Lorena Bathey's Blog, page 3

Patience. A Dirty Word?

Patience can often feel like this shot I took driving down the 5 freeway.

Oh my, how I have had to work on this aspect of my life, my WHOLE life. Patience has reared its head so often I feel like I should’ve just taken it as my name.

So how do you master this most exhausting of, what, attributes? Or virtues? Who cares what it’s called. We need it in our lives.

Patience for me has always been trying not to make decisions in a knee-jerk fashion. Anyone else do this? You know you see something, especially something that you’ve been worried about, and then just make a decision quickly? Thinking, at least I’m done with that problem.

My husband suffered a very debilitating disease and I have spent the last year taking care of him. Wanna learn about patience? Be a caregiver. It was frustrating that I couldn’t make him better. That one deliciously made grilled cheese sandwich wasn’t going to heal him. What is making him better is time. Lots of time.

This situation made me change my behaviors. I had to learn to slow down because my health was being affected too. I had to let go of things I couldn’t fix. Had to trust that something bigger than me had a plan.

I think patience and faith go hand in hand. One without the other really doesn’t gel. To have patience you must believe that there is a reason something is happening. And that reason often relies on your faith.

So join me on this journey to having patience in your life.

You can look at my post on the 24 rule to find a tip that might help you raise your level of patience.

Lorena

 

Being in the moment!

People say all the time you gotta be in the moment, but what does that mean?

For me, being in the moment means being fully present. That means turning off the checklist in my brain that I constantly have running.

It means putting the camera, phone, iPad, computer and anything with an electric current away. Remember before you had all these instruments you just did this archaic thing called, remembering.

I find that sometimes I am so busy documenting whatever it is I’m doing that I don’t really enjoy or feel what is going on. I have started putting the camera away and just being there. Letting my mind take mental pictures and reliving them later in my memory.

We have the most amazing technological instrument of all time that resides with us constantly. It’s always downloading the newest version. It’s your brain. Your thoughts. Your memory.

Try it for me, just once. Go to an event, performance, wherever and don’t take your phone or camera. Instead, just watch everything. Take it all in with your eyes. Breathe deeply to capture the scent. Feel what’s around you. If there’s food or drink, enjoy it slowly.

Then see how long you remember that moment and how that memory will connect with your heart making it engrained in your soul. This will never leave you and it will never be accidentally erased or lost.

Try it…I think you’ll like it.

Lorena

When Live Gives You Lemons.

We’ve all heard that phrase, probably more times than we can count. And every time you hear it you nod your head cause you know…yes, you get lemons.

Question I have is: What do you make with those lemons when you get them?

Do you stand there with the bag of lemons and wonder what the heck you should do with them? Do you whine and moan about these hard to work with balls of juice while holding them up and looking at them? Does your rumination turn into inaction and puzzlement as you wonder what to do with this sour fruit? Does this inaction just leave you to be holding more bags of lemons until you’re surrounded by the yellow fruit?

Or…

Do you make a pan of lemon bars out of the lemons? Do you put your industry to work and turn those lemons into something satisfying and delicious? Do those lemons become something you can repurpose in your life and possibly share with others?

Or…

Do you (and this would be my option of choice) take those lemons and squeeze the juice out of them, add some vodka, simple syrup and a sugared rim and drink those lemons down? Do you invite your friends, colleagues, or even strangers over to make sure that there are no more lemons when you’re done and instead there is happiness and lots of talking about taking vacations to Italy?

How you handle the twists and dips of life is how your life is made. You have control over only one thing, how you respond to things.

So…what will you make with your lemons?

Lorena

Lying is bad…and Other Things We Should Know

It’s astounding to me when people lie. I know…you’re thinking well I told that white lie to get out of going to that event. I know that at times in our life, we have lied. And perhaps the right/wrong factor is shades of grade. But I’m not talking about that “white lie” stuff.

I’m talking about looking in me in the eye and tell me a lie.

I have teenagers….ahhh some of you say I understand what you’re talking about now. Those who don’t, remember when you were a teen and what you thought you could get away with…tried to get away with?

But it’s not just my teenagers who think they can outsmart me with falsehoods. It’s grown men and women. They lie to my face, they even get caught in said lie, and still…there is no fault.

I’m not perfect. I’m no saint. I ain’t an angel. I have foibles and flaws. But I try, to the best of my ability to be honest, kind, and caring to those around me. It doesn’t sit right with me if I don’t.

And so in this society where it seems like everyone from banks, corporations, government, and fast food is lying, how do we stay strong in the truth?

Part of it is making sure you have your moral compass set to north. If lying doesn’t sit well in your soul, then you probably won’t do it. But more than that, don’t be afraid to tell someone, “Hey, I can’t make your event because I have to stay home and relax after my crazy week.”

