Cara C. Putman's Blog, page 74

The Best Yes: Where from Here — 4 Application Steps

 

One challenge of reading a book like The Best Yes is the application. Reading a book is one thing. Doing something with what you’ve learned is hard. Hard work. Hard remembering. Hard applying.

So what can we do? Here are a few suggestions:

4 steps to applying new #principles to your life. #TheBestYes #challenge
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1) Take a few minutes to review each chapter. What stood out to you from each? Make a quick list that you can refer to in step 2.

2) Choose one of those items to focus on first. Is there one suggestion that you can adopt immediately? Some item you can test and apply? Start there. Take an incremental approach. If we try to adopt every suggestion in one week, we are setting ourselves up for failure and the eventual reality that we will stop before we have a chance to succeed.

3) Give that suggestion 21 days. Experts say it takes 21 days to form a new habit. Are you trying to learn to say a quick no rather than drag out the process? Focus on that for three weeks. During those three weeks, really focus on how to say a gracious and kind no. Learn how to quickly end the situation rather than prolong it by saying you’ll think about it when you know the answer should be a no. Then add the next element. Focus on how you’re spending your time. Or pray about what your best Yeses should be. By breaking it down into steps, you’re more likely to succeed and adopt more of the principals.

4) After a month or so, stop and evaluate. How is it going? Are you making progress? If no, ask God if you need to shift your focus. Is there something else you should try first? Allow Him to redirect you.

Are there other ways that you incorporate what you’ve read and make it a part of your life?

Fiction Friday: Curiosity Keeper

Authors like Julie Klassen and Sarah Ladd have made me a fan of regency romances. With The Curiosity Keeper, Sarah is starting a new series — this one focuses on the working class of early 1800s England. I ADORED this novel.The Curiosity Keeper is a Regency novel with hints of a developing romance and a mystery that propels the story forward. I really enjoyed the added mix of mystery that was much stronger than in other books by this author. The heroine finds herself thrust out of her home — through no real fault of her own — and her world turned upside down. But for the kindness of the hero and the need for information his family believes she holds, she’d be on the streets. Instead she gets to attempt to recreate her life outside London. The journey is filled with twists, turns, interesting characters, and a search for the truth. If you love Jane Austen era England and a romance with a mystery, then this is the perfect book for you!

The Curiosity Keeper is a delightful mix of adventure, mystery and romance. Throughout the pages, it seems Camille can never escape her father’s hold. At the same time, Jonathan needs to uncover a relationship with his. Add in a host of interesting secondary characters, a mystery that clips along, and you have the recipe for a Regency novel I couldn’t put down.

I liked it so much I’m giving away a copy, so be sure to scroll to the bottom to enter.

The Curiosity Keeper (Thomas Nelson, July 2015)

“It is not just a ruby, as you say. It is large as a quail’s egg, still untouched and unpolished. And it is rumored to either bless or curse whoever possesses it.”

Camille Iverness can take care of herself. She’s done so since the day her mother abandoned the family and left Camille to run their shabby curiosity shop. But when a violent betrayal leaves her injured with no place to hide, Camille must allow a mysterious stranger to come to her aid.

Jonathan Gilchrist never wanted to inherit Kettering Hall. As a second son, he was content to work as the village apothecary. But when his brother’s death made him heir just as his father’s foolish decisions put the estate at risk, only the sale of a priceless possession—a ruby called the Bevoy—can save the family from ruin. But the gem has disappeared. And all trails lead to Iverness Curiosity Shop—and the beautiful shop girl who may be the answer to his many questions.

Caught at the intersection of blessings and curses, greed and deceit, these two determined souls must unite to protect what they hold dear. But when a passion that shines far brighter than any gem is ignited, they will have to decide how much they are willing to risk for their future, love, and happiness.

Learn more and purchase a copy.

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Packing Light with God

We moved Saturday. The chaos is OVERWHELMING. Utterly, completely, creativity-killing overwhelming. Because we only moved a mile, this has been the long move. Literally, we’ve been moving things off and on for months. But Saturday, with the help of AMAZING friends, we moved the furniture. It’s kind of mind-boggling how much stuff 6 people have. 

I thought we’d done a great job of purging and donating while we were packing. Then Saturday night arrived. The reality of getting everything to fit into the new spaces.

Need a move in your life? A move from sin to grace? Join @cara_putman in the journey.
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I almost started hyperventilating. Has anyone else ever had a moment like that?

The moment where all your preparations fall woefully short of the reality of life.

My mantra to everyone has been, we aren’t done purging. Everything you take out of a box or put on a hanger, make sure you need and want it. Otherwise, it’s leaving.

