Susan Scott's Blog, page 13

Tips for Managing Your Thoughts

Our internal conversation about people and events determines many of our own stress triggers. Learning to reframe forces deep self-awareness and will help you short-circuit the flight or flight stress response. The tip this week is to be mindful of your inner dialogue. 

Do you know how many thoughts you have per day? According to a new study from psychologists at Queen’s University using MRI brain scans, they were able to detect thought transitions and count how many thoughts we have per day. On average, participants had 6.5 thoughts per minute or 6200 thoughts per day.

Other psychological studies suggest that out of all our thoughts, 80% are negative. That’s almost 5000 negative thoughts per day. No wonder we are under so much stress.

So how do you battle the daily bombardment of those negative thoughts that trigger internal stress and destructive behavior? Learning to become more self-aware through mindfulness and reframing a portion of those thoughts will build resilience. You begin to take control and develop qualities that give you power over the obstacles and stress triggers in your life.

Tips for Managing Your ThoughtsSeparate yourself from your thoughts

Because we are so bombarded by thoughts throughout the day, even when we notice them we easily allow them to be part of our identity. Negative impressions and even words coming from our others and our outside world are easier to defend against because they are external. As we gain more experience in life we become adept at batting away negative influences. It’s the internal ones that trip up us. 

Remember you are not your thoughts. We all have negative thoughts floating through our heads. Without effort, we take them on as our identity, and they become a broken record in our heads. Reinforcing our fears and doubts. Telling us obstacles are impossible to conquer. Catastrophizing events and creating images of disastrous outcomes.

Imagine thoughts as flocks of birds flying overhead. There’s nothing you can do to stop them from flying over, but you can keep them from building a nest on your head. Another helpful image is to think of thoughts as passengers but you are the driver. Whatever image helps, use to separate those negative thought worms from constructing your identity. You are in control and have the power to ignore or direct your flow of thoughts.

Intentional Breathing

Recent studies show a connection between breathing and brain health. Being intentional about your breath has the ability to slow your mind and become aware of all those pesky little thoughts. One study in 2016 found breathing rhythms actually can control our emotional states.  

Counting your breath influences “neuronal oscillations throughout the brain”. When participants in a research study controlled and counted their breath, the parts of the brain related to emotion, memory, and awareness showed a more organized pattern.

Also, slowly breathing through the nose has been found to reduce heart rate, widen blood vessels, and lower stress responses. This breathing process doesn’t need to be complicated. Simply counting to 5 or 6 for each inhale and exhale for as little as 2 minutes will calm the mind and body.

Learn to relax your body

Relaxing the body also has an impact on the mind and our thoughts. Our emotional states change and even become relaxed when the body calms down. Thoughts begin to slow as well. Like the rapid chatter we experience in our minds, many of us live in revved-up caffeinated bodies. 

Taking time to intentionally relax will help control and calm stressful thoughts. Relaxation can be difficult for many of us. While we may experience some of that relaxation during sleep or while vegging out while binging Netflix, it is helpful to have moments where we consciously focus on releasing physical tension.

Visualization can help. Sit in a relaxed position either sitting or lying. Imagine your body is a filled-up balloon and you begin releasing the pressure of the balloon through your fingers and toes. Imagining your body as so heavy you sink into your chair also helps. 

The most common way to fully relax is to do a full body scan starting with your head until you reach your toes. Sense each part of your body and release the tension. Occasionally, you will have trouble relaxing parts of your body. If this is the case, do the opposite. Tense the muscle you need to relax as hard as you can, then let go. It will instantly relax.

Because the body and mind are intimately connected, learning to relax will help all those intrusive thoughts.

Create personal slogans

You’ve probably heard and used mantras or affirmations to rewire your brain circuitry and gain a measure of control over your thoughts. Yet for many people, those terms are loaded with “new-age” or “religious” practices so they steer clear of a valuable tool. 

Rather than positive affirmations, think of them as personal slogans. These are short pithy statements that you can repeat to yourself throughout your day. They have a double-edged benefit. On one hand, the repetition of the words will help you crowd out the negative streams of thought. On the other hand, you begin reprogramming your brain in a positive direction.

If you ever played sports, you’ve undoubtedly had a coach that spouted constant statements to help players get their heads straight and motivate them to play better. Or you had a teacher or parent, you had repetitive statements to keep your attitude in line. Grab a hold of those that made you smile and perform better and use them throughout the day.

Reframe your thoughts

Reframing is the ability to reinterpret your thoughts. While ignoring negative thoughts can help. Sometimes you need to practice something more aggressive. Reframing thoughts is like judo for the mind. You redirect that negative energy into something much more positive. 

Here are some examples:

Suppose your mind keeps telling you that you are bad because of a failure. Reframe the thought as a stepping stone to success. Being thankful for failure because of what you learned and how you will do better next time. Maybe you are in a bad mood, and can’t seem to get out of it. Tell yourself you are just passionate about the situation driving your attitude. 

Looking for the proverbial silver lining always helps. We usually always find a positive slant on a negative thought or situation. When negative thoughts are especially pesky, using humor or putting a ridiculous absurd slant on the thoughts will stop them in their tracks.

Summary 

Our thoughts have a massive impact on both our stress and resilience. Learning to manage and control that internal dialogue will build resilience in your life. Pick one or two of these actions and incorporate them in your daily life and you will find yourself much more resilient against daily stressors.

If you are looking for a more objective measure of your internal dialogue, Fierce built the new Pulse App to monitor those biometrics in your body that indicate stressful thoughts are attacking you. Pulse gives you a measurable way to develop self-awareness to control stressful thoughts. Click here for more information about Pulse and the results Pulse participants have had.

