Jack Barr's Blog, page 2

Reality of Life ~ A 2012 Flashback Share

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I always enjoy coming home for the summer and it is usually difficult to say goodbye to family.  Even though after 8 weeks I am ready to see my own shower and bed, I begin to question if living overseas is the right thing for my family.  I often debate this question the week before we leave and I begin to think that maybe we should move back to the States.  This time the night we landed, God reassured me that we were exactly where we needed to be for His purpose.

 We arrived in BKK at midnight and got to our apartment around one in the morning.  When we arrived at our apartment I immediately went to bed and Jana got online to check up on things through Facebook.  A few minutes after I went to sleep Jana started shaking me.  I looked up at her and she had tears in her eyes.  I became very frightened and asked her what was wrong.  She told me that a Thai couple’s daughter (from the awareness center she visits regularly) had just died from heart surgery complications.

Yesterday we went to have breakfast with this couple.  I had never met the couple, but Jana had become friends with them through the Rainbow Room (Awareness Center).  The husband was Thai and studied at Georgia Tech.  The wife was also Thai and had studied in San Francisco.  They both lived in Atlanta for several years before moving back to help their aging parents.  Their daughter was born a few months before Marley, and she had played with Marley several times at the Rainbow Room.  It was very sad to look at pictures of their deceased daughter and watch Marley pointing and trying to talk to the girl in the pictures.  I have no doubt that she recognized the girl from playing together at the Rainbow Room.

As they took us through their story it made me very sad and very nervous.  Their daughter had a hole in her heart and the hole started forming into a valve.  They took her in for surgery, but after the surgery, her heart started pumping blood without oxygen to the upper part of her body.  Within a few days she became very sick and they had to do another emergency surgery.  She did not make it and died.  The couple told us that they took her in on a Tuesday for what they thought would be a routine heart surgery, and left a week later without their daughter.

Life is hard.  I can’t begin to imagine what life would be like without Marley around.  I have told you in the past that when she was first-born I had a hard time accepting her disability.  I still struggle sometimes with her limitations, but her personality melts my heart.  Even when I get mad at her, her little pucker face makes me smile.  I know death is part of life, but what do you say to a couple that just lost their only child at one year of age?

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I often question God about the events that happen around me, but I have to believe that God can bring good out of every situation.  Before Marley it was easy to say that is life, but now that I have a daughter, I understand the pain this father must feel.  Right about the time that he was beginning to accept this new person and love her; she was snatched away by death.  The only good news from all of this is that we spent about two hours talking to them on Sunday about their pain and doubts.  They are both Buddhist, so maybe this event will crack open some door for us to share God’s love with them. God places us in situations to “live life” with others, but we must be willing to do it.

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May God Keep You And Your Family Blessed,

Jack Barr

Failing at Fatherhood: A book for the imperfect father

Throwing Marley Across The Room (Figuratively) . . .

Last month I was putting Marley to bed and she was fighting like a monster to stay awake.  While I was reading to her, she grabbed my ear and attempted to pull it off.   It really hurt and I suddenly wanted to throw her across the room after already spending thirty minutes trying to coax her to sleep.

Instead of going to jail for launching my child against the wall, I gritted my teeth and started counting backwards silently.  This enabled me to relax and she finally drifted off to sleep.  Once I laid her in the bed, I started to think about her determination to stay awake.  I was mad because Marley was actually fighting against something that would benefit her.  I wanted to wake her back up and say, “Fine, you win, lets stay up all night and see how you feel tomorrow.”  Of course I knew she could not understand this reasoning and it would be worse for Jana the next day, and she would be furious with me (better to keep the wife happy J). While I was debating this in my head it brought me back to my relationship with God.

I began thinking about how much I fight God when I do not get what I want.  I started to imagine God looking down on me and saying “See, you are the same way, you fight something I have for you until you have no energy left to fight.  Then once you accept things, you realize that it was the best thing for you all along.”  I felt very convicted at that moment because I am sure God wants to throw me across the room sometimes when I am fighting, but he patently keeps rocking me until I accept the plan he has for my life.

When Marley was first-born I struggled with trying to hide her disability.  I was always asking Jana if she thought people could “see” her Down syndrome.  At an initial meeting with our speech therapist, she asked me if we were going to have any more children.  I told her that we did not know and she made a comment that has stuck with me since that meeting.  She said, “When you decide to have more children, then I will know that you have accepted Marley for who she is and whom she will become.”

