Carly Compass's Blog, page 7

It Is Starting to Get Real!

Casey Harvell was so kind to add this beautiful script to an image that I created for a possible book cover, but there are more:

I met Casey Harvell, Author of Doesn’t Play Well With Others et. al. , a few weeks ago and she has been an amazing ally, first interviewing me. She introduced me to a host of other great people and authors and kindly helped me with my covers. No one is a success on their own. It takes the kindness, support and generosity of others to help each other rise!

I developed my two sentence synopsis, but it still needs work:

As a survivor of sexual abuse and child neglect, Gina Parrot wanted to leave her past behind and live the American dream of raising a family, since she didn’t have one growing up. She was living her dream until her new employer had other ideas; will Gina be able to hold on to her dream?

Prologue and teaser to my novel, Electric:

 Prologue

Gina sat despondent, disheveled and disillusioned wondering what she could have done differently? How did this happen and over such a short period of time?

Was she to blame? Did she ignore the signs? Now, two people whom she loved very much were gone, lost forever. Dead.

She poured over the letters. One line stood out to her: “In my mind and heart you will always be with me, and I will carry this into the next life.”

Did he hope to have some sort of relationship in the afterlife? Is that why all of this happened? She should have known from that first day she met him. She had a vision, why didn’t she take it as an omen and just walk away?

Now, all the signs were clear. Hindsight is 20/20. Gina’s mind drifted back to that first day…

 Chapter I

Chance Encounter

 The parking lot was dark and desolate as Patty and Gina stepped down the stairs of the old loading dock in the back of the building. The evening was hot and humid as they both tried to adjust to the climate change having just left the air-conditioning. “I wonder how the ducks are doing?” Gina asked, thinking how nature was all but pushed aside leaving this poor mother duck to make a nest behind the dumpster in the parking lot. It was neither clean nor sanitary, no place to raise ducklings, so dark and dangerous. Just then a van whizzed up nearly hitting them! Gina grabbed Patty’s arm to pull her back from the van’s path.

The driver rolled down his window two inches from were the two shocked women stood and said with a flirtatious undertone, “Good Evening Ladies, did you just get off work?”

Patty, the 22-year-old Brunette Russian equivalent of Farrah Fawcett, smiled exposing her perfect pearly whites. Her brunette hair glistened in the phosphorescent light that beamed down from the electric pole that doubled for telephone lines not ten feet away. She tilted her head and gently brushed her hair away from her soft tawny complexion widening her pale green eyes as she added an uneasy giggle and said, “Yeah, we’re just heading home.”

And now I have my schedule for publishing:

I am having a cover release party on October 1st for my novel, Electric, The Beginning, Book 1,  that will later be released to the public on October 16th which just happens to be my birthday. I am recruiting a Street Team for my cover release party. Street Team members will get a free download of Book 1, and will need to read it by October 16th and write a review on Amazon. Contact me via email if you are interested in becoming a member of my Street Team. Electric, The Consummation, Book II will be released on October 23rd and finally, Electric, The Resolution, Book III will be released on October 30th!

 Here are my characters: 

Gina Parrot (The protagonist) is your average woman just trying to live her life and be happy raising her family.

I chose, Nicole Curtis – DIY – Rehab Addict for Gina, the protagonist. She is spunky, full of energy and gets the job done! 

A young Van Morrison …is how I see Gina’s husband Brad, a hard working man who is not much of a conversationalist. He’s too busy getting thing done to talk about them!

Jonathan Goldsmith, (The Most Interesting Man In the World) is Mikhail Vladimir, the antagonist stalking poor Gina! When he wants something he will stop at nothing to get it!

I chose Latoya Jackson as Carlotta, Gina’s childhood friend turned stripper, whom suffers from Body Dysmorphic disorder, having plastic surgery has become her obsession. The question is why? And is she really Gina’s friend in the end?

When Gina and Mikhail meet it is Electric!

There are a host of other characters in my novel that will enhance the story line!

Now my job is to create a three dimensional book cover, finish editing, and figure out how to format the book for final download onto Amazon.

Feel free to leave comments. I appreciate the feedback and will keep you abreast of my progress in the comings weeks.

Thank you all for your time, attention and support! I truly appreciate each and everyone of you!

The Creative Being in You!

August 30, 2014

Mona Brooks wrote the book, Drawing with Children in 1986, where she discusses why and when children stop drawing.

She sites that every child draws and loves coloring, but at a certain age they stop, either because they see other people do it better or because they are not encouraged to be creative. She further states that when we stop drawing a certain part of our brain shuts down and remains stagnant. It is that part of the brain that creates and invents. 

It doesn’t matter if one is good at drawing or not, what matters is the process of creating. Drawing or painting stimulates a part of the brain that can lead to other problems solving ideas. Expressing ourselves through art not only releases stress, but it can actually lead to making great discoveries. Think of Leonardo Di Vinci and his many inventions. The world is teaming with creative people.

A piece of art I picked up in San Francisco a few years ago. The artist simply signed his work A.

I want to address these people who have stopped creating through lack of encouragement or desire.

A self portrait that my daughter did while in college using chalk pastels.

I am happiest when I am creating. We are, every single one of us, creative individuals. Unfortunately, somewhere along the way people forget that side of themselves.

One need only look at their daily routine to see that creativity abounds in every single thing we do each day. Everyday we create a lovely environment. We create healthy, nutritious meals or delicious desserts. We create homes and living spaces. We especially create excuses for why we are not doing what we love and enjoy to achieve happiness.

“It took me four years to paint like Raphael, but a lifetime to paint like a child.” Pablo Picasso said.

Near the end of his career, Pablo Picasso understood the importance of just letting go and freeing his mind to create.

Woman in Mirror

Below is a work my youngest did in kindergarten.

Sarah Bon Breathnach in her book, Simple Abundance suggests that we make a board to get back in touch with our creative side. This process includes cutting out pictures in magazines and pasting them to a board. Today, with Pinterest, one can achieve this goal without  the magazines, scissors and paste.

Stop creating excuses and start getting back in touch with your creative side. If you haven’t joined Pinterest yet, go to Pinterest.com and create a board. Find out what it is that you are attracted to and what you want to learn and explore. Get back in touch with that creative side.

You can look at my boards to get some ideas. This is why DIY (Do It Yourself) shows are so popular today. There is a need in our biochemistry, in our DNA to create.