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What Does it Mean to be an Agile Leader

 

With the constant state of change in today’s world, leaders must be agile. This means they’re flexible, able to move quickly, learn from mistakes and keep going, collaborate with others, and stay open to all the possibilities. So how does one do all these things?

The concept of agile started as a way of project managing in the IT industry, but the term is used ubiquitously today, including describing a style of leadership. Yet, very few people understand what it means to be an agile leader. Agile leadership is a management style characterized by being calm in the face of pressure, being open to innovation and new ways of problem-solving, involving and inspiring employees, and keeping teams on the right path.

At the heart of Agile leadership is being adaptive and resilient in the face of great change.

To continue to move forward and grow, leaders must learn to lead their teams through an environment of constant change. By prioritizing people over processes, focusing on customer needs, and seeing change as adding value. Organizations and leaders not only survive but thrive in times of change. Agile leaders are more compassionate, democratic, and inclusive leaders. They give their teams the why and trust them to discover and deliver on the how.

They provide their teams with the autonomy to self-manage and the power to be creative and experiment. Really think outside the box and not be afraid to make mistakes.

The goal of Agile leadership is to create an environment in which employees feel trusted, empowered, and motivated to strive for the best results.

Here are eight key practices of agile leaders

1. Define and align on a clear vision, a unifying purpose. Decisions need to be made across your team that align with a common goal. Without a clear purpose, how do you know what’s important? Be sure your team understands the value you deliver.

Being aligned on a clear vision will focus your team on its key priorities, ensure better collaboration and keep them on track.

2. Insist on open, transparent communication in all directions. Agile leaders practice and foster open communication with their teams, which in turn encourages team members to communicate more effectively with one another. Information needs to be available to everyone in every direction, top-down, bottom-up, and across teams and functions. Team members are empowered to make decisions, and transparent communication allows employees to have the information they need to make quick decisions with confidence.

3. Listen and be fully present. This means putting away your phone, maybe even your laptop. Minimize other distractions and fully commit to being with the other person or people in front of you. Actively listen to what it is that’s being said and seek to understand the meaning and intent behind the message.

Ask yourself are you listening to understand? Are you able to paraphrase what someone just shared with you, or are you listening to respond by already preparing your next thought in your head?

Active, intentional listening makes the other person feel heard and valued.

This skill is the foundation of a successful conversation in any setting as it builds trust, leading to stronger relationships

4. Ask questions, lots of questions. Agile leaders are curious and facilitate conversations to bring in diverse perspectives. In fact, Google conducted a research study called Project Oxygen to determine what made their most effective managers great. They surveyed over 80,000 managers and in this study, they identified 10 traits that were common among their most effective managers. The number one trait being a good coach, which Google defined as asking questions and listening.

5. Connect with your team, show you care about them, and support their well-being. I call this being human. Acknowledge that change can be hard and emotional. Agile leaders recognize that there’s a personal and human side of change.

Change is often uncomfortable, leading to resistance within ourselves and others, even when the need to move on is clear.

6. Inspire creativity and innovation. As an agile leader, you must create an environment for success by allowing room to try out new ideas, make mistakes, to even allow for failure. You’re encouraging small experiments that generate feedback for better action and quickly adjust to changes, which allows your teams to respond and adapt to challenges more quickly and easily.

7. Be adaptable. Adaptability is about having ready access to a range of behaviors that enable leaders to shift and experiment as things change. Take every opportunity to listen to feedback. Learn from that feedback and use it to adapt your approach. Configure your own reaction. How well do you respond and change? Do you accept it as positive, or at least as an opportunity? Do you adjust your management style to changing situations? Are you able to admit personal mistakes, learn from them, and move on? Adaptable people are willing to challenge themselves when their circumstances change and are consistently focused on improvement.

8. Be flexible. Flexibility is an invaluable asset to your business. Whether you’re able to adapt to the changing market or to changing conditions, your teams will be able to adjust more quickly, giving you a competitive advantage. Practically, look at how the world around you is changing and how you might be able to proactively make business changes that will better your team for success. Emotionally, think about your own approach. Sometimes this is the most challenging part for leaders. Many have difficulty changing their own tendencies when they’re set in certain ways. Flexibility requires leaders to think more empathetically. How can I better listen to my team and be open to new ideas?

Becoming an Agile leader may require a deep cultural transformation.

It is human-focused where you’re instilling an entrepreneurial drive in every employee. Managers and team members must take joint ownership of the team goals, decision-making, and performance. Teams need to collaborate, come to alignment, and develop effective feedback frameworks.

As a leader, you’re responsible for creating this environment, and you must connect people to their purpose at work. Good ideas will arise when you encourage learning and development as a cultural touchstone and encourage diversity to enable new ways of thinking about strategies to accomplish goals and overcome challenges.

Conversation, feedback, and creating an environment of growth are at the core. If you’re familiar with any of the fierce methodologies, you know that this is at the heart of Fierce. Learning and developing the skills to have effective conversations that move people forward, creating environments of transparency and trust where people can bring their best to their workplace so they will take risks in generating new ideas.

For more information about how fierce brings agile leadership to life in an organization, check out Fierce Team, Fierce Feedback, and Fierce Delegate Programs.

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The Importance of Emotional Intelligence in Leadership

Do you have the traits of an emotionally intelligent leader?

“What really matters for success, character, happiness, and lifelong achievements is a definite set of emotional skills – your EQ — not just purely cognitive abilities that are measured by conventional IQ tests.”  – Daniel Goleman.

For years, emotional intelligence has been touted as a key skill for leaders, but the benefits continue to grow as psychologists and social scientists study this trait. Recent psychological studies confirm that people with a high EI, especially in motivation and empathy, show a positive correlation between motivation, building resilience, and coping with stress. Not only with themselves, but they are even able to help others.

