S.C. Green's Blog, page 13
February 20, 2017
A not-really-review of Opeth at the Powerstation, Auckland, Feb 2017.
Eleven years ago, Swedish death metal band Opeth graced the St. James in Auckland with one of the most powerful, haunting, and majestic shows the historical venue had ever seen.
Picture me, a young metalhead who’d only recently discovered this amazing music extended beyond Iron Maiden and Metallica, about to see her first ever European metal band live and in the flesh. Picture my then-boyfriend, who had just got back into music again after a long hiatus and was vagually wondering if he should pick up the drumsticks he hadn’t touched since he was a teenager.
When we emerged from the pit at the end of the night, sweaty and elated, we were different people.
I came out with a hunger – raw and energising – for this kind of music that reaches into your gut, to the visceral joy of telling stories through music. In the car on the way home, the boyfriend said to me, “I’m going to start drumming again.”
Eleven years later, Opeth return. We are now married. I’m an author. The husband is a drummer. The venue is different. The t-shirt designs are improved. We meet up with friends at Galbraiths across the street and wonder about the setlist, about whether that show we all remember from all those years ago really was as incredible as our now aging brains recollect. We were all different back then. We’d all seen way more shows, been exposed to an infinite number of talented musicians creating moving experiences on stage. Would tonight reaffirm our love of Opeth, or taint it?
The band are a little older. Their sound has evolved. As Mikhael said between songs, “Last time we came here, we were on the brink of the mainstream. Then … we wrote some more music, and we became obscure again.” He refers, of course, to the dramatic shift from death metalesqe epics on their previous albums to the 70s prog-infused jazz of 2011’s Heritage, and the subsequent albums Pale Communion and Sorceress. It was a move that may on the surface appear completely nuts, but is actually perfectly in tune with Opeth’s musical direction.
Despite flying 35 hours to get here and taking the stage with bags under their eyes, Opeth played their way through a stunning soundscape of choice picks from ten albums. Mikael’s statement to the crowd that because the band hadn’t been touring in a few months, their performance “might be a little ropey,” proved completely unfounded.
Highlights for me were “Drapery Falls”, off Blackwater Park, which is my favourite Opeth album, “Sorceress” and “The Wilde Flowers” from Sorceress, an album that seems to me to be the culmination of the ideas brought together from Heritage and Pale Communion, “Ghost of Perdition” (from Ghost Reveries, the first Opeth album I heard – and the album they were touring back when they last came to NZ), and, of course, the incredible 15-minute epic encore performance of “Deliverance.”
The performance was everything I remembered from all those years ago, and so much more. I’ve changed, the music has changed, but the emotional connection has only grown stronger.
Only art, I think, has the power to do this. There are stories you tell yourself over your whole life and no matter where you are or what has happened, they still ring true. They’re still a part of you, part of your narrative. Often we connect music to specific memories – the song we were listening to at this particular time in our life – and so the music itself takes on the guise of nostalgia, even though it isn’t really nostalgia we’re reacting to, but the story, the piece of yourself that’s preserved within that song.
Any kind of art can be a catalyst for change, whether that’s personal change through emotional connection, or grand, sweeping societal changes through a global movement. Art can be both joyous and rebellious, both heartening and desolate, resonant and remote. I like the idea of music, or other forms of art, acting as a touchpoint, reminding you of your purpose, your direction. I love the idea that everyone who went to that concert felt something when they listened to the music beyond just, “Eh, this is cool.” Maybe that’s true, probably it isn’t, but it does make me happier to think it.
Through their music, Opeth have been telling the same stories in different ways since they first started laying down tracks back in 1989. They’re a vital part of my own narrative, even when I don’t listen to them for months or years at a time. Hopefully, when I see their show again in another ten years’ time, it will still have the same impact, and maybe I’ll look back at the person I am now, and the person I’ve become, and see what impact their music had.
There is an excellent actual concert review over on 13th Floor, if you want more than my insane ramblings.
When I’m not blasting Blackwater Park at top volume, I write dark urban fantasy novels. My latest book, Petrified City, first in the new Chronicles of the Wraith series, is out now. Grab your copy from Amazon, or join my mailing list to stay up-to-date with the series.
January 18, 2017
Post-scriptum: confusing Russian books, tree adventures, and how I got Netflix and destroyed my life
If you’re wondering why you haven’t heard much from me lately (and I know you spend all your time just hanging out for me to post again), the reason is twofold: 1. My websites went down for a little while (my Steffanie Holmes site is still down) and it took a bit of shagging around to get them back. 2. We are full speed ahead on the final stage of building our castle! The Cantankerous Drummer Husband and I have been living in the midst of this dream for four-and-a-half years now, and it’s both strange and exciting to have it all coming to a close. In just a few weeks time, we will be moving our stuff into the brand new great hall and bedroom wing we’ve built.
In my ears: Am currently addicted to Blue Oyster Cult. “Veteran of the Psychic Wars” is my new favourite song.
Reading: A friend recommended Dmitry Glukhovsky’s Metro 2033, and so far it’s proving to be an excellent recommendation. If you loved the Night Watch books or anything generally bleak and dystopian, this is for you.
Writing: I’ve finished the first draft of Ossified State. I’m currently re-reading it and fixing some continuity errors and adding lots of lush detail before it goes off to the editor. I’m so excited about this book.
I’m also working on a children’s book about a topic that’s pretty close to my heart. More details and snippets have already been sent out to my Patreon followers.
Watching: So … you know how we didn’t really watch TV? Well … we got a free trial of Netflix so we could watch the Gilmore Girls revival, fully intending to cancel it once we’d finished that. That hasn’t happened. Currently watching The Crown, all the Dr. Who episodes (up to S4), a series called Hemlock Grove which is quite gothic and styley and surprisingly good, and some documentaries about industrial inventions.
On the Farm: We have a bit of a grass shortage at the moment. I’m focusing on ridding the paddocks of weeds, fertilising, and re-sowing grass to encourage growth. We’re probably at the stage where we really need to lime the soil, as well – but we’re just a bit too broke for that at the moment.
After some chicken-related disasters, my summer garden has finally sprung into action. I’ve got tomatoes growing, as well as gherkin vines, strawberries, and a single broccoli. I’m looking forward to making pickles from the gherkins again, last years batch was awesome.
