Ashley R. Carlson's Blog, page 4

What To Remember When Doubt Strikes

Photo credit: Alex Benetel I have come face-to-face with something terrible in the last few days.
Something ugly, rabid, transformative and soul-crushing.
It is, in the wise words of my amazing Twitter friend, Lilly Raines...
THE EVIL DOUBT MONSTER.
What is the horrid creature, and why has it chosen me as its prey? I think, after much deliberation, that the answer to that question is because...
I needed it.
I needed to feel the dark, debilitating feelings of worthlessness and depression that consumed me the past few days. I needed to ponder the idea that I have spent the last four months (and will spend six months altogether) slaving over a book--albeit, one that I loved writing--and have it go nowhere. Nada. Zilch. Make me $50, if I'm lucky. I needed to feel like my Twitter followers weren't getting any higher, that nobody is +1-ing my Google posts, and that no one even wants to read these blog posts.
I also needed to feel disappointment in the materialistic view of the world (I've read more about the iPhone 6 in the last few days than world causes that need support), and rejection in its numerous forms, romantic included.
Want to know the reason I needed to feel all of these things? (And why YOU do, too?):
I needed to feel these things because it is a shit, shit world out there, and the only way I'm ever going to keep myself from completely succumbing, completely giving up, is to strengthen my soul's core.
How do you strengthen a muscle? By tearing the fibers apart. By working it and working it until it is sore, and bruised, and inflamed, and aching. Our hearts and souls and minds are the same. Life is going to crash against us like waves upon a rocky coast; there's no stopping it, just like there's no stopping the ocean's tides. But answer me this...
Will you be like a sand castle? Felled by the unrelenting water, losing your shape, your hope, your strength and finally being pulled out to sea?
Or will you be like stone? Preparing yourself with a strong foundation for the approaching water, letting the daily trials and unexpected storms smooth you into something beautiful? Something strong?

I want to be like stone. I am still like a sand castle, easily plowed over by life at times, but I want to be like stone. And the only way that will ever happen is if I am given trials and storms to hone my strength. To smooth my incorrect thinking, to sharpen my writing skills, and to remind me to be thankful thankful THANKFUL that I am a free American woman with a roof over my head and a fridge full of food.
So from now on, when sadness and doubt strike, I will do a few things (some of which helped today, and that I highly recommend):
-spend time with friends/family who I love and who strengthen me.
-Talk with writer friends who are very well acquainted with the Evil Doubt Monster, so that we can offer one another comfort.
-Do something I enjoy. Watch a movie, eat an ice cream, go for a walk. Revel in the beautiful things this world does have to offer.
-Do something to help someone else, even if it's small. Smile at someone. Give a compliment. It's easy and it completely changes your mood.
-Pet an animal, especially one of the tiny variety. (YouTube videos will also suffice, but it's really better to cuddle up to a real kitten. Trust me on that one.)
AND finally: Remind myself that it's okay to be sad. It's okay to feel rejected by people. It's normal--but it's not the truth. I will not believe the lies; I will continue to hope and dream and write and produce work that is meant to give joy and an escape and be something I'm proud to share. I will not succumb. I will not give in. I will not give up. So bring it on world; do your worst. I'm ready for you.

Share with me your personal struggles in the comments, and ways you've overcome the Evil Doubt Monster. Let us be there for one another.

Until next time my dear friends, keep writing and keep dreaming! Even when it seems hopeless--cling with your fingers to the belief that it is not. You must.
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Character Blog Tour For My Novel, "The Charismatics."

Photo credit: Sarah Ann Loreth Hello everyone! As of last night, I have completed the second draft of my steampunk fantasy novel. In more book news:
-I have selected a title, as you can see. It is The Charismatics , and I'm not going to go with a series name. Twilight doesn't have one, The Hunger Games doesn't have one, so I don't need one. That also gives me room for how many books to write (maybe only two, maybe five), because it's not a "trilogy" or "series."
-I have selected a cover artist for The Charismatics , and his name is M.S. Corley . He is amazing, and incredibly pleasant to talk with. Funny story--I saw a cover that Hugh Howey had recently had designed for his short story, . I loved it. Come to find out M.S. Corley designed it, the man who's agreed to do my OWN cover. Fantastic.
-Anticipated release date for The Charismatics is ... drumroll please ...
DECEMBER 13th, 2014!
This is also my birthday, so hell, why not make my 26th birthday one to remember forever. The day I officially published my debut novel--has a nice ring to it. So mark your calendars folks, and PLEASE GIVE ME THE BEST BIRTHDAY GIFT EVER BY READING MY BOOK. (You don't even have to BUY it if you can't afford it--ask me for the PDF and I'll gladly email it to you. Just read it, review it, and SHARE IT! That's the best gift I could ever receive).
All right, so I was asked by the wonderful writer of Irradiance, David Bruns , to participate in the Character Blog Tour. It's perfect because now I've got a great sense for the characters and especially my protagonist, Ambrosia La Marck (nee Killaher).
So here it is, an inside look into my debut novel, The Charismatics :
1. My main character, Ambrosia (Ambrose for short) La Marck, is an eighteen-year-old who was forced to marry a stranger a year previously and move to the snowy city of Shinery (think Russia, except it snows ten months a year. So ... Russia). Her husband hates her for reasons unknown, and Ambrose is very isolated except for her shape-shifting animal companion, Roan, whom no one else can see. **This plays a huge part in WHAT Ambrose actually is, and what Roan actually is ... but you'll have to read it to find out! I actually came up with the idea for Ambrose after watching a Real Housewives episode (I shit you not), when one of the "wives" from the show had been continuously feeling unloved by her husband. Because of this, she started to act out and rebel. So this hatched an idea for me--how would a naïve teenage girl act if her government forced her to marry a man who despised her? How would that affect her self-esteem? What would she fill her days with? This continued on to making said government (Legalia) a very corrupt one, with secrets and poor treatment of its citizens, and other things that Ambrose becomes aware of throughout the book. OH and supernatural elements, of course.