When she first said that, it made me mad, but now I am starting to understand the importance of that insight.  As a competitive father, I have only wanted to push Marley to be “normal” since she was born.  This is an unhealthy way to live regardless of the limitations of our children.  I need to accept Marley for who she is and understand her value to God and the world.  Is this an excuse to not push Marley, not at all, but when Marley fails just like any other child, then I need to love her for who she is and not for what I want her to be.

“It was not because of his sins or his parents’ sins,” Jesus answered. “This happened so the power of God could be seen in him.

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All of this is based on trusting God and his plan for our lives. I know I have a serious problem with a lack of faith in my creator’s plan.  I constantly fight against God, I dislike rejection, I struggle accepting my child’s faults, and I want my daughter to be accepted; but all of these things are a lack of faith.  Take some time this week to look at Job.  I always enjoyed God’s response to Job, until some of my own struggles caused me to question God’s plan. 

 

Then the Lord spoke to Job out of the storm. He said: 2 “Who is this that obscures my plans with words without knowledge? 3 Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me.4 “Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me, if you understand. 5 Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it? 6 On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone—7 while the morning stars sang together and all the angels [ a ] shouted for joy?

Please visit or website where we give Marley and other children diagnosed with Down Syndrome a voice to be heard! http://www.iftheyhadavoice.org/

May God bless you and your family,

Author, Jack Barr

Failing at Fatherhood: A book for the imperfect father

A Special Share Of My Book, Failing At Fatherhood. . .

Hello Friends, Readers, and Welcome New Friends,

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.”

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Excerpt From Failing at Fatherhood

Marley, today I came home from work, and I heard you yelling when I pulled up on my scooter. From the street I could hear your innocent voice calling out to me—“Da-ddy, Da-ddy.” As I walked up the steps towards our sliding glass front door, I saw you standing there with your arms up in the air waiting for a hug. Only God knows how long you would stand there waiting for me so you could give me you’re welcome home hug. As I bend down and hug your little toddler body, I can barely hold back the tears of shame that I now carry in my daily life, the shame I have of abandoning you mentally and emotionally for the first year of your life. How I long to go back then and know what I know today as I hug you so tight that you begin to giggle. You have shaped my life for the better and taught me about a love I could never truly understand before your birth.

When I wrote the CNN article, I read comments about the hatred you would feel towards me one day. How could I share the darkest thoughts of my soul about my own daughter? Many parents were sure to point out that one day you would not only hate me, but also refuse to love me because of how I treated you during your first year. As I finish this book, I accept that you may abandon me the same way I abandoned you that first year. If that fate comes, I will fully accept it, because that would only be a fair response to my failures as a father to you. The day is coming that you will not see me as the hero hugging you now, but before that day comes, I want you to understand that I believe true healing comes through honesty.

This book is because of you, and the change in my life would never have occurred without you. Today, I have a love for you that I could have never imagined or comprehended before the words Down syndrome entered our family’s life. My love for you and the journey of our lives need to be shared because many fathers out there are receiving news that will forever change them. You are a beautiful blessing who has taught me many things these first few years. It started out difficult for me, but I promise you I will be right here loving and caring for you until we meet our father in heaven. When you were born, I was scared. Even before I knew about your extra chromosome, I was scared. The idea of having another person in my life to care for worried me day and night. I never really told Mommy, but I was fearful of being a terrible father. From the moment you were born, I was anxious about you and your health. The only things I could think about were the problems that you might have instead of enjoying the beautiful person you are.

When the doctor told me that you had Down syndrome, I went into panic mode. I knew you were different. The problem was that I could not see past the diagnosis. You are different, just like how I am different, and how Mommy is different. You are the most beautiful person I have ever met and the sweetest girl in the world, except when you don’t nap. Now I look forward to spending time with you every day. Things I used to love to do like play basketball, watch ESPN, and listen to the Orioles all come second after you. You have made me a better husband, father, and person in this world. The bear hugs we share are some of the happiest moments of my life. Our secret kisses through the mosquito net on your crib are the final nightcap I cherish every evening before going to bed. The little things like chowing down on hamburgers together because momma refuses to eat that junk food would have been nonexistent without you. I pray to God that we are able to spend many years together, and I thank him for the great blessing that you are in my life.

As I close, I pray that you will one day forgive me for my insecurities and doubts. I am going to spend the remainder of my life teaching you, loving you, helping you, and protecting you. You are a gem in this world that some people may never choose to experience. I know there will be days that we will cry together, but there will be more days that we laugh and dance together.