Speaking of chickens, we had to put one of ours down the other day. Princess was the lowest on the pecking order, and the other chickens were bullying her pretty bad. She was such a friendly girl, and she liked being stroked. My husband went out to give them some scraps and discovered to his horror the other hens had pecked out her eyes. Chickens are dicks. RIP Princess. I hope you’re busy pecking away in the Great Chicken Coop in the Sky
Loving: The tiles we just chose for our ensuite bathroom. \m/ The chandeliers I designed for the Great Hall \m/ Current writing projects making me so happy \m/ My kitchen sink tap \m/ Pulling out all my stored artwork ready to hang in the new house \m/ Planning our next projects after the house is DONE. \m/ Marrying three lots of friends in the next two months. \m/ NICK CAVE forever. Full concert review to follow. \m/ Getting Fleshgod Apocalypse tickets \m/ being so full of burritos right now after lunch with the lovely Eli \m/ Seeing my sister and niece and nephew this week \m/ Riding the waterslide at Parakai Springs with my nephew AT LEAST twenty times in a single afternoon. That was leg day done. \m/ Mastering the “Expert” level on the Woodhill Forest Tree Adventures course. I thought I was going to die, but I managed to do it! Funnily enough, there were a couple of guys right behind me on the course. I managed to get around it, finish the rest of the course (the expert bit is like a side-track through the trees that brings you back onto the main course after basically putting you through hell), complete an entire other course, and as we walked back toward the entrance, discovered they were STILL trying to master the expert section. So I can’t have been too bad! \m/ Getting all sorts of comments about my buff Shakespeare “Dost Thou Even Hoist?” T-shirt. Tree Adventures was awesome fun – I felt like Inidana Jones running across rickety swing bridges and zip lining through the forest. \m/ My two cats, Socrates and Eleanor, who are endless entertainment and ridiculously cute. \m/ Colson Whitehead, for writing some of the most wonderful and original books ever. I’m re-reading some of his work as my next book deal with race, which is not an issue I’ve written about a lot before. I adore the way he tackles it in his work. The Intuitionist is one of my favourite books ever. \m/ Whisky. Thank the gods for whisky. \m/
That’s my week. What about yours?
When I’m not reading confusing Russian books or chasing chickens out of the garden, I write dark urban fantasy novels. My latest book, Petrified City, first in the new Chronicles of the Wraith series, is out now. Grab your copy from Amazon, or join my mailing list to stay up-to-date with the series.
January 10, 2017
10 Gothic and Alternative Artists who need to adorn my walls right now
I use instagram mainly to stalk fellow artists and creators I love (and post cat pictures, of course). It’s a cool platform for artists of all sorts because it enables you to post highlights of your process, as well. It forms a visual journal of your progress. Artists can also tag their work to organise it, and take part in instragram challenges with tags to encourage creativity and attract new fans.
As a writer, who works mainly in words, I’m still struggling to find a way to really use the platform for promoting my own work. But I’m still having a blast with using it, and love opening my feed in the morning to see it brimming with creativity.
I wasn’t able to do an alternative Christmas gift guide this year (see my 2014 and 2015 gift guides) because of my sites being down, so as some consolation, here’s a collection of my favourite artists right now, and how you can find their work to adorn your home or space. With our castle nearly finished, I’m getting seriously excited about being able to hang all the art I’ve been accumulating over the years. The awesome thing about art is that it keeps on giving. Every time I look at a piece, I see or experience something new, some new feeling, a forgotten memory, the spark of an idea, the threads of a connection tying together.
It’s pretty easy to tell from these images where my tastes swing. If you have any other artists to recommend, shout them out in the comments.
1. Chris Ovdiyenko (Dead on Paper)
I discovered Chris’ work through his 2015 Kickstarter campaign for a beautifully rendered deck of Arcana playing cards. I was so taken with his style that in addition to the card deck itself, I pledged for three stunning hand-pulled prints from the series. This project was heavily influenced by the 1910 Rider-Waite-Smith tarot deck — the standard tarot cards used for divination. Long before tarot cards were used for divination, they were used as a deck of cards for a game similar to “Hearts”, and that’s what Chris drew on for this project.
Chris describes his printmaking process. “I take inspiration from all over—art history, found images, my own sketches and photographs. I combine all of it to create something new. I create the final art by combining art from scratchboard and images I draw on my tablet. It’s all hand drawn, and I’m meticulous about making sure the final imagery works at the relatively small scale of playing cards.”
Ever since the Arcana project launched, I’ve been eagerly waiting to see what Chris does next.
2. Abigail Lawson
I discovered Abigail’s work through the ever awesome Haute Macabre blog, and have since purchased her most recent book, which is amazing. Abigail is an artist and illustrator working in pen, ink, watercolour, and photoshop. Her images draw heavily on traditional gothic tales and stories, such as Edgar Allen Poe, The Brother’s Grimm, and Bram Stoker’s Dracula. She’s created advertisements for John Fluevog and China Glaze, and her fully-illustrated version of H.P. Lovecraft’s The Cats of Ulthar was released in November of 2016. Abigail’s work leaves me spellbound, and I can’t wait to see what she comes up with next.
3. John Kenn Mortensen
Fans of Edward Gorey will see some of that artist’s macabre and whimsical styling in John’s work. Danish artist John Kenn (who goes by Don Kenn sometimes, just to be confusing) produces and writes kids TV shows by day, and has been drawing his monsters on to post-it notes for years. Like a lot of other artists on my list here, I love the story-telling aspect of his work. We’re thrust into the middle of a tense, often terrifying scenario, and asked to imagine how the characters got to be there, and how they might escape. John has a book called Monstre out now, which compiles post-it monster drawings as well as larger works.
4. Lora Zombie
I discovered Lora when she did a collaboration with Black Milk Clothing, who as we all know I’m only a smidge obsessed with. (Just a smidge!). Lora describes herself as a “timeforce zombie artfairy ranger,” or a “unicorn punk streetart princess,” and her style as “Grunge Art.” Born in a small Russian town and self-taught as an artist, Lora gained a huge following online because or her unique style. Huge splashes of colour and messy smudges comes together to form her unique style, heavily influenced by grunge and skate culture and environmental causes. Unlike many of the most tightly-controlled illustrative styles I usually like, Lora’s images have a flowing quality to them – they have a sense of movement and force that’s really commanding. She’s always doing interesting collaborations and produces a huge output – definitely someone to follow!
5. Tyler Thrasher Art
I actually discovered Tyler through one of the most horrible events in his life – his house burned down, and he lost years of artwork, not to mentioned all his possessions. The art community has rallied around him, and through posts and shout-outs from his friends and fellow artists, I came to learn about his work. And wow, . His new work has an intensity and remoteness, born of the tragedy he’s currently living through. Tyler’s work focuses on a fascination with nature and forms and cycles. Much of his work is conceived while hiking and exploring in nature, and his connection and curiosity for the natural world is present in his work. He does some particularly interesting work with crystallising insects.
Follow Tyler Thrasher on Instagram
6. Nattskiftet
Brutal art from Swedish designer Lisen Holland, Nattskiftet (the night shift) encompasses simple line drawings with sometimes crude, often depressing, always darkly humorous phrases and epithets. I love how the images function as kind of black metal demotivation posters. I can find very little information in English about the artist, but if you want some metal inspiration, head to the Nattskiftet instagram page or purchase a poster, t-shirt or pillowcase.