Emotional intelligence is a personality trait that depicts the individual’s ability to regulate emotions, be aware of his/her own self in relation to others, be emphatic with others, have social skills, and have a high level of self-motivation. 

Components of Emotional Intelligence in Leaders

Let’s look at the 5 key components and how they show up at work

Self-Awareness – You understand your strengths, weaknesses, and stressors. You understand how you react to others on your team and recognize their perception of you.Transparent & Truthful – You are honest about your own goals and willing to be honest with others regarding their performance whether positive or negative.Connect with Empathy – You are able to connect with team members and see the world through their eyes.Self-Management & Controlled – You don’t let negativity throw you off course. You regulate and recognize your emotional reactions to people or situations. One bad meeting with your team doesn’t affect your emotions and produce negative reactions.Motivation – You recognize when people need help and act to support their efforts.

Sounds like the recipe for a resilient leader, doesn’t it?

For everyone, emotional intelligence is a work in progress, and we should strive to continue to work on these 5 components to become more resilient leaders who inspire and enhance our teams. 

Impact of Emotional Intelligence on Those You Lead

A recent study found that workers are 400% less likely to leave a job if they have a manager with high Emotional Intelligence.

Psychological studies confirm that people with a high EI, show a positive correlation when building resilience and coping with stress.

Stress is a common challenge in today’s fast-paced, demanding work environment. Leaders who have a high degree of EI are better equipped to manage their stress levels and those of their employees. EI enables leaders to identify their own emotional triggers and to take steps to regulate their emotions in response. 

For example, a leader who is self-aware may recognize that they tend to become anxious when faced with deadlines, and can then take steps to manage this stress by, for example, delegating tasks or practicing mindfulness.

EI also plays a crucial role in helping leaders to manage the stress levels of their employees.

By demonstrating empathy and understanding, leaders can help employees to feel valued and supported, which can reduce stress and improve morale. A leader who is empathetic may be able to identify when an employee is feeling overwhelmed, and take steps to help them manage this stress, such as offering support or reassigning tasks.

In addition to managing stress, EI is also crucial for building resilience. Resilience refers to the ability to bounce back from adversity and remain optimistic and positive, even in the face of challenges. Leaders with high EI are better equipped to build resilience in themselves and in their employees. A leader who is self-aware may recognize when they are feeling overwhelmed, and take steps to manage this stress by practicing self-care, such as exercising or meditating.

Leaders who are self-regulated are also better equipped to build resilience. Self-regulation involves the ability to control one’s emotions and behavior in response to stress. A leader who is self-regulated may be able to take a step back when faced with a challenging situation and reframe their perspective to find a more positive solution. This can help to reduce stress and build resilience, as the leader is better equipped to cope with challenges and maintain a positive outlook.

EI also plays a crucial role in building resilience in employees.

By demonstrating empathy and understanding, leaders can help employees to feel valued and supported, which can reduce stress and build resilience. A leader who is empathetic may be able to identify when an employee is feeling overwhelmed, and offer support and encouragement, which can help the employee to build resilience and to maintain a positive outlook.

Self-awareness and self-regulation are two of the five key components of emotional intelligence. Without them, we end up in emotional turmoil. However, this is hard to develop if you are unaware of your own stressors and how to self-regulate your emotions.

Steps Toward Expanding Your Emotional Intelligence

Work on improving your self-awareness, and you will improve your EI.

Here are 5 ways to begin building greater emotional intelligence and become a better leader:

Start listening to your colleagues and put yourself in their shoes  Spend time reflecting on yourself and your motivations Don’t shy away from social engagements inside and outside of work Be supportive, even if it’s not in your job description Start treating your emotional health like your physical health

The ultimate linchpin for emotional intelligence is self-awareness. Becoming more objective about your emotional states and the other pieces begin to fall into place. Begin finding tools to develop awareness and you can transform yourself into a productive leader. 

Summary

Emotional intelligence is a critical aspect of leadership that plays a key role in managing stress and building resilience. Leaders who are self-aware, empathetic, self-regulated, and effective communicators are better equipped to manage their own stress levels and those of their employees. By demonstrating empathy and understanding, leaders can help employees to feel valued and supported, which can reduce stress and build resilience. 

In today’s fast-paced, demanding work environment, the ability to manage stress and build resilience is essential for both leaders and employees and EI is a key factor in achieving this goal.

The path to emotional intelligence is a journey and Fierce has several programs that can be customized to your skill sets and the unique challenges you face. To learn more about the leader’s journey to emotional intelligence, click here.

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5 Essential Traits of an Inclusive Work Culture

What is an inclusive workplace culture and why does it matter?

An inclusive workplace is basically one in which everyone feels a sense of belonging. The word “inclusion” is frequently used with the word “diversity.” But what is the distinction between diversity and inclusion?

According to Workable.com, diversity in the workplace defines the difference in personal, physical, and social characteristics, such as gender, ethnicity, age, and education. Inclusion refers to the actions an organization implements to incorporate everybody in the workplace, where differences may collaborate in a mutually beneficial way. The objective of inclusion schemes is to create an environment or culture where everyone feels recognized and comfortable, one in which they are willing to share their opinions and thoughts without hesitation.

As you may have observed in your career, a diverse workforce may not necessarily be an inclusive one, and an inclusive culture may not be diverse. Diversity in the workplace is defined by a variety of backgrounds being represented at various levels in the workforce; inclusion is making sure all of those people feel welcome, respected, heard, and valued. For example, an organization or team may have a good mixture of gender diversity, but if genders are treated differently, then there will be people who do not feel included or like they belong. Inclusion means team members feel like they can be themselves and flourish in their roles.