The world can be a cruel place but the great news is that you will overcome it. You have a bloodline of fighters, and I already see the fight you will bring against anyone who doubts you! God is on your side, and he has a greater plan for you than he ever had for Mommy and me. The things he has done with your life these first three years are amazing. I love you, my beautiful daughter, and thank you for entering my life so I could see the beauty that only you could show me. —“Da-ddy”

www.iftheyhadavoice.org

Jack Barr, Author of Failing at Fatherhood

Failing at Fatherhood: A book for the imperfect father

My Guest Author Interview With Peoples Internet Radio Host, Stephen Roberts of “Cancel The Cabal.”

Hello Friends and Welcome Readers & New Visitors,

 

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I want to share a wonderful opportunity I was given to share all about my new book, Failing at Fatherhood, A book for the Imperfect Father, family life, and share about Down Syndrome with Peoples Internet Radio Host, Stephen Roberts, from the show “Cancel the Cabal.”

I want to thank him for the wonderful talk and interview. I hope you will take a little time out of your day to take a listen to my interview, and hope you learn more about Down Syndrome and my book.

There were a few internet clichés due to me being across the world in Bangkok Thailand, and we lost out signal a few time, but over all it went great. So I hope you enjoy listening to the interview and hope to learn more about our family, and our advocacy about Down Syndrome.

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Cancel the Cabal  “Just Click”. . .

Failing At Fatherhood author Jack Barr on February 27, 2015 Peoples Internet Radio.

March 2, 2015|Posted in: article, broadcast, Cancel The Cabal, network, News, Stephen Roberts, truth broadcast network, video

“Click And Listen”: http://www.youtube.com/embed/MATGEYHaeZ4

Failing At Fatherhood Author Jack Barr was here on Friday night, February 27,m 2015 On Peoples Internet Radio’s Cancel The Cabal Show to speak on his book.

Failing at Fatherhood ~ Award winning Author, Jack Barr’s honest struggles as a father, after receiving his child’s diagnosis of Down syndrome three weeks after her birth. He excavates the past, examines the present, and explores his future life in a sincere attempt to understand his personal failures as a father during his first year of parenthood. Throughout the book, Jack wrestles with the decision of divorce, suicide, and the existence of God. However, with His ultimate direction, Jack is able to understand the significance of fathers being committed to their children.

A truly surprising and inspirational interview. And I thank you to everyone who tuned in to listen.

Author, Jack Barr, Jana & Marley Barr

Please connect with us on Twitter @jackjanamarley ~ Like Us On FB: https://www.facebook.com/JackBarrAuthor.FailingFatherhood

And visit our Website: http://www.iftheyhadavoice.org/

My Book is Available here on Amazon

Failing at Fatherhood: A book for the imperfect father

A Note To My Father . . .

A Note To My Dad. . . .

 

Dear Dad,

It has now been thirty-five years since you welcomed me into this world on one snowy night in Memphis, Tennessee. It has also been sixteen years since cancer stole you away and left me with no father to attend my college graduation, my wedding day, or my daughter’s birth. I know you did not choose to leave me, but for a long time, I have been angry by the fact that you could not defeat that harrowing brain tumor. When I see other fathers and grandfathers enjoy their precious time with their loved ones; I cannot help but believe that Jana, Marley, and I were cheated out of those cherished moments.

Can you see us now? In some ways, I hope you can’t. It pains me to think of the agony you must have felt, as you were merely able to witness my life’s joys and sufferings from afar. But, I must admit, I am considered much more fortunate than many others. The nineteen years we were able to spend together as father and son has ultimately molded me into the person I am today. Every year, I meet children who have non-existent fathers or parents who believe that their job is a “part time gig”. These “youngsters” (I knew you would like that word!) are desperate for a male role model in their lives, and I find myself constantly filling that role even though they are not my children.

Maybe you were not a perfect father, but you were committed to being a full-time dad while you were alive, and that in itself, is a gift from God. I am forever grateful that you wanted to be my dad. I have accepted that Marley will never really know you. I remember you showing me a picture of Grandpa Barr when I was young and explaining to me who he was and how he died. I listened, but I did not care. To me, he was just a picture, not someone I would meet or build a relationship with in life. Unfortunately, the same will be true for you and Marley.