Most important is to realize that everything you do is creative. When you look at your mundane chores as a chance to create, it changes the mundane into a work of art.

Creating a work of art feels good and releases endorphins. There is satisfaction in every job well done. It is our attitude and our intentions that elevate the mind. Our attitude and intention toward what was previously thought a meaningless job can change our outlook on life.

From this day forward do everything with the intention of creating a work of art.

The Importance of Daily Meditation

In today’s stressed out world where we are all trying to multi task, I thought I would take the opportunity to remind everyone of the importance of self love, self care and doing everything in your life with intention. 

Writers sit at computer desks for large portions of the day and it is difficult to maintain good posture. Poor posture can lead to the  physical duress of disease as exemplified by the chart below:

A Great way to start your day: Daily meditation

Taking care of your-self is the only way of loving yourself. You must love yourself. If you love yourself first and take care of yourself then you will be able to tackle what the world has to offer with inner strength from a place of inner peace.

Ritual and routine keep you on track. Thinking positive thoughts while being intentional are ways of meditating in a stressed world.

Meditation takes practice and practice makes perfect….

I like to multi-task whenever I can. Considering the spine is the electrical circuitry for your entire body, I’ve developed a way to combine meditation with spine therapy.

Lie on a carpeted floor or yoga mat with enough room to extend your arms out and feel your back touching the floor. Start with your low back, feel it flush to the floor. Is your low back arched? Roll your knees to your chest to get your low back flat, slowly extend your legs. Place your feet flat on the floor so that your knees are facing the ceiling. Press your low back into the floor. Feel your low back flat and firm. Concentrate on nothing other than making sure your back is flush to the floor.

Now lift your butt up slowly, until only your feet and shoulders are touching the floor.

Slowly lower your back one vertebra at a time until your back is flat again.

Feel the adjustments during this process. Repeat this until you feel your back in flat and firm to the ground.

Extend your arms out. Are your shoulders flat to the floor? Tuck your shoulder blades in until both shoulders are flat. Swivel from side to side until you can feel that your shoulders are flat.

Your arms should be extended out with elbows bent perpendicular to your shoulders. Take time to feel your back, make sure it is as straight as possible. Keep your low back pressed into the floor. Now breathe deep.

Breathe in through your nose exhale through your mouth. Concentrate only on your breath and keeping your back straight. Once your breathing pattern is established, slow down your breathing.

Breathe in through your nose slowly and consciously fill your lungs and diaphragm, breathing in for a count of ten. Hold your breath for a count of six, and then slowly blow the air out through your pinched lips, release the air from your lungs and diaphragm for a count of ten.

This will take practice before it feels natural. Concentrate on getting it right. Once this new breathing pattern is established and you are doing it smoothly, repeat it ten times. Breathing deeply reduces stress, lowers blood pressure and can be repeated several times throughout the day.

Finish the process by rolling your low back slowly from side to side, stretching your low back by placing your knees to one side while turning your head to the opposite side.

What was the most disquieting thought you had during this relaxation exercise? This should be the first thing you attend to, get it out of your way and get on with your day.

Do this every morning to straighten your back and get your electrical circuits operational. Concentrating on your breath clears your mind to focus, reduces stress and lowers blood pressure besides giving you an overall feeling of wellness.

Now go have an intentional day. Do everything with intention and keep your mind only on what you are doing. This takes practice too.

Suggested reading: Relaxation techniques: Breath control helps quell errant stress response

Other neck stretching exercises: 3 Stretches to Correct Forward Head Posture by Ashley Mazurek: Video (roughly 6.5 minutes)

Robin Williams

50 Shades of Depression/50 Shades of Suicide

Need Help? In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255

Unfortunately, we all judge each other. We hate in others what we despise in ourselves. I found I had to go through a process to come to terms with the recent event of Robin Williams suicide.

Depression is a common illness that creates feelings of isolation and although it is devastating, it is always good to learn that we are not alone in our struggle.

Millions of people suffer from depression in one form or another. Every form should be taken seriously. There is help available.

We suffered a great loss this last week. From all the reports, Robin Williams committed suicide. This is tragic news that leaves one to question why? Why would a man who seemed to have it all do such a thing?

My first thought was, if Robin Williams can’t hack it, how can I?

It has been reported that he suffered from depression all his life and had issues with drugs and alcohol addictions.

This reminds me of my previous post, Cerebral, in which I discuss how our expectations of people, and those expectations not being met can cause us mental anguish.

Leading me into another posit, where you take the six people you admire most in the world and you are able to switch bags with them; the bags being their lives. In this exercise you should realize that no one is without problems, because no matter whom you switched your bag with, you will inevitably want your bag back.

Robin Williams was one of those people that I admired. He was loved the world over. He was a successful actor and comedian. He was a working, sought after, famous individual. Millions of people would have loved to have been in his shoes.

My second thought was, if only he knew how much he was loved, he would have found the strength to carry on.

As a person who has suffered from “depression” all my life, at times I have contemplated suicide. I have found that I would never commit such an act, because of the people it would affect. I couldn’t do that to my children and the people that care about me. It would leave them devastated and that is enough to keep me moving forward.

So then I wanted to know, if Robin Williams had children and I discovered in this article that he did indeed have three children, ages 25 to 31.

Upon further reading, I discovered that he had two divorces in which he lost $30 million dollars and was now strapped for cash, looking to sell some of his properties that he could no longer afford. In today’s real estate market that is almost a magical feat.

With everything being relative, people suffer from financial hardships all the time. Surely financial hardship couldn’t be the only reason.

Most recently it has been brought to our attention that Robin Williams suffered from the early stages of Parkinson’s disease.

I also understand this as I have a terminal illness, systemic sclerosis and no health insurance to treat my illness, but I am not ready to throw in the towel, because I know that it would devastate my children.

In terms of mental illness and there being treatment for it. This is still a new area.

The HBO documentary, Boy Interrupted, (2009), shows how a child can almost have this tendency in their DNA, and despite their parents’ involvement the suicide happened anyway.

The child in the documentary started to exhibit signs of suicidal tendencies as early as five years old.  His father’s brother committed suicide years before the child was born. The father experienced his brother’s suicide and was familiar with the signs, so he brought his son in for treatment.  Sadly, the boy committed suicide at the age of fifteen. So is there a genetic predisposition for suicide?