2. The setting of this book is steampunk fantasy-based, so it is neither in the future nor in the past. The nobility live in floating cities called "citadels" over the poor civilians--called denizens--and they use aircrafts for all their transportation needs. Think Philip Pullman's The Golden Compass; there are unique technologies that don't actually exist, and the clothing is sometimes Victorian-based, but for the most part, this is an alternate universe that is similar to ours in many ways.

2. The things I want readers to know about Ambrose are these: she has grown up mostly isolated from other people, especially those her age. She is very sheltered--she has believed everything her government has told her without ever questioning it. This first book is her beginning to ask those questions--to gain confidence in herself and rebel against her husband's poor treatment of her, her government's poor treatment of the denizens, and to investigate the dark motives of Legalia.
Strengths: curiosity, perseverance, compassionate heart, tries to do the right thing (many times she fails).
Weaknesses: naïve, immature, awkward around other people at times, has a temper.

3. Ambrose's main dilemma in The Charismatics is this: she has never had much confidence in herself or her abilities. She preferred to live in the dark about things, not pushing to understand her government and the decisions they were making--she also shirked her power as the monarch of Shinery, not using it to help others. All of that begins to change at the beginning of my novel, when Ambrose realizes the civil climate Legalia has created, and how very corrupt it is. She must find the strength within herself to fight evil, in the many forms it takes. She also yearns for friendship and love from others, and is given many opportunities to nurture her relationships throughout the book.

**There are some great smaller characters in The Charismatics I enjoyed writing as well, and I tried to give them all distinctive personalities and pasts, many of them wounded by Legalia's rule. There's also a great romance, and I might've fallen for my love interest a little bit.
If you are so inclined, here is the first chapter of The Charismatics to whet your appetite. Now I'm going to hand off the Character Blog Tour to two of my writer friends:

1. S.C. Barrus -author of Discovering Abberation and The Gin Thief. I interviewed him for my self-published authors series; read that here.

2. Jessica Clarke -a wonderful writer I met through social media. Her novel is called The Praetorians, and she posts a lot of wonderful excerpts on her blog.

So there you go folks, an inside look into my debut novel! I will keep everyone updated on the progress, do a cover reveal in about two months, and talk about any opportunities for giveaways and how to get your hands on an EARLY COPY! Sign up for my newsletter for that, and as always...

Keep writing and keep dreaming! I know I am. :)
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The Secret To Being Happy

Photo credit: Alex Stoddard I went on Tinder a few weeks ago. (You're thinking, THAT'S the secret to being happy, Ashley? You're telling me THAT'S the secret?!).
No, gentle reader, I am not telling you that Tinder is the secret to being happy. What I am telling you is that Tinder--and my subsequent dates with someone I met through it--taught me an important lesson, or "secret," to how I can be happy in life.
It's not money. (I am poorer than I've been in my entire life.)
It's not materialistic things. (I haven't bought anything in the last few months that wasn't a necessity until a few days ago, when I commissioned the AMAZING M.S. Corley to design my debut novel's book cover! And even THAT was hard for me to do, because it is an investment. But he's designed covers for Hugh Howey and Simon & Schuster, so HELL YEAH this is money well spent!)
It's not sex, which I'm not having for a long looooooooong time until I meet the right man.
It's not partying, or drinking, or having tons of events to attend and friends blowing up your phone. (My social life has gone to BELOW ZERO when I decided to write full-time, though I am working on still making time for friends and family).

WANT TO KNOW WHAT I DISCOVERED THE SECRET TO BEING HAPPY IS?! This is some really revelatory stuff (not...).  
The secret to being happy--that I discovered, through Tinder and dating--is being COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY YOURSELF.

How did I learn this from those two things, you ask? I'll tell you. I haven't dated for two years; I forgot what it was like. I forgot what butterflies were. I forgot what "flirty texts" were. I forgot what it was like to PICK OUT MY FUCKING OUTFIT THE NIGHT BEFORE I WENT TO MEET SOMEONE.
And I was nervous. SO nervous, in fact, that I TEXTED the guy on my way to the date and said "I'm nervous :)," like a jack-ass. Somehow, the date still went well, and he wanted to see me again. So when he came over a few nights later, I proceeded to tell him, "Use my roommate's bathroom if you need one. Mine has been smelling weird today."
YEAH. I said that. (It had been smelling weird, I think there was something wrong with the sewer, but of course I didn't have the forethought to explain that beforehand.)
I did a bunch of other INCREDIBLY awkward things (imagine our first kiss--some of you know how my first one EVER went. So I've been traumatized and manage to make every one thereafter as awkward as HELL, in some way).
But instead of beating myself up over these idiotic statements, I decided, YOU KNOW WHAT?! This is ME! I am weird, and awkward, and an author who spends her days spinning stories about magical creatures and places and if you don't like it, then we don't have to be friends (or you can fuck off, but the first one sounded nicer).

It's the same thing when you're an artist; you are creating something that is so personal, so much a PART OF YOUR SOUL, that it is terrifying to imagine being rejected for it. That is why a lot of people hide behind fake personalities, fake interests, fakeness. They don't share their writing/paintings/fetishes/stuffed animal collection. They feel ashamed. And if you are experiencing this, then let me just tell you right now: YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO BE HAPPY. How COULD you be?! If you never allow yourself to be who you really are, and don't love yourself for it, then how can you flourish? How can you soar? How can you expect someone ELSE to appreciate and love your quirkiness, if you don't love it and show it yourself?!
I'm done. Done with the fakeness. I share my whole life with you all--my financial struggles, my ended relationship, my dating life, the graphic SEX SCENE I wrote, all of it. And it feels fucking liberating.

