Steven Donahue's Blog: Books and Stuff - Posts Tagged "donahue"
Remembering Our Angel
Today is the one-year anniversary of the loss of our son, Ryan Matthew Donahue.
I miss him every day.
He was stillborn at 20 weeks on Sept. 5, 2012. I held him in my arms that morning in the hospital and wished by some miracle that he could have survived. But we were not granted a miracle.
I miss talking about him in the present tense, like my wife Dawn and I did when she was still pregnant with him. I miss talking about what we had planned for him. Little things, like the theme of his nursery, to big things, like what religion he would be taught. Beforehand, I had imagined what it would be like to take him to school, toss a football to him at a park, read my favorite kid’s books to him, and watch him smile, learn and grow.
Our loss was understandably devastating. Things like this typically tear a couple apart or bring them closer together. There were times when I thought that Dawn and I would not survive the loss, and I’m sure she felt the same way. We are still together today and I hope we have many years ahead of us. But we had to endure intense suffering that no one can understand unless they have lost a child of their own.
My wife channeled her pain into a poignant book titled Because I am Ryan’s Mommy. In it, she shares her grief and her healing in heartbreaking and inspiring detail. She is stronger than she realizes, and her strength grows each day. I am stronger for having known her.
Time hasn’t healed us yet. Maybe it never will. We have planted a tree in Ryan’s memory. I hope it grows into a sturdy being, its branches reaching toward the sky. I like to think his spirit is around us everyday, that he is watching over us they way we would have watched over him.
I miss my son and if there is a Heaven, I look forward to seeing him again someday.
I miss him every day.
He was stillborn at 20 weeks on Sept. 5, 2012. I held him in my arms that morning in the hospital and wished by some miracle that he could have survived. But we were not granted a miracle.
I miss talking about him in the present tense, like my wife Dawn and I did when she was still pregnant with him. I miss talking about what we had planned for him. Little things, like the theme of his nursery, to big things, like what religion he would be taught. Beforehand, I had imagined what it would be like to take him to school, toss a football to him at a park, read my favorite kid’s books to him, and watch him smile, learn and grow.
Our loss was understandably devastating. Things like this typically tear a couple apart or bring them closer together. There were times when I thought that Dawn and I would not survive the loss, and I’m sure she felt the same way. We are still together today and I hope we have many years ahead of us. But we had to endure intense suffering that no one can understand unless they have lost a child of their own.
My wife channeled her pain into a poignant book titled Because I am Ryan’s Mommy. In it, she shares her grief and her healing in heartbreaking and inspiring detail. She is stronger than she realizes, and her strength grows each day. I am stronger for having known her.
Time hasn’t healed us yet. Maybe it never will. We have planted a tree in Ryan’s memory. I hope it grows into a sturdy being, its branches reaching toward the sky. I like to think his spirit is around us everyday, that he is watching over us they way we would have watched over him.
I miss my son and if there is a Heaven, I look forward to seeing him again someday.
Books and Stuff
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