Follow Nattskiftet on Instagram
7. Molly Crabapple
Molly Crabapple remains one of my favourite artists. She was the first artist I seriously followed online, and it’s been interesting to watch her evolution from an illustrator of “tarts and tentacles” to a full on art journalist documenting the Syrian war and the horrors of Guantanamo Bay. She is a contributing editor for VICE and has written for The New York Times, The Paris Review, Vanity Fair, The Guardian, CNN and Newsweek. Molly’s most recent exhibit was Annotated Muses, a series of enormous, naked, collage-style, annotated portraits of the friends and fellow rabble-rousers who inspire her, including Stoya, Kim Bookbinder, and the philosopher Fuck Theory. She’s a frequent crowd-funder, which is how I ended up with a print from her Shell Game series in my bathroom. I’m currently reading her illustrated autobiography, Drawing Blood, which is damn awesome.
8. Glyn Smyth
Glyn Smyth is an Irish illustrator, designer and printmaker. His work shows some of the finest, most intricate and subtle linework I’ve ever seen. His name is often associated with underground metal bands, (he’s created album covers, posters and merchandise for Ash Borer, Lynched, SubRosa, Cough, and Wolves in the Throne Room), and all his work is chiefly informed by his deep interest in folklore, myth and magick. Absolutely stunning, and his prints and posters are reasonably priced, if you wanted some darker artwork for your wall.
Follow Glyn Smyth on Instagram
9. Brian Mashburn
Brian Washburn creates these amazing and fantastical urban and industrial landscapes, juxtaposed against the natural world. There’s a real sense of dystopia in his work, a kind of pictorial story of decaying society that really appeals to me. I look at his paintings and instantly stories come into my head.
Primarily an oil painter, Mashburn uses narrative and meticulous attention to detail to engage the viewer. His landscapes are often both heavy handed and subtle, universally applicable and allegorical. His influences range from everyday observations to his Asian-American heritage. The heavy mists of Appalachia and smog of southeastern China and Hong Kong inform his foggy aesthetic.
On his instagram, Brian posts in-progress images, detail shots, as well as finished paintings. I am determined that one day I will have his art on our walls.
10. Aaron Horkey
I discovered Aaron through his partner Jess’ company, Bloodmilk (if you haven’t heard of Bloodmilk, then whoa are you missing out). Another amazing illustrator working with mostly pen and ink, Aaron has created concert posters for bands like The Melvins, Boris, Isis, and Converge, as well as film posters for Dracula, Lord of the Rings, Punch Drunk Love, and There Will Be Blood. He’s done some stunning illustrations for the Bloodmilk Exquisite Corpse collaborations, including this Bury Me Beneath Books that I’m gutted I missed out on (the entire run got snapped up within minutes, too fast for me). His illustrations show incredible depth and detail, and I’d love one day to own a piece for my library wall.
All images are copyright by the respective artists.
What art and artists are inspiring you lately?
When I’m rocking out at a metal show and trying to bury my home in artwork, I write dark urban fantasy novels. My latest book, Petrified City, first in the new Chronicles of the Wraith series, is out now. Grab your copy from Amazon, or join my mailing list to stay up-to-date with the series.
January 1, 2017
2017. My resolution is my revolution
Photo by Jess Lowe from the Routeburn track.
In New Zealand, we’re one of the first countries to ring in the new year. My husband and I are in the midst of finishing the building of our home, so we just had a few friends over for drinks. We participated in a Russian tradition – at the stroke of midnight, we wrote wishes down onto bits of paper, burned the papers, dropped the ashes into our glasses of champagne, and drank them down. Brutal, but effective.
The clock ticked over, and a marker in the passage of time was passed. It felt no different to any other moment, and yet, for many people, it is everything.
Professionally and personally, 2016 has been both challenging and amazing for me. I hit bestseller lists with my books, was a finalist for the Attitude Award, moved to a new job, built the great hall on our home, hiked the Routeburn track, met many new, wonderful people, and spent a lot of time with those I love and cherish most. I spent a lot of time blissfully making my art and seeing it enjoyed by readers all over the world. I am blessed to have opportunities and relationships that strengthen and sustain me.
For many people across the world, 2016 marked a time of despair and hopelessness. Many of our idols – strong and fearless flag-carriers of the dispossessed, the weird, the free-thinking – have passed over. We’ve seen heroes and heroines fall and falter, and ideals we hold dear challenged and trodden down.
More than the loss of our idols, we feel the loss on our ideals. Across the world, ideologies are shifting. Progressive and liberal standpoints are increasingly stamped out and suffocated. Aleppo burned and no one cared. We see the people in power and we fear for what they may do, and what ideas they may spread. As Chuck Wendig said, “2016 was a nasty beast who nested in a cradle of our heroes’ bones.”
If you’re ever worried about one person’s ability to make the world a bad place, then take heart in the fact that one person cannot alone destroy all the goodness the human race is capable of achieving. Despite all the bad that has been wrought this year, the human race has made great strides toward increased awareness, equality, and peace over the last year.
A highly effective vaccine against Ebola was unveiled. World hunger reached its lowest point in 25 years. Tanzania and Gambia banned child marriage. The Pan-African government issued a continent-wide ban on female genital mutilation.Denmark became one of the first countries to recognise being transgender not as a mental illness. 800,000 volunteers in India planted 50 million trees in one day. DAPL got shut out of Standing Rock. Punjab Protection of Women Against Violence Bill came into effect – a 31 clause Act which provides a system for complaint registration and penalties for offenders.After protests that 90% of its streets are named after men who are regarded historically as racist leaders, Spain is renaming its streets after important female leaders. Solar-Impulse made the first round the world flight by a solar-powered plane. David Bowie left us with the beautiful Blackstar album, Fleshgod Apocalypse brutalised us with King, and Nick Cave gave his grief as a gift through Skeleton Tree. Giant Pandas no longer endangered, and the Tiger population increased from 3,200 in 2010 to 3,890 – the first time in a century the population is growing. Sarah McBride, the US National Press Secretary for the Human Rights campaign, was first out transgender woman to speak at a major party convention. Same-sex marriage was legalized in; Oglala Sioux Tribe, Mohican Islands, Greenland, Colombia, Campeche, Colima, Michoacan, Morelos, Isle Of Man, Prebla, British Antarctic Territory, Cherokee Nation, Jalisco, Gibraltar. John Key quit … You can find more news to uplift your spirit in this beautiful list of 99 of the best things that happened in 2016.
All over the internet, people are making their own lists, a protest of positivity.
2017 is going to be an important year, I feel it. There will be tough moments, for sure. But I have unfaltering faith that the kindness of all humankind will win out in the end. If you ever feel like it won’t, then we have not reached the end yet. We are capable of bountiful goodness. I choose to remain optimistic, to be always hopeful and engaged and excited by the possibilities for this tiny rock in the great wide cosmos.
