Cara C. Putman's Blog, page 79

4 Tips to Finding Peace as a Perfectionist Loving Mama

From my earliest days, I knew I wanted to be a mom. I also knew I wanted to take Katie Couric’s spot on The Today Show – hasn’t happened. Wanted to take Sandra Day O’Connor’s spot on the Supreme Court – also seems highly unlikely. And wanted to be the youngest state senator in Nebraska history – my college friend did that while I moved to Washington, D.C. So I guess you could say my penchant to do it all started early and has never left.

While I’ve never done any of those things, I have worked full time, finished law school, clerked for a judge, and worked with a law firm. I’ve developed a teaching career at a Big Ten University and I’ve developed the beginnings of a writing career all while welcoming children one through four into our family. I wish I could say I do it with grace all the time – I don’t. There are days I wish Wonder Woman would give her bracelets back. But here are some things I’ve given up in the drive to do it all:

1)   Control TV time. This actually started in law school before kids. When working full time and going to school five nights a week, there is zero time for endeavors like TV. So I allowed myself one show a week – in law school it was ER. That 10 p.m. slot on Thursday nights worked great. When I started writing in 2005, something had to give from my schedule. Now I let myself watch one show a week (plus football). At the moment it’s CASTLE – so the weeks it’s not new, I get an extra hour back, too! It also means we try to control what our kids are watching and how much. I want them outside playing, reading a book, or creating.

2)   I gave up my desire for a perfect house. It doesn’t mean I don’t still long for a maid…that would truly be the best gift EVER. But I have recognized that I live in an active household where the kids rarely leave. Because of homeschooling, the goal of a perfect house is really illusive. I also decided a long time ago that I didn’t want my house to be a museum. I want it to be a place where my children’s friends are comfortable coming…a good reminder to stock the snack cabinet!

3)   My husband and I have involved the kids in chores. This serves a couple purposes. One, their spouses will thank me later. Two, they are part of the family and need to contribute to the running of our house. While it doesn’t mean they’ve miraculously gained vision to see every out of place item, it does mean they help clean up the chaos they generate. Three, I’m training them to be productive adults. Sometimes they are MAD when I tell them to reclean something, but there will be times they will need to do thorough work for their bosses. This is preparation for an attention to detail. At the same time, I’ve had to be willing to let some of my standards slide as they learn and grow into jobs.

4)   Try to control the activities. Some would claim I fail at this. My two girls are competitive gymnasts, so the other kids have taken gymnastics. We’re already there. Our oldest son is on a swim team, which means our four-year old will be a swimmer or gymnast. I can only get so many places. We do soccer through a community faith program where the practice and game is immediately back to back on Saturdays. That way they can play the sport, but we can still keep some margin in our lives. It also means my husband and I are trying to coordinate when we say yes to leading different things. Reality is we can only be so many places at the same time.

What strategies have you developed as you try to balance the dream of perfection with the reality of life?

Fiction Fridays: The Captive Imposter

The Captive Imposter  is a sweeping love story set during the Gilded Age by my friend Dawn Crandall. The heroine is impersonating a lady’s companion for the heroine’s protection after her brother is killed in a prior book. When her lady decides to visit a hotel in the middle of the Maine woods, Elle is thrust into the middle of a hotel that her family owns and she’s always wanted. It’s harder to keep up the charade — especially when the manager of the hotel begins to spend time with her. Dexter is enigmatic, but as Elle gets to know him she is pulled to his heart. The only problem is he doesn’t know who she really is.

Love heart-stopping #historical #romance? @cara_putman says try @dawnwritesfirst Captive Imposter.
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This story is told in first person and it works so well. I was completely entranced with Elle and wanted to know how her story would unfold. The writing is vivid, absolutely sucking me into the story. And the characterization is rich. There are some great secondary characters who seem superficial when first introduced, but then their backstory is revealed bit by bit adding further depth to the story.

The Captive Imposter is perfect for readers who love a historical set in the late 1800s who love a strong romance with a thread of mystery. This is first and foremost a romance — and one well worth reading.

Saying Yes or No: Can I be Intentional

I’m in a season of questions.

What does the future hold for me after the M.B.A. is finished?
Where should I invest my time and energy in the next months and years?
Where do I find my passion in this season of life?

So many questions. And so much silence. It feels like I’m in a holding pattern with the end of this season seven weeks away.

I’m battling a book proposal that won’t end.
I’m waiting to move into our new house, waiting for our current house to sell.
I’m longing for a fresh passion to rise up.

And in this season, I long to develop the skill of saying no so I can say yes to God’s best.