Inclusive workplace benefits

So, what’s in it for organizations? What’s at stake to gain with an inclusive workplace? The research is compelling. For example, research conducted by Limeade Institute and Artemis found that employees who feel included:

Are 28% more engaged at workHave 19% greater well-being in their livesAre 43% more committed to their companyAre 51% more likely to recommend their company as a great place to workTypically intend to stay with their company 3 times longer

 

Research from Deloitte found that an inclusive organization is:

2 times as likely to surpass business objectives3 times as likely to be high performing6 times more likely to be agile and innovative8 times more likely to achieve better business outcomes.

As great as these outcomes are, those outcomes are only achieved if the team members feel comfortable enough to own their differences and show up authentically. Or as we at Fierce would say, if team members master the courage to interrogate reality, tackle tough challenges, and make it real, all while enriching the relationship.

So, what are some of the essential traits of an inclusive workplace? Let’s take a look at five of them that we at Fierce deem to be at the top of the list.

1. Inclusive leadership 

Inclusive leadership is a critical component of an inclusion strategy. Leadership must set the expectation and the example and model it for all employees. If the leaders do this the culture will follow. Leadership teams must commit to diversity, knowledge of bias, cultural awareness, and strong communication and collaboration skills.

2. D&I strategy in place

As with any goal, there needs to be a strategy in place to get there. Without it, there is no way to track your methodology and gauge the progress. Where there is a strategy in place, there should be leaders sharing progress made with the rest of the team to demonstrate that inclusion is a company priority.

3. Different types of diversity are understood

Understanding the broad range of diversity in the workplace is essential so that everyone feels comfortable and recognized. The focus tends to be on race and gender strategies, but what also should be considered are culture, class, physical abilities, neurodiversity, age, communication styles, and personality types. Leadership must demonstrate knowing and understanding of the broad range of diversity (when present). This is critical for creating an inclusive culture that will allow leaders to tailor their approach to suit different needs.

4. Employees are listened to 

Active listening and curiosity are crucial to creating an inclusive culture. We know that the outdated ‘top-down’ approach to management does not foster inclusive cultures. Rather, it discourages candor and sharing of perspectives, stifles collaboration thus affecting improved results and better decision-making, and can decrease employee engagement. Being fully present, prepared to be nowhere else, actively listening to team members, and actually doing something with the feedback they provide, shows that you value and respect their perspective. This in turn encourages them to contribute more freely and further enhances collaboration and thus decision-making and results. We know that inclusive cultures encourage collaboration and diversity of thought. However, this is only achieved when team members know they are heard.

5. Everyone feels comfortable participating in meetings 

Diverse ideas, collaboration, and sharing of different perspectives in team meetings are essential in creating and fostering an inclusive work culture. To create a culture that is more equal and welcoming, the sharing of diverse perspectives must be invited and encouraged. Providing the agenda and goals in advance helps introverted members or internal processors to prepare and contribute their ideas to the meeting. Invite the group to share a perspective that hasn’t been considered yet. Invite the ‘devil’s advocates,’ and be aware of team members that get interrupted. Employees need to feel like it’s a safe space to share thoughts freely without fear of judgment. At Fierce, we have an excellent tool for this in our Teams Conversation model.

Currently, there is a lot of focus on hiring a diverse pool of employees. As discussed, it is essential to create an inclusive culture where everyone feels listened to, heard, valued, and supported. Diversity and inclusivity must go hand in hand. By creating a truly inclusive culture, team members will be more engaged, produce better results, and are likely to stay with the organization longer.

By investing in organizational culture initiatives, thus creating an inclusive work culture. These changes can make the organization a good place to work, and a destination for recruiters while improving productivity, profits, and reputation.

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Learn How to Accept and Navigate Conflict

Year of Resilience Tip 7: Accept and Navigate Conflict

 

Avoiding conflict creates a build-up of stress. Learning how to manage conflict leads to a peaceful work life and the ability to deflect the effects of stress. The tip this week is to embrace interpersonal conflicts as a path to building resilience.

Because conflict is uncomfortable, most of us don’t have the tools to navigate the discomfort and challenge, we often avoid or hide from it. 

Conflict is normal.

See if you recognize yourself (or a co-worker) in these scenarios:

Rachel is a marketing manager at a large company. She has a colleague named Tom who often disagreed with her ideas and opinions. Instead of facing the conflict head-on, Rachel chose to avoid Tom and not engage in any discussions with him. This resulted in missed opportunities for collaboration and potential solutions to their disagreements. 

Sarah is a customer service representative who worked with a team of four. One of her team members, David, was known for being difficult to work with and causing conflicts within the team. Instead of confronting David, Sarah chose to hide from him and avoid any interactions. This resulted in increased stress and decreased morale for Sarah and the rest of the team. 

In both scenarios, avoiding or hiding from interpersonal conflict made the situation worse. Resulting in missed opportunities for growth and collaboration. 

Stats Around Workplace Conflict

Learning to accept and manage conflict places you and your organization at a competitive advantage in your industry and in your ability to retain and attract talent. Most organizations don’t handle conflict well. According to a survey by the Society for Human Resource Management, 48% of HR professionals reported that workplace conflict has increased in the last five years.

Learning to manage conflict effectively will improve company profitability. The International Association of Conflict Management found that employees spend 2.8 hours per week dealing with conflict. This equates to approximately $359 billion in paid hours per year in the U.S.

A study by the International Journal of Conflict Management found, organizations with high levels of conflict reported lower levels of job satisfaction, organizational commitment, and employee engagement compared to those with lower levels. It should be no surprise that employees who are unable to manage conflict are likely to experience high levels of stress and burnout and usually depart the organization.

Avoiding Conflict Stunts Resilience

It’s true that embracing conflict and learning how to manage it effectively can help build resilience. When you avoid confrontation, you miss out on an opportunity to practice important skills such as active listening, empathy, and assertiveness. By engaging in conflict in a healthy and productive way, you can improve your ability to handle difficult situations and manage stress more effectively.