 

As I thought about that, I wondered: Is this what my heart looks like when God looks at me?

I think I’ve done the hard work of clearing out the things and sins that don’t please Him. But in reality, does He look inside my heart and wonder when I’m going to let go of that sin that entangles me? Does He wonder when I’m going to find my worth and satisfaction in Him alone?

So today, as I’m unpacking boxes, I’m asking myself what do I need to unpack in my life. More of His love, patience, self-control? How about a dash of peace and a swig of kindness?

I’m also asking what items need to be shoved in a box for recycling or simply thrown away. Maybe some self-pity and woe is me? How about tossing the entitlement attitude that believes life should be simple and handed to me?

What would you like to add to your life? And what do you think needs to take a hike?

 

 

3 Kinds of People Pleasing Reponses

This week in the Best Yes we had a great conversation about people pleasing. Is anyone out there a people pleaser? Please don’t leave me hanging in my struggling-to-recover-from-people-pleasing reality.

Do you live in a people-pleasing reality? Join @cara_putman as she talks about the cycle.
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People Pleasing is wired into some of us. I know as an oldest, I have always looked at authority figures and spent time and effort figuring out how to match my production, actions, living to their needs and expectations. It makes me a generally great employee, but when I take that to every yes or no decision, it can make me (and the people around me) miserable.So what do we do with this?

In The Best Yes, Lysa points out three important aspects to people pleasing:

1) I can’t please everyone. I feel like I own this. I get this one. I can’t please everyone, so I need to focus on those that matter: my husband, my God, etc.

2) Like the graphic above, there are some people I simply won’t be able to please no matter what I do. I had one boss like this. From her I learned how not to manage, because I literally could do nothing to make her happy. Drove my people-pleasing heart crazy. But it’s an important lesson to grasp.

3) What are my expectations when I say yes? Am I saying yes to get something from another person? Have I attached strings, or am I acting from a heart of kindness and love? Ouch, ouch, ouch. We do this all the time. I do this all the time. The unspoken expectations that get the other person and me in trouble. My friends and I spent a lot of time talking about how this can hurt a marriage.

You can watch a short video of Lysa talking about these three elements here.

So what do you do about people pleasing? Is there a way to remove that from the yes or no equation? I’d love to read your thoughts on this important question.

Fiction Friday: Picture Perfect Love

Some days a girl just wants a quick story that can be read in a sitting or two, yet tells a full romance. Picture Perfect Love is a novella that tells a story of hope and reconciliation after love is lost over a misunderstanding. Jenna has worked hard to rebuild her life, and Ashton is no longer part of it. Until he walks back into her photography studio. She must choose whether to forgive past hurts or hold them close. It’s a quick read, so not as rich as a full length novel, yet I think you will fall in love with these characters. And you’ll learn a bit about forgiveness along the way. A fun, light read that is perfect for summer days.

 

Don’t miss Melissa McClone’s story of second chances in love and forgiveness in Picture Perfect Love. After Ashton’s world is turned upside down, he realizes he must ask Jenna’s forgiveness—but can he risk his heart a second time? Even if Jenna can forgive him, dare he hope for a second chance at her love?

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When image becomes everything, it’s up to love to refocus the heart.

Photographer Jenna Harrison wants every bride and groom to look picture perfect on their special day, putting her heart into every wedding to give the couple memorable images of their love. But her own heart is still broken, the unworn wedding dress hanging in her closet a reminder that relationships aren’t always as perfect as they look through her camera lens. But Jenna has faith that she will find true love. Until then, she must be patient and trust in God’s plan and His perfect timing.

Attorney Ashton Vance is the one that got away. When an embarrassing Photoshopped picture of put an end to his political aspirations, he blamed Jenna. So what if the photo led to his being offered a dream job and changing his life for the better? Jenna betrayed his trust, and two years later, Ashton’s heart still hasn’t recovered.

It was me. His younger sister’s three words turn Ashton’s world upside down. He must ask Jenna’s forgiveness, but can he risk his heart a second time? Even if Jenna can forgive him, dare he hope for a second chance at her love?

Learn more and purchase a copy.

{MORE ABOUT PICTURE PERFECT LOVE}

{MORE ABOUT MELISSA MCCLONE}

Melissa McClone has published more than thirty novels with Harlequin and Tule Publishing Group. She has also been nominated for Romance Writers of America’s RITA® award. She lives in the Pacific Northwest with her husband, three school-aged children, two spoiled Norwegian Elkhounds and cats who think they rule the house.

Find out more about Melissa at http://www.melissamcclone.com.