I deleted my Tinder account right after I met this guy, and some friends thought that wasn't a good idea. Makes sense--that's putting too much "hope" into something, too many eggs in one basket, and all that other shit. But you know what else? THAT IS ME. If I meet someone and I like them, I don't need to keep my other "options" open. I really don't. And I'd hope he'd feel the same way--and if he doesn't, then we don't have to be friends (Or he can fuck off, but the other one sounded nicer).

The world tells you not to get excited about a budding relationship, not to show them your weirdness, not to scare them away. I say the exact OPPOSITE, in every facet of life. If you want to delete your Tinder account after a first date that went well, then fucking DO IT. We live one life, so for God's sakes do what your heart tells you. The relationship might not work out, but the entirety of your life will.

Want to read another great site about loving/accepting yourself? Check out Ksenia Anske's entire website.

Until next time, keep writing and keep dreaming!
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How To Publish an E-book If You're Technologically Challenged

Photo credit: Alex Stoddard This post will hopefully be quite informative for my writer friends who haven't self-published something yet, since I recently put "Cruel" into the world and made some mistakes at first. I'm going to be honest here; I was in grave danger of throwing my (new, but still a piece of shit--thanks $250 ASUS brand) computer against my house's brick walls because of that fucking Smashwords Style Guide. It is from the devil. I am convinced of this.
So here you go; the few tidbits of info I can impart to you about what it was like to publish my first work in e-book format--let my mistakes not be your mistakes. I am NOT tech-savvy in the least, so I hope this will be helpful since I'm not speaking in fancy, flowery language about how to accomplish any of this. Just my stupid, technologically-inept methods. SO if I can do it, you can CERTAINLY do it.

And if you haven't yet; check outmy worst kiss video for a good laugh, and  subscribe to my newsletter if you feel so inclined. All right kiddos, here was my process for publishing:
1. Designed a cover on Canva for $1.00. Yes, ONE dollar. Hugh Howey recommended this on his site and rightfully so; these templates have beautiful font, are easy to design, and I'm honestly considering using it for my steampunk fantasy novel since I can't afford to have a cover designed. Check it out (after you read this post).

2. Uploaded to Amazon KDP. I chose NOT to opt into their Kindle Unlimited program because I wanted to put it on Barnes and Noble, iBooks, etc. and when you go with Kindle Unlimited it demands exclusivity for 90 days. Fuck that. Also, I read about this whole KU thing on Chuck Wendig's blog and it sounds pretty sketchy; every author apparently gets a cut of the profits at the end of each month or something, but has NO idea what the amount will be.
-Uploading to Amazon was INCREDIBLY easy. They format it from a doc. document, so writing your book in Microsoft Word is A-OKAY. There were a few discrepancies with the title and my dedication page for a bit, so I had to futz around with the spacing and re-upload it about three times. All in all, not a big deal. I have no fancy fonts though, nor chapters since Cruel is a short story. I assume it would be more time-consuming with a novel.

3. Uploaded it to Barnes and Noble's website. So this is where things got squirrely; their spacing is also bizarre. Same thing with a doc. upload, and they do actually have a "manuscript editor" within their website where you can fix the spacing right through the website, instead of changing the spacing and re-uploading over and over, like I had to do with Amazon. Also, my e-book wasn't showing up for a few days so I contacted their tech support, and once I did that the very helpful woman pulled it up immediately. (Coincidence? I THINK NOT.)

4. Tried to upload to iBooks. Come to find that unless you OWN A MAC, you CAN'T UPLOAD TO iBOOKS FROM YOUR COMPUTER. Fuck you, Apple. I'd love to be able to afford a Mac Air right now, but I'm lucky enough if I can just purchase an actual apple to EAT for lunch. I digress. But there is a solution to this: Smashwords.

5. Uploaded to Smashwords. Smashwords was one of the first places for indie authors to start publishing their e-books, and it offers this really amazing (free) perk: distribution to EVERYWHERE. Everywhere except Amazon, that is. I'm talking Kobo, iBooks, Scribd, B&N, and even this thing called Overdrive that gives your book to online libraries. Yeah, it's awesome. Want to know what's NOT awesome?! The SMASHWORDS STYLE GUIDE FROM HELL.

Since they are distributing your book to so many formats and places, it needs to be specifically formatted to Smashwords' regulations, or they'll spit out your document when you try to upload it. The style guide is a 100-page free e-book that Mark Coker--Smashwords' founder--wrote to "help" you through this. It was horrendously confusing, and as I mentioned earlier, made me seriously consider drinking until I drowned in a pool of my own vomit. But I did it. I DID IT, and Smashwords accepted the document and now it's everywhere (I opted out of Smashwords distributing it to B&N since I already have mine on there; the reason I did this is because Smashwords takes a cut of the profits AS WELL AS B&N, so if you are going through both a distributor (Smashwords) AND a seller (B&N), you lose that much more profit!).
-Of course I found it after the fact, but here is an easier-to-understand guide to designing an e-book for Smashwords.
***I ALSO just realized that my "italicized" words didn't translate over into the Smashwords document. Apparently, there is special code you have to put in around your italicized words in the document (it's like ITAL or something weird) or they lose the formatting in Smashwords. So that sucks, and I need to fix it. I'm also going to check it on Amazon and change if needed.  So keep that in mind for your own work.

