Kristy Nelwan's Blog, page 3

“Il n'y a de réalité que dans l'action. (There is no reality except inaction.)” ― Jean -Paul Sartre

Thank you, I feel really really special today. 

Lambaian Baik

Akhir minggu berakhir seperti cerita kita bercerita. 
Berputar membentuk lingkaran yang tak pernah sama, gelak tawa yang berbeda, dan langit malam yang ribuan dan semuanya istimewa.
Ketenangan yang sangat singkat meski rasanya menyisa erat. Cukup untuk bertahan lima langkah lagi, cukup untuk tak manjawab godaan untuk berhenti. 
Keinginanan sederhana setiap bangun pagi.
Akhir minggu istirahat seperti cerita kita mengambil jeda. 
Ini hanya koma,


Dan ini kecupan ringan sampai jumpa.

A (repeating) New Start

The particular morning perfectly mixes frustration and a bit of excitement. Just a bit. Frustration in the little black dress, excitement in these red colored lips. A good bit that fades as the day goes by, as the sun sets with a promise of sweet nothingness--a long enough silence that ends with a beginning we are not too fond of.

But that starting line will be slightly better than this one.

Promise. 

Some of us are full of shit, some are plainly stupid. And the rest are just in love.

Time heals only some pains. Time answers only some questions.
And there are dawns when we’re stuck with the unhealed pains, hopelessly trying to crack the unanswered questions.
The unsettled mystery. Everything about you and me.
We’ll wait till the sun rises, till the silence disappears.Till the honest darkness fades, till the eyes shed no more tears.
We’ll loudly wonder where on earth is the absolute truth.
…but secretly wish to see only what we want to see, to listen only what we want to listen, and to love only what we want to love.
To trust only what we want to trust.
If there’s any. 

Witing Tresno Jalaran Soko Kulino

Waktu adalah manufaktur cinta, katanya.

Katanya yang berkompromi soal hati. Katanya yang melupakan mimpi. Katanya yang tak (lagi ingin) mengerti. Katanya yang telah lelah mencari. 
Katanya yang telah menyerah dan berhenti. 
Bukankah menua usia, membijaksanakan kita,harusnya? Bukankah melama jiwa, antar angkuh terlupaharusnya? 
Belumkah belajar bahwa hanya ada dua realita soal Cinta: (1) Ada (2) Tiada 
Kemudian diantaranya ada langkah-langkah bernama Usaha, Sabar, Maaf ... apapun itu. 
Tapi Cinta sendiri tidak diproduksi, dan Waktu terlalu sibuk untuk satu lagi mahakarya seni. 

(Dan esok pagi kita akan memilih untuk mencoba lagi)
(Kompromi hati, melupakan mimpi, tak mengerti, tak mencari.)

(Menyerah. Berhenti.)

Sebelum hidup lagi setelah mati suri, suatu hari nanti. 

And then you kissed me.

Dini hari yang mengeruhkan wajah tak cukup gelap
Hati masih sendu dan belantara waktu masih senyap
Langkahmu disampingku cukup untuk pagi yang ini
Kitapun belum siap menebak kan kemana matahari

Never let me go.

Sueño.

We dream, always. We said we don't but we always do, we just forget. But this one, let me capture this dream. Which has not sparkling stars and loud laughters--nothing more but blurry images in calm wood tone colours.

But there were us and hugs. And an ultimate tranquillity, around and in me.

The kind of beauty which shall not be forgotten. 

Why do I think so much of the past.

Maybe because it's done. It's predictable, it's controllable. Everything. I know how it starts, how it ends. I'm familiar with the mistakes and the good calls I've made. I know all the pain and I'm sure that I'm strong enough to deal with them because I, otherwise, wouldn't be in my room right now, writing this piece. The past has a good portion of certainty, something that the present and future are lacking of.

Uncertainty, apparently, is something too intimidating that I need to constantly distract myself.

Autumn has started and I wish I was there.

Face our fear

and let's see whether we are as brave as what we have always proclaimed.

Because to stick around when things are nice is easy, but it's our commitment to clean up the mess that counts.

The Pretty Thirty

"Do you think it's too early for a serious subject?" 
It was 8 a.m., an old friend said hello through the on-line messenger. The last time I saw him was around six months ago, we bumped into each other in a book store an talked for 5 minutes. But long time ago, ten years ago in college, we used to be quite close friends. We did some projects together and we had loads of discussion, which of course, at that age, evolve around exams and our dream career, sometimes love life. 
"If there's any perfect timing for serious subject, it would be in the morning," I replied. "When people just had their first cup of coffee thus they're less cranky. Shoot."
"How would you think of a 30 years old guy like me who is still single?"

I almost joked around and say "Gay" but I was, gladly, wise enough to stop myself from hurting my already stressed out and not gay friend. Instead, I told him that "wise" and "brave" would be my impression. He liked my answer and commented that I was being really positive, I laughed at his statement, "If I can't be positive about a single 30 years old man, how would I look at myself as the 30 years old single woman?"
Apparently some of his colleagues had "analyzed" him as either "being picky" or "having too much too consider". They successfully made him think that: (1) He would be a better person when he's married, and (2) He would have more strength to face every challenges in life which would be more and more difficult in time, when he's married.
To which I laughed, briefly, a lot less than what those ridiculous statements deserved. Told him that first of all, we SHOULD be the best version of ourselves at any time, either we're married or not. Second of all, if we want to be religious and talk about "life challenges" here, aren't we supposed to believe that God does not impose on any self any more than it can bear? It means, we must have enough within us to face any challenges given to us, again, either we’re married or not.
Despite the fact that it's 2012, the era of open minded and free spirited people, our society could still be a bit mean to people like us: 30 (or older) and not married. There must be something wrong with us and we need help. We need guidance.
The thing is: No, some of us don’t need help because we are not lost nor wrong. Yes we’re being picky and we consider many factors, but that is just because we know how much we’re worth, what we deserve and the true meaning of taking responsibility. We’ve learned enough that even just a small mundane project needs planning, let alone life. We also see that while it’s important to find a teammate to play the game of life, there must be something more to our existence.
But then again, if we wish them to understand and respect our decision, we must, too, understand and respect their point of view. There’s nothing we can do about it, it just happen to be that each of us have our own mindset, our own decision, our own way. It’s our life after all. Happiness would feel greater and pain would be more bearable, if they’re caused by our own decision, not others.
Besides, there are still an awfully lot of other scenarios worse than being single in our 30s. Being in an unhappy marriage in our 30s is one, being a junkie and broke in our 30s, being a criminal in our 30s ...
J
Seriously. Let them talk, but listen wisely. If anything, that’s what us the 30s should be really good at.