Lysa Terkeurst highlights this in her book The Best Yes. And Holley Gerth addresses it in her latest release You’re Loved No Matter What.

Don’t we all have a heart felt need to matter, but also to spend our years wisely? To invest in things and people that have eternal meaning?

These questions guide me in this new season.

Through it all I keep coming back to my word of the year…BRAVE. This is a season of being brave enough to wait. Brave enough to say no when I’m not sure which way to turn. Brave enough to be intentional rather than saying yes to everything.

It’s hard.

Every no is a #yes to something that might just be better. Let’s live with #intention.
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Maybe you’ve been there. You get asked to do something and say yes because you can do it. You know you’d be good at it. You know it would be done well and with relative ease.

But with every yes, I’m saying no to something else.

With every no, I say yes as well. The question is what am I saying yes to?

I want to say No (and YES) with intention. With a clear eye on what the end result is. Am I saying yes to time for what matters to me? Am I saying no to the things I can do but that aren’t fueled by my passions? Do I even know what my passions are anymore?

This is a new lens for me but one I want to adopt with intention.

Life moves too fast. Time with my children is too fleeting. I want to know Eric when we’re on the other side of this season of life.

How about you? What’s one thing that helps you say “no” to what’s good so you can say “yes” to God’s best?

Holley Gerth’s new book You’re Loved No Matter What: Freeing Your Heart from the Need to be Perfect looks like one that will be a huge help in realizing we don’t have to say yes to everything or please everyone. After all, I serve an audience of one.

5 Things You Never Heard a Homeschool Mama Say

 

It’s nearing the end of the school year. Spring break is behind many of us. And looming in front of us is the question: what will we do next year. This is the point where many mamas (and most of their kiddos) are ready for anything else.

Winter has been long.

It feels like spring will never arrive.

Still the cycle of homeschooling and education continues. So for fun, here are five things I don’t think you’ll ever hear a homeschool mama say:

I have arrived. For most homeschooling mamas, they are doing the very best they can with very little feedback. Many days are a struggle because you wonder if you are doing well. Have you met each child’s needs? Are you missing something crucial? Will a child be hampered for life?
There’s too much time in our schedule. Just like many other families, homeschoolers are active…sometimes too active. Yet when we look for ways to cut back and simplify, it’s hard. We want our kids to learn…and they’re frankly interested in so much it’s hard to know where to cut back. There is so much to do! The question is where we should focus our time and energy.

5 things this #homeschool mama doesn’t say.
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I don’t have enough options. A corollary to #2 is the reality that opportunities abound for homeschoolers. And the curriculum options can be downright overwhelming. I’m pretty zoned in on the curriculum that I like. Even so, I find myself pouring over catalogs and websites wondering if I’m making the correct choices for each child. Just because X worked well last year doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try Y this year, right? Everybody has the curriculum that’s their favorite, and what if it’s not mine? Am I limiting my kids if I don’t explore other options? Ack!
I don’t see enough of my children. Okay, this may be me alone But most homeschoolers do so at least in part because they want to have time with their kiddos. They want to develop strong family bonds that will last a lifetime. It also means that there are times I like to break away from my kids. Whether it’s for a movie with friends, an hour to work out, or a piece of time to develop and use my talents and skills, it’s important to remember that homeschooling parents are more than just that hat. It’s one of many that we wear.
Other schooling options are inferior. They aren’t inferior, they are simply different. In Lafayette, we are blessed with many educational options. There are three public school systems, multiple faith-based schools, and many other choices. Homeschooling is one way that parents can choose to educate their children. I have been grateful that it doesn’t have to be our only choice. And as our oldest takes a couple classes at one of the high schools, I’m grateful for the way the schools can provide some experiences it’s hard to duplicate here at home. So just because we homeschool doesn’t mean we believe other options are inferior…it just means this is the best choice for our family.

What would you add to this list?

An Unexpected Adventure

Einstein and Me

Life is an adventure.

We can probably all agree on that.

Sometimes it takes some unexpected twists and turns. I just got back from one of those. It was a good twist, but one I never expected to find myself taking.

I spent all of last week in Brazil. When you ask me where I want to travel, what I what to see, what I hope to experience, Brazil never hit the list. In fact, traveling south of the border doesn’t really hit my bucket list.

When life sends an unexpected adventure, how do you respond?
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But through the weekend MBA program at Purdue, I found myself on an 8 day adventure in Sao Paulo and Rio de Janeiro.

The rest of this post is over at Inspired by Life & Fiction. I hope you’ll join me there…

How has God taken you on adventures you didn’t anticipate?