My first thoughts of suicide or wanting to die were right after my mother’s death when I was five years old. I was very confused, because people don’t know what to say to a child who just lost her mother. They say things like, “God needed her in heaven and she is with the angels now.”

That very night I started a vigil asking God to take me. It did not occur to me that I could do it myself. Perhaps my early Sunday school classes had an affect. I hadn’t realized before my mother’s death, at the tender age of five that there was an alternative to living and I was relentless. Every single night I prayed to be taken until the age of eight when I had a dream.

In my dream I was swept up in the clouds and brought before God. God was at a desk, like a judge in a courtroom, but this desk seemed to be floating way above me. There was a being to my right that brought me before God; this being was ethereal, clouded or faint. It was like I just knew he was there, but didn’t actually look at him; I felt his male presence.

God did not look like I expected him to look. At this point, at the age of 8, I expected God to look like Charleston Heston in the movie Moses, much like Di Vinci’s, Sistine Chapel’s depiction of God.

The God in my dream looked more like a cross between the popular alien depiction that had not been popularized yet, (at 8 years old in 1971 I had never seen those pictures) and Ming the Merciless from the original television show, Flash Gordon popular in the 1960’s. His eyes were slanted and dark, his head was rather pointed and his face somewhat oval. This was the only way my 8 years old mind could process what I was seeing.

We did not speak with words, I never uttered a single sound and yet we all communicated. At first the being at my side spoke for me, but then I interjected and started to communicate with God.

God asked me to stop my prayers. He told me that I had an obligation to fulfill and that I couldn’t know it, I just had to proceed. I was insistent to know what my obligation was. He finally relented telling me that he would tell me now, but all knowledge of it would be erased when I woke up and he proceeded to tell me. I have absolutely no idea what he said.

Afterwards, I was whisked back down to my bed by the being to my right and awoke refreshed and stopped demanding that I be taken from this earth, that is until I became a teenager and my desire to end it was refreshed. Although as a teen, I didn’t pray to God to take me, I struggled with trying to live in peace in this world and I found help though reading books.

Throughout my life my tools for battling depression have been books! I read many self-help books to see me through: Wayne Dyer and Your Erroneous Zones, Negaholic’s by Cherie Carter-Scott, Perilous Pursuits, by Joseph M. Stowell, probably all of Tony Robbins, the list is long, but most recently, (2014) Awakening the Spirit Within, 10 Steps to Ignite Your Life and Fulfill Your Divine Purpose, by Rebecca Rosen and Samantha Rose.

Awakening The Spirit Within was the most difficult book to read, because I had to process what the author was saying. It’s not a novel to read for pleasure where you can’t wait to see what happens next. It is more of a guidebook, introducing new and different philosophies.

Rebecca Rosen relies heavily on the ancient traditions of the Cabala and introduces spirit guides that are with us and at our service if only we would ask for help.

Her thesis is that life is a school and we made a contract before coming down to earth, because there are things we need to learn. So everything that happens to us in our lives is essentially, a set up, to learn and grow. We have free will in how to respond and act upon the situations that occur in our lives. I recognized this premise in Albert Brooks’ movie, Defending Your Life. In the movie Albert’s character dies, and has to defend his life’s decisions in order to move on to the next level and avoid coming back to earth, which is like a preschool in the grand scheme of things.

Rebecca suffered losing her Grandmother to suicide when she was nine years old. In college; she was visited by her grandmother’s spirit who told her things only her grandmother would know. Rebecca shared this information with her father and was validated! Her father was stunned and amazed by Rebecca’s knowledge. From that point forward Rebecca became aware that she could communicate with spirits and is now a Medium who helps people commune with those that have passed.

Later her father took his own life and she has had to deal with that as well. Rebecca communicated with her father since his passing and states that her father has been assigned to guide the living to avoid suicides.

The premise of Rebecca Rosen’s book; is that our existence does not end with death. We will have to continue on and make amends even after we have died.

The thought that we are here to learn, that we signed a contract to accomplish some goal, rings true to me.

I have always felt that on some level, but until I read it in Rosen’s book, I never quite vocalized it. It is like that moment when you realize that you are not the only person who believes or feels something and the fact that there is another out there that feels, and believes it too, gives it credence to accept it as a viable hypothesis.

The Negative and Positive exist side by side! Everyone can make a list of the negative in their life and can also make an equal list of positive things in their life. The choice is ours on which to dwell. As the Dahlia Lama said, “I am happy, because I choose to be.” Is happiness a choice?

Now when it comes to brain chemistry and the patient in Boy Interrupted, we are talking about something different. Recent studies show in Documentaries R Us, that suicide victims have very large levels of serotonin in the brain and this could be one reason. The brain chemistry of the suicide victim is vastly different from non-suicide victims. The documentary states that there are 30,000 suicides annually in the United States and firearms are used in 60% of them. There are twice as many suicides as homicides each year; and that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Last year a 31-year-old Alabama man jumped off the golden gate bridge and survived. “Surviving the fall is rare and most jumpers hit the water at 80 mph. causing internal organs to tear apart and broken ribs to pierce their heart or lungs.” It is said that as he was falling, he found his only regret was the decision he had just made, to jump, because once he made it; it could not be undone. Luckily he survived with only a few broken bones and the knowledge that it was a mistake.

I have never suffered from depression so deep that I could not get out of bed. I have never felt completely debilitated by my sadness. I cry easily and often. I am an empathic individual that feels others’ pain as well as my own. I am hyper sensitive and this causes me deep sadness, but I found that there are ways to avoid putting myself in situations that will sadden me like limiting my time spent watching the news.

There is comfort in the knowledge that we cannot have light without dark, we cannot have good without bad, each is ever present and always reflects off the other. I have come to accept that I am not going to be happy everyday of my life and that sadness is as much a part of life as happiness.

Suicide is nothing new, it is as old as time. Many cultures have practiced “forced suicides” or “suicides of honor,” Seneca and Socrates come to mind, both felt that they wanted to be in control of their destiny. Feeling that they were making a statement, they took their own lives. When I studied philosophy, I was surprised at my reaction to the Great Greek Philosophers, giving up on life. I think if there is a chance, that chance is worth fighting for.

That brings me to modern day, suicide bombers who feel that their death is an honor to serve Allah or military suicides, where the life of one is somehow expendable to destroy many, as exhibited by the Kamikaze pilots of WWII. Or the ritualistic suicides of Sati and Hara-kiri, performed in Japan, a death of honor, for some seemingly unforgivable act.

