in Christ through the ministry of Billy Graham. He later met my mother, a Jewish girl who converted to Christianity, and they got married. I’m the oldest of three children.

Dad was a blue-collar guy, a licensed plumber, who has always been known for the quality of his work. It wasn’t the specific job he did but the way Dad carried himself that taught me the most about life, about manhood, and about living out the gospel. These five lessons are ones I’ve adopted as I seek to honor the Lord with my life:

1. A real man acknowledges his dependence on God. Even though my father is a rugged, hardworking, “man’s man”, he has always been unafraid to admit his weakness and need for Christ. I remember getting up every morning and seeing my father, up early, reading his Bible.

Now to be sure, I’m not a morning person, so my sons don’t find me up early reading the Bible. I do my Bible reading at other times, mostly at night. But I have tried to carry Dad’s dependence on the Word with me. Dad taught me the value of making Scripture the center of a family’s life. I think this is why all three of his children are actively following Christ to this day.

2. A real man takes his family to church every week. I guess I didn’t realize the importance of this until I became a father and had my own children. It was just assumed that every Sunday we went to church. There was never a question. No matter what was going on that week, no matter how tired Dad was, no matter who was playing whom that Sunday, we were in church. Dad had a pretty iron-clad policy: if you stayed home sick, then you were sick that whole day. You didn’t play hooky, pretend to be sick, and then play outside on Sunday.

For a young man, this is an important visual statement. Kids need to see their fathers faithfully leading them to church every week. This tells the family that worship of the risen Christ matters so much so that we voluntarily set aside a day each week in worship. What’s more, a real man invests and is involved in the work of a Bible-believing church. Dad gave himself, his time, his money, and his talents to the work of the Kingdom. I hope that one day my kids will say the same thing about me.

3. A real man works hard to provide for his family. Again, I didn’t realize how rare this is until I grew older and observed the sad lack of purpose and vision among contemporary men. Dad modeled what it looks like to get up every day, whether he liked it or not, and go to work for the family. Plumbing is a hard job. It’s physically demanding and requires focus and discipline. But Dad never wavered in his commitment to provide for us.

I remember asking Dad, “Dad, do you ever get tired of doing this every single day?” His reply, “Son, yes. I do. But then I remember that I don’t get tired of eating. I don’t get tired of having a house. I don’t get tired of seeing my kids’ needs taken care of. So I quickly get ‘untired’ of working.”

Great answer. Not every day at work, even in your chosen vocation where you are working in your giftedness, is a day at the beach. Many days are mundane. Some are frustrating. Some days you want to quit, even in the best of jobs. But a real man, a man of God, labors to provide for the ones God has called him to love and serve. By God’s grace, I’ve tried to carry on this work ethic, and it will benefit me my entire life.

4. A real man loves his wife unconditionally, in good times and bad. My parents have been married for thirty eight years. There have been many hardships along the way. My mother endured seven miscarriages. She’s been afflicted by illness. Dad has seen his own share of health challenges and, lately, unemployment struggles as the housing industry in the Chicago area has suffered. Dad has taught me, through it all, the value of simple, everyday faithfulness. Not all of life is easy. Many seasons are hard and difficult and make you want to get up and walk away. Dad’s faithfulness in good and bad seasons has shown me what a real man does: he endures.

I pray it’s said of me that I have the same character and faithfulness Dad exhibited. He isn’t perfect and neither am I. We are both in need of God’s amazing grace to cover our many sins. But if I could be half the man Dad has been in his life, that would be enough for me.

5. A real man is a living witness of the gospel in the daily grind of life. This is related to point #3. Dad not only worked hard, he took pride in his work. I remember asking Dad when I was working alongside him at 14 years old why he cared that the drain pipes we were installing inside the walls had to be so straight. “Nobody will see them,” I said. “But, Son, I will see them. God sees them. That matters.” Dad did his work with excellence, even staying an extra hour to get that one thing right that didn’t much matter to me. But it does matter, because the work we do with our hands reflects the Creator. He’s given us a job to do, and we should do it well–to His glory.

Dad’s work was his witness to an unsaved and watching world. The construction trades are not exactly a haven of clean-living. Dad never heard of the words missional and incarnational. He just got up every day and did the very best job he could. And this work was a witness. He was unafraid to vocally share his faith on the job, even though those opportunities were rare. I can tell you, however, that everyone who worked with my father knew he was a Christian, mostly because of the quality work he did.

Too many people in our day and age don’t know the treasure of a great father. I’m grateful, by God’s grace, that I do. In fact, my father is one of my heroes because he showed me what it looks like for a Christian man to live out his faith in the nitty-gritty, daily grind of life, among a lost and sinful people. And I’ll never, ever forget it.