You should see her with Jana’s dad. They play together and she even has a nickname for him –“Pappy”. I often pray that my father-in-law will live a long life, so he can teach Marley the things that a grand “pappy” should teach their granddaughter. I know I missed out on those lessons with no grandfather present in my life, but Marley deserves those intimate occasions. When I witness those moments she shares with him, I hurt for you. Not because Marley is missing out, even though I know she would adore you, but because you deserve to be a part of her life. But, that is not the life journey God had planned for you or me. So now, we can either praise God for the time we had together, or be angry with Him. I know which decision you would have chosen, and I now choose to do the same.

I am still a little upset that you never shared with me the joys and sufferings of marriage before you left this world. I never imagined that I could love someone more than anyone in the world in one hour, and then feel the urge to strangle her the next (metaphorically!) As much as I admire your role as a committed father, I must admit, I am now more in awe of you as a devoted husband. Today, over eighty percent of couples with special needs children get divorced. And actually, I considered leaving Jana when Marley was first-born. I can feel your disappointment in that thought even though you have been dead for sixteen years. But, part of the reason I stayed, was due to your commitment. Maybe you were not physically present three years ago during my depression, but your fatherly guidance when you were here saved my marriage, my family, and my life.

“I want to thank you for being my father.”



Should you be here for Marley? Absolutely. But it is unfair for me to harbor anger against something that was out of our control. A few days after you died, someone I respect very much told me that the best way to keep your memory alive was to honor you by how I lived my life. The first few years after you died was a complete disaster, but today, I believe that you would be proud to call me your son. There have been some dark moments that I am actually relieved that you did not see, but following your example has helped me overcome those dreadful occasions.

Just last week, while addressing my girls’ basketball team after a loss, I emulated a famous speech you once shared with me after a loss many years ago. I looked at my girls and told them that it was my fault we had lost the game. “I should have prepared more, I should have pushed them more, and I should have made better adjustments during the game.”

I took the blame, and later that weekend we came back from the loss to win the tournament. Even now at thirty-five, I am still learning the lessons that you taught me as an adolescent, like admitting my faults, even when it hurts. Maybe Marley will never understand the great father that you were, but I will always understand and honor you by trying to be the same remarkable father to her.

Your Youngest Son,

Jack Jr.

Failing at Fatherhood: A book for the imperfect father

What Has God Taught Us? Let Me Tell You. . .

Hello Friends, Readers, and Welcome New Friends,

As many parents who care for a child with down syndrome or any disability, it can be a challenge.

But Jana and I keep close to our faith to help us through each day. So I thought today I would share with you what God has taught us so far on this journey we all call life. No matter what lies ahead for our future, we know when we keep our love and faith in God, we can make it through even the hardest storms that come our way. . .

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Nine years ago we made the decision to leave everything that was familiar to us and move to the other side of the world. One night while we were still living in Tennessee, Jana came home from teaching gymnastics, and asked whom I was talking with on the phone. I told her I was interviewing for a job at an International Christian School, in Bangkok Thailand.  She gave me a look that was intended to be profanity, but since we were good little Christians, she did not openly yell at me. I knew immediately it would not go well after I finished my phone conversation with ICS.  Once I hung up the phone, I quickly told her that I was offered a job, and the good news was they had an open elementary position.

What happened next was not the yelling attack I expected, but instead she smiled, and we started searching for Thailand on a map.  As I reflect back on this life changing decision, I think it would be good to share some things we have learned while serving in BKK.  I also want to encourage you this week to contemplate what God has taught you these past few years.  Too often in life, we don’t take the time to see what God has done in our lives.

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Jack – I have realized the true definition of depression.  I spent an entire year depressed after Marley was born.  I believe it was the hardest year of my life and I was worthless as a father during that time.  God taught me the value of a dedicated wife, and the healing we can receive through talking with people who have been there. The greatest part of that year was realizing my relationship with God was not where I thought it was, and my need for daily faith.

Jana – God’s creativity runs deep and wide. We have met so many different and interesting people while living in Thailand. Through each of these encounters and relationships, God has revealed Himself to us in different ways. It is through and because of these relationships that my relationship with the Creator has grown.

Jack – The enormous responsibility we have to mentor the next generation. God has opened my eyes to the struggles of our students at ICS.  The time we spend talking and caring for these students is a necessity.  Numerous young men and women have told us thank you for just taking the time to build a relationship with them outside of school.  We believe that is our greatest ministry at ICS.

Jana – God has been teaching me about humility for years and years. He has used so many of the years here in Bangkok to show me how little control I have in my own life, AND how much greater His plan is for me than what I have planned for myself.