The view from Sugar Loaf

Slums near Sao Paulo

Rio Operations Center

Collage of Rio sites from one day sightseeing tours

 

From the Start: Sweet Romance with lots of Heart

I adored this story of two people who are both trapped by their past relationships and a future that is uncertain. Kate Walker wants to do something that matters with her life. Colton Greene doesn’t know where his life is going. Then they both arrive in Kate’s hometown and spend the next weeks working together on bringing the town back to life after a tornado tore through. At the same time they’re working on Colton’s memoir and finding there’s much to like about the other.

Love romance w/ works? Try @Melissa_Tagg From the Start + @Julie_Klassen #Giveaway from @cara_putman
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From the Start  is about finding love, but more than that it’s about taking risks. It’s about stepping into an unknown future and really seeking God and His plan for you. The story doesn’t suggest that the plan will be crystal clear, but it does show that in the uncertainty, there’s the ability to find peace and something that makes your passions sing.

This book is one I will read again. I can’t wait for the next book. And if you haven’t read Three Little Words yet, be sure to do so — it’s free on Kindle right now. It’s the perfect introduction to the town and the Walker family.

And because it’s my birthday and I adore books, I’m giving away a copy of Julie Klassen‘s The Secret of Pembrooke Park. Just enter below.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

5 blogs that encourage me

From time to time we all need encouragement or a shot in the arm. We need a place we can stop for a few minutes, read a post that challenges, encourages or uplifts us, and maybe find a moment of truth and grace with our Heavenly Father. In a blogosphere that is so cluttered with everybody talking, here are a few of the blogs I like to stop by and visit from time to time:

A Holy Experience: there is a music, a resonance, a realness to these posts that keeps me coming back. Not every day. My life can’t handle that. But I come back. Again and again. The images speak to my soul. The words make me smile and feel. And they leave me longing for more. More simplicity. More depth. More of God.

Holley Gerth: Then there are the days I simply need to be reminded that I am loved. Simply. Completely. Wholly. Holley has also captured that perfect voice for feeling like you’re sitting down across the table from your best friend. And in the midst of it pearls of truth and wisdom are spilled out over cups of coffee, mugs of tea, glasses of water. And in that is sweet encouragement.
The GROVE Story: Some of you may wonder if I can choose a blog I’m a part of. Remember, I only write one post a month. So that hardly counts But at the Grove, I’ve partnered with some pretty amazing women. Because the posts are only on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I am getting to know these women in a deep way. And really, isn’t that what we all long for? A place of community? A place to be? A place to grow?
Living Proof Ministries blog: I have learned so much in my faith through Beth Moore Bible studies and I love the challenges she extends via her blog. I’m not faithful, but when I pop over there, man am I challenged to dive deep into the Word. That is a good thing!
Jennifer Rothschild’s Thought Closet: for many of the same reasons I love popping over to Jennifer Rothchild’s blog. This woman has a heart for God and her posts read like you’re talking to her. They are real. They are challenging. And they are grace-laced.

Where do you turn for encouragement and inspiration? Maybe a dose of reality laced with grace? I’m eager to see which blogs you read.

7 Verses that Remind Us to Rest

Ever run across something and think, “Thank You, God, for the reminder,”?

That’s what I thought when I was scrolling through my creations and stumbled upon this one.

Enough. It’s such a struggle for women. And I needed the reminder of the prayer I’d typed on there. That’s what I want to be: enough to accomplish His purpose.

And sometimes that means finding a place of rest.

Longing for rest? Here are 7 verses to help you find rest. #wisdom
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How can we focus in on the truth the Bible says about us? How do we beat back the misconception that we have to be everything in ourselves? Here are a few verses to encourage you (and me) when we feel the strain of being enough in our own strength and need to remember to rest:


Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Mark 6:31 Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.”
Psalm 4:8 I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.
Exodus 33:14 The LORD replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”
Psalm 37:7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.

Hebrews 4:9-11 There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from his own work, just as God did from his. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will fall by following their example of disobedience.


Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

What verses would you add to these?

And if your curious about how I try to balance what I do, listen to this podcast with The Productive Woman. I’d love your thoughts and strategies.

Blinking Lights and a Cat

I’m out of town this week. And some stories are just too good not to share again. Sometimes we just need a smile, and I hope this gives you one today.

Pets do the whackiest things. What’s the craziest thing your pet has done?
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2008

We’re on something like our 10th snowstorm this year. Sigh. I love winter. I love snow. But I am so ready for anything else. Sunday we hit 60 degrees; it was awesome. Monday started that way…then last night it sleeted and snowed. Same today.