Psalm 139 and The Miracle of Life

If you’ve followed my writing and speaking and blogging, you’ll know that one of my passions is the sanctity of life. When I pastored, I was proud to set aside a Sunday in January for the sanctity of life. We had the privilege of cooperating with a local Pregnancy Resource Center in our town. We raised money, volunteered, and championed the heroic work of the center. In my book, Activist Faith, I detail the amazing, effective, gospel-motivated work of these types of centers all across America. In my view, this is the front lines of the prolife cause. This is where faithful followers of Jesus apply the gospel to young women in crisis.

In my new role with the Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission, I am so excited to be a part of one of our long-standing initiatives: The Psalm 139 Project. This is a program that grants an ultrasound machine to a pregnancy resource center. Every year pro-life advocates donate money to Psalm 139, enough to place an ultrasound machine.

This year we are placing our ninth machine, to the CareNet clinics in northern Virginia. I’ve had the chance to meet with the executive director of CareNet, Karen Snuffer and was impressed by the professionalism, grace, and heart of her and her entire team. There is much need for this kind of ministry in the Washington DC area and it’s encouraging to see CareNet fill this need and to see the nearly 200 area evangelical churches who support and champion this work.

This Sunday I will be speaking at the First Baptist Church of Woodbridge as we make this presentation to CareNet. My prayer is that God will use this partnership to save many unborn lives and to bring many young girls from the edge of despair to hope in Christ.

What Do Do With the Nones?

What will ministry look like in an increasingly post-Christian age? James Emery White, a pastor and researcher, joins the fray with a fascinating new book, The Rise of the Nones. If you are not familiar, “Nones” describe the increasing number people refusing to affiliate themselves with any faith group. There is a lot of conjecture about how big this group is, what the date says, etc. James has a very thoughtful perspective. I had the chance to interview him this week for Parse, the Leadership Journal ministry blog. I asked him what Christian leaders should do with all of this data:

As pastors and church leaders survey the data on “nones,” how would you counsel them to approach their ministries in this new era?

Too many churches are taking an Acts 2 approach in an Acts 17 world.

Well, the entire second half of the book delves into this question, but here’s an overarching theme: I would suggest they move from an Acts 2 model to an Acts 17 model. By that I mean that in Acts 2, you had Peter addressing the God-fearing Jews of Jerusalem. On a spiritual scale from one to ten, they were probably on an eight. They believing in God, the Old Testament Scriptures, heaven and hell, and a promised Messiah. That’s a lot to begin with! And Peter fashioned his approach accordingly. Fast forward to Paul in Acts 17. On our imaginary scale, they were probably about a two. Paul didn’t approach them as God-fearing Jews, but as the (at best) agnostics that they were. He had to start with creation and work his way forward. He understood that evangelism, for that group, would involve both process and event. Too many churches are taking an Acts 2 approach in an Acts 17 world.

You can read the rest of the interview here:

The Four Types of Media: How Christians Should View Them

A few weeks ago we finished a major event at ERLC for pastors and church leaders. We invited in the media to cover the event for a couple of reasons: a) the media were going to cover it anyways, so we wanted to allow them the most context to cover it fairly and well b) we want to establish good relationships with the media and giving them access to our events is one way to help them do their jobs and allow us to do ours.

In my few months in this communications roll, I’ve made some observations about the media that I thought might be helpful as Christians think thru their attitudes about media and as organizations think thru their strategies. I hope this is helpful to you.

We tend to look at “the media” as one amorphous whole. While mainstream news organizations can often be slanted one way or another, I’ve found that there is much diversity in media in terms of type, motivation, and tasks. Instead, we might break down media professionals into four categories:

1) News Journalists  - These are straight-up journalists who will report what they see. It’s important to develop good relationships with key journalists and provide access to them when they need it, mainly so the story at least gets your point of view included. The thing you need to understand about journalists is that if there is a story, they will report it regardless of whether or not you talk to them. So if you’d like your perspective to get attention, it’s best to answer their questions. It’s also important to realize that journalists are not your advocates. It is not their job to speak for your organization or distribute your press releases. So expect from a journalist reporting, not advocacy, and you won’t be disappointed. If some key fact or perspective was excluded, it’s fair to bring this up with them in a good spirit of cooperation (instead of belligerence). The best journalists know how to cover a story fairly and accurately without betraying a particular slant. They don’t always get it right, but maintain a high batting average.