Jack – There are days I love being a father and days I hate being a father.  I love the sweet smiles and hugs Marley gives me constantly throughout the day.  But I also hurt when I see people look at her differently, or when she struggles to complete tasks that are easier for others.  My own father dying at an early age inspired me to change my life, but I wish I could sit down with him now, and tell him I finally understand the love he had for me.

Jana – Unreached people groups are hiding within our own communities. We must pray for God to open our eyes to those people in need. We were never aware of the great need for families with special needs children until God made us aware. I think some of the raw emotions that we experienced as God showed/catapulted us into awareness is a taste of the deep love that God has for those who are hurting and lost.

Marley – I would say that she has learned that life is going to be fun sometimes and hard sometimes.  There will be times that Daddy/Mommy will let her splash in the rain puddles, eat a French fry, and wrestle the cat into submission.  Unfortunately, there will also be times that she will not get what she wants just because of who she is.  Pulling the cat’s ears, throwing her food, and biting will be followed by disciplinary actions.

Learn more about Jack and his book at http://www.iftheyhadavoice.org/

Follow Us on Twitter @jackjanamarley

Follow & Like Us on FB: https://www.facebook.com/JackBarrAuthor.FailingFatherhood/

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God Bless Friends,

~Jack, Jana and Marley~

http://www.amazon.com/Failing-Fatherhood-book-imperfect-father/dp/B00OSSQDGA

Tagged: Advocates, Children, Disabilities, Down Syndrome, Failing Fatherhood, FAITH, God, Jana, Life, Love, Marley, My Book, Teach, Thailand

I Need Your Vote Readers & Friends. . .

Hello Friends, Readers, and Welcome New Visitors,

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CHRISTIAN SMALL PUBLISHER BOOK OF THE YEAR AWARDS 2015 . .

 

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I’m very excited to announce that my book, Failing At Fatherhood, A book for the imperfect father, is up for a Christian Small Publisher Book of the Year Award!

Voting has just started, and I could use your help with a Vote.

It would mean so much to me and for my book so I can continue sharing my message of hope to other parents who can benefit from reading my personal story. Winning can also help me continue advocating & helping other families who are also raising children with Down Syndrome.

NONFICTION – RELATIONSHIPS / FAMILY

Failing at Fatherhood: a book for the imperfect father

Jack Barr;

Trinity Grace Press;

It is easy to go vote by using this link: http://www.christianpublishers.net/15votes/

Just fill out the short voting form, then scroll down to “Non-Fiction – Relationships/Family” until you see my book cover, vote and submit! It’s just that Simple.

I appreciate your vote and support as I continue my efforts to raise awareness and hopefully help many parents through my book. Here is a little about CPSA . . .

Christian Small Publishers Association is a member only based, and very helpful publishing resource for small publishers and self-published authors. They have fantastic benefits for both to help educate and help with many area’s of publishing and book promoting. They are a professional organization. Here are just a few benefits you’ll gain through becoming a member if your a publisher or author:

Educational / Networking Benefits, Marketing / Advertising Benefits, Book Distribution Benefits, Financial / Legal Benefits and much more.

So while your there to vote, check out all the member benefits if you’re a small publisher or self-published author!

Thanks friends for your votes and help elevate my book to farther to reach more parents and families.

Again, the link to vote is: http://www.christianpublishers.net/15votes/  . . .

God Bless,

Jack Barr

Failing at Fatherhood: A book for the imperfect father

Another New Author/Book Interview For Failing At Fatherhood by: Chelsea Patterson of Patheos.

Hello Friends, Readers, and Welcome New Friends,

I have been blessed with another wonderful invite to be interviewed about my book and what my family advocates for by the good folks at Patheos, http://www.patheos.com . . .

Here is a little of who they are and what they do.

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Hosting the conversation of faith. . .

Founded in 2008, Patheos.com is the premier online destination to engage in the global dialogue about religion and spirituality and to explore and experience the world’s beliefs. Patheos is the website of choice for the millions of people looking for credible and balanced information about religion. Patheos brings together faith communities, academics, and the broader public into a single environment, and is the place where many people turn on a regular basis for insight, inspiration, and stimulating discussion. Patheos is unlike any other religious and spiritual site on the Web today.

As evidenced by the company founders’ story, religion and spirituality continue to be an important part of American life, with more Americans today than ever before identifying themselves as spiritual. In fact, according to the Pew Internet Project, more than 82 million Americans (and 64 percent of all Internet users) utilize the Web for faith-related matters. The importance of religion and spirituality, coupled with the growing use of the Internet for religious matters, point to the ongoing need for an online resource for religious and spiritual engagement and dialogue. Patheos fills this need.