When you avoid conflict, you miss out on the opportunity to learn how to handle challenging situations and negotiate effectively. These skills are essential for personal and professional growth. When conflict is not resolved, it can lead to increased stress and tension in the workplace, which can negatively impact your well-being 

Interpersonal conflict is the most common obstacle we face in the workplace. Developing the skills to manage conflict immediately improves your resilience and keeps conflict from skyrocketing your stress and anxiety.

Steps to Begin Effectively Managing Conflict

Managing interpersonal conflict in the workplace can be challenging, but it is essential for creating a positive and productive work environment. Here are some steps you can take to effectively manage interpersonal conflict at work:

1. Encourage open communication: Encourage all parties involved in the conflict to express their feelings and concerns openly and respectfully. It’s important to approach each conflict with an open mind and be willing to listen to the other person’s perspective. The Harvard Business Review found that organizations with high levels of psychological safety, where employees feel comfortable expressing their opinions and concerns, are less likely to experience workplace conflict.

2. Stay calm and neutral: Avoid getting emotionally involved in the conflict and try to remain neutral and objective. When managing conflict, it’s also important to be mindful of your own emotions and reactions. Practice deep breathing, take breaks when necessary, and try to approach the situation with a calm and level head. This will help you to stay focused on finding a resolution and prevent the situation from escalating.

3. Identify the root cause of the conflict: Understanding the underlying causes of the conflict can help you find a resolution that addresses everyone’s needs and concerns. By understanding the other person’s point of view, you can work together to find a mutually agreeable solution.

4. Brainstorm potential solutions: Work with the parties involved to generate a list of potential solutions and find one that everyone can agree on.

5. Set and follow through on agreed-upon actions: Once a solution has been reached, make sure that all parties understand their responsibilities and follow through with their agreed-upon actions.

6. Foster a positive work environment: Encourage a positive work environment by promoting open communication, providing conflict resolution training, and fostering a culture of respect and trust. A study by the International Journal of Conflict Management found that organizations with a positive organizational culture, where employees feel valued and respected, are less likely to experience high levels of workplace conflict.

Summary

Embracing interpersonal conflicts as a path to building resilience can be a valuable experience. By learning how to manage conflict in a healthy and productive way, you can improve your stress management skills and become more resilient in the face of challenges.

Because conversation is at the heart of conflict, Fierce embedded conflict resolution strategies in many of the programs we provide such as Fierce Team, Fierce Feedback, and Fierce Confront.

Having frameworks for conflict management and resolution strategies is a proven method for companies to reduce interpersonal conflict. By becoming adept at managing conflict, you will not only become more resilient, but increase the ability to solve problems, create innovation, and build a positive thriving work environment.

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Be Comfortable with Confrontation

Year of Resilience Tip 6: Confront Relationship Challenges

The thought of confrontation escalates stress in most people. Learning the skills of productive confrontation gives you a framework for lowering difficult conversations. Challenging issues become less stressful when you learn to navigate them proactively. The tip this week is to confront relationship challenges.

Why Does Confrontation Create Stress?

There is a small group of people who navigate confrontation with ease and some even relish it and create it. But for most of us, it is as fear-inducing as public speaking.  

Why does confrontation make us tremble so much? Most confrontations contain an element of benefit to us. Something isn’t right with a team member’s performance and it is causing extra work or a drop in our own metrics. Correcting or challenging the behavior would benefit both of us. Perhaps someone is doing something that is dramatically diminishing our ability to get work done. Addressing the issue has the potential for putting us back on track.  

Even though we could benefit greatly by addressing issues, we often procrastinate or bury our heads in the sand hoping the problem will disappear.

Unfortunately, the reality of the potential confrontation hangs over us and silently drains energy from our psyche. The longer we postpone addressing the issue the deeper the problem usually grows and our stress levels continue to rise

Postponing confrontation has the effect of chronic stress, imagining negative outcomes rather than a positive resolution, and with each hour and day we delay, the stress chips away at our resilience.  

We postpone and fear confrontation because:

Fear rejection or criticism.   

Deep down we wonder if the confrontation will reveal our inadequacies or mistake. Perhaps the problem we see in others is due to our shortcomings or leadership deficiencies. 

The fear of damaging relationships

We spend more time with team members and colleagues than we do with close friends or family. Those relationships matter and have often developed over years. Because most of us enjoy being liked, we worry that being honest about issues might damage the relationships we worked so hard to build and value.

The fear of losing control or creating conflict

What if we sense a problem, but by confronting the issue we make it bigger than it was or we create conflict out of thin air?  As we take steps to correct, everything spins out of control. These escalating thoughts paralyze us and keep us from discovering what is real or imagined. 

The fear of the unknown outcome

Because we can’t predict the future, most of us imagine all kinds of potential circumstances when we sense a potential confrontation is on the horizon. Most of us assume the negative and that stops us in our tracks and no process to resolution is made.

Fear is a major stressor for all of us triggering internal fight or flight responses. By giving in to fear we drive up our stress levels. The only way out is through being comfortable with confrontation. Even if the confrontation is a moment of stress, it’s an immediate stress, unlike the chronic stress of waiting to address a necessary issue.

How to become comfortable with confrontation?

1. Think clarity not confrontation

Reframe the way you think about confrontation. Your intent is not conflict but understanding. Many times what we perceive as negative is easily resolved but helping yourself and the other person become clear on what is happening.  

2. Prepare and practice what to say

Roleplaying always helps with performance. When you give a speech or presentation, practicing beforehand creates confidence in the material and gives a sense of comfort in knowing you are prepared. If you’ve ever done any sales, you are well aware that practicing your sales presentation and roleplaying objection handling makes the behavior almost automatic when you are in a real-life situation. 