Patience: Extending Grace to Myself

Yesterday, I posted — late — at the Grove. It’s a real post. One that I hope encourages you. So today I’m going to point you there. You can start reading here. I’d love to hear your thoughts on patience, too!

I live life at a frenetic pace.

It’s not something I’m necessarily proud of. But it’s where I live. When you have four active kids, it follows that Mom’s taxi is in constant use. Add in teaching new classes, writing books, the occasional legal project, plus moving, life can overwhelm pretty quickly.

Patience:is it the art of learning to let go of the what ifs & trust God? #faith #trust
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…In moments when I’m focused on all that’s around me, all that I’d like to say yes to, it’s so easy to lose patience with myself. With my kids. With the life I’m living right now. I can know this is exactly where I’m supposed to be — I really believe it is. But I still have times when I wonder, “What if?”…

You can read the rest here.

When the Awkward Disappointments Hold Us Back

Our group is almost done reading the Best Yes, and we had an interesting discussion last night. One in which I was pretty vulnerable.

If you know me, you know I tend to do that. But as we were discussing the chapter on the Awkward Disappointment of Saying No, I really resonated with Lysa’s example of being at an award’s show where she simply didn’t fit. It would have been so much more comfortable to turn around and go home. It’s where she belonged after all. Not at this elegant event where she was a disappointment to the red carpet crowd.

Do other’s disappointments hold you back? #TheBestYes says power through. @cara_putman
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Because I was a first generation homeschooler, I know well the feeling of just not fitting. I didn’t have a place in a world that didn’t get homeschooling — at all! In fact, I knew most people didn’t understand why my parents choose the schooling structure they did. And those who thought they did were usually very wrong.

Then in college I never quite fit because I was two years younger than my peers. I just soldiered on and didn’t let it bother me. In that people — mostly — forgot, but not completely. And I want to be really clear that I wouldn’t change a thing. I am who I am because I was homeschooled and because I started college early.

Yet at certain times that awkward excluded feeling rears its head. The feeling that I’ll never quite fit anywhere. Even when my heart knows it’s a lie. And when my head can spin out a series of reasons to ignore the feeling. If you’ve seen Inside Out, it’s one of those important foundational experiences that has impacted me.

This week I was reminded again that I often feel a bit like the outsider. I was at a legal conference. In fact I’d applied for and been accepted to the advanced track. In large part because of that when I introduced myself to the group, I framed myself as the nontraditional attorney. Instead of practicing full-time — which is what I assumed the expectation would be — I don’t. I’m the homeschooling mom of four who teaches graduate classes at a Big Ten university, writes novels, and practices a bit of law. Awkward? Afraid of disappointing people’s expectations? Subconsciously feeling out of place? I don’t know.

It was the way I framed me.

If I’d stayed in that place, I would have missed the dozens of opportunities I had to interact with people, draw them out, learn their stories, and hopefully encourage them. I would have missed the opportunity to demonstrate what this nontraditional attorney can do. And I would have missed vivid encounters with God.

So I return today far from rested — I worked way too hard for that and I have a book to turn in on Wednesday. But because I stepped out of my comfort zone to be fully in a legal community, I experienced some amazing Best Yes moments.

How have you embraced the Best Yes?

 

Fiction Friday: Shadows of Ladenbrooke Manor

Shadows of Ladenbrooke Manor is a multi-generational delight that had a bit of a slow start, but by the time I reached the end, I did not want to leave these characters. The story is a beautiful portrayal of brokenness, misunderstanding, redemption, and love that endures. Libby is a character misunderstood and yet beautiful in her own unique way. She sees deeply and not on the surface, something that many can’t understand. Maggie is hounded by past choices and the way others judge her. Walter is trying to be honorable, but oh so broken in so many ways. Then there’s the modern story of a woman heading home after the death of her father to ready the family home for sale. Along the way she discovers a story, the family she never really understood and a future that gives joy where the past is filled with shadows and regrets. A beautiful novel that is perfect for those who love characters you come to care about and never want to leave.

Here’s more about this story:

Shadows of Ladenbrooke Manor (Howard, June 2015)

When Heather Toulson returns to her parents’ cottage in the English countryside, she uncovers long-hidden secrets about her family history and stumbles onto the truth about a sixty-year-old murder.

Libby, a free spirit who can’t be tamed by her parents, finds solace with her neighbor Oliver, the son of Lord Croft of Ladenbrooke Manor. Libby finds herself pregnant and alone when her father kicks her out and Oliver mysteriously drowns in a nearby river. Though theories spread across the English countryside, no one is ever held responsible for Oliver’s death.