My Guest Author Interview:



My Daughter With Down Syndrome – Every Life Is A Gift



Tears streamed down my cheeks as I learned more about Jack and Marley’s story. Jack demonstrates with stunning love what it means to truly care about someone, even in the most difficult circumstances. Their beautiful story was featured on CNN, and voted a top story of the year (2013). I had the privilege of “meeting” Jack and talking about his experiences as a father to a child with Down syndrome.

The theme for the March for Life this year is, “Every Life is a Gift“, focusing on the fact that all lives matter, have value and importance. I thought Jack was the perfect person to feature, and I think his story will touch your heart, encourage and challenge your faith, and leave you wanting to make this world a better place!

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Tell us a little bit about your story:

The day my daughter Marley was born, I went straight to the nursery and held her for well over two hours. I just held her and cried because I had never experienced such a love for anyone or anything in my life.  I think the nurses thought I was crazy because eventually they told me I needed to go be with my wife. Three days later, before we left the hospital, the pediatric doctor told us she thought Marley might have Down syndrome. I entered into a deep depression for the first year of Marley’s life. My wife became concerned about me, so I started taking antidepressants and seeing a counselor. I contemplated leaving my wife and suicide. I would lie awake at night thinking about my future, and searching for a reason to live. I believed all the negative things the world told me about Down syndrome, and viewed it as a curse on my family. The entire time, I couldn’t stop thinking about how this would change my life! Finally, one Saturday morning, when Marley was about 2 months old, I got up and told my wife I was going for a walk. I had no intention of coming back.

Can you explain a little further about the title of your book, “Failing at Fatherhood?”

I chose the phrase “Failing at Fatherhood” because it best describes the view I have of myself these past first three years as a Dad. I have made many mistakes since Marley’s birth and I am deeply ashamed of them. So, why share this when it will be out in the world for others to criticize? It came down to what I believed in as a Christian. If I was going to stand up and say that I believed in God; then I had to be willing to share the struggles and triumphs in my life.

The theme of the March for Life this year is “Every Life is a Gift”. Why would you say that all life sacred and a gift?

The change in my life would never have occurred without Marley. Today, I have a love for her that I could have never imagined or comprehended before the words Down syndrome entered our family’s life. My love for her and the journey of our lives needs to be shared because many parents out there are receiving news that will forever change their lives. Marley is a beautiful gift that has taught me many things these first few years. It started out difficult, but I promise you, if you accept the gift, then God will bless you in ways you could have never imagined.

How have your personal experiences being a father to a daughter with Down syndrome influenced your life, and the lives of others? 

For the past few years I have really talked to God. I talk to God in the same manner I would talk to my wife sitting at the dinner table. I openly share with him my anger and disappointment about my child’s disability. Sometimes this will last for hours and involve screaming, fighting, crying, and praying, but I know this has helped me build a stronger relationship with my Creator. My faith is still not without doubt, but now I believe in a God who I can actually share my life with and can handle my real, un-suppressed emotions.

What would you say to parents of children with disabilities?

The most important thing in life is not our children, but helping our children accomplish the calling God has for them. It was never that I hated my daughter; it was the fact that I hated her having Down syndrome. If I did not share my story, then everything Marley has taught me would be lost once my life was over. What if a mother decides to keep her child because she hears about your story? What if a father decides to come home one night instead of leaving his family because of you? And finally, what if someone takes a step out of the pit of darkness instead of ending everything in death because you brought him or her hope? People need guidance and hope, and this is not our stories, but the stories of our children transforming our purpose, beliefs, and ultimately, society. What a miracle it would be if our children that have been labeled as “broken,” actually helped saved lives, families, and other children! This is where I find peace.

What are some of the most important lessons you’ve learned through being Marley’s father?

The most important lesson I have leaned is that our lives are not our own.  Look at the story of Abraham and his son. Abraham did not want to kill his only son, but he knew that if God was asking him to do it, then there was a greater purpose. The same is true with our lives. 

I don’t want Marley to walk in one day and say, “Daddy, why did you not want me when I was born?” I know that day is coming and I will endure that crisis when it darkens my door. But facing that day is so much better than the alternative of not being honest with God, my daughter, or myself, and letting our story go untold. New fathers and mothers are hurting, and they need to know that there are other parents in this world that can show them a glimpse of the joy they will have with their new child. It was not Marley’s birth that led me to fail as a father, but it was my previous issues that were never resolved which led to inadequate healing. If sharing my deepest thoughts helps someone start a relationship with God, convinces a father to stay with his children, or helps parents mend their relationships with their own children, then I believe it is worth every bit of criticism.