Frameworks and templates can be just as beneficial in becoming adept at difficult conversations. Especially when you borrow from time-tested conversation best practices you increase your ability. Conversation frameworks are at the heart of the Fierce methodology and have transformed the ability of managers and leaders to become adept at difficult conversations.

3. Focus on the issue, not the person

Depersonalizing confrontation immediately diffuses potential negative reactions. Again you seek to understand the issue at hand. You are not trying to point out deficiencies in the person. By focusing on the issues you protect their identity. For many of us, our identity is deeply wrapped up in our performance and behavior. When we feel those items being attacked it is hard not to take them personally.  

Begin every difficult conversation with the issue and not the action. 

4. Remain calm and avoid escalation

If you feel high levels of anger or frustration before a difficult conversation, give yourself a chance to calm down. The other party will sense your negative energy and immediately erect their defenses. You can almost guarantee a negative outcome if you enter a conversation with this state of emotion. 

Take a moment to breathe and relax. Consider all the potential issues and begin reframing the situation. Assume the positive intent of the other party and that you might be misunderstanding what is happening. 

5. Listen actively and acknowledge the other person’s perspective.

Even if you practiced the conversation beforehand with successful frameworks, you must maintain empathy and self-awareness.  Yes, you do have an agenda and points that need to be communicated, but allow the other person to talk and explain the situation from their perspective.  

Use open-ended questions to draw out as much information as possible. Once you believe you have a good understanding, restate your understanding and get agreement from the other person. This may take more than one pass to obtain full awareness. Wait until you come to a common agreement on the situation before you move forward to what needs to be changed.  

Because you have honored the other person’s perspective, you have earned (in their eyes) the right to express your request.  

Summary

When you become comfortable with conversations, you immediately diffuse one of the major stressors of the modern workplace. Delaying or avoiding will only diminish your resilience and energy and make you less effective when confrontation becomes unavoidable.  

Becoming adept at confrontation will improve your overall communication skills. You will create deeper relationships with your colleagues through open and honest discussions.  

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Key Strategies to Start the New Year Right

 

With the holidays behind us and a fresh, clean, New Year ahead of us, it’s probably time to take stock on the strategies that we use to achieve our outcomes. I’ve got three that I tend to use, I keep it really simple and I just want to share them with you in the event that they might be helpful to you as well.

Of course, first and foremost, set clear, measurable goals and then write down your plan on how you expect to achieve them. Make sure you’re checking to see if there are any of your skills that need some cleaning or some honing and integrate that into your plan as well.

Once you’ve set the goals and you have a plan in place, start talking with those around you and share it with them.

Your peers, boss, direct report, team, the people around you, that can provide some feedback so you can course correct along the way as necessary, or give you some encouragement to keep going to achieve your goals.

Remember to be flexible, right? There are multiple ways to achieve outcomes, give yourself some grace to take some different paths. It’s also important to really get a true sense of who you are. And that reminds me of the quote from Peter Drucker, a business expert, who said “Most people think they know themselves really well and most people are wrong”.

Even the most self aware among us need some feedback from people, some outside sources of information, to get a true sense of who we really are, so have those conversations. Establish some relationships and some with some trusted colleagues, mentors and people around you who can give you some information to get a better, truer sense of who you are.

Take some self assessments, get some information, collect some data on yourself or even use.

Consider using our app pulse by fierce, which tracks your heart rate variability so that you can get a better sense of what causes you stress throughout the course of your day, your week, your month and equipped with that information, you can take necessary steps to ensure optimal performance so you can achieve your goals as successfully as possible.

Finally, pay attention to how you integrate everything into your life in a way that brings you true joy.
Use a journal to track your energy and your emotions throughout the course of the day, your week, your month, your year.

After you do that, not only will you have a record to that you can review and adjust and course correct going forward, just the mere act of writing things down helps to slow your mind and to help you to achieve greater focus.

Now I know there are all sorts of things that can bring pressure and stress in our lives, and I’m not going to contribute to yours by telling you to have a great year. Instead, what I will do is to wish you the year that’s just right for you.

Be well.

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How to Build a Network of Resilience

Year of Resilience Tip 5: Build a Network of Resilience

 

Building resilience and defending against stress isn’t an individual skill. Simple conversation strategies like listening, collaboration, giving feedback, and coaching can help you build trust and safety with those you surround yourself with. The tip this week is to develop strong relationships that build resilience. 

In ancient times, survival was paramount. Clans and families developed networks to provide resistance against a wide range of threats. Eventually, these networks developed into physical structures such as walls around communities that allowed the members inside to thrive under protection. In today’s world, threats are not as easily seen and rarely have a direct impact on our immediate survival. In fact, many times we struggle to even recognize the stressors that are putting pressure on our ability to thrive in work and life. 

Think of your network like the bricks in your fortress against damaging stress. With healthy relationships, you borrow resilience from others and greatly expand your ability to withstand the stress of everyday work and life.

Stories of Network Resilience

There’s an interesting story from the world of medical research that illustrates the power of networks against the stressors of life. In the early ’60s, medical researchers in an attempt to fend off cardiovascular disease began studying communities that exhibited positive health outcomes in order to extrapolate that data for principles society at large could apply. They found one community in an old steel town in Pennsylvania that baffled them. The vast majority of people did everything wrong about diet and lifestyle. They ate terrible diets comprised of fatty and fried foods, smoked, and didn’t participate in the recommended exercise. Yet, they outperformed most communities in their area in measure of health and happiness. 

When researchers dug into the factors in their community, the only element they could point to that contributed to health and happiness and warded off all the dangers of modern life was community. This had originally been an immigrant community, but unlike other areas of the country, they were committed to the well-being of each other through traditions and strong personal networks. The deep networks and community strength almost created a magical barrier of resilience around them. 