And finally there is euthanasia, death with dignity, the act of killing oneself to relieve a physically debilitating illness. I have watched my aunt, a truly devote Catholic woman, wither away, bedridden for five years before she was taken of natural causes and it put quite a strain on everyone involved. It is not an easy thing to watch, making one question if there is a viable reason for it.

When we see an animal suffering from illness knowing there is no hope for the animal, we put the animal down. I had a cat, Carmen, a beautiful tortoise shell calico that I had rescued. We had her for 11 years. She became ill and was suffering and while my husband and I argued for three months over the proper steps to take, Carmen died. It was terrible to watch her suffer and it is a feeling that is with you always, while in the process of the illness and even after the event of death.

There are many types of depression, some chemically related and some brought about by misfortune, or a debilitating illness. There are many reasons people commit suicide, in Documentaries R Us above, it was also cited that sometimes people take their own life as a means to show their loved ones, “look what you have done to me”, a type of revenge scenario, but in such cases, undiagnosed mental illness is usually the suspected culprit.

Death is a part of life, it is inevitable, but it is how we live that will make the transition from life to death that much smoother.

Recently I took a survey on Facebook, asking people to like the post if they had ever suffered from depression and it was as I expected, more prevalent than I had originally thought. We all have our own journey, our own lessons to learn, we cannot say what it is like to be in another’s shoes. So we must be kind to each other and leave judgment behind. We cannot know how another feels or processes their life’s experience or the levels of pain they endure.

I wrote this because I had to process Robin Williams’ suicide. I judged him. First I thought, if he can’t hack it how are the rest of us supposed to and then, if only he knew how much he was loved he would have found strength. Soon anger crept in, thinking, how could he commit this act, when he had children and as I researched further, I discovered like all of us, Robin was dealing with financial, health and depression issues, but in the end I discovered, THAT IT IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS! Robin, like all of us has his own journey and lessons to learn and it is he and he alone that will have to deal with the consequences, what ever they will be.

I am grateful that he was on this earth. I grew up watching him. He brought me great joy. I will miss him. I wish him peace everlasting.

If we allow our happiness to hang on exterior sources we will never be happy. We cannot control exterior sources. If our happiness is contingent on that goal, whatever that goal may be, we will always be chasing it. Putting contingencies on happiness is like attaching it to a weather vane in the wind of a tornado.

All we can control is our attitude and how we process events that happen all around us. We must choose to be happy and if that doesn’t work, we must seek resources to get the help we need. We are all in this together, we all suffer and struggle, ours is not to judge another’s, ours is just to do the best we can.

There is so much more to our experience than meets the eye.

Suggested reading: http://tinybuddha.com

suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

Need Help? In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255

The Great American Lotus Flower

 

August 11th, 2014

In Pursuit of the Great American Lotus Flower

Growing up on a four-lane busy street in the City of Chicago didn’t provide me with much exposure to the flora and fauna of the Midwest. During my first spring in Lombard, (tree town or lilac village), Illinois, I was captivated as I drove through the town on my regular errands.

During my early years in the city of Chicago, I might have seen a lilac bush poking through a fence, in an alleyway or caught a glimpse of a limb of a crab apple tree extending from the backyard. Sure, I knew about fall foliage and would frequent the Morton Arboretum, in Lisle Illinois, in autumn, but at the age of 25, I was unfamiliar the purple redbud tree that blooms for just a few weeks, in the spring, before becoming ordinary. There are at least four to five giant magnolia trees bursting with their enormous hardy buds on every block that eventually provides a carpet of powdery pink petals. The town is literally littered with pink, burgundy and white crab apple trees, you know, the kind that Bambi got his antlers tangled in when he met Faline for the first time? 

The trees are just one attraction, because there is a stunning array of bushes too. As I drove, I would see bright yellow forsythia, pink azalea, blue hydrangeas, pink peonies, and lilacs in white, pink and many shades of purple, scattered intermittently throughout the town bordering the residence’s lovely gardens filled with tulips, irises, lilies, and daffodils.

Sheltered life, I know…Needless to say, I wanted to know all their names so that I could teach them to my children and then I discovered Lombard’s Lilacia Park. I learned about Colonel Plum and his wife Helen, who traveled the world collecting lilac bushes and planted them in their yard.  This yard was transformed into Lilacia Park with the aid of Jens Jensen, a famous landscape architect at the turn of the century. The Plums later bequeathed their home, for the village library and their yard for the village park district in 1927 and it has been our legacy ever since.

As a writer I feel it is important to know the flora and fauna of the region you are writing about, you can paint a picture for the reader to be swept away in. I was enthralled by Margret Atwood’s novel, The Handmaids Tale; for the way she marked the passing of time by the different blooms that were budding. Dean Kootz’s descriptions of Southern California are prominent in every one of his books.

The setting of a story can become a character as strong as the protagonist and antagonist in your work. (click to tweet)

Recently, I tried to explain this to a young author in a review of her first novella, where the gardener spoke of all the trees and bushes and their many attributes. I wanted to know what kind of trees and bushes they were, as well as their attributes. A palm tree and a hibiscus bush, paints a different picture than a mighty oak and a lilac bush and depending on their state of being can also hint at the time of year. The description: Jenna looked at the crimson red leaves of the maple tree, denotes fall. Sarah walked through a lane bordered by Roses of Sharon in bloom, denotes mid summer. You don’t have to be an expert in the field of horticulture. Just do a little research to find out, what grows where and when it blooms.

I think by now I have established that I love flowers, trees, bushes and nature. In April I caught a documentary on PBS, The Fox River Valley and the Chain O’ Lakes with Geoffrey Baer. There was a little snippet about, The Great American Lotus Flower that bloom in late July and early August, but I was hooked. I wanted to know more.

In the film Geoffrey, shows the flowers blooming in the water and says that he wishes it were “smell o vision” so that you could experience their lovely fragrance. He went on to talk about how these flowers once filled Grass Lake at the turn of the century. People would travel from all over to take tours in steamboats to see, smell, and take pictures with the abundant blooms. They even sold Lotus Flower perfume to the tourist.

Sadly these flowers came near extinction with the busy tourism and powerboats mowing them down over the years to say nothing of the pollution created by all of the tourism and recreation, but Geoffrey assured in his film that they were making a-come-back so I wanted to investigate.