How have you seen the hand of God at work in your life and in Marley’s life?

My daughter and her disability inspired the If They Had A Voice video.  It has been viewed over 40,000 times and we continually receive emails from people touched by the video.

Marley’s CNN article was voted a top story of the year (2013).  The posting alone had over 1000 comments and generated enough traffic to be on the CNN front page for several days.

When Jana and I finally accepted God’s plan, you could immediately see His work in Marley. 

Follow Jack Barr on Twitter here

I want to thank the wonderful new friends and Chelsea from Pathoes for this guest interview. Our faith helps us through each and everyday. We appreciate all the support from everyone, and for myself as an author sharing a message of hope to other families. . .

Jack Barr

Failing at Fatherhood: A book for the imperfect father

New Review For My Book “Failing At Fatherhood” By Wonderful Friends At “Life is Story”. . .

Hello Friends, Readers, and New Visitors,

I’m happy to share my new book review for Failing at Fatherhood, A book for the imperfect father. It was done by the fine folks at: Life is Story: http://www.lifeisstory.com/ . . .

The website showcases books, news, films, author interviews and more. My hope is that it gives you some insight about of my Mom’s Choice award-winning book, and shares that it is a great read with an important message. So here is the book review

courtesy of Josh Olds of Life is Story. . . .

 

Failing at Fatherhood: A book… Jack Barr

Paperback $13.99
NOOK Book $9.99

Now Available on Barnes & Noble.

.Book Review ~ Failing at Fatherhood

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QUICK HIT – After Jack Barr’s daughter, Marley, was diagnosed with Down syndrome, he was distraught…not for his daughter, but for himself. He contemplated leaving his family. He contemplated suicide. Failing at Fatherhood is the story of his healing and acceptance, as well as a frank look into avoiding the mistakes he made along his journey. Having a baby is supposed to be a wonderful time. When you hear that first cry pierce the air, there should be jubilation. And, for Jack Barr, that’s how things were at first. But after a few weeks, he and his wife began to notice abnormalities.

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A pediatrician broke the news that their daughter might have Down Syndrome. And Jack Barr’s world was shattered. Failing at Fatherhood stems from a CNN article Jack wrote about the resentment, anger, and frustration he felt after his discovering his daughter’s disability. He writes about the year he basically disconnected from his life and his wife, leaving her to raise their daughter. He writes about how seriously he contemplated suicide. And, eventually, he writes about his time of healing and reconciliation, of coming to see the beauty in his daughter’s disability.

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Though Jack Barr’s personal story comes in the context of a special needs child, Failing at Fatherhood is more about the areas in which most fathers fail—areas in which Jack failed—and how to avoid them or build success from the failure. Jack talks as one who’s been there and conquered, or, at least, survived. The book talks a lot about his own story and childhood, the influence his own parents had, and his rebellion against and eventual reconciliation to God.

At just around 150 pages, the book is a quick read, though, certainly not always easy. Honestly, I would have liked to have seen the book deal more with the specifics in his daughter’s life. Raising a special needs child can be difficult and Down Syndrome can seem very scary to someone who knows nothing about it. There are a number of special needs parents who have been exactly in Jack Barr’s place, have felt the feelings he felt, and looking for someone to validate those feelings while pushing them forward toward healing. The way in which the book was pitched to me made it seem that Jack was going to focus in more closely on his specific context, and I was a bit disappointed to really only see it on the fringes.

Despite that, Jack Barr’s story is well worth the read. Life is Story, after all, and Jack’s is beautiful tale of redemption. It’s not perfect…actually, it’s quite messy, but his frank and blunt honesty is refreshing. It can’t be easy to throw your failures out there for others to read. Yet that’s become his ministry. Failing at Fatherhood is an honest look into a broken man’s past and what he is now doing different in order to heal and succeed and thrive. It’s a wonderful story of God fixing broken things and using them for his glory.

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Review By: Josh Olds ~ Life is Story.

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God  Bless,

Jack and Marley Barr.

Failing at Fatherhood: A book for the imperfect father

My Guest Article Written For, “My Big Jesus” ~ A Place For Spiritual Inspiration.

Hello Friends, Readers, and New Visitors,

It’s not everyday I get invited to be a guest writer on many websites. But my friends at “My Big Jesus” have given me a platform, and invitation to share about my new book and advocate a little about

Down Syndrome from a personal and family perspective of raising a child with downs, and to share hope with other families doing so as well. So I thought I would also share it here on my blog with all of you, my friends and supporters.