Sixty years later, Heather Toulson, returning to her family’s cottage in the shadows of Ladenbrooke Manor, is filled with mixed emotions. She’s mourning her father’s passing but can’t let go of the anger and resentment over their strained relationship. Adding to her confusion, Heather has an uneasy reunion with her first love, all while sorting through her family’s belongings left behind in the cottage. What she uncovers will change everything she thought she knew about her family’s history.

Award-winning author Melanie Dobson seamlessly weaves the past and present together, fluidly unraveling the decades-old mystery and reveals how the characters are connected in shocking ways.

Set in a charming world of thatched cottages, lush gardens, and lovely summer evenings, this romantic and historical mystery brings to light the secrets and heartaches that have divided a family for generations.

4 Reasons I Write

Writing can be a lonely journey. So many days it is me and my computer. It can be tough for this extrovert to invest the time day after day alone. Yet I love story.

I really believe I was created to tell stories.

I’ve felt God smile when I do write. I’ve felt like beating my head against a wall or kicking cabinets when I’m in the discovery phase.

Writing is intense. It’s like opening your veins and bleeding on your keyboard. Then you clean up the mess in edits. Then you send your baby to an editor and pray that he or she will see the essence of the story and help you make it sing. Then you edit and send it back. Then you labor over back cover copy. Gasp at the beautiful covers. And then it goes out into the world.

Writing is bleeding on a typewriter, so why do it? @Cara_Putman gives 4 reasons.
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And you wait. And wonder. What will people think of your baby? Will they like it? Will they mock it? Will God speak to them through the wonder of story?

Last week my novel Shadowed by Grace received Christian Retailing’s Best Award for Historical Fiction (you can see the full list of winners here). It was an amazing honor because Francine Rivers and Karen Barnett had written beautiful books that could have easily receive the award.

Awards aren’t the reason I write. If so, I should have packed up my typewriter…errr…laptop long ago. But they are encouraging. They are a signal to writers that their books have impacted readers somewhere. This award is voted on by retailers and those in the industry. So it has different meaning than an equally awesome reader award.

So why do writers do this?

You have to know why or you’ll give up because for most of us accolades are few and far between.

I write because I feel called to do it. Truly. I was born loving story. And the desire to write my own stories has never gone away. The season wasn’t always write, but the desire never died.
I write because I feel an unique partnership with God when I’m in the midst of creating. It’s hard work. Very hard work. Yet there’s nothing like knowing I’m working on something with HIM.
I write because I love a good challenge. Coming up with the next great idea. Developing characters — those pesky heroines give me fits. There’s something to the battle through to a story.
I write because when a story reaches a reader, and the reader connects with the characters, the story, the spiritual thread, it all becomes worth it.

If you are a writer, why do you write? If you’re a reader, what do you love to see in a story?

 

To Dance in the Waves

This week I’m at a conference in Southern California. Last night I walked along the beach, listening to the Pacific Ocean roar as its waves crashing against the beach. As I walked, I was reminded awesome my God is, and yet I stayed on the walkway…not along the sand. Partly this was because by the time I could get to the beach it was already dark. I knew it wasn’t safe to walk on the sand alongside the waves when I couldn’t see. Yet it felt like I was half there — half committed to the experience and half not.

Does anybody else ever feel that way? Like you have committed to the experience but you’re not fully living because you’re walking on the safe path instead of feeling the sand between your toes?

I know God has so much more for us. He wants us to experience everything fully and completely. Sometimes we simply can’t. Maybe we feel like He hasn’t completely opened the door or maybe He’s opened too many doors. Either way we can’t quite commit to the fullness of the experience.

Where do you walk with God? The safety of sidewalk or the wildness of beach?
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Is it fear that holds us back? The fear that if we step into what we can’t see, we will get hurt? Or maybe we will miss God in the dark? Or fill in your favorite fear.

We might get hurt. We might get wet. And we might just experienced the fullness of all God has for us. But we’ll never know as long as we’re halfway in and halfway out.

Ironically, I dictated this post as I walked along the path in the dark. The light of my iPhone pretty effectively destroyed my night vision. All I was left with was the feeling of the sand beneath my tennis shoes and the roar of the waves. And occasionally the sight of the twinkling lights of fire at the hotel — in fire pits — quite safe I’m sure.

Yet as I ended the walk I felt hope that at least once during this week I will have the chance to take off my shoes and walk along the beach. Then I will feel the sand between my toes and dance in the waves. Oh to live like that — not just dream about it.

As I turned back to the hotel as darkness had fallen even more deeply, I noticed something. A man walked the beach swinging a metal detector back-and-forth. Ever on the hunt for more treasure. To live like that. Seeking the treasures and wonders of God — even on the darkest of nights.