The Chain O’ Lakes is just an hours drive from my home and my husband and I set out on an adventure on August 2nd, 2014. It was a mild sunny day with temperatures near 80 degrees.

And just as we turned on to HWY 12 Rand Road by the VFW Hall, I spotted the flowers in a channel, right by the parking lot and said, “pull over!” I snagged a few pictures, including this one:

Then we were on our way to the Chain O’ Lakes state park.

We couldn’t find any of The Great Amercian Lotus in the state park so we asked a guy waiting to dock his boat if he knew where to go on land…He said, you really have to be in a boat to get a good view of them and suggested we take the pontoon boat over to Blarney Island and proceeded to give us directions.

We were off to the Blarney Island Shuttle Service on Grass Lake Road. Once we arrived we had to wait for the shuttle so we ordered two Coronas and got to talking to a local named Don, who works at Blarney Island, but was mysterious and wouldn’t divulge to what capacity he worked in.

We boarded the pontoon and left a boatload of people behind that would have to wait for this boat to return before their adventure would begin. Either my iPhones camera is just not strong enough or we were just too far but this is all I got.

if you look to the far left you will see kayakers, which seems to be the only way to see this flowers up close.

There was a live band playing on the island when we arrived and we ordered a couple of beers. Ted and Audrey, of Palatine, Illinois, approached us and started up a conversation, because my husband was wearing a classic White Sox baseball cap. Ted went on to share great stories about his boyhood excursions to Wrigley Field and Cubs Park…I told him he should write them down because they were great! He brought back so many memories for me when I was a young girl and would go to the games with my father.

Time was ticking away and I still wanted to try and capture these flowers on camera before sunset.  We were off again, this time on an empty pontoon, where we enjoyed talking with Scott the pontoon driver and Ralph, security for the island, about the area. Scott told me that these flowers only grow in three places in all the world, Egypt, India and right here in the Chain O’ Lakes, Grass Lake.

Through my research for this blog I discovered that that was not true, if you would like to learn more about the Great American Lotus flower, click here.

Scott was kind enough to bring us in closer to the beds of lotus, but I still couldn’t capture that picture of a budding bloom.

These flowers grow in clusters along the banks around the low hung bridges were no boaters can pass. Unfortunately, there is no parking allowed on either side of any bridge in the area, but we managed to park by one and I was able to capture this picture to give you an idea. There was a field of grass before the flowers:

Back on Land we decided to check out the Mineola Hotel, Illinois, largest and oldest frame structure, built in 1884. Onstar had steered us wrong and we ended up in a subdivision and just as we were about to turn a corner, four speeding vehicles came rushing by and they were heading to the same place.

We arrived at the hotel and grabbed some shots and I decided to ask, the people in the four vehicles why they were there? Sarah, the producer told me that she was an independent filmmaker and that they were shooting a movie, called, The Red Window. I couldn’t find anything online about it. She went on to tell me she had been to the hotel many times for weddings and that the inside is all original, from classic framed windows, chandeliers and wood working throughout a very lovely, turn of the century décor. The Hotel has been condemned and people are trying to raise money to save it.

Sarah, suggested a restaurant to us around the corner, El Puerto, so my husband and I finished off our adventure with a Margarita overlooking the lake. I didn’t get my picture, but I had a fine time trying.

There is currently a rivalry going on between the preservationist who wants to save the lakes and the recreationist who want to motorboat.

 

Nature pushed aside…the ducks struggle in the murky water and waves created by the recreational vehicles.

CEREBRAL

Part IV, The Flood Story In My Journey

It has been two weeks since I last wrote about the flood story. I am ready to give you an explanation as to why I had to stop.

I struggle with my expectations of friends and family and how it pertains to the “Golden Rule” of “do unto others and you would have others do unto you,” and more succinctly how everyone has his/her own interpretation of that rule.

When I last left off, I had fired my brother-in-law, Frank, from doing my tile job. It hurt to be reminded of the situation because I have a strong sense of loyalty to my friends and family. If I can help you in anyway I will, without a doubt I am happy to do it. I am happy to see people succeed and encourage them to do so whenever possible. I’d like to lift up the whole planet and save the world if I could, but that is not an option. This is my rule, and how I interpret it. So firing my brother-in-law felt disloyal, but I didn’t feel like I had another option.

Life is a series of lessons, and if you do not learn the lesson you will be presented with it again and again until you do. 

Just this week I had a tiff with my dear friend, Craig, whom I admire very much and received devastating news that an old friend of ours, Mark, had died.

So there is a stew brewing here and if you will bear with me… I will mix it up and add some spice to tell you how it all pertains to the tile-flood story.

Some people, and my husband is one, will get so aggravated when things break or the car won’t start. I agree that these things are frustrating, but I have come to expect them, they are inanimate objects not meant to last forever. What I don’t expect is for people to break my trust, heart or expectations.

I am reminded of an old adage: “People give you what they want,” and so, when someone always remembers your birthday, they will be hurt if you forget theirs. If someone always shows concern and asks how you are doing they will become upset if you are too self-centered. I am sure you can think of your own examples here, if you lovingly support a friend then you want them to support you, or if you are loyal to friends and family you expect loyalty in return.

It’s called rules and we all have them, but some of us are not aware of them and so we are like proverbial bulls in the china shops of other people’s feelings. Our rules are like rote behavior, and are built into our psyche from childhood. It is all a matter of what (we think) is right and wrong, the trick to navigating a successful life is to learn that not everyone has the same rules. Having that knowledge though, doesn’t make it any easier when people break our china.

As writers we expose ourselves to public ridicule and we have to be prepared for comments whether they are justified or not, there is no reality only perception and one man’s perception is not like the others or one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. We have a skull to protect our brains, and bones to protect our organs, physically, but when we reveal our inner most thoughts and expose our hearts the skull and skeleton will do little to protect our spirit. Needless to say, putting yourself out there leaves you feeling insecure, vulnerable and looking for guidance. Who do we turn to for guidance in time of need or crisis? Why “Friends and Family” of course.

Have you ever had a friend or family member that you admire, love and support, but feel that it is not mutual, yet you continue to feel hurt by their lack of support, where your expectations are never met?

Developing a writer’s platform is much like, network marketing. You need support. If you have ever been involved in direct sales you will understand what I mean. If you have a blog and no one reads it, or write a book and no one buys it, then you are sunk. A writer is dependent on their readers.