2) Favorable advocates -  Advocates may do some journalistic work, but don’t pretend to call it “down the middle.” These types of media are a bit hard to pin down–they are often bloggers, activists, and sometimes advocacy journalists. I think it’s important to engage these types as well, so you can help push your message out to a wider audience. It’s important to “flood the zone” with positive information about your organization or effort. This often comes in the form of blogs, some opinion (but respectful) journalism, and social media reporting. It’s important to understand that advocates are not independent journalists.

3) Unfavorable advocates - Like the group above, with this type of media is no pretense of being unbiased. There are advocacy media types ideologically opposed to your worldview. Sometimes you will find fair-minded folks in this camp, who will occasionally offer an “I’m surprised at how ____ these guys were” type piece, but don’t count on it. It’s important to handle these types of media well by a) recognizing your inability to move them off of entrenched positions and b) treating them fairly and establishing a respectful relationship. It’s also very important to understand that this type of media is not interested in fairness, but in finding any advantage to advance their arguments and likely embarrass you. It’s important to do your homework here. Smart organizations learn who the main players are here and anticipate, as best they can, to avoid unforced errors that give those predisposed to not like you unnecessary wins. You should also expect opposition from this kind of media and not be surprised when it happens.

4) Ordinary citizen journalists - With the advent of social media platforms and smart phones, everyone today is a reporter. Live-tweeting events has become a regular habit, making attendees journalists. So people who attend your event for their own education or fulfillment will also let the world know of their experience. Of course untrained attendees can’t provide the nuance of a trained journalist, but their observations can shape the narrative of your organization, for good or for ill. It’s important to monitor the online conversation about your organizations, reward (with retweets, shares, and personal affirmation) those who positively report. It’s also good to gracefully clarify if any unintentionally misleading facts.

Misunderstanding Forgiveness

Leslie Leyland Fields had a painful relationship with her father, a journey of pain, healing, and forgiveness she outlined in a beautiful piece for Christianity Today. This was part of a brand new book, Forgiving Our Fathers and Mothers, Finding Healing from Hurt and Hate. This is such an important book for many who endure difficult relationships with their parents.

I had the chance to interview Leslie for Leadership Journal about her own story and about forgiveness. Here is one of my questions:

Do you think many of us have a misunderstanding of what forgiveness is?

Yeah, there are a lot of misconceptions out there. Here are two of the biggest I see: People expect forgiveness to be a one-time event rather than a process and rather than a daily practice I think there’s a reason Jesus teaches us to pray “And forgive us our debts as we forgive out debtors” right after “give us this day our daily bread.” And people expect forgiveness to take away all the pain. It doesn’t. If your father didn’t show up for your graduation or your mother just kicked you out of her house, you’re going to feel hurt, no matter how forgiving you are. And you should feel hurt! Forgiveness is not about being pain-free; it’s about being like Christ, pouring out the mercy we received—undeservedly—to the ones like us, who don’t deserve it either. It’s not a bullet-proof vest. In some ways it even makes us more vulnerable.

You can read the entire interview here:

Our Snarky Eye-Rolling Might Actually Be Sinful

My pastor has been preaching thru 1 Corinthians. He’s a terrific expositor, always providing the nuance and thrust of the text at hand. Lately we’ve come upon 1 Corinthians 8, the well-known “meat offered to idols” text that helps inform the way we treat each other when disagreeing over the gray areas of the Christian life. (By gray areas, I mean areas of liberty not clearly outlined in the text of Scripture, not fake gray areas brought about about newer, suspect interpretations of Scripture).

Andy took this in three installments, first giving an overview of this and what it is saying. This series of messages ministered to my soul in so many ways, but I learned three important things:

Legalism and self-righteousness is not a sign of holiness, but a sign of weak faith. 

Flaunting freedom and wounding consciences of our brothers and sisters in the Lord is a sin. 

We shouldn’t value our preferences or our spiritual freedom more than we value our fellow believers. 

It’s this last one that really got to me. You see, I’ve been in both extremely legalistic environments and I’ve been in extremely permissive environments. One thing that is identical to both is a kind of Phariseeism that sees one’s own view of the gray areas as sacrosanct and the biblical position.

Today there are many addressing legalism and the way it suffocates the soul. Even for those who don’t have this biography need to be reminded of John Newton’s words, “Grace has brought me safe thus far and grace will lead me home.” For the recovering legalist, there are few passages better than 1 Corinthians 8.

And yet, Paul doesn’t end this chapter with his rebuke to legalists. He then turns toward those who delight in their spiritual freedom. There is, among those who understand the freedom found in the gospel, an easy temptation to wound the consciences of our brothers and sisters by mocking their choices in the gray areas. Paul said that to compel someone to violate conscience, to belittle the rules they have set for themselves, is to sin, against Christ. 