6. Requested to become a Goodreads "Author" page and uploaded a sample on there. To do this, you have to create a Goodreads profile page and then send an email to the company stating that you are an author, blah blah. If they accept, they will email you to say that you now have an "author" page where you can upload your work (I had to manually upload Cruel because it was so new and not yet added to their database) and then people can comment on it.

There you go my lovelies; the quick-and-dirty process that I did to publish my short story. I've sold probably around 20 copies (THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO BOUGHT IT), and am absolutely thrilled about even selling that many. People are buying, but more importantly READING my work. I strongly suggest doing this with a short story before embarking on it with your debut novel; I've learned so much and it's taken a lot of the fear away about doing this.

Until next time, keep writing and keep dreaming!
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How Doing What Scared Me Changed My Life

Photo credit: Sarah Ann Loreth What scares you?
I'm not talking about snakes, or natural disasters, or thieves breaking into your home (because you should rightfully be afraid of all three).
What I'm referring to are the things that scare you because they represent the UNKNOWN.
-Moving to a new city where you don't know anyone.
-Going to a "singles" meet-up group in the area by yourself.
-Ending a relationship with someone who's been in your life for years.
-Quitting your job to pursue a completely different career, one that you still know very little about.
-Going on a first date.
-Loving someone and letting them see all the parts of you, even the unattractive ones.
-Writing a book you're not sure isn't complete and utter crap, and trying to SELL IT.
-Traveling to a foreign country.....and many many more.
I'm sure you've been faced with one or more of these opportunities, and (as you very well know), I am in the throes of numerous ones as we speak. I am newly-single, UNEMPLOYED, and beginning an entirely new career than what I went to school for. I am poorer than I've been in my entire life. Every day is like slogging through the utter unknown--not sure how I'll pay my bills next month, or how I'll publish this book, or how I'll ever meet my future husband. But guess what? I'm also HAPPIER than I've been in my entire life.
This is my personal account of why you should do what scares you.
I am not trying to brag, nor to be self-righteous. What I AM trying to do is encourage you; to remind you that we live ONE life. We have ONE chance. Why spend it working at a job we don't like, dating someone who doesn't fulfill us, and pushing aside dreams because we don't think we're talented enough to make them happen? That's what I was doing until three months ago when things I never anticipated happened--and my life has literally done a complete 180 since then.

But Ashley. I have bills to pay. SO DO I.

But Ashley. I love my boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/polyamorous lovers, even if they don't make me happy anymore or we live together and they contribute financially, etc. SO DID I.

But Ashley. I have never written a book before. NEITHER HAVE I.

But Ashley. I don't know whether I actually DO want to be a writer/paraglider/ventriloquist/doctor/professional LARPer: NEITHER DID I UNTIL I STARTED DOING IT.

But Ashley. I'm too tired to write a book. SO WAS I UNTIL I QUIT MY SOUL-SUCKING JOB.

Since quitting, my car has broken down and needed to be replaced, my computer broke and needed to be released, I ended a two year relationship, and I found and subsequently lost a roommate to help me pay the bills. I am 25 and have no fucking idea what my life's path will be now. But what I do know is that IT WILL ALL BE OKAY, BECAUSE EVERYTHING HAS WORKED OUT SO FAR. Because I have found my passion, and I truly don't think that something that makes me this happy is not meant to be my career.

I have also written an entire book, and plan on publishing it for the world to see and judge in less than three months. My life is full of the UNKNOWN, but I am choosing to look at it as OPPORTUNITY.

If you dream of doing something, YOU SHOULD DO IT. Save your money, get a passport, go on a date, travel, eat, have sex (safely), love someone, lose someone, write a damn book. It IS POSSIBLE. I am the ultimate example of a careful, frugal girl who has worked and saved money since I was ten years old. It has been extremely uncomfortable to watch my bank account dwindle, to wake up every day not having a "job" to go to, and to remind myself to remain disciplined in writing when I'm feeling dejected and discouraged. But it has been AMAZING. God has shown me my path. And He wants to show you yours, too. So listen to it! Stop ignoring it! Take that chance! God, or fate, or the law of consciousness, or whatever the hell you believe in WILL CATCH YOU. Wouldn't it be so much better to try and fail than to never try at all? You can do it. You can be anything. Make your life something that you are fucking proud of. Tell me your dreams in the comments so we can encourage each other!

AND as promised---here are the sordid details of my first AND WORST kiss ever. Thank you to everyone who subscribed to my newsletter, and if you haven't yet, feel free to!

Until next time, keep writing and KEEP DREAMING.

Excerpt from my steampunk fantasy novel!

Photo credit: Alex Stoddard I have spent the last week editing the second draft of my steampunk fantasy novel, and as promised, here is the FIRST CHAPTER! My goal is to have the first half of it edited by the end of next week, to send out to my beta-readers to read while I complete the edit.

The YouTube kiss video will be made soon, I promise-it has been a busy time for me regarding finding roommates (I've run out of money) and looking for a job (I'm REALLY out of money). So no more full-time writer for this girl; I tried. I did manage to write an entire book though, and still plan to publish it by November or December of this year!

Also, I will be participating in the Blogger Book Fair this November to promote my steampunk fantasy novel. The creator of it, Kayla Curry, is incredibly nice and flexible, even if you haven't published yet. So if you have some books/short stories in the works that are speculative fiction, consider joining this awesome and inexpensive way to meet bloggers and share!