Now, it is four weeks into my blog and I am feeling unsure of myself, so I texted Craig to ask if my last blog had offended him and he replied: “No Carly I was not offended by the blog. I went to the link and couldn’t access anything all I could see was 2 pictures of flowers. They did not offend me. However I have a lot of thing going on in my life right now that supersedes spending more than a few minutes to investigate something of that nature (especially if it’s not being user friendly) much less feeling obligated to comment on it once observed.”

Which brings me to the book, Who Moved My Cheese, by Spencer Johnson,  worth a watch if you haven’t read the book. It is all about adaptation and being able to move on from a situation or circumstance that is no longer suiting your needs. “Adapt, to change quickly. The quicker you let go of old cheese, the sooner you can enjoy new cheese.”

So I wasn’t getting any “cheese” from Craig or Frank. Cheese being love and support from Craig, or cheese being professionalism from Frank, so it is time to move on, but that is easier said then done and it feels terrible, because of my loyalty rule above.

Fortunately, I have met some wonderful people while developing my writer’s platform, who offer advice and encouragement, so there is, “new cheese” readily available. Close one door and another one opens, the supply is always there if you are willing to accept it, meaning that you might not get the love and support from the person you expect it from, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t look elsewhere.

While writing this blog my husband informed me of Marc’s death. We looked it up online and were shocked to discover that it had been nine months! We questioned the last time we saw, spoke or thought of Marc? It is not that we didn’t care about him. It was just that our lives had moved in different directions. Yet, I felt bad, like I disrespected him or his family by not knowing or participating in the funeral services.

This event made me pause and reflect on the spat that I had with Craig or the situation with Frank.

You can’t keep doing the same thing over and over and expect a different result. (Click to Tweet)

If you are trying to get support from someone and they won’t support you, you have to move on. (Click to Tweet)

The same is true in business, if someone is not treating you with the respect you deserve, then, despite your rule of loyalty to family and friends, you have to move on.

Sadly we will disappoint each other, through lack of concern, or mutual respect, the trick is to not take it personally. Sometimes we disappoint each other for no other reason than being too tangled up in our own lives to look out for one another.

You have to ask yourself, what you are getting out of a particular relationship?

Perhaps, Craig and Frank do not share the same value system, or have the same innate rules, or perhaps, they are or were just too tangled up in their own lives to realize what they were doing.

The fact remains, that you cannot treat people badly just because they are long time friends or family members without a consequence, and you cannot accept bad behavior from people just because it is coming from an old friend or family member, out of some sense of loyalty.

It depends on how important the person is to you, whether you will try to rectify the situation. In some cases it is worth it, and in some cases it is not. The decision is yours. We can’t be all things to all people—but we will try for the people we love…and it is the people that try that are worth keeping in our lives.

Marc’s death signifies the reality that life is short and no one is promised a tomorrow. We are all unaware of the last day of our lives, we should try to keep that in mind on a daily basis, tread lightly, and be considerate, loving and kind to one another.

In conclusion there is this famous saying that goes: “Some people come into your life for a reason, some people come into your life for a season, but the ones that matter are the ones that are there for you through it all.” Nurture the latter and your life will run smoothly, at the same time, you also have to learn to forgive yourself too, for not being all things to all people.

I have to forgive, Craig and Frank, just like I have to forgive myself, but just because you forgive someone doesn’t mean that you have to repeat the same behavior over and over again. It just means that you will not carry anger, resentment or animosity toward them, with the realization that they simply could not fulfill your needs. You have to learn that not everyone is going to follow your rules and not everyone is worth your time and attention.

Now, I realize that you have heard many of these saying before. They are called clichés. We are inundated with them on plaques on Facebook on a daily basis, but for me it’s not enough to just read and memorize them, like you would download a computer program, you have to activate them in order to apply them to your life.

Next Week: My adventure to find the Great American Lotus Flower (near extinction and only grows in 3 places: Egypt, India and) in the Chain of Lakes of Northern Illinois.

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Sometimes You Need A Break

Sometimes You Need A Break

It is week four of my blog and I have been writing about things that happened to me once I decided to get serious about writing a book and getting it self published.

Unfortunately, it started with a flood that took months to clear up. Writing about it here caused me stress and to slip into a mild depression, because I have to relive the entire experience to write about it. This week I am going to take a break from the flood story and write about depression and the ways to get through it.

Sometimes a change in your physicality is all you need. My husband is a great one for getting me moving. I am always resistant, but never regret, getting up and out and the endorphins associated from such activities.

Yesterday, was one of those days. I was just feeling so frustrated, because developing a writer’s platform is so difficult. I started this process 4.5 months ago and here is how it stands today.

It is not enough to have friends on Facebook; FB blocks your posts from going out into the feed. Considering I have 1,705 friends I get on average, from 0 to 87 likes…87 out of 1,705?

I haven’t been able to figure out FB algorithm completely. It all depends on what is in the post. If you post a website, then FB wants to generate advertising dollars so they block the post from getting out into the feed.

You have to choose wisely what to promote and then there are no guarantees how many people will see it anyway. I usually have to tag or share a website directly with the people I want to see it.

On my Facebook author page it will say that my post reached 55 people, but not a single person liked it, so whom did it reach?

I created an author’s page and posted it. At first it was like watching a ticker tape with the numbers booming from 0 to 200 in just an hour and then it just stopped. I am currently at 453 likes two weeks later. FB will not allow me to invite people because it wants me to boost and promote it.

It is not enough to have followers on Twitter, if no one is reading or responding to your tweets, right now I have 453 followers and if I am lucky, one out of twenty posts will be “favorited” by one person.

It is not enough to create a website, if no one is going to go to it, read it, share it, subscribe to it and make comments.

I am not tech savvy, why before I started this I didn’t even have a phone that could do anything but make a call. So creating the website was an awesome feat for me. A friend mentioned, after reading my blog posts, that my experience is turning into an odyssey and it is! I had to fight and tame the beast of technology and make it bend to my will and still, I couldn’t authenticate my website, so that my posts would automatically go out to Twitter and Facebook.

The email subscription has been my Cyclops or Goliath that I had to out wit and outsmart in the labyrinth of RSS campaigns. I was so daunted, that while reading my terribly backed up queue on my “to read list,” I fell asleep for four hours on Saturday afternoon, something I never do, being rather hyper in nature.