Despite this positivity, I want also to contribute more to making the world into the place I am proud to be a resident of. I am guilty of living in my own bubble at time and of feeling as though my role is to simply muddle through this mess as best as I can. But that stops now. 2017 is the year I use my blessings and my work to further the causes I believe in.
I have my achievement-based goals for the new year, things like writing 6 books, finishing our house, building our courtyard, saving a certain amount of money. The boring goals we all have. But I have some other goals that I’m excited about. Now that our house is nearly done, my husband and I recently had a discussion about the kind of things we want to do next. More travel, of course, and other projects around our land. But also, there are causes we want to support, things we want to do to make a meaningful difference in our own community. We want to start putting some of those into action.
There are some stories I have wanted to tell for a long time, but I’ve been afraid to, for reasons that are very real but suddenly seem very unimportant.
I’d like to use my writing as a voice for stories that don’t get told, to help people who feel hopeless or downtrodden to be lifted up. When the world throws up challenges, its art people often turn to for answers, to sort out how they feel and to find their strength. It’s art that takes the flicker of ideas and transforms them into movements, into bastions around which people can congregate.
I don’t want to be political – I want to be human. My resolution for 2017 is my revolution.
What’s yours?
(If you want to read about the ins-and-outs of my process and see the creation of these projects from behind-the-scenes, become a patreon supporter.)
December 20, 2016
Let’s talk about women in the pit
Recently, the Banger FB page (which you should follow if you don’t already) posted the above meme as a precursor to an interesting panel discussion on sexism in the metal scene. I liked it, (despite the fact that as memes go, it could do with a few more cats) because I can relate to that experience.
The panel discussion with Natalie Zed (freelance writer), Priya Panda (vocalist, Diemonds) and Laura Wiebe (Hellbound.ca/CFMU) was also quite interesting. I think there’s a lot of truth in Deena Weinstein’s statement at the beginning about masculinity equalling freedom. I’ve always held that the main theme of metal isn’t about anger or hate, but about power and freedom, and it’s no surprise that freedom is often conceived in purely masculine terms. Female fans have to then figure out how they insert themselves into that established world.
Let me say this: 99% of metal shows are amazing, and 99% of all metalheads – male and female – are decent, fucking brilliant people who look out for each other. Fans of the genre are largely male, although I believe I’m seeing a lot more female fans at shows (not so much extreme metal, but definitely stuff like folk and power metal, crowds can be 50/50). I’ve never felt unwelcome or alienated in a metal space, in the way Zed describes in the video. Male metalheads were some of my first doorways into the scene – they introduced me to new bands, made me mix-tapes, taught me how to windmill, and welcomed me into their circle with open arms and fist bumps. Metal has never felt like a guys-only world to me, but I’ve always been an odd person, so I think I’m a bit predisposed to fit in with this scene of other odd people, regardless of gender.
However …
Ignoring the sexism (and other isms, like racism) that can go on is not something that should happen. Every fan, regardless of sex, race, colour, sexual orientation, culture and belief, should feel safe and happy walking into a show or festival. It should be cool for everyone to be involved in the scene. This is an exclusive club for outsiders, for proud pariahs. It shouldn’t matter who you are or what you believe, as long as you love the music.
Many aspects of a person – such as affiliation with a particular religion – are hidden. You don’t have to reveal them unless you want to. However, the colour of the skin and your sex are out there for everyone to see. It’s difficult to remove that from your experiences, especially when those experiences are negative.
Some things that have happened to me. Once, I was walking out of a show at Wacken with my hand on my husband’s shoulder, when some guy came up behind me, scooped me up, and carried me off. Luckily, CDH chased after me, tapped the guy on the shoulder, said, “I’ll have that back, please.” And the dude apologised profusely, dumped me back in my husband’s arms, and presented me with a beer.
Now, I personally happen to think this story is hilarious. I also don’t think the guy meant any harm by it – he was drunk and having a good time, and he thought he’d do something funny. We all laughed. It was fine. But another girl might not have found that so hilarious. Had my husband not seen this guy running off with me and found us, I would have lost him in a huge crowd in a foreign country. We had no cell phones to contact each other. My German isn’t brilliant. It could’ve been bad.
I’ve had my share of gross comments hissed in my ears or shouted at me across the pit, and a few hands in places where they should never have been. It’s not a compliment. It’s not what I’m looking for. It’s actually fucking terrifying. It turns a wonderful night into a horrible experience. It leaves you feeling gross and sad, and that’s not how you should feel after a metal show. Sure, talk about a hot girl in the corner with your friends. Hell, my girlfriends and I point out hot guys to each other all the time. I’m not going to call the kettle black here. However, that’s a discussion that shouldn’t involve the person in question. Making leering gestures or yelling rude stuff at her isn’t cool. It’s not her job to act her part in your fantasy. It’s a personal fantasy, leave it that way.
And don’t even get me started on the comments I get on this website. Some are sleazy. Some are vaguely threatening. Some are downright horrible. If someone disagrees with me here, they tend to revert to calling me ugly. Whatever, I don’t have to publish that stuff. That’s my prerogative. Interestingly – and this is discussed in the video – I’ve had a lot more shit flung at me since I started this site than when I was just a random fan who never dressed particularly provocatively.
There’s also the “pop-quiz” phenomenon, which I experienced a lot when I was younger – not so much now, but might have more to do with the fact I’ve been a part of a very small local scene for ten years, so people kind of know me.
Those are just my experiences. Other women, including women I’m very close to, have their own experiences, some of which are harrowing. For me, the positive experiences far, far outweigh the few negative encounters I’ve had across my 15+ years of being a fan, but that doesn’t take away from the fact those negative encounters happen.
Look, I think we can all agree that metal is aggressive and brutal. But, there’s a difference between a great pit where everyone is having a blast, and a pit filled with people who are just there to fuck each other up. There’s accidentally grazing some girl’s breast with your elbow while you’re doing flying windmills, and then there is deliberately touching someone because you’re pushed up next to them and you know they can’t do anything about it. There’s having a lively debate about music and there’s grilling someone about obscure details because you don’t believe they’re a “true” fan.
This also isn’t the stone age, and we all pay for our tickets to go and enjoy a show. We’re all there for the same reason, to rock out and enjoy a wicked band. The fact that some fuckheads are spoiling it for others, whatever their race, gender, political affiliation – that should be a source of great outrage for metalheads.
Saying, “there’s no sexism in metal” and then relating it to your personal experiences is pretty stupid. Just because you personally have never experienced sexism, or seen it happen, doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. Your experience of shows is not the same as others, and this is especially true if you happen to be male.