As I sat hearing this sermon, my heart was convicted. I wonder if this is the sin of our generation of evangelicals. We are more enlightened than our parents, we’ve thrown off the shackles of their legalism. We can now feel the freedom to engage in activities they considered sinful. In many of these cases, most of these cases, we’re probably right. A previous generation may have erred on the side of rules, equating preference with orthodoxy and making it seem that the Bible said things it didn’t say.

But our sins may be an eye-rolling, snickering, elitism. I see it every day online and offline. There is a whole cottage industry within evangelicalism that exists to mock their fellow believers. Over the last year I’ve had numerous conversations with youngish Christian leaders who are so proud of their Christian liberty, they used it as a cudgel against someone who disagreed with them. This, Paul says, is a sin. To value our freedom so much so, to hang on to our right to indulge certain activities so much so that we offend and wound others who don’t see it our way–this is not the way of love.

Paul thought eating meat offered to idols was no big deal. But Paul also said he’d never eat another piece of meat for the sake of loving his brothers and sisters in the Lord. Paul would put down his steak for unity and gospel advance. And so should we.

Let’s not be so quick to identify as “not that kind of Christian who is legalistic” that we sin by not loving our brothers and sisters, fellow believers for whom Christ died. Let’s not let our zeal to love the world in which we serve, the lost neighbors and friends and coworkers that we end up not loving the Bride of Christ. After all, we are called to “do good, especially to the household of faith (Galatians 6:10).”

Thirsty for Transcendence

My friend Drew Dyck thinks we’ve domesticated God and we’ve done so at our own spiritual peril. Drew is the managing editor of Leadership Journal (where I am a contributor) and the author of a brand new book, Yawning at Tigers. I finished reading this book a few weeks ago and I highly recommend it. Drew takes aim at our flimsy theologies and delivers a powerful, holistic view of God in a creative way that makes for a thoroughly enjoyable read.

I had a chance to interview Drew this week for my Friday Five feature at . . . you guessed it . . . Leadership Journal. That’s called synergy, folks! Anyway, here is one of the questions I asked Drew about Yawning at Tigers: 

We seem to like a God of love, but not so much a God of holiness and even, say, wrath. Why?

I get why it’s tempting just to camp out on God’s love and acceptance. To speak of divine holiness is to risk turning people off. Yet at the same time I think people are thirsty for transcendence. There’s a deep-seated desire to be in the presence of something majestic and powerful. When we sideline God’s transcendence, we deny them that encounter.

You can read the entire interview here:

Mother’s Day and the Three Women Who Have Shaped Me

I’m writing this from an airport in NY, waiting for a plane that is delayed back to Nashville. I’m reminded by my iPhone that Sunday is Mother’s Day. It seems these holidays continue to sneak up on me. In a way, its sad we need Hallmark to remind us to think of the contribution of our mothers. We should do this naturally and more than once a year. But the calendar beckons and so I remember fondly the three women in my life whom God has used to shape me.

I first think of my own mother. Mom, born into to a second-generation Jewish family on the North Shore of Chicago, converted to Christianity in late teens. She fell in love with my father, who grew up in a broken home and became a believer thanks to the ministry of Billy Graham. Mom and Dad built a life together. Dad is a skilled plumber and Mom a homemaker, a teacher, and helped Dad run his business. When I think of her life, I think of how much she has had to endure: multiple miscarriages, a life of mostly being sick, and the hardships of seeing her parents, my grandparents, pass away.

Mom has taught me so many things and shaped me in many ways. For one thing, I think I have her sense of humor, her keen eye for getting a good deal (nobody is better at negotiating, nobody), and most of all, how to love those close to you. Mom taught us kids how to be thankful, to never, ever enjoy a meal, a gift, or a favor without expressing gratitude. To this day this is something we try to instill in our own four children. Most of all, though, Mom, a Jewish girl who found Jesus, led me to Jesus when I was young. She was driving and I was riding in the backseat of our red Chevy Malibu.

I think the reason we need Mother’s Day is because we sometimes forget–us adult children with our own busy lives and families–to thank our parents. And it is precisely when our parents have gotten older that we need to thank them. It seems that after your children are grown is when you begin to doubt yourself, to wonder if you did everything right. You have regrets–some genuine, many mostly made up because the devil loves to sow doubt–about the job you did as a parent. Our parents need us to look back and tell them how well they did. In spite of their mistakes. I had the privilege of growing up in a wonderful, Christ-filled home. But many didn’t. I know some of you reading this grew up in horrific, hard, sad homes. Still I urge you to prevail upon the Lord to help you summon the courage to forgive and to bless your parents. To bring a child in the world, to care for a child, to parent is difficult, hard, challenging work (I’m finding that out now). If you here, breathing, you have at least some kindnesses to send to your mother. So do that.