On Sunday, my husband convinced me to go out and take a swim. We’ve had an unseasonably cool summer, here in the Midwest and that isn’t a bad thing when you consider the high cost of air-conditioning and the danger of elevated temperatures for the elderly and those without air-conditioning, but it is not good for a person who has an unheated pool.

We have a solar cover and it works okay, but with the temperatures dipping down into the 50’s at night our pool remains cold. I like it at about 86 degrees, but that is only refreshing if the outside temperature is in the 90’s or above, where you are hot and want some relief. Our pool temperature is hovering around 79-80 degrees.

Reluctantly, I put on my suit and went out for a swim. It’s tough getting into cold water, the best way, is to just jump in, it’s like the old saying, a coward dies a thousand death, but a hero dies but one. If you try to enter the pool slowly, you die those thousand deaths as the shocking cold water reaches your ankles, calves, thighs etc.…

So I dove in and started swimming. Immediately I’m in heaven asking myself why I had to drag myself to do it? As I was swimming I was brought back to my freshmen year in high school, remembering how I learned to swim. It was just another obstacle I had overcome in my life.

In order for you to understand this story, we will have to go back to the seventh grade and the Iowa Basic Skills tests.

In 1975, when I was twelve years old, I missed the Iowa Basics testing and had a makeup test date. These tests determine your high school placement.

At 12 years old, I didn’t know what the tests were for; I just knew I had to take them. My father worked nights and I had no parental guidance. I would get test anxiety and the stress kept me up all night worrying.

I gave myself plenty of time to walk the mile to school and arrived thirty minutes early.

Just outside the school, I was greeted by, Jessica Giovanni. The Giovanni’s were a well-known family, and the kids were very popular. Jessica greeted me, “Hi Carly, how ya doing?”

I told her about my test and how I didn’t sleep all night, to which she replied, “I’ve got some Columbian Gold. Let’s go smoke some, that will help you with your test.”

I said, “No, smoking pot will not help me take a test.”

To which she replied, “Sure it will!”

Soon others gathered and the peer pressure mounted and I gave in. We walked over to a gangway across the street from the school. I had never smoked pot before, and didn’t want to admit it. I think Jessica could tell, because she started coaching me and soon the bell rang for first period.

Needless to say, this was the worse idea in the world and as I reached the testing center, I realized that I was completely out of it. I couldn’t read, and the test was all multiple-choice questions. I tried to get out of it, by telling the instructor that I was sick. I explained that I hadn’t slept and that I might have the flu.

The instructor insisted that I take the test. I was sitting in an office alone with my number 2 pencil and realized I had to get out of there, so I just started bubbling, I didn’t care.

I lived in a transitional neighborhood in the city of Chicago. My family had lived in our home since the early 1900’s, but the neighborhood had changed. The local high school was 85% African American, 14% Latino and 1% other, which would be me.

I wanted to go to Lane Tech or Prosser Vocational City Wide High Schools, but my Iowa Basic test scores were so low that I couldn’t get in. In fact my test scores were so low that I was put into a remedial reading class, basic math etc.

Freshmen year, first day of school, I reported to my reading lab. I was amazed to see Dr. Seuss books on the shelves. The instructor came up to me and sat me down to explain how the class worked. She told me that I could pick any book in the lab and that I would have two weeks to read it and then we would sit down together and she would ask me questions about the book to see if I understood it. This was an hour long class.

I grabbed the toughest book and sat down and read it cover to cover. I don’t remember the book, but within 15 minutes I was finished. I found the instructor and told her I was done. She didn’t believe me and sat me down to test me.

The test consisted of simple questions. The instructor was in shock that I knew the answers. Her final question was, what does the word perturbed mean? I told her that I had never heard that word before, but the way it was used in the sentence, I figured it meant, mad or angry, and her jaw dropped.

This went on for all of my classes until within two weeks I was in all honors courses.

The school was only two years old. My uncle was one of the architects that designed it and my last name was well known by some of the veteran teachers, having had four siblings go through the school years ago, albeit ten years previously. The best part of the school was that it had an Olympic size pool! I didn’t know how to swim and signed up for swimming as my gym class.

I arrived at the pool to find a pregnant Latina girl, named Rosalinda. We were the only two people out of the entire school who signed up for swimming class. The instructor looked at the two of us and asked if we were going to be okay? To which we replied, “yes.” I never saw that instructor again.

Rosalinda didn’t speak much English, so we swapped lessons, I taught her English and learned some Spanish and she taught me how to swim. We started with the dog paddle and progressed into the breaststroke working our way up to the Australian crawl and backstroke. She had a baby girl over winter break. Rosalinda and I took swimming the entire year.

The next year having aced all of my honors courses, I transferred into Prosser Vocational High School and joined the swim team. I wasn’t the best swimmer, but I made the team! I have been an avid swimmer ever since!

The knowledge that I overcame many obstacles, gave me courage to go on. (Click to tweet)

There is nothing so freeing as swimming for me. It is low impact and amazing, I feel light and free and almost otherworldly when I dive into that pool and swim underwater. Keep in mind that it doesn’t have to be swimming, just taking a twenty-minute walk can have the same effect, releasing endorphins and relieving depression. So whenever you are in a funk, start moving, dance, walk, run do something active to get those endorphins flowing.

After taking that break yesterday and forgetting about my website, and the inability to authenticate it, with the pressure to read authors books, and wondering when I am going to find time to edit my own work, I was refreshed.

Today, I authenticated my website, so not only will my subscribers get my website posts, but it will also go out to Twitter and Facebook. I did it! This, tech-challenged 50 year-old, did it, proving sometimes you just have to walk away from a situation for a little while to gain a new prospective.

Whatever it is that you want to do, it just takes that first step of putting one foot in front of the other. And if you fail, just try again. I hope this story of how I dug myself out of a very deep hole inspires you to go out there and get what you want.

The moral of the story isn’t just, don’t smoke pot, especially when you are about to take a test, but that through determination and perseverance you can accomplish your goals.

My freshmen year of high school was not a waste either, not only did I learn to swim, but also I learned how finance companies rip-off the poor. I learned simple economics, I read, “Man Child in the Promise Land” and was always picked to be Mayor Jane Byrne in our Mach trails in my Law In the American Society course. I was able to experience a completely different culture.