I’ve never had a problem with disturbing lyrics and themes. Personally, I think songs are telling stories, and most people are clever enough to read songs in that way and not in some kind of instruction manual on how to be a human. I’m perfectly happy to sing along to Cannibal Corpse’s “fucked with a knife” because … it’s not about me. It’s not about anyone in the room. No one else singing along is thinking, “Hey, you know what, that sounds like a really good idea …” And if they are, it’s because they’re messed up, not because they’re a metalhead. It’s fantasy, like reading Lolita without wanting the be a paedophile. The art itself needs to be free of censorship (I don’t personally have to like it, but I respect your right to make it), but how you treat real people in the real world is the important thing.
I didn’t write this article to say shit like, “don’t grope girls in the mosh pit,” because a) as a decent human being, this is already obvious to you and b) if it’s not, nothing I say will make you stop doing that shit. But I did write it to say, as a female metalhead who has many female metalhead friends, this happens. Not all the time, not from every dude, but it does fucking happen more often than it should.
What can you do about it?
Don’t tolerate this behaviour – whether it’s from a mate or a stranger. If you see anyone at a show who looks like they’re in an uncomfortable situation, throw your hand in and ask if they need a hand. If you see fights break out, try to break them up. If someone looks scared, or is telling another person to stop something, and they’re obviously not, then step in and sort it out. (Or ask a really tough-looking friend to help, if you’re a bit scared yourself).
If someone is discussing their experiences – positive or negative – it’s pretty bad form to deny them their by claiming their experiences don’t count.
Don’t give pop-quizzes, unless there are awesome prizes. If I demonstrate my extensive knowledge of Skyclad albums, do I get a pony? I’d love a pony.
Sexism and racism are pretty mainstream. We’ve seen that acted out in the real world far too much this year. By embracing equality in the scene, we don’t “dumb down” the danger and brutality of the scene. Just the opposite – we challenge the rules, we rebel against the dominant powers, we confronting the mainstream in a real, powerful, dangerous way.
Just be awesome to each other.
That is all.
When I’m rocking out at a metal show and trying to find my husband after random people kidnapped me at music festivals, I write dark urban fantasy novels. My latest book, Petrified City, first in the new Chronicles of the Wraith series, is out now. Grab your copy from Amazon, or join my mailing list to stay up-to-date with the series.
November 16, 2016
Post-scriptum: Shaky Isles, Skeleton Trees, and the Socatic Method
What a crazy, depressing, remarkable, surprising, and horrifying month. Between the US electing an fuming orange monkey as their President, the loss of Leonard Cohen, and the big fuck-off earthquake that’s destroyed roads and buildings, trapped residents in the town of Kaikoura, stranded cows, and killed two people right here in my own country, it’s enough to make you not want to leave the house. I’ve been taking things a bit slow these last couple of weeks, collecting my thoughts, trying to figure out how to make sense of all this, and get though the “Holy fuck, the world is screwed,” feelings to reach the “what can I personally do to help make the world marginally less screwed?” activism. So far, we’ve donated some money to Planned Parenthood in the US and the Red Cross here in NZ. Yesterday I started a project fuelled by some of the things I’ve been thinking about, a project I hope will to add to the voices of dissent who are speaking up against bigotry and racism and hatred. I don’t want to say too much about it yet, just that I’m excited about it and empowered by the idea of art as rebellion.
I don’t want to write too much about politics here, because this isn’t really what this blog is about. But this month feels too momentous and big and historical to let it pass without acknowledging it. Now, on to cheerier things. Here’s what I’ve been reading and watching and doing lately.
In my ears: I am still thrashing Nick Cave and the Bad Seed’s Skeleton Tree. This album is just incredible. My cat’s been very sick and I had a couple of family deaths this year and every song on this album makes me calm and sad and angry and terrified. Here, Nick bleeds his grief into this music, not for himself, but for us. It’s a stunning gift, art that skins you raw and twists you in upon yourself. The Bad Seeds are coming back to New Zealand in January, and I got my ticket. Always.
Reading: Nabokov’s Lolita, which leaves me with a bit of a sickly taste in my mouth every time I put it down, but I love the way he uses word games and language. I think I’ll read one of his other books once I’m done. I’ve also been reading my way through Laine Moriaty’s entire catalogue. After I’m done with these I have some Russian dystopian horror to sink my teeth into … mmmm …
Writing: I am 30k into the second book in the wraith series, Ossified State, due for release in Jan/Feb. If you haven’t read the first, Petrified City, then get on it!
Watching: Holy shit you guys, I just got Netflix so we could watch the new Gilmore Girls series when it comes out this month. Previously, we only watched DVDs of series or movies we liked, and it was good because we didn’t watch much TV at all. But now we are addicted. Goodbye productivity. Hello Jessica Jones and Stranger Things and Penny Dreadful and …
On the farm: The cantankerous drummer husband has just finished putting in the insulation in our bedroom tower. He’s got about 1/2 the Great Hall to go. Plumber will be here next week. We bought a toilet. STUFF IS HAPPENING and I am very excited about that. We’re both feeling pretty burned out over the house. It’s going to be great to finally be FINISHED with it in a couple of months. We’re both looking forward to being able to move on to other projects.
We also took advantage of an end-of-season plant sale to put in a new row of hedges, including the feijoa hedge I’ve been wanting for years. These feijoas will provide the fruit for a yearly batch of feijoa wine. I can’t wait for them to grow and start fruiting.
Loving: Tomorrow I get on a plane for the South Island, where I am performing a goth wedding, going on a train, and visiting Christchurch before heading down to Queenstown to hike the Routeburn track with some awesome friends. So excited! \m/ last month we went to Melbourne, where we saw Symphony X (amazing), hung out with a friend, ate a lot of chocolate, and did a lot of shopping (more about this in a future blog). \m/ My cat, Socrates, has been very sick, and it looked like we were going to lose him. He’s only two years old, and my heart broke watching him lose half his bodyweight in a fortnight. But the vets worked hard to find a possible solution and it looks as though, although he does have some kidney damage, he’s going to live. He’s already gained most of his weight back, and he’s back and more silly than ever. \m/ We had some friends over the other week for food and board games. It was awesome. It’s so nice to see our house full of people and kids running around everywhere. \m/ I’ve decided to pull all my romance books from Kindle Unlimited, which means they’ll be available on other platforms (iBooks, Nook, Kobo, etc). My fantasy books will stay for now, but that might change. \m/
So that’s what I’ve been up to. What about you?
When I’m not crooning along to Nick Cave or waving bits of insulation at my husband, I write dark urban fantasy novels. My latest book, Petrified City, first in the new Chronicles of the Wraith series, is out now. Grab your copy from Amazon, or join my mailing list to stay up-to-date with the series.
November 9, 2016
May we all live in interesting times.
“Some believe it is only great power that can hold evil in check, but that is not what I have found. It is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay. Small acts of kindness and love.” – Gandalf
Now, more than ever, the world needs those small acts.