So Monday night Eric peered through the blinds to see how much snow there was. I didn’t believe him and had to check for myself.

Then I looked out again. Eric’s car is blinking. Flashing. Winking. Whatever you want to call it.

Eric doesn’t believe me. So he grabs the key fob, hits a button, and asks, “Is this better?”

Nope.

He tries again.

Nope. Still blinking.

Finally, he comes to the window and checks for himself. Yep. The lights are blinking. Flashing. Winking.

Eric decides it’s a good time to move his car inside. When he reaches the car he sees the source of the problem. Somehow our cat snuck into the car while Eric pulled groceries out. The cat is now standing on the front seat, batting at the hazard light button.

Mystery solved.

What wacky things have your pets done?

How to Catch a Prince Review & more

What does it mean to Love Well? Corina is about to find out in @RachelHauck latest. #amreading
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Rachel Hauck writes what I call supernatural romance. Or spiritual fairytales. Whatever you call them, her books are rich romances with strong spiritual truths woven through the story in such an organic way I can’t imagine the stories without them. How to Catch a Prince is no different.

In How to Catch a Prince, a series of secrets has kept Corina and Stephen apart while also binding them together. The future seems settled until the whisper “Love well” breathes across Corina’s heart. The tension pulls them together and thrusts them apart while the past forms a barrier that seems insurmountable.

Love well.

It’s an urging that resonates. What does it mean to love well? How does one do it? This novel whispers at the power of the concept while issuing a challenge wrapped in a romance that is laced with attraction, desire, and secrets dark enough to keep them apart forever.

How to Catch a Prince is perfect for those who love modern fairytales and a book with rich spiritual threads. Think grown up Princess Diaries.

“Perfect for Valentine’s Day, Hauck’s latest inspirational romance offers an uplifting and emotionally rewarding tale that will delight her growing fan base.” –Starred review Library Journal

“Hauck writes a feel-good novel that explores the trauma and love of the human heart. Prince Stephen’s PTSD is all too real to many soldiers coming home from war, and Corina Del Rey’s never-ending love for him is an example of patience and sacrifice that readers will adore.” –4 Star review Romantic Times

“Hauck weaves amazing themes throughout this novel. This is a modern fairytale for the masses.” –CBA Review

An American heiress and a crown prince seem destined to be together. Will the devastation of war keep them apart forever? Find out in Rachel Hauck’s new book, How to Catch a Prince. True love has a destiny all its own. With a little heavenly help, Prince Stephen and Corina embark on a journey of truth. But when the secrets are revealed, can they overcome, move forward, and find love again?

Enter to win a “royal” prize pack! 

One grand prize winner will receive:

A royal-themed Brighton charm bracelet
2 tickets to see the new Cinderella movie
The Royal Wedding series (Once Upon a Prince, Princess Ever After, and How to Catch a Prince)

Enter today by clicking the icon below. But hurry, the giveaway ends on March 23rd. Winner will be announced March 24th on Rachel’s blog.

RACHEL HAUCK

Rachel Hauck is an award-winning, best selling author of critically acclaimed novels such as “The Wedding Dress,” “Love Starts with Elle,” and “Once Upon A Prince.” She also penned the Songbird Novels with multi-platinum recording artist, Sara Evans. Booklist named their novel, “Softly and Tenderly,” one of 2011 Top Ten Inspirationals. She serves on the Executive Board for American Christian Fiction Writers and is a mentor and book therapist at My Book Therapy, and conference speaker. Rachel lives in central Florida with her husband and pets.

ABOUT THE BOOK


How to Catch a Prince (Zondervan, February 2015)She caught her prince once. Can she catch him again?American heiress Corina Del Rey’s life was devastated by war. Every thing she loved was lost. But after five years of grief, she’s shed her grave clothes and started over in the sunshine along the Florida coast.But some things are not so easily forgotten. When a secret from her past confronts her face to face, she realizes she must follow her heart. Even if it cost her everything.Prince Stephen of Brighton Kingdom is a former Royal Air Command lieutenant turned star rugby player, trying to make sense of his life after the devastation of war.

When his brother, King Nathaniel, discovers Stephen’s pre war secret, he must deal with an aspect of his life he longed to forget. But how can he do so without exposing the truth and breaching national security?

Yet, true love has a destiny all it’s own. As the cathedral bells peal through Cathedral City, Corina and Stephen must chose to answer the call of love on their hearts.

Or let it be lost forever?

Learn more and purchase a copy here.