Most importantly, I learned what I was capable of, having risen from remedial to honors courses in such a short sprint, gave me self-esteem, to realize that I can do anything. I am also now a member of Phi Theta Kappa and Sigma Tau Delta International English Honor’s Societies. I achieved my entire associates degree with all honor’s courses and received an Academic Scholarship to Elmhurst College; so take that Iowa Basic Skills test!

 

 

 

My Journey Part III

July 21st 2014

Part III

Friends and Family

 

My Brother in-law, Frank, lays tile for a living and we had been in contact with him since the situation occurred.

The insurance company got back to us after a nation wide search for the porcelain tile and having found no matches told us that we would have to replace the entire floor.

The tile ran through half of my house, starting in the front foyer, through the hall and powder room, kitchen-eating area, straight through to the kitchen cooking area and under the kitchen cabinets.

The insurance company just wanted us to tile up to the cabinets, sighting that it was too troublesome and expensive to remove the cabinets and appliances.

I did not like this idea for many reasons. First, the tile might not line up correctly. Second, if I or perhaps new owners wanted to remodel in the future they would find, once they removed the cabinets and appliances, that the tiles didn’t match and depending on the length of time that would have passed, perhaps they wouldn’t be able to find matching tiles and then the whole floor would have to be redone again.

I had been in contact with Frank and had used him to tile the main areas of the basement two years previously and we worked together fine.

Now in this situation I was very stressed out as you could imagine. My house was up for grabs. Things from the basement were brought upstairs, luckily we did remove our computers to the guest bedroom upstairs before the dehumidifiers got started or they might have been melted as well.

I really wanted to hire Frank for the tile job, but he was treating us like he was doing us a great big favor. He was busy and had no time. When I asked him to write up the proposal, he told me to write it myself and send it to his wife, Jenny.

I didn’t have experience with writing proposals to say nothing of the fact that I didn’t even know what was involved in laying tile. So I went to Home DePot and picked up their price sheet. I knew I needed tile, adhesive and grout.

I looked at the prices Home Depot charged for material and labor and used their pricing for the proposal. I was really trying to help Frank out and give him business, but I felt a little put out. I felt I had enough to do and here I was writing a proposal making sure that he would be paid well for the job. I was out of my element, what should I charge for the removal and reinstallation of the cabinets, what about the backer board, I didn’t know if we could use existing or if it had to be replaced, then there were the measurements that were involved.

In the mean time I wanted this done, like yesterday. My house was chaotic; if you have ever experienced construction or remodel you know what I am talking about. You just want it over with and to move on with your life. I still needed to find someone to install the drywall and then painters to paint it, not to mention the itemization of every book and items damaged. I had to research the prices and create a list to submit to the insurance company and then go buy it. The basement bathroom medicine chest and vanity had to be replaced as well as the cabinet in my laundry room.

Luckily, Frank came out and took measurements, but when we went to the tile store he said, “Just pick out what you want and order it, I don’t have time and really hate all this home interior mumbo jumbo,” as he left the store. I needed his expertise on which tile would be the best quality, longest lasting and look the best, but he was no help there.

The insurance company gave us three options of tile to pick from that were comparable to the tile that we had, unfortunately none of the stores in the area carried it. So we had to special order it and it would take up to ten days for the order to be shipped. Unfortunately I couldn’t order it myself as with some warehouses they only deal with contractors and you need a contracting license or identification number to order it and I had to rely on Frank.

It came down to one weekend three weeks into the ordeal that I was calling Frank and Jenny to see if they ordered the tile. They were not answering or returning my calls, which just added to the stress. I left Frank a message saying how frustrated I was and I asked him if he really wanted this job, because if he didn’t I would just find someone else to do it.

Monday morning I received a voice mail message from Frank saying, “Look I don’t want to play games here. Go ahead and get someone else to do the job!”

The shock reverberated through me, after all this work, his attitude was so calloused that I thought fine. I’ll find someone else, besides he didn’t want to tile under those cabinets anyway and I didn’t feel he was looking out for our best interest.

So now I had to hunt for a new tile guy to get this job started. 21 days into the clean up and it was like I was starting all over. Who do I hire? Who could I trust?

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My Journey Part II

July 14th 2014

Part II

 So there was a big mess to clean up and it looked like a lot of damage so I called my insurance company to find out what I was supposed to do next.

The insurance adjuster arrived two days later while we were in the middle of the clean up. Boxes of wet books sat in the garage expanding from the freezing temperature.

Once books are wet you run the risk of mold growing inside of them, but there are companies that will restore your books. It is very expensive and as I stated previously, I didn’t even know that was even a possibility and by the time the adjuster saw my books in a frozen accordion state, it was too late for them.

I had to say goodbye to all my complete collections of Norton Anthologies, both English and American Literature and so many others.

The insurance adjuster assessed the damage and assured us that we needed water mitigation experts to test everything for dampness so that we would not have a mold issue in the future.

After finding a mitigation team I set an appointment for the next day.

On the fourth day of cleanup the water mitigation experts arrived and tested the drywall in the basement. Then they had to break up my porcelain floor tile in the first floor bathroom leading into the hall to see if the floorboards underneath were wet.

Day five the test revealed that all the drywall in my basement from floor to about two feet high had to be removed.

 

Since they broke up the tile in my bathroom and kitchen the insurance company sent out a tile to see if there were any matches to replace the broken tiles.

Day six, the water mitigation team came in with industrial size dehumidifiers, ripped out the wet drywall, trim and moldings in the basement, removed the tile from the laundry room, moved the book shelves and everything to the center of the rooms in the basement and set the dehumidifiers to work. They built plastic walls around the areas in the kitchen and bath and sealed off the basement and ran the dehumidifiers for the next three days.

Needless to say we were put out. Just walking though the house was an ordeal of opening one area and closing it to go to another area.

Three days later on day nine, the team came in and removed the dehumidifiers and the plastic walls with zippered doors.

We signed their paper work giving them a stellar rating as they drove out of sight.

Now came the tough part, finding a contractor to fix all the damage first from the flood, then from the water mitigation experts.

As we surveyed the basement after the mitigation team left we discovered that the dehumidifiers warped our LP’s (vinyl record albums for you kids out there) that were sitting in boxes, melted the footing of figures and placards, as well as warped a few frames to pictures. Word to the wise, if you ever are in this situation; make sure you move all belongings that may melt or warp from the heat of a dehumidifier!

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