November 7, 2016
The Heavy metal bookshelf: 10 books every metalhead should read
Metal and books. Basically my two favourite things in the world. (Add cats to the equation and you have the Steff trifecta.) Books ABOUT metal are still pretty rare, but there have been a few awesome ones in recent years. Here are some of my favourites:
Lords of Chaos: The bloody rise of the Satanic Metal Underground, Michael Moynihan and Didrik Søderlind
“An unusual combination of true crime journalism, rock and roll reporting and underground obsessiveness, Lords of Chaos turns into one of the more fascinating reads in a long time.”—Denver Post
An account of the rise of black metal as a genre in Norway, and the crimes that followed in its wake. Sure, it’s a bit sensationalised, and while personally I enjoyed the first ¾ of this book, I felt it fell down a bit during the kind of analysis section at the end. There’s no arguing that the events of the nineties left their mark on the metal genre, and this book was one of the first texts to really attempt an analysis and document of that. Definitely worth a read, although bear in mind there are more balanced views of the black metal scene out there now.
Hell Bent for Leather: Confessions of a heavy metal addict, Seb Hunter
Part primer for the early glory days of metal, part memoir of misguided youth, Seb’s story will have you nodding with agreement and nostalgia. That is, when you’re not cracking up laughing. This dude is hilarious, and I love the way he describes bands and the war of the pointy guitar stocks.
My main problem with this book occurs after Hunter discovers hair metal, becomes part of that scene and then, when the scene crumbles away, kind of loses it with metal. So much amazing music has been made on the flip-side of the hair metal craze that it drives me a bit mad when people talk about the death of metal falling at that stage. Ultimately, this is a book about falling out of love with metal, which is not something I relate to, but I don’t think it detracts from the awesomeness of the writing or the story.
Read Hell Bent for Leather now
Louder Than Hell: The Definitive Oral History of Metal, Jon Wiederhorn and Katherine Turman
This 736-page behemoth incorporates literally hundreds of interviews with some of the biggest names in metal, organised with a chronological dissertation on metal’s history and influence. What I love about this book is that it doesn’t have an omnipresent narrator. We’re not seeing metal through a lens. Instead, we are experiencing the history of the music through the people who create it, who shape it, and who live it.
That image doesn’t always gel from one interview to the next. This is a hefty book to wade through, and can come off a bit academic at times. But it’s filled with awesome stories and great genre breakdowns. Aside from a battered copy of Lord of the Rings, it should be the first book on any metalhead’s bookshelf.
Mosh Potatoes: Recipes, Anecdotes, and Mayhem from the Heavyweights of Heavy Metal, Steve Seabury
Cooking and metal – two elements you don’t normally jam together. That is, until you’ve seen me making cornbread while belting out the lyrics to Sabaton’s “Panzer Battalion.” I own this book and I regularly cook several dishes, my favourite being Liv Kristine’s Swedish Apple Cake. There’s some awesome recipes here and some hilarious stories. You won’t believe the recipe Lemmy added. It is called “Krakatoa Surprise” and makes me smile every time I read it.
The problem, of course, with a cookbook filled with recipes cobbled from different sources is two-fold. 1. While there is a lot of variety in the recipes, there are definitely a lot of overlaps (too many burger recipes, for instance). 2. There can’t be a real consistency between recipes, ingredients, or processes. One recipe might do something one way, while the other does it another way. There’s a distinct lack of cohesion that can’t be helped but makes the book difficult to navigate.
This book also has an additional problem in that it doesn’t contain images of the food, which I vastly prefer. Mostly because I wanted to see Lemmy’s Krakatoa Surprise in the flesh. Aside from these minor details, this is an awesome book and if you enjoy cooking you’ll definitely find some gens.
Running with the Devil: Power, Gender, and Madness in Heavy Metal Music, Robert Walser
I did an anthropology paper at university that required me to write an essay about heavy metal. I’d never looked at subcultures in an anthrological sense before, so off I went to the library to see what I could uncover.
Walser’s book was the first academic text I read looking at metal. He approaches the genre from a socialogical and cultural criticism corner. He asks what makes heavy metal appeal, and uses metal to explore identity, community, gender, and power.
Remember when reading that this book came out in 1993, so it is very rooted in the metal of that time and what had come before. It’s an interesting read if you enjoy cultural criticism. He does focus mainly on metal as a white subculture and doesn’t explore scenes in countries outside of the main centres (done very well in the documentary Global Metal) and there’s only a cursory note about women in metal. Very much of its time, but for one of the first academic texts on metal, it’s well worth a read.
Read Running With the Devil now
Metal Cats, Alexandra Crockett
You know how I said at the beginning of the article that if you added cats to the mix, you’d get the ultimate trifecta. Well, that’s just what photographer Alexander Crockett has done. This book features full-colour images of hardcore and metal musicians with their adorable fuzzy friends. The photographer approaches her subject with respect and dark humour. The cats are adorable. There are lots of epic beards.
This books makes a great gift for the “metalhead who has everything.”
Hellbent for Cooking: The Heavy Metal Cookbook, Annick Giroux
Yes, there is another Heavy Metal cookbook. Yes, it features recipes from Kreator, Anthrax, Pentagram, St Vitus, Death, Autopsy, and Gorgoroth. With this delicious collection of favorite basic recipes by heavy metal bands from around the globe, Annick “The Morbid Chef” Giroux declares war on junk food, and fires up the flame for a special heavy metal feast.
Hellbent for Cooking feeds voracious appetites with a varied menu of over a hundred recipes from thirty countries, including Yorkshire Pudding from England, Beer Pizza Crust from Germany, Spaghetti Barracuda from Italy, Fårikål from Norway, Country Lamb Exohiko from Greece, Churrasco from Brazil, and Mushroom Steak à la Jack Daniel’s from the United States.
Again, this cookbook suffers from continuity issues, because you’re talking about recipes from different countries where different types of products are available. However, this book DOES have wonderful food photography, as well as little bios about the bands. I found a couple of new favourite bands from this book. Food + Metal = nom nom nom.
Metallion: The Slayer Mag Diaries, Jon Kristiansen
Founded in 1985 in Sarpsborg, Norway, Slayer Magazine quickly rose to prominence by championing countless unsigned death metal pioneers. The pages of the magazine became a written gospel for the fledgling extreme metal underground, combining eye-ripping graphics, brutally honest writing, and a relentless and sick sense of humor.
As black metal rose to prominence in Norway in the 1990s, Slayer Magazine remained the final word on the moods and motivations of those dark times. Its editor, Jon “Metalion” Kristiansen, became a prominent voice within the fledgling scene.
If you’re a fan of extreme metal, this book will be particularly interesting, because it explores through an underground publication the early ideas and development of extreme genres, right at the epicentre of the music. There are a ton of early photographs from bands like Morbid Angel, Kreator, Emperor, and Mayhem, as well as rare archival material and unreleased interviews and artwork. It’s a fascinating look at the way music writing from “within the trenches” can inform and grow a scene.
Confessions of a Heretic: The Sacred and the Profane – Behemoth and Beyond, Mark Eglinton, Adam Nergal Darski
“Rebellion is a part of youth. Sometimes it’s dangerous. Instead of a sword, I hold a guitar in my hands. I’m in the same, rigid world but instead of Molotov cocktails, I’ve got a computer. It’s a much more powerful weapon.”
Confessions Of A Heretic is the forthright and erudite memoir of the front man and driving force behind the Polish heavy-metal group Behemoth, following the release of their 2014 album The Satanist.
Presented as a series of interviews (the blurb calls them interrogations) by friends and associates, the book reveals a complex man of great contrast. This is such a fascinating study of a creative mind. Nergal is personable, health-conscious, hyper-intelligent, rigid in his views, dedicated to his art, unflinching in his convictions.
The interview-transcript format of the book makes it a bit hard to get through, but if you’re a fan of the band or just enjoy getting inside the head of a fascinating (if not occasionally terrifying) man, then this is an interesting read.
Read Confessions of a Heretic now
Swedish Death Metal, Daniel Ekeroth
There are a lot of books out that attempt to be some kind of definitive guide to the history of metal. Unfortunately, in an attempt to encompass the scope of the genre in a single book, the subtleties of smaller, localised scenes is usually lost.
That’s why books like this are so interesting. Here, Ekeroth has created a written and visual record of the Swedish Death Metal movement, tying the music intrisically to its roots in the social, cultural, political, historical, and geographical context of Sweden. More than the fascinating history of the more than a thousand extreme metal bands from Sweden, is the tremendous sense of place and atmosphere Ekeroth conjures from his archives.
Over 500 images accompany the text, which includes scores of exclusive interviews with members of Nihilist/ Entombed, In Flames, At the Gates, Dismember, Grave, Hypocrisy, Opeth, Unleashed, Marduk, Morbid, Mob 47, Deranged, Edge of Sanity, Merciless, Therion, Liers in Wait, Carnage, Carcass, Tiamat/Treblinka, Afflicted, Repugnant, the Haunted, and other central characters. Expect to discover a ton of new bands to enjoy.
OK, now, I realise there are scores of other awesome books about metal, so I intend to continue this list with a part 2, (and probably a part 3). What I want to know from you is what are YOUR favourite books about metal or metal musicians. Sound off in the comments or on my Facebook page!
When I’m not reading books about metal or sending fan letters asking Chelsea Wolfe to get her ass to New Zealand, I write dark urban fantasy novels. My latest book, Petrified City, first in the new Chronicles of the Wraith series, is out now. Grab your copy from Amazon, or join my mailing list to stay up-to-date with the series.
September 21, 2016
Exploring Victorian Funerary Customs at Highgate Cemetery
My latest book, Petrified City, comes out tomorrow. It was inspired by a cemetery I explored ten years ago while visiting friends in London. We had a spare, dreary afternoon and my friend Ryan suggested we go on a tour of Highgate.
A cemetery tour sounded just gothic enough to appeal to me. So off we went to Highgate Cemetery – one of the finest Victorian-era cemeteries in England.
During the early 19th century, England was facing a burial crisis. A high mortality rate coupled with an insufficient amount of hallowed ground to bury the dead meant graveyards were being jammed in wherever they could fit – between shops, under houses, behind taverns. Bodies were wrapped in cheap material and thrown into graves with others, only a few feet below the surface. Quicklime was poured into graves to speed up composition, so that a few months later the space would be vacent once more. At the height of the burial plight, roaming undertakers disguised as clergy performed illegal buriel rites.
As you can imagine, disease was rife and the smell from these burial grounds was just delightful.
Parliment declared enough was enough. They passed a statute declaring seven new cemeteries to be built around London, for the burial of the city’s dead. In 1836 they created the London Cemetery Company to facilitate the buy the land and set up these cemeteries, of which Highgate was the third to be opened.
Statue of Lion, the chief mourner at prizefighter Tom Sayer’s epic funeral (10,000 people reportedly showed up to send him off) guards his master’s grave.
Stephen Geary and James Bunstone Bunning became Highgate’s surveyors and architects, creating the two chapels (one for Church of England, the other for dissenters) in Tudor Gothic style, the grand entrance and bell tower, as well as the grand Egyptian Avenue. Renowned garden designer David Ramsey, planted the avenues with exotic plants. Because of their efforts, Highgate quickly became THE place to be buried for wealthy Victorian families.
Hanging with Karl Marx
The site was consecrated in 1839 – 15 acres for Church of England burials, and 2 acres for dissenters. It became so popular that in 1854 they had to extend the cemetery across the road – this became known as the East Cemetery. A tunnel running under the road connected the two sites and coffins could be lifted down and up into the tunnel on hydraulic lifts.
At the height of its use, Highgate was seeing 30 burials a day. More than just a place to bury the dead, it was a Victorian display of wealth and taste, a place to see and be seen, to take tea and enjoy a stroll. It declined during World War I, as many of the 30+ groundskeepers and staff had to go off and fight, and austerity measures meant people were less interested in elaborate burials. In 1975 it came under the stewerdship of the Friends of Highgate Cemetery who have done restoration work and operate the wonderful tours.
Many famous graves in the cemetery were pointed out on the tour, as well as some of the notable architectural features. Karl Marx, Douglas Adams, George Eliot, Patrick Caulfield, Christina Rosetti, and Malcolm McLaren are a few of the notable sites, as well as many prominent Victorian figures with ostentatious and unique lives or deaths.
The West Cemetery is home to the most elaborate gaves and plots, including the Egyptian Avenue – a grand processionway flanked by obelists and mortuary statues, where coffins could be interred in above-ground niches. The avenue speaks to the Victorian fascinating the Pharaohic culture. The avenue ends at the Circle of Lebanon, where an ancient cedar tree – predating the cemetery – forms the focal point for a circle of tombs.
The Egyptian Avenue
I loved visiting Highgate. The Victorian graves contains delightful details that celebrate the lives, achievements, and notoriety of their inhabitants. Everywhere there are symbols of love and endurance, or peace and adventure. Of course, ghost stories abound, including some legends about Highgate vampires. And so, when Lindsey and I were starting to think about the plot for Petrified City and decided we wanted to do ghosts, I remembered Highgate and came up with this concept of a cemetery brought back to life.
So gawth, so cold. (I can’t believe I am 21 in these pictures!)
Highgate actually appears in another series of mine – the Engine Ward stories. One of the residents I was introduced to on the cemetery tour – the menagerie proprietor George Wombwell – became a character in that series, and Thorn visits the cemetery several times. The blind traveller James Holmas is also buried there, although I never got to see his grave.
Grave of George Wombwell, guarded by his beloved lion, Nero.
If you happen to be in London, I encourage you to visit Highgate. You can visit the East Cemetery on your own, but the West requires you to be part of a tour, which I highly recommend. You can find out more information about tours and opening times on the Highgate Cemetery website.
And, if you need something to read, I reckon you should pick up a copy of my latest novel, Petrified City. It’s filled with wraith and masaeleums and raven shapeshifters and all things dark and wonderful, and it’s only $0.99 for the next few days!
September 12, 2016
30 things you can do when the world is completely shit
This image is self-explanatory. (Munch, The Scream)
I am a positive person. I have an unfailing belief in the goodness of people and the creative, kind and tenacious nature of humankind. But even I have shit days, and shit weeks. Sometimes, a plucky attitude isn’t quite enough. Sometimes you want to smash stuff and scream and rail against the unfairness of the world.
So I made a list of things you can do when you feel like that.
1. Artfully rip holes in your jeans
Preferably not your designer Anti-Sweden jeans but … you know, needs must.
2. Rant away
Find a significant other, a reliable friend, or even a sympathetic stranger on the bus, and just let loose! Don’t censor yourself, don’t worry about being politically correct, just spew out all the awfulness you’re feeling and a stream of angry abuse at the world. Better it to land on the ears of someone you trust, who knows you and that you’re just going through something, than for you to explode in front of your boss, a client, a date or the internet.
3. Bake an enormous plate of nachos
Cover your nachos in the most ridiculous pile of cheese and guacamole. And sour cream. Use an entire pot of the stuff. Consume while binge-watching something epic in your pyjamas. Get gloriously sick. It will make you feel better. Because nacho science.
4. Write down everything that’s bothering you
Make a really long list, and then burn it. And then find some other stuff to burn. This stuff needs to be a) your stuff (don’t burn other people’s stuff, yo), b) contestable, c) stuff you won’t miss, and d) legal.
5. Go to an art gallery, poetry reading, or gothic rock show
Revel in someone else’s pain for a couple of hours.
6. Adopt a kitten.
Or a doggie. Or a hamster. The world becomes radically more awesome when viewed through the eyes of a tiny, furry thing.
7. Have a bath
You’ll probably still be sad or ragey afterward. But at least you’ll be clean.
8. Play metal … and play it loud
Put something loud and angry like Kreator or The Project Hate on and scream and rail against humanity while flailing your limbs about in a spasmodic manner. If this doesn’t make you feel even marginally less shit then basically I can’t help you.
9. Exercise
Make it fast, make it furious, make it count. Lift heavy things, run further than you’ve ever run before … and most importantly, do it to a killer soundtrack.
10. Make art
Channel all your rage and pain and anger into your art. Write a story, paint, write music. Use your pain as fuel for your creative process.
11. Distract yourself with chores
Isn’t it high time you cleaned your desk? Have you organised your drawers recently, or vacuumed the car? GET ON THAT, RAGEY.
12. Troll misogynists or racists on Facebook
Nothing like a little armchair activism to get the blood pumping and the anger directed to the people who deserve it.
13. Participate in some actual activism
Channel that anger into a cause you believe in, and do something to actually make a difference and change the world.
14. Watch One More Time With Feeling
That’s Nick Cave’s most recent documentary on the making of the new album Skeleton Tree. The guy’s son fucking fell off a cliff and he is still making art and giving his grief as a gift to the world through his music.
15. Have really good, loud, angry sex
It helps, you burn calories, and you terrify the neighbours. A triple win.
16. Give yourself an ice cream headache
Make the most ridiculous ice cream sundae you can imagine. I like to toast marshmallows over the gas hob on the stove (don’t tell my husband as it’s probably some kind of safety violation) and add those to nuts and chocolate bits and ice cream and cream and caramel sauce …
Build your sundae in your drinking horn, just to be metal.
17. Look at the stars
Borrow a telescope or some binoculars and go stargazing. Sometimes it helps to feel small and insignificant.
18. Buy some Legos
Make legos. Smash legos. Make legos again.
19. Donate some money
If you have some spare, give it to people who can actually make a difference.
20. Plant something
And watch it grow. Bonus points if when it grows either a) you can eat it or b) it can eat you.
21. Volunteer
Plenty of organisations need volunteers to do all sorts of things. Teach some underprivalledged kids how to play guitar. Serve soup to the homeless. Read Dante’s Inferno to pensioners. Do something simple that makes someone else’s life better.
22. Smash something
Take a sledgehammer to something and smash it until it’s in teeny tiny pieces. Make sure that something is a) actually yours (don’t smash other people’s somethings, yo) and b) not a thing you actually need. If you smash your TV but then you want to watch Gilmore Girls reruns, you’re going to be even more pissed.
23. Own your shit
Playing the victim isn’t metal. Step up and admit your own part in your misery.
24. Tell your story
Write this letter to someone who can actually make a difference – who has the ability and the platform to make the world even a tiny bit less shit. They will appreciate knowing your story, or knowing you’re cheering them on.
25. Go to an amateur comedy night
And be content in the fact that although you may be angry depressed, at least you are not, at that moment, on stage, broadcasting your depression in front of hundreds of potential hecklers for free beer.
26. Ask someone out
Who you really, really like. The world is already shit, right? So what do you have to lose …
27. Buy a festival ticket.
Want to go to Wacken? Or 70,000 tons of Metal? Or Maryland Deathfest? Or Burning Man? Buy the ticket and start making plans. You might as well have something to look forward to.
28. Read something gloriously depressing.
Bukowski, Orwell, Plath, Mary Doria Russell’s The Sparrow … read something that mirrors the grim despair you feel. I read Philip Roth’s Sabbath’s Theatre and it made me want to stab my eyes out, but in a good kind of way. It’s a good kind of shabby yearning. If you need some choices, here are the Top 15 Most Depressing Books from the Telegraph, and a Listchallenges article of the 100 most depressing books of all time. I have read 44 of them, and just added two more to my Kindle after reading these lists, which might tell you a little about my taste.
29. Find a secret place
A hollow tree, a hidden garden, a dark alley. Go there with a book or an iPad and enjoy just existing with your moroseness.
30. Ask for help
If you’re feeling really depressed or angry all the time, or you’re stuck in a bad situation and don’t know what to do, talk to a professional who is trained to listen and give you tools to deal. You could call a free local helpline, or make an appointment with a counsellor. Seeking help doesn’t mean you are weak or sick or crazy. It means you are brave enough to confront your problems and seek out a way to improve your situation.
Bonus resources
There’s a really great article on Lifehacker on what to do when you’re angry. Anger is one of the most important emotions we have, as it’s a sign something in your life needs to change. So get on that.
Gala Darling has a fun list of 100 Things to Do When You’re Upset (The Sad Trombone List). It’s not quite as metal as my list, but it might help.
When I’m not being genuinely happy interspersed with a few moments of RAWR, I write science fiction and paranormal romance novels. If you want the details first when new books come out, then sign up for my newsletter (you get a couple of free books, too!). Or, better yet, become a Patreon backer and get all the behind-the-scenes info, more free books, bonus material, and my eternal gratitude.