Subscribe to my newsletter if you feel so inclined; I'm offering to read and critique/share whoever sends me their work in the next few weeks, so don't miss this opportunity for a fresh set of eyes. Also as promised, here are the titles I am considering for my steampunk fantasy. Please comment below on ones you like or that jump out at you, though I know they can be hard to decipher without the full meaning behind why I chose them. *** = my favorites.
***Exodus (the name of a rebellious group fighting the government)
***Halcyon
-Charismata (a secret myth in the story about people with "magical gifts")
-The Charismatics
-Defiance
The will all be titled "Book One in the Inserrectum Series." Inserrectum=means "to revolt" in Latin.

All right folks, here it is! Read, critique, enjoy.
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Want to support me as a writer? Donate! Chapter One
Dark Corners
The scalding water burns my skin but I keep it that temperature, watching as a cloud of steam envelopes me. My hands reach downwards, feeling the curves of my body and soft flesh below--
“What are you doing?”
“Ah! Erik. You scared me,”
My husband peers through the shower door and I meet his disapproving gaze with my desperate one. I open the door and slink one wet arm out to grab his wrist, guiding him toward me. Erik’s face contorts into an odd mixture of desire and disgust, and then he does what I’ve grown to expect—shoves my arm away.
“Stop that,” Erik says, barely containing his annoyance. “Supper’s in twenty and I’m tired of you showing up late. Quit fiddling yourself or whatever it is you’re doing in there and get dressed. The board has important things to discuss.”
Erik glances at his reflection in the mirror, smoothing down his white-blond hair. He gives me a final glare, adjusts his suit and walks out.
“Like they’ll want you there anyway,” comes a little voice from the corner of the shower. Roan has taken the form of a cat and cleans himself, delicately holding one paw out into the water stream and then the other.
“How long have you been there?”
“Long enough,” Roan says, grinning the best he can in cat form. 
“Geez, Roan, I thought we talked about this. I’m married now; I need some privacy.” I flick the water off and the ancient pipes groan.
“Oh, like I haven’t seen you—what’d he call it? ‘Fiddling yourself?’ Like I haven’t seen that before,” Roan says as I slam the shower door in his face.
“Hey!” he shouts, clawing under it. I have to laugh at my best friend—my only friend—so I slide the door open again, though he could just turn into a bug and squeeze out if he wanted.
“Thank you. Now, Tsarina, what do you want to wear to this esteemed occasion?” Roan asks, following me into the bedroom and jumping on the four-poster, where I’ve slept alone for almost a year. I scan the row of dresses in the giant closet; lace, chiffon, imported silk from Kappoulos, and finally, the modest velvet smock I wore the night I came here. It’s the only connection to my childhood home besides Roan, and Erik’s dismissal moments ago has me feeling rebellious. I pull the dress from the back of the closet and put it on, then select a simple chain from my armoire. The jewelry clashes with the deep purple dress and Roan snickers, chittering strangely now that he’s a snow fox. Erik hates when things don’t match. I dry my hair quickly under the heat lamp and do my makeup.

“Beautiful, Lady,” Roan says quietly when I’m finished, and I scoop him up and bury my face in his downy fur.
“He doesn’t want me,” I whisper. “He doesn’t love me.”
“But I do.”
I kiss his pinched fox face and set him down before heading to Shinery’s board room for supper.
“Great, looking forward to being ignored,” Roan mutters, and I smile as we walk past a servant, who curtsies clumsily.
“Hello,” I say, and her mouth opens slightly at my acknowledgement. I’ve always regarded the hired help with pleasantries, refusing to pretend they’re invisible like the rest of Shinery’s nobility.
“Good evening, Tsarina,” she says before scurrying away.  
“‘Good evening Tsarina,’” Roan mimics, and I push him lightly with my shoe.
“Roan, we’ve been over this. I’m trying to fit in.”
Roan huffs in answer.
“They can’t see you here either, and I don’t know why. But if I keep talking to you with others around, they’re gonna think I’m batty like Grandma Hess and lock me up. Is that what you want?”
“No.”
“Good. Then I love you and we’ll talk tonight,” I say before turning the corner. A symphony of harps announces my arrival and I nod to the players, who give me the same wide-eyed stare that the servant girl did.
Erik and the rest of the board members rise from the long table as I approach and find my seat at the end. My husband pins me with a glower; I’m a few minutes late.
Senator Rathe sits at the head, with the other members in order of rank from then on. Erik and I sit opposite each other at the end, our roles as monarchs purely for tradition’s sake. Being a female, I have about as much say in the decision-making as a servant has in their wages—none.
“Good evening Tsarina,” Senator Rathe says from his seat far, far away.
I nod in greeting, and catch Erik appraising my outfit with a frown. I feel victorious, but it’s fleeting. My defiance will only increase his hatred for me, something he’s exhibited since the moment we laid eyes on each other. I was sent here to marry him a month after my seventeenth birthday; my only knowledge of Shinery being that it was a city of ice and darkness.  
“Dinner is served!” The chef shouts from the swinging kitchen door, his robust belly and ample chins a testament to the quality of food he sends out. That’s been one of my few comforts here besides Roan; the food is spectacular. A thin arm appears from my right to set down a steaming bowl of stew. Swimming amidst the roasted potatoes and leeks are tiny minnows shipped from Perithia, still alive and a delicacy. I stare at the tiny fish and swirl my spoon to avoid them.
“Try one; they’re delightful,” Commander Wickham says from my left, second-lowest in rank only because I’m here. His crinkly eyes and handsome face remind me of my uncle—my favorite family member of the ones still alive. Uncle Harland used to visit me this time every year, bringing exotic gifts swiftly stowed away by my nannies for being “inappropriate.”  
When I was fourteen he brought me a tiny dagger from the Orient with a jeweled sheath. What my nannies never knew was that he gave me a second, much simpler leather sheath to wear under my clothes.
“Keep this with you at all times Ambrosia,” Uncle Harland had said, using my full name so I knew he was serious. “You are safe here in this citadel. But one day you will have to venture out beyond it, and the world is not a kind one.”
The knife was the only belonging I brought with me the night I arrived, hidden under my smock with the steel warm and comforting against my leg. I now keep it under my pillow, unconcerned with Erik ever finding it.
“Go on, try one!” Commander Wickham says again, collecting a minnow in his spoon and transferring it to my bowl. I glance around the table, wondering if anyone else is watching this peculiar exchange, but the other board members are deep in furious conversation. They probably prefer us playing with our food than to attempt involvement in Legalia’s matters. The commander watches me so I grudgingly oblige, selecting the smallest minnow still swimming through the broth. The tiny fish wriggles inside my mouth and I don’t know what to do—not wanting to bite the thing but neither to swallow it whole.
“Chew! Chew!” Commander Wickham says as I bring my teeth together, the fish’s guts spurting into the roof of my mouth as I hurry to swallow it. The minnow tastes salty, reminding me of the briny air off Perithia’s coast where I used to summer.
“Tastes likes the ocean, doesn’t it?” Commander Wickham continues, his excitement akin to someone who cooked the stew himself.
The slimy thing slides down my throat and I chug water from my goblet to get rid of the sensation.
“Yes. Yes it does,” I say, my answering smile more of a grimace. I can hear Roan’s unabashed laughing from under my chair, and I vaguely entertain the idea of kicking him. The soup bowls are whisked away and replaced with stuffed pheasant, something I’m more familiar with. Commander Wickham becomes fully occupied with his meal so I glance down to see a fluffy white fox tail swishing from side to side. I pull off a succulent corner of dark meat with my hand and nonchalantly bring it down to Roan, his tiny paws tickling my skin as he grabs it.
“Thank you, Lady,” he murmurs, and I don’t answer, instead giving him a thumbs up before bringing my hand back to the table.