Being strong enough not to lie means you can be strong enough to tell the truth.

And the truth of the matter is that most people get caught when they lie. Call it karma, payback, whatever you want. Basically when you do wrong, it very often comes back to you. Just saying.

As for me, I’ll continue to keep it real.

Lorena

 

 

 

LOL. JK. WTH?

Anyone but me tired of words that have been reduced to a few letters?

Do you miss the days when letters came written by hand in a script you could read?

 

I am an author so of course I love words, sentences, paragraphs, and pages of words strung together. But I also worry for the written word when so many people seem bound and determined to take words and shorten them all to three letters or less.

I know with technology getting words out fast and furious is the norm. But to what loss?

Our society is about fast. Getting it done quickly. Less is more. And that can have its pluses. For writing and reading it has been a minus.

We need to keep the art of writing part of this world. There aren’t penmanship classes or awards anymore. Letters of thanks, hello, or I miss you are few and far between. This way of communication was all we had for eons of time. We shouldn’t be in such a hurry to lose it now.

Are you like me? Do you get excited when you see a handwritten envelope in your mailbox? Isn’t it the first one you open? If someone takes the time to write something out freehand, do you not take your time to read it entirely?

Words are important. Writing is just as important.

Try it again. Get some lovely paper. Find a favorite pen. And write something.

I’d love to hear what you’re going to write.

Lorena

 

Butterflies

Not gonna lie, things have been tough this last year. It seems that life is just punching the poop out of me. I stand up, cause that’s what I do, and “WHAM” another hit. But I keep standing up. Keeping the faith. Being positive. All those things you’re supposed to do when life hands you a you-know-what-sandwich.

So today I stepped outside to the sunny side of the yard when this huge butterfly came right at me. It almost hit me in the forehead and then it swooped up at the last minute and flew off. Two seconds later it made another pass over me. Weird?

I thought back to animal symbolism and how it always seems to have something to tell me. I ran inside and looked up butterfly on Whats Your Sign.com. The site told me how much change butterflies go through in such a quick amount of time. How transformation comes with pain and challenges. But mostly how all this will be worth it.

Okay, I felt that. It completely jived with what my life has been like. But more than that, it gave me hope.

Hope is powerful and heady stuff. Hope is what you can survive on. Hope is the fudge in your sundae. Hope is what it’s all about. Without hope there is sheer desolation. Without trusting that someone up there loves you and has a plan even thought you can’t see what it is…you’ll need Life Alert.

Today hope came to me as a butterfly almost crashing into my head. I guess you could say that someone wanted to make sure I was paying attention.

What has given you hope today? Please let me know, I love to see where hope lives.

Thank you,

Lorena

The 24 Rule

So I have been working on patience. It’s an ever-loving battle that I find myself wrestling with. But I thought up this great tactic that helps…A LOT!

It’s easy to remember. It’s 24. Like the hours of the day. Or the amazing t.v. series with Keifer Sutherland  that will be back in May. (commercial break peeps) 24. You can remember that, right?

If you are in a discussion, argument, or conversation and you’re afraid you might say the wrong thing. Take 24 seconds. Deep breath, let your mind think, then respond. If that seems awkward, say to the other person. “I need a second…or 24.”

That time allows you to make sure you don’t say something you can’t take back. It also lets your emotions settle so that you are speaking clearer and with better intention.

Next is 24 minutes. If you see a great shirt, jacket, piece of jewelry, or anything you want but feel you shouldn’t buy, wait 24 minutes. Go get a coffee. Stop at a book store ( if you can find one).  Step away from the item. If in 24 minutes you still want it, and can afford it, then go get it.

Famous Irish Coffee from Buena Vista Cafe

24 Hours. This is the big one and can be used in all of the above ways, too. But if you want to buy a car. Maybe sign a contract. Pay for that big PR company to do your company promos…take 24 hours to make sure the decision is solid.

If after 24 hours you forgot what you were going to do. Then obviously it wasn’t for you. But in that time span you will know if the decision is the right one or not. Always be willing to walk away and think about something, especially if it is a life changing decision.

24. Easy as pie. So try it out and see what you think. Let me know if you use it and what happens.

Lorena

 

 

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Change is Good!

I decided to change. Change my blog, which I love to do. Make it short, sweet, and things I’ve learned. ‘Cause I’m at an age where I think you can deem me wise. I’ve lived. I’ve hurt, loved, lost, cried, laughed, traveled, made good decisions…made poor ones. And now I think my journey can help.

I started out writing a book called, Happy Beginnings: How I Became My Own Fairy Godmother.I told my story up till then. I helped some people. But I really helped myself. I found my passion. Writing. Photography.