My wife. The first year I was a father and Angela was a mother, I didn’t realize the significance of Mother’s Day for my wife. I assumed (quite wrongly) that if I took care of my mother and she took care of hers, that I’d be good. Wrong. Guys, don’t do that. I was careless.

The truth is that God has used Angela to sanctify me in ways I didn’t even know I needed. I married Angela because she is beautiful, loves Christ and loves people, but it was motherhood that brought out her finest qualities. The way she thoughtfully cares for each of our children, her blend of discipline and love, grace and truth. She’s thorough, kind, thoughtful, and works harder than any woman I know. A mother has to be so selfless in those early years of raising children. There are so many days and nights of pushing through sickness and fatigue to be there for the little ones. What’s more, Angela has taught me how to love more fully, how to forgive those who have wronged me, and how to care for the poor and marginalized, and forgotten.

The home is the place where the gospel is lived out in living color. Where repentance, grace, forgiveness, and mercy are exercised daily. It is here where God allows us to shape and be shaped. I’m grateful that I go to work every day knowing my children are immersed in the Word of God, are taught the daily, practical things of life, and are challenged to use their gifts for the glory of God. Angela has been at the center of this ongoing endeavor. I’m grateful for her almost 12 years by my side. What a gift.

My mother-in-law. In January of 2012, we lost my mother-in-law, Linda Sullivan. A lot of guys joke (with a hint of truth) about their mother-in-laws, but mine fit none of those stereotypes. Linda was one of the sweetest humans on the planet. A single mom, she raised three children on her own. She was very devout in her Christian faith, faithfully attending church and bringing the kids her whole life. But more importantly, Linda exuded the love of Christ. She was dealt some pretty tough blows and yet never showed a hint of bitterness. She was an encourager, a relentless note-writer, and cheerleader. In fact, she was my biggest fan as my writing and ministry career took off. She’d save every byline and she’d take my books and shove them into the hands of everyone at her church. Mostly, she was always there whenever Angela or I grew discouraged and wanted to quit. I tear up even as I write this, because we miss her so deeply. She leaves a hole in our lives that won’t be filled until we see her again in Heaven. I’m deeply grateful for her investment in my life. (If you are interested, I wrote a tribute here to her after she passed.)

 

 

What Our Stories Say About Us

What are the stories embedded in our culture saying and how should Christians react, respond, and discern? This was the topic of discussion I engaged with Mike Cosper, pastor of worship and arts at Sojourn Community Church. Mike is a gifted voice at the intersection of theology and art in the church, one of the most thoughtful communicators I know. I hope you find this discussion fascinating and helpful:

The Life of a Christian Athlete

What is it like as an athlete living in the spotlight? What’s it like for a Christian athlete? I had the chance to speak to someone who has counseled many athletes, Dr. John Tolson. He’s out with a terrific book, Take the Knee which contains lessons he shared in the Dallas Cowboys locker room. Whether you are a sports fan (like me) or not (in which case you should repent), you’ll enjoy this interview I think. Here’s a snippet:

We’ve seen, in the last few years, the rising popularity of Christian athletes such as Tim Tebow, Tony Dungy, Ben Zobrist, and a few others. Some are criticized for making their faith too public and others for making it too private. How do you counsel Christian athletes?

Learning to be a servant leader in the most basic things is critical for the Christian athlete because as their teammates who aren’t Christians watch them it can have a powerful impact.

There’s a balance that’s necessary, and wisdom is needed in knowing how to share your faith and show it. If a non-Christian sees a guy pointing to the sky after he scores a touchdown, a lot of times he has no idea what in the world that means. Again, I think it takes a great deal of wisdom to know how to portray your faith especially in that arena. Actually I think that there are more productive ways that a Christian athlete can make a difference for Christ. Number 1: Make sure that you are living your faith consistently in your private life as well as your public life. Number 2: Be a servant, even in the locker room. I’ve seen guys in the locker rooms of various teams and they’ll throw stuff all over, they don’t pick up after themselves but leave it to the paid personnel, etc.

Learning to be a servant leader in the most basic things is critical for the Christian athlete because as their teammates who aren’t Christians watch them it can have a powerful impact. How they talk needs to be consistent with their faith; sometimes the language they use on the field and in the locker room is different than what they use in the public arena. Reaching out to teammates who are hurting and beginning to walk with them, encourage them, and hopefully eventually lead them to Christ. And then I think being available at any given moment to be used of the Lord in someone’s life.

Read the entire interview here: