D.L. Havlin's Blog, page 16

Sailing …

Enchantment of the Seas

I’m off for a few days of Royal Caribbean cruising and leading a writing seminar. I’ll be presenting my class titled, “Crafting Characters Using Human Relations Management Principles” and will do some readings from and discussion on some of my books. One of the venues I’ll be speaking is pictured below.

Spotlight Lounge on Royal Caribbean’s Enchantment of the Seas.

My wife is excited, she’s an ex-travel agent, loves cruising, and has been trying to get me “on board” for some time. Everything is ready to go – Royal Caribbean and the My Hat Travel Agency have been great support. I can’t say enough good things about them both. The only down side is my golden retriever, Sandy, is miffed. She hasn’t spoken to me since I told her she’d have to stay with the house sitter.

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A GREAT DAY at the library —-

DL presents the history surrounding Blue Water, Red Blood at Ft Myers Beach Public Library

Wow! What a GREAT PLACE. I did a guest speaker appearance at the Ft. Myers Beach Public Library yesterday and it was a wonderful experience. The facility was excellent, the crowd enthusiastic, the organization flawless and the library people superb. Kathy DelBalzo is the event coordinator (hope I got her title correct) and is one of those individuals who takes personal responsibility for what she does and does things very well.

When you see any superior organization you can bet that it has a superior person managing it. Dr Leroy Hommerding, the library’s director is such a person. You don’t have to spend much time with him to realize you’re in the presence of a rarity – a totally competent person. The staff, the facility … everything about this library says top flight. The man oozes excellence, experience, and dedication.

I believe that libraries are extremely important. As you know, it is my firm belief that “Readers are thinkers!” Libraries are temples for these folks. Reading separates content from delivery. So much poor, or out-right false, information is “sold” on the basis of charisma it is disturbing. It effects our lives. That’s what makes finding an outstanding library a great thing. If you’re involved with the administration of a library, a visit to the Ft Myers Beach Library and an audience with Dr. Hommerding maybe one of the best things you ever do.

The same goes for outstanding bookstore. I’ll be at one tomorrow from 12 ’til 2. The Barnes and Noble at Sarasota, FL has a staff that keeps the reader foremost in their minds. The folks go beyond the minimum efforts that many “big box” stores provide. They’re knowledgeable and are customer service oriented. The store is located at 4010 Tamiami Trail. Visit me – I’ll be discussing my award winning literary novel, Bully Route Home. Come see me and let me sign a book for you.

DL signing books and in a discussion with some of his favorite folks – READERS

 

PS-  Check my webpage at http://www.dlhavlin.com for my calendar of appearances.

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Time to put it in gear ……..

Barnes & Nobles, Sarasota, FL

Enchantment of the Seas

 

 

 

 

 

 

January is here, the holidays are gone, the tourists have arrived, and it’s time to get a chance to meet a lot of my readers. I try to schedule a lot of my appearances during the period of January through April because our area is a favorite destination for “snowbirds.” That gives me a chance to meet readers here in Florida. Otherwise, I might never have an opportunity to chat with these folks because of geography.

I’ll be speaking at the Fort Myers Beach Public Library on January 7th at 10:30. The library is located at 2755 Estero Blvd. a little over a mile after you cross the bridge. The subject for the talk will be my book, Blue Water, Red Blood, with special emphasis on Florida’s part in World War II history. Blue Water, Red Blood is the story of the development of the LVT, that’s the amphibious vehicle the Marines used to help win the Pacific portion on the war. This book won a FWA Royal Palm Literary Award for historical fiction

From noon to two on January the ninth, I’ll be doing a presentation and book signing at Barnes and Nobles at 4010 Tamiami Trail, in Sarasota. I’ll be discussing my multiple award winning literary novel, Bully Route Home, and its underlying themes of bullying and race relations. I call the book the past’s portrait of today’s problems. Many bookstores are listing the book in young adult sections as suggested reading as well as placing it on their literary shelves.

There’s a special show at Annette’s Book Nook (and the whole shopping center) at 7205 Estero Blvd. on Ft Myers Beach on Tuesday January 12. I plan to be there from 9:30 until mid afternoon (2:30 ish) It’s a meet and greet.

I’ll be doing a chit chat with readers on Friday, January 15th at Matlacha Menagerie, 4604 Pine Island Road in Matlacha. The Menagerie is one of the first stores to carry my books fifteen plus years ago. They’re old friends and so are many folks who come back to visit with me. If you’ve never been to Matlacha, visit it! It’s old Florida with a concentration of topflight artists and artisans hanging out there.

My next public appearance will be as a guest speaker on the Enchantment of the Seas the weekend of January 22nd. The Royal Caribbean Cruise leaves for a weekend in the Bahamas from Port Canaveral. I’ll be discussing my books and be conducting a seminar on developing supporting characters with a scientific assist. While I’m the guest of some writers groups, the sessions will both be open to cruise participants.

Check my web site for additions to my schedule and events further in the future.

Odds and ends. For those interested in sharing “Claus and the Consultant” with a friend, it will be up for another week – then down until next year. Bully Route Home is getting great applause from those reading it. The number of people and stores who are recommending it to younger readers has been a pleasant surprise for me. If you’ve read the book, add your review to Amazon.

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As promised — “Claus and the Consultant” — Some belly laughs for Christmas

Merry Christmas from Sandy and the Geezer (DL Havlin)

 

Claus and the Consultant ©

“You folks are cutting edge. I’m anxious to hear the results of your study.” The fat bearded man stroked his long white whiskers. His rosy cheeks, potbelly, and jovial disposition drew a cynical look from the Armani clad man sitting across Santa Claus’ disorganized desk.

“Pleased to hear that. We’re not old school.” A poorly disguised smirk flitted over the young fellow’s sharp features as he adjusted his $400 silk tie.

Santa hoped to avoid looking obsolete. “We want to modernize.” Claus paused, eagerness showing on his face. “What did you think of my operation?”

“San, baby.” The man hesitated. “Mind if I call you that?”

“Ho, ho, ho. No, that’s fine.”

The consultant’s eyes became intense. “I can level with you…not hold back, right?”

“I’ll do anything I can to make Christmas better for the kiddies.”

“Okay…In all my years as a consultant for Vishnu, Stein, Hussein, Buddha, and Popesworth, I’ve never seen an organization that needs our help more. I hate to tell you, but Claus and Company is in bad trouble.”

“You’ve only been a consultant three years.” Santa waved his index finger, but retained his good-natured countenance. “Remember young fellow, I keep lists.”

“Yeah, we’ll discuss that later.” The man tapped his fingers impatiently. His other hand opened a notebook computer. “Shall we get right to the core issues?”

“Go ahead,” The old man’s smile was apprehensive. ‘Ho’ left his vocabulary.

“Two words. Costs and efficiency. Your costs are too high. Efficiency. You don’t have any.”  The consultant was grim-faced and threatening. “A Jack Welch you’re not. San baby, a couple more years the way you’re operating and,” he snapped his fingers, “you’re out of the brat joy-bringing business.”

“No!” Claus was alarmed. “What can I do?”

Ivy League fingertips stroked the computer keys. Riveted on the monitor, the consultant’s pupils transformed to shrewd, unfeeling instruments of condemnation. His shark eyes moved to transfix Claus’. “First, you need a new work force.”

“New work force?”

“Those damn elves have to go. They’re a bunch of prima donnas. All I got from them were excuses. I asked them to multi-task…to make each other’s toys. They cried they didn’t know how. I explained we’d have to cut their ale allotment in half, they screamed. They talked about all the years of faithful service.” The consultant sneered.  “Lame excuses. Today is today.”

Santa was dismayed. “But, we’ve always depended on each other. Could we retrain them? I could talk to—.”

“Ah, ah, ah.” The consultant showed Santa a photograph of a young boy and girl sitting beneath a Christmas tree, bereft of presents. Their sweet, innocent, unhappy faces were drenched with tears. “Want this?”

Claus recoiled in horror. “My goodness, no!”

“Those elves are a lost cause, Claus.” He smiled evilly. “The answer: outsourcing off-shore. It’s awesome! Awesome! We’ll get your shit made for a third of the current cost. Reverse engineer all the stuff your crew’s been making. Screw them!”

“By shit, do you mean toys?” Santa looked incensed.

“Whatever. I’m telling you this is a cool solution. Of course, you have the alternative.” The consultant’s face showed disgust. He held the picture up again.

“Okay. Okay.” Claus looked away, unable to bear the sight.

“Do some out-placement for the little bastards. Maybe a little severance pay…a bone or two will keep the firm’s public image out of trouble.”

“Are you sure outsourcers can produce everything we need? There’s a huge—“

Smiling, the consultant interrupted. “San baby, you’re going to give away a lot less presents. We’re cutting off all the little bastards that are bad-actors.”

“Bad-actors? I’ve haven’t dropped off anything for Alex Baldwin in years.”

“San, Baby. All the sorry rug-rats that dodge your bad list now, will be toast with the new computer controlled, remote observation system Panafony is designing. We’ll even know if one of those little suckers gives a parent a dirty look. That’s going to cut costs in half.” The consultant’s face displayed a smug, superior look. “How cool is that? You know you can’t be everywhere at once. We’ll blacklist—”

“But, I like to use my judgment…some common sense.” Claus was appalled.

“Come…on! You think you can see more than all those cameras?”

“No, but—”

“San, baby, you want to reward bad performance? Do you want to contribute to the delinquency of minors?”

“Certainly not, but—”

“No buts, no buts. Don’t worry. Just do what the computer says. Do you believe today’s managers and public officials would have time to get everything done if they took time to think? No way! Forget thinking. Go with RAM, nano-seconds, real-time. Swap flash drives for lists.”

“What about the cost of coal?” Santa was defensive. “The bad lit—”

“Got a great answer for that.” The consultant’s computer changed. “Forget coal…Think sheep manure.”

Santa looked as though he’d just grabbed a bare electrical cord. “Oh! No! I couldn’t—”

“Keep an open mind. Visualize the message you’re delivering. If you do shitty things…well, you get the drift. And, before you bring it up, it will be dried and sanitized. The company providing the product, Bush, Clinton, Bush, and Obama, guarantee it. That group has produced massive amounts of manure for years.”

“Isn’t there something else we could substitute?”

“We’ve had our best analysts look at this.” The consultant held his hands out, palms up. “Bull, chicken, horse…they all have their drawbacks. Sheep is the way to go. Think positive. You’re getting green. You’re conserving fossil fuel. Awesome message! Awesome!”

“I still have to deliver it.” Santa looked resigned.

“Glad you brought delivery up.” The consultant braced for Claus’ negative response. “Your delivery system is a problem. The Reindeer have to go.”

“Not the reindeer! Never!” Santa’s cheeks could have lit a cigar.

“San baby, chill! It’s got to be. Let’s get real.”

“Not the deer!” Santa’s eyes flashed and teeth clenched. He half rose from his chair.

The consultant held up the picture of the two heart-broken children and thrust it in Santa’s face. The old man slumped back into his chair, totally defeated.

The consultant laid the photo on the desk, face down. “I hated to do that, but San Baby, you have to listen.”

“Yes,” Claus responded limply.

“Okay. Answer my questions. Is it taking you longer to deliver presents every year?”

“Yes.”

“And, is it true you almost didn’t get everything delivered last year?”

Claus was furious. “Who squealed?”

“Not important. Claus, its numbers. We humans keep making babies faster and faster.  You can’t keep up with all the screwing we do using old technology. The deer are maxed out. Not cool! Your efficiency is compromised. You have to cut your chimney-to-chimney times. If you don’t—” the consultant reached for the picture.

“No! Not again!” Santa’s tortured voice responded. “What do I have to do?

“I’ve already got it started. Visualize! Hueys!” The young man looked pleased. “They’re awesome!”

“One of Donald Duck’s nephews doing delivery? I don’t understand.”

The consultant rolled his eyes. “Not ducks, choppers. You know…helicopters. They’ll buzz you through the night in half the time those broken down deer do.”

“What do I do with Dancer, Prancer and the rest?”

“I hate to say this, but it would be best to donate them to the Hungry World Foundation.”

“Absolutely not!” Santa reached his limit.

“Okay, okay. I understand you think of them as pets. Retire them. Put them out to pasture.” He slid a contract toward Claus. “The rest has to be done. Sign this and we’ll get started. Just remember, I don’t want you cursing me every time you pay the deer’s hay bill.”

Claus dropped his head as he signed the paper.

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Thirty days after the Christmas holiday the consulting firm of Vishnu, Stein, Hussein, Buddha, and Popesworth received an invoice returned to their accounts receivable department from Claus Inc. It had a letter attached. A clerk read it, checked her procedures, found none for dealing with the problem, so she forwarded it to her supervisor. In turn, he sent it to the Coordinator for Customer Problem Resolution. The coordinator didn’t feel his policies covered the problem, so he sent it to the Governmental Assistance Department. That manager believed the Department of State might reimburse the company, but determined the cost of completing the government’s documentation for Payments to Dictators and Hostile Nations would cost more than the $1.2 million dollar invoice. He sent the package to the assistant to the assistant to the Assistant Controller. The accounting department wanted nothing to do with offending a high profile customer, so they sent the invoice and letter to the Customer Service Manager, who delegated the decision to one of his managers entitled, Director of Satisfying Customer Requests Economically without Warranty, or the SCREW department. After reading the documents and considering the problem carefully, he stamped “Bad Debt” on the invoice and returned them both to the controller. The Controller sighed, but approved the write-off after reading the following letter.

 

Gentlemen,

I’m surprised you had the gall to bill me for your firm’s services. Lest you’ve forgotten or haven’t heard of your company’s performance in regard to this invoice, let me refresh your memory or inform you of your representative’s recommendations and the results.

First, the offshore companies you contracted to build my toys delivered my products to the South Pole, not the North Pole. This created substantial costs and inconvenience to rectify the problem. In addition, we had to reprint all instructions and manuals because those furnished were written in Latin, a language most of the world’s children can’t understand. It was a costly hassle.

Those mistakes were secondary when one considers the manufacturing errors. I’ll mention just a few. Making the Barbie and Ken dolls so anatomically correct was a mistake, particularly in light of their positioning in the see-through packaging. The worst screw-up was the chemistry sets with bomb making instructions, though producing a game similar to “Monopoly,” providing risqué game pieces and changing the board’s name to “Polygamy” was unspeakable. The “Do not go to Bed, do not get any” cards were particularly distasteful. It was fortunate there was little demand for the item. Would you like your son or daughter to land on “Porno Place?” Perverse, not reverse, engineering is an appropriate description of the work done.

There were the problems created by the observation program you christened RRSS, or Rug-Rat Snitch System. The computers were a nightmare. Nothing worked. The hardware people blamed the software people. The software people blamed the hardware people. Neither helped me separate good children from bad. I ended up using last year’s lists and hoping the kid’s behavior was consistent. The misplacement of the observation cameras is a continuing disaster. Incensed parents are suing us because technicians from your firms sold films made in a number of the adult’s bedrooms.

The manure makes me steam every time I think of it. Your representative assured me it was a “cool” solution. It was down-right cold! First, the stuff wasn’t dried properly. In fact, it wasn’t dried at all! I felt sorry for the kids even though they were on the bad list. What made me maddest was that Mrs. Claus wouldn’t let me in the house when I returned. I smelled so bad Rudolph’s red nose turned green. It took six days of scrubbing to get the smell dissipated. Have you ever had to take a bath on an iceberg?

Finally, there’s the damn helicopters. The first thing was the price of aviation gas. I had to take a 2nd, then 3rd mortgage on my place up North. Then the pilots, luggage handlers, and stewardesses all went on strike. I don’t understand why. The pilots called in sick. The baggage folks just stood around. Hell, I didn’t even have a stewardess on board. I sold the film rights of my life to pay those settlements. After all that, we got grounded because of snow.  Snow mind you! Snow at Christmas? Who’d a thunk it! As your man would say, “Awesome!” Thank goodness for my trusty reindeer that came out of retirement without so much as a headshake. I’m glad I didn’t listen to your man when he suggested making venison stew from my friends.

I don’t intend to pay you one cent. I’ve burned the computers and gone back to thinking, sold the cameras to the CIA, donated the leftover toys to Ripley’s Believe It or Not, contributed the helicopters to the Minute Men, cashed the gas back in at a profit, rehired my elves at double their previous pay, and purchased stock in a coal mine. However, I have arranged for the left over sheep manure to be delivered to your office…concurrent with the next rain. By the way, I couldn’t believe your representative had the nerve to ask for a yacht. Inform him to be sure to wear the bulletproof vest I left. After telling a few organizations and couple million parents of his recommendations, everyone from the Toy Manufacturer’s Association to the Santa Barbara PTA are after him.

Never the less,

Merry Christmas!

Santa Claus, Esquire

 

To learn more about DL Havlin and his writing visit:

www.dlhavlin.com  (web page)

www.sandysays1.wordpress.com  (a dog’s blog for humans)

www.dlhavlin.wordpress.com  (DL’s blog with writing tips, news, etc.)

 

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Tis the season … For many things

Tis the season … The holidays are here and I love them! Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and Happy New Year to all!

Tis the season … The “snowbirds” are in Florida so it’s time for book signings, appearances, etc. I love them.

Tis the season … The folks who are professional “Anti’s” crawl from their holes and beat their chests. I don’t love them.

Merry Christmas from Sandy and the Geezer (DL Havlin)

May I repeat Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and Happy New Year to all! I love the spirit they bring with them. Good will toward men (I’ll add “and WOMEN”) is something we desperately need as our world spins relentlessly toward destroying itself. I hope you all take the time to visit my Golden Retriever’s blog www.sandysays1.wordpress.com and read the Christmas story. It’s short (1100 words =/-), worded to be enjoyed by children, and appreciated by adults. You’ll find the message is positive. I’ll be posting a story, here, that is humorous in the next week. Many have asked about “Claus and the Consultant.” Yes, I’ll post that one also, but not until close to Christmas.

I’ve been busy making appearances. The pre-holiday period spawns a lot of opportunities to meet readers and get to know book buyers. I try to participate as much as I can. See some pics below of some of the places I visited.

At the Charlotte County Cultural Center

Eau Gallie Book Festival

Some of the fine folks attending the Sebring FL -Scribblers & Scribes group.

Speaking to my favorite folks, readers, at the Copperfish Bookstore in Punta Gorda, FL.

The site of one of my favorite “arts & authors” venues.

DL talking to one of his favorite people … a reader

Cudos to the Copperfish.

Speaking to my favorite folks, readers, at the Copperfish Bookstore in Punta Gorda, FL.

I spent a most enjoyable evening at the Copperfish Bookstore yesterday. I consider all bookstores as temples of a sort; they’re dedicated to spreading the written word and that makes them very special places. But, stores like the Copperfish are nirvana for the dedicated reader. The owners are independent in every molecule of their being and operation. They select the best materials for their readers, are knowledgeable about literature (current and past), and truly know their customers on a one-on-one basis. The two ladies operating the Copperfish are the consummate book professionals. Every action they take is pointed at making their clients satisfied.

I was fortunate to be asked to speak to their customers about my current novel, Bully Route Home. The audience didn’t disappoint, asking excellent questions and showing keen literary perception. I hope I didn’t disappoint them. If you happen to be in southwest Florida and want to see an old-fashioned business with the single mind-set of customer service, visit the Copperfish.

 

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Come and say Hi …..

 

Come and chat with me. I’ll be in Punta Gorda, Florida, at the Copperfish Bookstore, Tuesday, November 24th at 6:00PM. I’ll be discussing my newest book Bully Route Home a literary novel that relives the subjects of bullying and race relations in the 1940’s South. The book won the Florida Writers Association Royal Palm Literary Award for best literary manuscript. It’s the past’s portrait of today’s problems. I’d love to see you!

 

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Technology’s great … and frustrating.

Sometimes modern technology makes me long for the old times … and bluegrass music

It’s been a long time since my previous post. I haven’t been able to … technology put a chain on me.

Let me start by saying, I’m not a “WordPress basher.” I’ve used the service since June of 2008 when I started my SandySays1.wordpress.com blog. In addition, I have this blog and a webpage, now on Blue Host, both started on WordPress. In that period of time, I’ve been pleased for the most part. Except when they make changes (and I see many of them as marginal), the system works.

However, all the bugs on my computer room wall are now deaf from my rants and colorful language over the last couple weeks. I’ll explain. My beautiful, intelligent, and industrious wife maintains my web page. She decided to upgrade to a “better” version of the software at Blue Host. All good, right? Blaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh! It was a disaster.

Blue Host and WordPress are now separate companies. Exactly what happened during installation of the “improved system” we’ll never know … we sure do know the results. Suddenly, chaos! I’ve been posting to Sandysays ever since its inception using the same procedure. One day after we were “improved,” I tried to enter a new post, but the administrative line had disappeared. Panic ensued. I couldn’t make posts, get my stats etc. We hadn’t connected the upgrade with the SNAFU. Blue Host had assured wonderful wife the upgrade wouldn’t effect anything we were doing. After a day of futile searching for things we did wrong, I decided to ask for help.

Just trying to figure out how to get in touch with the support group was a seemingly endless loop of being referred to FAQs, forums and instructions that didn’t fit the problem I was describing. Frustration appears, my beloved Sandy hid in the bedroom to avoid my verbal tirades. Finally, I got a way to email the “Happiness Engineers.” Some of them are … and some resemble a nightmare character from the movie “Halloween.” Maybe that’s a little strong. The first dude didn’t read my problem, or at least didn’t address it, then was pissed when I pointed this out. A piece of advice, if you get one of these types, flush and move on. This turkey told us nothing was changed when we knew it had.

After a few tries I got a gal who was able to tell me how I could at least access admin. It was a different method than I had ever used the system in the past, but I was back in business … I thought. Then the s — t hit the fan … again. Not only didn’t I have access to the blogs, the URLs suddenly sent everybody accessing my blogs, directly to my web page. Panic resumed, wallpaper peeled. The two company circle dance began. There was no end. We’d call one and they’d say, “It’s not us, call the other guy.” Then the other guy would tell us, “It’s not us, call the other guy.” It was like an Abbot and Costello skit. (Some of you may be old enough to know who they are, look them up on the net if you’re not.) Funny if you aren’t living it. After a few rounds of that, we got a tech who actually looked at the problem. She tried to give us instructions to fix it. Problem was that when we tried to do what she suggested, the buttons she told us to use were “grayed-out” and inactive. She said something was probably amiss in our system. Since I’m better a breaking things than fixing them, I assumed I was the culprit. I called an IT pro and paid him to “cure my computer.”

After four hours of determining that my system was fine and becoming so frustrated in trying to work with the “Happiness People,” he left. At this point the bugs lost their hearing. I was on my own again. Finally, through the chat line, I found this angel named Kristin. She actually read the problem, replied, “Oh this isn’t a problem, I’ll fix it.” Within 20 seconds IT WAS RESOLVED. When the upgrade was made the “mapping was changed” and for some reason the process to revise it wasn’t possible for us to use. I’m sure this was “a bad trip,” and you folks would NEVER experience something similar.

As you can see I posting again. And I’m happy … Thanks to Kristin. My wife has moved back in, Sandy loves me again, and all the bugs are easier to sneak up on. Life is good.

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Thank you, Sebring Scribblers & Scribes, for inviting me!

 

Some of the fine folks attending the Sebring FL -Scribblers & Scribes group.

One of things I enjoy most about being an author is the opportunity to meet with folks that share my passion for the written word. I had this pleasure last Wednesday when I spoke to the Sebring, Florida Scribblers & Scribes writers group. It is amazing to see the talent and intellect engaged in sharing their knowledge with others through writing.

My talk on using scientifically derived human relations principles to assist in crafting the strongest possible characters to fit a writer’s protagonist (or antagonist) was sandwiched between delightful opportunities to socialize with the groups friendly ladies and gentlemen.

Thanks to Barbara, Arty, Anne and all the rest of the Scribblers & Scribes.

 

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See you Saturday! Visit the Sanibel Island Bookshop – I’ll be there to chat and sign books.

Come out to one of the world’s most beautiful beaches and visit!

Hi all. It will be my pleasure to visit the Sanibel Island Bookshop, 1571 Periwinkle Road, Sanibel, FL 33957. on this coming Saturday. I’ll be there to talk about my books, Florida lore, and I’ll have some of my historical presentations to show to those of you who are interested. Oh, Megan and the friendly folks will be happy to sell you one of my books. Read it while you’re basking in the Florida sun on Sanibel’s white sands. I’ll be happier to sign them! See you Saturday 11 to 1.    (September 19th.)

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