Now, I want others to learn that change is good. It’s harder than hell, but it’s good. So today…what would you change. Not everything, don’t create a four page list. Pick one thing, one small thing, and change that.

Start small to grow big.

I don’t need to tell you what it is you need to change. You know it, probably paid therapists, guru’s, and life coaches to find out what it is. Even though you always knew before. But now that you’ve exhausted the figuring out part…let’s move to the do it.

Be Nike …just do it. And do it for 7 days. Not one or two. Not sporadically..do it 7 full days. You an commit to that, can’t you. Keep a log. Write it down. Find an app for it. Whatever it takes.

But do it. Then in ten days, see how you feel.

Let me know what it is. I will follow up with you. Write in the comments and I’ll check in seven days from now to see how you’re feeling.

Come on…I dare you.

Lorena

 

Editing is More Than Owning a Red Pen!

Recently I had someone contact me about being an editor. They were a student, they were new to the craft, and they wanted to learn what editing was so they could become a full-time editor someday.

I am always looking for qualified and talented people to edit so I said, let’s take a look at what you do.

I sent her a chapter of my next novel and let her go to work. She was quick in returning my chapter and so I opened up the file to see what her thoughts were and what her editing prowess may be.

I’ve hired professional editors and I’ve also used friends of mine that are teachers, librarians, and avid readers with anal tendencies to what books should be like. What I’ve learned is that not everyone is an editor even if they think they are.

Editors are a certain breed. They see your mistakes in a work that you won’t because you’ve read it three thousand times and your brain just glosses it over. Even more, they see when you’ve re-named a characters kid another name. Editors are there to search the nooks and crannies to find the errors, inconsistencies, and make your work flow.

Yet this person has been ever elusive to me. I’ve had some close calls to finding someone who I really trust, but I’ve not found that symbiotic relationship that I’m searching for. I am still missing the editor that gets my work, sees the flaws, and simply makes it better.

Let’s go back to the editor-to-be that contacted me. She’s new, wants to edit, but doesn’t really know how to do it. So I went back through the edits she made and made my own notes.

I told her ‘writers are creative people so you don’t want to make demands in your notes’

And ‘As an editor you shouldn’t rewrite things and tell them to use it’

I gave valuable advice on how to really work with authors. Guess what, I never heard from her again.

Finding an editor might be the search for the holy grail, however, I’m not giving up. Every book I’ll try someone new until I find the person that the doves fly out of my computer and the world trembles just a little bit at the joy of a perfectly edited manuscript.

Lorena Bathey

Follow me on Facebook and you’ll see portions of my new novel, Coaster, which is being heralded by reviewers as the must read book of the summer. https://www.facebook.com/pages/Lorena-B-Books/138014032926011?ref=hl

Do Judge a Book by its Cover: More Than Just Flourishes and Fonts Part 2

 

English: book cover of German Reader’s Digest collection book, 1988. simple shape cover design Deutsch: Buchdeckel von Reader’s Digest Auswahlbücher, Bestseller-Sonderband 1988 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

Book covers have such an impact on a reader. They are the first feeling, inkling, or insight into what the book they are looking at is like. The cover will evoke the mood for your reader and prepare them to read the story you’ve written, therefore, it’s a very important aspect of your work.

 

After you’ve combed the bookstores and found the look you like then you need to decide how to get that look.

 

Graphic Designer/Book Designer:  These people can be invaluable, not only for your cover design, but to create your platform that as an author you need to have. You want your look consistent, so once you’ve found a designer you can work with, have them help you create all your collateral and marketing material.

 

‘Buy A Cover’ Websites: These sites have started popping up all over. Its a simple and rather ingenious idea really. They have designers that create covers and then you find one that works for your book and input your personal information and for a reasonable price (I’ve seen $50-70 price ranges so far)  you’ve got your cover and the design is retired so they don’t resell it.

 

Find an Artist: Think outside the box and find an artist you like and see if they will paint you a design for your cover. This can be a win/win for both of you as it gives the artist exposure and something for their portfolio and it gives you a unique cover. It can also be economical if you have a young artist that wants exposure.

 

This is just three ideas to begin creating a cover that will not only get readers to pick up your book, but get them to open it and start reading.

 

Next installment: Cover Design: What’s Love Got to do With it? Part 3

 

If you got something good here, please follow me (at the end of the page) as I delve into the world of not only the self-published author but give tips that traditionally published authors should be thinking about as well.

 

Lorena Bathey

 

P.S. Want to win a signed copy of my most recent novel, Coaster? Head to Goodreads and sign up for the giveaway here: http://www.goodreads.com/giveaway/show/59409-coaster