“Isn’t that right, Ambrose?”
“Huh?”
The entire table stares at me expectantly and I cringe.
“I was saying,” Erik says, the corners of his smile wiggling in frustration, “That you and I have been discussing your need for a handmaiden or two.”
“Um, oh. Yes.”
Erik waits for me to elaborate, and when I do not, his genial expression begins to show more and more cracks. I’m continuously baffled as to why I irritate him so, and I promptly lose my appetite. The pheasant is replaced with an amuse bouche of mint leaves and wickenberries, while fifteen sets of eyes still focus on me.
“Yes, handmaidens. I would like them. Please.”
“Verbose,” Roan squeaks from underneath me, knowing I won’t retaliate in public.
“Well. It’s settled then. A drawing for the two luckiest girls in the urbs, chosen handmaidens for Tsarina D’Ambrosia, monarch of Legalia’s citadel in Shinery,” Senator Rathe dictates to a servant who’s appeared with a stylus and inscription pad.
“That’ll show these ‘rebels’,” Senator Rathe continues, “Legalia extending this priceless opportunity to the lowliest—excuse me! Stop writing!”
The servant holds his stylus away, eyes full of terror.
“My apologies, Senator. I didn’t realize, wasn’t paying attention…” he trails off, barely a youth over fifteen, and the air is so thick with tension that not even Roan makes a peep, though no one would hear him.
“Quite all right,” Senator Rathe says in a softer tone. “Hand me the tablet please.” The servant brings it to him, hands trembling.
“And the stylus,” Senator Rathe continues. He takes them both and silently edits the announcement. “There. Please take this to Cyper in the newsroom and tell him to print out five thousand posters; with a nice, big color photo of our beautiful tsarina here. Can you do that?” The senator is able to hide his disdain until the last few words; they are laced with enough venom to take down a creature of the Forbidden. The boy nods and darts away, with hesitant conversations tittering up again after a few seconds.
The rest of dinner I keep to myself, feeding bits of food to Roan and barely touching the courses myself. Senator Rathe’s face after the servant’s mistake scares me—it’s too composed. But unlike Erik, whose annoyance easily breaks through his façade, Senator Rathe’s demeanor is very convincing. Every so often however, I see his eyes flash—a well of boiling rage peeking out of those grey irises.
When dinner is finished the men retire to a smaller side room to discuss governmental matters. Erik comes over and touches my neck lovingly while they look on, leaning into my ear and hissing, “Go to your room and stay there. Do you understand? You obviously like to defy my wishes—” he glances down at my outfit—“but for my sake, just go to your room. Okay?”
I look into his brown eyes, level with me since he isn’t very tall, and nod.
“Will you be joining me?” I ask as Commander Wickham strides over to us.
“Hey you two lovebirds! Save the sexy talk for the bedchambers, eh?” he teases, slapping Erik on the back. My husband forces a laugh.
“Go on then,” Erik says, attempting a loving tone that sounds hollow. Commander Wickham doesn’t seem to notice; his eyes drawn to a curvaceous female servant cleaning the dining table. Erik doesn’t follow Senator Rathe and the others, instead exiting another door that must lead to the grand hall and its nightly debauchery.
Commander Wickham has disappeared along with the servant woman, and I stand in the board room alone save for Roan and the servants, the clanging of silverware and dishes echoing loudly through this cavernous space.
I hate this citadel’s opulence, the oppressing architecture and dark walls and furniture—as if it wasn’t dark enough already with Shinery’s unrelenting snow.
“Want to go to the western tower?” Roan says, his words lilting in a chirpy way as he settles on my shoulder in his favorite bird form, the Halcyon. He motions his beak to the dinner table, still full of food, and I catch the eye of a familiar servant girl.
“Did you want to take something to your room for later?” she asks conspiratorially. We’ve played this little game numerous times, and I nod. She goes back into the kitchen, ignoring the glances from others, and returns with an enormous deep-set wicker basket. We set to filling it with dozens of baked goods; scones and loafs of sourdough, their homey scent wafting upwards in a heavenly way. A couple of pheasants were mostly untouched, mine included, so the girl and I wrap them in linen napkins and place them in the wicker basket as well.
“Hurry, Judith!” another servant whispers, standing watch as we fill it to the brim. They look very similar, but where Judith is wiry and olive-skinned, her relative is ample and ruddy-faced with age.
“It’s all right,” I say to Judith’s mother, or whoever she is, “We’re not doing anything wrong. I won’t get us in trouble.” Roan squawks in agreement, forgetting that his endorsement bears no consequence since he’s invisible.
The older woman looks at me with an expression almost like pity, though I have no idea why. She’s a denizen, plucked from poverty in Shinery’s urbs to be given a good job and regular wages here in the citadel—if anyone should be pitied in this situation, it’s her. Judith and I finish putting the last of the desserts into the top of the basket—croissants and fruit tarts and chocolate chili cakes covered in succulent ganache—and I flip the covers over the top of the basket and carry it with difficulty toward the western tower, in the opposite direction of my bedchamber.
“Don’t eat it all at once Tsarina, ya’ hear?” Judith calls out to me teasingly, her denizen accent clipping off the ends of words. I glance back with a grin and watch as Judith and her relative disappear into the kitchen. A pang of loneliness stabs my gut as I realize that she’s the first girl my age to attempt conversation with me since I arrived here. Maybe getting some handmaidens won’t be such a bad thing.
Roan flies up ahead of me through the halls, looking out for the errant person who might be wandering around this side of the palace. It’s the perfect time to attempt this, with the denizens changing shifts and most nobility gone to their various games and shows for the evening. The basket gets heavier with each step I take, so I call to him.
“Roanie! Help me?”
I make it to the foot of the stairs, waiting for him to return and help me carry the forty-pound basket up.
“It’s all clear,” Roan says as he returns from the top of the tower, transforming mid-air into a tiny gray mule to stand in front of me. I place the basket on his back with a loud groan, and we proceed to climb five flights as I balance it on his sturdy rump. Once outside, the freezing air burns my cheeks and lips and makes my nose run. It’s the Winter Solstice again, the time for every Legalia-governed city to celebrate the birth of our government, so the weather is especially temperamental. Friendly snowflakes swirl around and fall upon my dress, coating Roan’s grey fur with flecks of white. I look out over the balcony to the urbs below; rudimentary buildings and run-down factories, steam coming up in clouds that intermingle with the snow flurries.