I want to thank the good people at, My Big Jesus for this wonderful opportunity to do so. Please go by and give their website a visit here: http://www.mybigjesus.com/, as I know you will be inspired after you have. Here is a little about them.

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My Big Jesus:

Your Jesus is too small. The idea that Jesus is King has cosmic implications for the way those who follow him see the world. Jesus not only wants to reconcile all people, created in his image, to himself; but he is also at work in and through his image bearers reconciling all things to himself. Meaning, Jesus redeems both people and all of culture: film, parenting, marriage, education, justice and mercy efforts, intellection endeavors, academics, finances, vocation, Christian identity, friendship, leisure – every area of life and culture. MyBigJesus.com will be a landing-place to find the voices that reflect this truth.

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Chris Lawson

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Founder of MyBigJesus.com, husband to Merri, father to Adam, Ellie, and Zachary, disdainer of Lucy (the dog), and executive pastor @reynoldachurch. Lives to make Jesus famous. He enjoys watching the Atlanta Braves and UNC basketball, as well as demeaning and insulting whatever sports teams you root for. He knows a disturbing amount about television and movies.

My Guest Article on My Big Jesus

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by Jack Barr

“The day my daughter Marley was born, I went straight to the nursery and held her for well over two hours. I just held her and cried because I had never experienced such a love for anyone or anything in my life.  I think the nurses thought I was crazy because eventually they told me I needed to go be with my wife. Three days later, before we left the hospital, the pediatric doctor told us she thought Marley might have Down syndrome”.

I immediately had a panic attack and was taken to the emergency room. Thoughts were racing through my mind: How could my perfect daughter have Down syndrome? How could they not know for sure? How could the general ultrasound, which said we had a 1-in-18,000 chance of having a child with Down syndrome, be wrong? Why was God punishing me? How could I live with a daughter that was going to be rejected by everyone … including myself?

I entered into a deep depression for the first year of Marley’s life. My wife became concerned about me, so I started taking antidepressants and seeing a counselor. I contemplated leaving my wife and suicide. I would lie awake at night thinking about my future, and searching for a reason to live. I believed all the negative things the world told me about Down syndrome, and viewed it as a curse on my family. The entire time, I couldn’t stop thinking about how this would change my life! Finally, one Saturday morning, when Marley was about 2 months old, I got up and told my wife I was going for a walk. I had no intention of coming back.

After I left, I started having second thoughts, and that’s when I remembered that my wife had signed up for an online support group.  I opened an email and phoned a father in India that I had never met. He had a 2-year-old son with Down syndrome and we talked for hours.  He was the first person since Marley’s birth that spoke truth into my life about Down syndrome. After that conversation I had the strength to go home and face another day.

Year ago, my father said to me, “If you want to fix a problem, then do something about it”.

I followed his advice. First, I tried to gain as much knowledge as I could about raising a child with Down syndrome. Next, I started calling every family I could find that had a child with Down syndrome. I also started interacting with my daughter. She was desperate for me to start loving her, and she continued loving me until I broke down and did the same. I was scared to accept my daughter because that would mean accepting her disability. But the reality was the only thing keeping me from loving my daughter was my own ignorance. I slowly began to see the beautiful girl that would change my life forever.

And finally, for the first time since my conversion in college, I talked to God. I talked to Him just like He was sitting in a chair beside me because that was the true barrier in my life. I was honest with God throughout the entire process, and that is when I started finding peace. Healing was a slow process and a long journey, but I am thankful for the life-changing transformation Marley brought to my faith.

It is true, there are difficult times having a daughter with Down syndrome. But it also true that she is very much like any other child. Marley smiles, laughs, plays, makes mistakes, and, most importantly, completes our family. The medical community focuses on so many of the challenges associated with Down syndrome that we develop an unnecessary fear — but these are only differences. The truth is I am a better person today because of my daughter, my daughter who has Down syndrome. I am grateful for a wife that was willing to push me to change, and support me when I struggled.

I am still saddened that Marley has Down syndrome, but I am beginning to realize that God can bless us regardless of our circumstances. I will never be able to fully understand why Marley has Down syndrome, but I do know she has made a difference in my life, my wife’s life, and in the lives of so many in our community.

May God Bless You and Yours,

Jack Barr, Author

Failing at Fatherhood: A book for the imperfect father