You probably have similar stories you’ve experienced in your own career. I can remember one particular incident early in my career that proves the power of resilient networks. I worked in sales in a very competitive industry. My products had benefits but there were a lot of negatives, and clients weren’t shy about pointing those out. Some days, I came home feeling like I had gone 10 rounds with a championship boxer. 

Yet, I thrived and continually hit my performance goals. The key to my survival was 3 other co-workers that shared the larger territory with me. We talked daily, supported each other, traveled with each other, and even partied with each other (we were all 20-somethings). That network kept all the negatives from destroying our mental health and performance. 

How Your Network Impacts Your Resilience

Why do networks work in building resilience?

They can help us share the workload and pressures of performanceThey broaden our vision by helping us to make sense of circumstancesThey embolden our confidence to push back and self-advocateThey give us insight when we are stuck and help us see a path forwardThey provide support so we can release negative emotionsThey offer comic relief and help us to laugh at ourselves and the situationThey remind us of the purpose or meaning of our workThey give us perspective when setbacks and obstacles enter our path

 

You can add many more benefits to this list. Unfortunately, this is something we often forget and try to take on the world as isolated individuals. Reminding ourselves of those that have helped us along the way gives us the courage and impetus to continue building those relationships.

Remember it is not a sign of weakness to seek support and help from others. They can become the defenders that help you develop deeper strength and build new skills. 

Tips for Developing a Resilient Network

Networks don’t appear overnight and require a bit of work on our part, but the effort is worth it. Building resilience through a strong network of relationships involves several key steps:

1. Create Trusted Circles – Identify the people in your life who you trust and feel comfortable confiding in. This may include friends, colleagues, managers, and mentors.

2. Deepen Positive Connections – Make an effort to spend time with these people and build deeper connections with them. This can include activities such as going out for coffee, exercising together, or simply sharing stories and talking about your experiences.

3. Develop Communication Skills – Communicate openly and honestly with your network. Share your thoughts, feelings, and concerns with them and actively listen when they share their own.

4. Find a Lifeline – Seek out support when you need it. Identify those top resilience needs where you need help. Find others will those skill sets and begin to learn from them. Whether you’re going through a difficult time or simply need someone to talk to, reach out to your network for help.

5. Practice Gratitude – Show appreciation for your network and let them know how much they mean to you.

6. Celebrate Diversity – Lastly, work on building a diverse network of people who have different strengths and perspectives, this can help you to cope better in different situations

Remember, building resilience is a process and it takes time and practice, but by building a strong network of relationships, you can create a support system to help you navigate the challenges of life.

Simple communication strategies such as active listening, collaboration, giving and receiving feedback, and coaching can help to establish trust and foster a sense of safety with others. Having a supportive network of people can also help to increase resilience and mitigate the effects of stress. It is important to remember that building relationships takes time and effort, but the benefits are well worth it.

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5 Ways to Be More Self-Aware in 2023

Self-awareness is critical to so many aspects of leadership development.  In order to continue to build your skill in motivating and inspiring people to accomplish great things you have to know yourself.  You must know both your strengths and weaknesses as well as how you react to others.

As we have continued to research and develop tools around stress & resilience in the workplace, self-awareness always tops the obstacles of critical skills.

Part of the problem with self-awareness is that all of us think we are more self-aware than we are. 

 

In fact study after study reveals that 95% believe they are self-aware but when tested the number have high levels of self-awareness drops to 10-15%.

Another way to describe self-awareness is to self-monitor or to become an observer of your internal world.  It’s the ability for measured introspection.

Self-awareness puts you in control of your life. Because you can step back and view your life, decisions, and reactions as an impartial observer, you gain the power to act with intention rather than reaction.  

 

If self-awareness is such a critical skill what are the actions you can take right now to begin deepening this skill?

 

MINDFULNESS / MEDITATION

You are not your thoughts. Grasping this one truth leads immediately to better self-awareness. Our thoughts and reactions stream through our minds so fast, it can be difficult to understand our motivations and feelings. 

Practicing some form of meditation has proven to not only calm the mind but help you become an observer of your thoughts and actions. 

Yes, there are dramatic stress reduction benefits due to the relaxed state you must enter to become mindful. The biggest benefit is how much you begin to understand yourself.

Meditation can be simple. Merely calming yourself, counting your breath, and attempting to focus on one thought is enough. It’s easy to become despondent in the early attempts due to the cascade of thoughts and distractions that run through your mind. Don’t despair, the exercise of meditation is enough to build self-awareness muscles. When you find your mind begins to wander, stop and come back to your center. Five to ten minutes per day is a great place to begin.

 

PERSONALITY TESTING

Rigorous scientifically backed personality testing can give you great insight into your strengths and weaknesses. You also learn how to work best and what gives you energy and motivation.

There are many to choose from in the marketplace. Sometimes it is helpful to take multiple tests to give you a broader view of yourself.  

At Fierce, we are a big fan of the DISC assessment, and use it with every client before customizing a learning journey. Using assessments, you learn how you respond to conflict, what motivates you, what stresses you out, and how you solve problems.

 

JOURNALING

Journaling should be less of a diary and more of a place for self-reflection.  Use your journal to detail your goals and priorities.  Becoming clear in these areas helps you understand yourself more fully and allows you to align your behavior, decisions, and values with integrity. 

Over time you gain a better sense of who you are and who you want to become. You start to learn where to place your energy and where to expect and prepare for difficult conversations and decisions.

One of the early American Fathers, Ben Franklin, followed an interesting journal practice that allowed him to continue developing into a stronger, more capable leader. 

He kept a balance sheet of the assets and liabilities of his own character traits.  Over time he would work to grow his character assets and minimize his liabilities.  His intention was to increase his own “net worth”.  

 

NETWORK HONESTY

Self-awareness is difficult to do completely on your own. Incorporating inputs from others along with your own self-reflection will build a depth of awareness. 

You need a network of people you can trust. These can be peers, managers, and even the team members you lead. Each person will see different aspects that others may miss. You will gain deeper Empathy because you learn to see yourself through another person’s eyes. 

This can be a difficult step for many of us because it requires a deep level of vulnerability and trust in the process. However, the rewards are great if you use that feedback to understand yourself. 

 

BIOFEEDBACK

The way our bodies react to life can provide an immense amount of data about our energy cycles and stress events. 

As biofeedback tools like wearable devices have become readily available with sophisticated measurement systems, we are able to track countless internal measurements.  

The body is smart and changes via heart rate, breathing, and release of various chemicals in response to our environment. This new research into biofeedback is the backbone of Fierce’s new Pulse technology.

We sync into your wearable tech to help you identify stressful events in your day.  Early participants reduced symptoms of stress within 2 weeks of using. The reason biofeedback works is that it is a fast way to build self-awareness. Seeing your internal markers allows you to understand a hidden part of your own personality.  

There’s no doubt self-awareness can improve your leadership and build stress-proof resilience. You become more productive and enhance your people skills when you know yourself.

Fierce has built several programs around enhancing self-awareness such as our new Resilience program.

Whatever path you choose, implement these five actions into your professional development and watch your leadership skills improve. 

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How to Get Comfortable with the Uncomfortable Moments of Stress

Year of Resilience Tip 4: Don’t Fear Stress

 

When we fear the emotions and feelings of stress, we accelerate their negative effects. Reframe your stress response as a signal for action. Changing your perception of stress allows you to regain power over life. The tip this week is to get comfortable with the uncomfortable moments of stress.

Do you ever feel stressed about stress?  We read so much about the damaging effects of long-term stress it’s beginning to feel like the monster under the bed, always lurking in the dark ready to grab your leg and drag you down.  

The worst thing you can do is fear stress.  You can’t avoid it. In fact, you need it. 

It alerts you something is wrong. It’s the warning signal that you need to take action.  It would be impossible to avoid all stress. Even if you lived on a tropical island with no worries, your mind would still find ways to trouble you to take action.  As humans, we can’t remain still. We are meant to grow. We are goal-attaining beings. 

Like the guidance system on a plane or missile, the warnings are meant to keep on track to the planned destination.  

Stress functions the same way for you in life.  You have goals, both spoken and unspoken and when an obstacle arises that seems to prevent that goal, your stress system kicks in.

 

Why We Fear Stress

 

Feelings of stress are a protective measure meant for survival. Imagine life before modern times. You enter a forest to hunt and gather. You hear a twig break and turn your head toward the sound. Nearby you see a large bear looking at you. Immediately, your stress hormones kick, adrenaline spikes, and your heart rate increases to deliver more oxygen to your blood and brain. You are ready to flee, fight, or develop a strategy to survive. 

This instinct has allowed humanity to survive and thrive for a long time. Unfortunately, most of us don’t live in a world of mortal danger, but that same system lives deep within us. We still feel the stress response but because the situations are not objectively dangerous our mind remembers those feelings as false alarms. We then become anxious or avoid those feelings.

While most of us rarely face those moments of extreme danger, we still must deal with stressful feelings when they arise. 

 

Thinking Differently About Stress

 

A study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology demonstrated that students who viewed stress as a coping tool performed better on exams than students who were told to ignore stressful feelings. 

Another study published in the Feb 2020 journal Emotion from the American Psychological Association suggests that teaching people the benefits of stress response can improve performance and the ability to respond to stressful events. 

Here’s the trick. Stress is more damaging if you perceive you don’t have the resources to handle it. That’s exactly what happens internally when you fear stress, avoid it, or try to squelch those stressful feelings. However, if you see stress as a tool or signal, you build the resources to view events as a challenge or path to personal growth.

 

Tips for Reframing Stress

 

1. Recognize Stress is Normal

Stress can be positive. For example, getting excited over a positive event generates the same stress hormones as negative events. Also, when stressful feelings arise can be a signal that you need to take action. Yes, you may not be chased by a bear through the woods, but whatever is in front of you needs to be addressed. As long as you confront those feelings of stress and don’t allow your nervous system to live in a constant state of stress, you will use stress as your body intended.

2. Increase Your Self-Awareness

Be aware of your own stress triggers, and the feelings you have when stressed. Understand your physical responses to stress. As you become more aware of how you respond and what causes stress for you, you can use stress to overcome obstacles and increase your own performance and skill set. 

Maybe you clench your teeth or begin to sweat or your heart rate increases. Notice these signs, and then connect them to what is causing them. 

3. Embrace your power to control

You may not be able to control the circumstances of life, but you can control your response. Don’t allow yourself to devolve into a victim mentality. This only increases the levels of stress and anxiety in your life. Having a sense of control and belief that you can handle the obstacles life throws at you will reduce the physical symptoms of stress.

4. See stress as a challenge

Rather than fearing stressful feelings, they signal that you have a potential challenge ahead. This is a challenge you can overcome and develop greater personal skills and abilities. When you see situations as a threat you are focusing on your shortcomings rather than your abilities. The stress response can be part of the learning experience. 

5. Be a Problem-Solver

When sensing feelings of stress, immediately ask yourself about the options you have to deal with the stress that is before you. Over time you will train your brain to begin this problem-solving exercise automatically at the signs of stress. By making a mental list of all the resources and skills you have, you begin to create options for yourself, and the negative feelings of stress begin to lessen. 

Begin to think about stress as a tool and you will discover opportunities in how you approach work and the relationships you need to cultivate to perform your best. Inside the Fierce Resilience course, we use this approach to first build self-awareness of your unique stressors and then provide the tools you can use individually and as a team to build resilience.

 

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