They’re waiting for me already. I wave at the dozen or so denizens that stand directly beneath the western tower, probably shivering in their clothes as they wait for me, though I’m much too high to tell for sure. I search in the basket for a Lineator, finding it quickly and attaching the contraption around the basket’s handles. I flip the switch and it whirs to life; the metal wings flapping as I key in the coordinates of its voyage: two hundred feet straight down.
I lift the basket onto the stone ledge with a grunt and push it over the side. The Lineator guides the basket down at a measured pace, past the ten stories of the palace and hundred feet of open air that separate Shinery’s citadel from the urbs, where the denizens reside. I watch as the basket lands in the open arms of an old man, the others surrounding him with patient excitement. Their exclamations of joy are carried on the wind to Roan and me, and I hear a high-pitched child’s voice shout “brandycakes!”
Roan nudges my hand with his nuzzle and I pet it absentmindedly, perplexed by the feelings in my head. If I’ve just made these people so happy, why do I feel like crying?
“Lady,” Roan says, and I realize that my face is wet—not from tears, but from angry sleet that’s begun to pour from the tumultuous clouds above. Zeppelins and airships fly through the thunderheads, their golden lights illuminating the curves of the storm.
“Come on, Lady,” Roan says again, pulling my dress gently with his mule-teeth.
“Yes, all right,” I answer, looking over the balcony once more to see that the denizens have disappeared. My hands are blue with cold.
I hurry down the tower with Roan, once again a Halcyon, on my shoulder, and nearly fall on the marble floor when my wet shoes connect with it.
“Shh!” a voice hisses from the darkened hall. I freeze, afraid of who it might be. I was explicitly told not to wander this area when I arrived here—which is why I explored it in the first place—and Erik told me to go to straight to my room tonight. If he finds out I disobeyed him, he might just stop talking to me altogether.
A bubbly laugh comes from my left. “Ha ha ha!”
I contemplate running down the hall toward my bedchambers, but curiosity is one of my faults. I turn to the source of the voice.
“Flossie!” I say, walking toward the girl who clings to the shadows. Her age is indeterminable—she looks eighteen but acts like a five year old most of the time. A ward of Legalia, Flossie’s parents died long ago in an accident and she’s remained here, still of noble blood but with no one to care for her. I’ve mostly avoided Flossie due to a gruesome set of scars on her face and neck—presumably from the accident that killed her parents—and her bizarre, childlike behavior. From what I can tell, Flossie is mostly ignored, left to wander the citadel as she pleases. Her freedom causes a twinge of jealousy as she motions me forward, laughing quietly and covering her mouth to muffle the sound.
“Flossie, what is it? I really should be getting back to my room.”
She beckons me over more earnestly to follow, until we stand in a darkened archway I’ve never been in. We continue down the dank-smelling hallway into what I presume to be one of the older parts of the palace, its dusty steam lamps emitting a faint, greenish hue on the walls.
“I don’t like this,” Roan says in my ear, “I want to go back.”
Flossie turns at the sound of his voice and stares straight at him.
“Chirp chirp!” she says, pointing. “Chirp chirp!” She smiles at us with an exuberant grin.
“Can…can she see you?” I say to Roan in utter shock. Flossie emphatically nods her head and continues on, into the ever-darker bowels of the palace.
“I guess there’s your answer,” Roan says, to which Flossie aggressively shushes him. Once we’ve gone down two flights, she holds up her hand and leans up against the wall to peer around a corner.
I stand next to her, also pressing my body against the cold, damp stone, and twist to see why she’s brought me here. I hear a steely male voice, its familiarity sending a shiver through my body. I don’t even need to look to know who it is.
Senator Rathe is pressing the servant boy from earlier—the one who’d messed up his dictation by accident—against the wall and muttering into his ear. I strain to hear, and Roan turns into a fly and buzzes closer, staying close to the ceiling.
“Do you want your family to starve? To die of conphoid?” Senator Rathe murmurs, clutching the boy’s shirt in both hands. “Do you understand that I could have you sent to the uncivilized places for this evening’s transgression?”
The boy doesn’t answer, instead beginning to cry. “Please, Senator, please. I’ll do anything. I have a baby sister…please…”
“Anything?”
“Yes, anything,” the boy says, a strange tone in his voice. A tone of acceptance. Like this has happened before.
“How sad, then, that I needed to threaten your family with disease just for the chance to try my newest invention,” Senator Rathe answers. His voice is louder and tight with excitement.
I watch as he pulls a strange contraption from his suit’s front pocket.
“Wh-what is it?” the boy stutters, looking down.
“I don’t have a name for it just yet,” Senator Rathe breathes. “Legalia might think I’m no longer skilled enough to run their experiments, but that’s simply not the case. Tell me Thomas; what do you think awaits you after death?”
Before Thomas can answer, the senator takes the tiny machine from his palm and digs it into his chest.
The boy screams in pain as Roan dives at Senator Rathe’s head, burrowing into his ear canal. Though my companion cannot be seen or heard, his physical presence can be felt by others if he really wills it so. This time is no different, and the senator shakes his head in distress, clutching his ears. The contraption falls from his hand and clatters to the ground, shattering into pieces.
“Ha ha ha!” Flossie laughs, her guffaws echoing off the claustrophobic walls. The servant takes off in the other direction as Senator Rathe shakes his head wildly to rid Roan from his ear hole. He turns and stalks toward us, scanning the hall like a predator.
Flossie takes off running with me not far behind, and though I feel awful about leaving my companion there, I’m terrified of the senator.
His cruelty brings on waves of nausea as I pound up the stairs. My ears strain to hear if Senator Rathe pursue us, but I can’t discern a sound over my own ragged breathing. What was that thing? I ponder as the blood rushes in my ears like a river. And what sort of experiments has Legalia been doing?

Self-Published Authors Interview Series: Ksenia Anske

Photo credit: Sarah. Katherine. Place As those of you who frequent this blog (or know me in real life) have gathered, I have a hero. An idol, if you will. And her name is......Ksenia Anske.

Even my mom knows who she is. I've been talking about Ksenia since last November, when I found her blog at right about the time I was considering pursuing writing seriously but feeling all sorts of doubt about it, and I read her posts and immediately found hope. 

I actually smiled today because I was transferring files from my old computer to my new, and stumbled on the beginning drafts of "Cruel," which is now published on Amazon. IT EXISTS. And it's such a surreal feeling to think about, not to mention the fact that I'm writing the second draft of a book right now (I've written an entire book? ME?!) and really enjoying the story. It doesn't seem like a lofty goal anymore, this whole "writing a book thing." And I can promise you that if you just keep chugging along at it like I did (albeit dragging my feet when I worked full-time, because I was so tired), it CAN HAPPEN.

There is no secret formula, no magic way. It's like losing weight; eat right and work out. Simple as that. Writing a book is the same (at least, it has been for me). Write every day and read every day. Don't make this already momentous task any harder on yourself.

So before I introduce the magnanimous and inspiring Ksenia Anske, I just want to say that I plan to share the first chapter of my steampunk fantasy this Saturday, with my tentative titles! Yes, titles! I can't even believe I'm there already. So without further ado, here she is, Ksenia Anske (who is legit famous since NEIL GAIMAN tweeted her yesterday. Yeah.):
Like what you read? Subscribe to my blog/newsletter!
Want to support me as a writer? Donate! AC: I read in another interview you did that Lilith Bloom’s character in your novel, Rosehead, was modeled after you as a child: introverted and ostracized by other kids growing up. Do you think things in your childhood impacted your wanting to write? They certainly seem to have impacted your subject matter. Were there pleasant moments growing up, things you enjoyed doing?
KA: Yes, absolutely. As soon as I learned how to read, I think I was 4, I disappeared into alternate realities that were better than my childhood. Growing up in Soviet Russia, my days were filled with bizarre and macabre and circus-like and extravagant things, the things that form the fabric of my childhood, where violence mixes with extreme intelligence, neglect go step in step with exquisite meals, designer dresses, and dance classes. I enjoyed going to dance lessons, hence Lilith and her love for ballet dance. I loved running around on the streets with boys, as girls didn’t really like me for being cute and quiet and a magnet for boys because I wasn’t afraid of  spiders or yucky things. I remember one time I ate raspberry worms on a dare and I won. I loved stealing fruit and berries from people’s gardens as most of the time I was hungry. I loved biking around the city (my next book, Corners, will be about 4 kids on bikes). In all, I think I was a rascal and probably should’ve been born a boy. But reading definitely was my favorite pastime.

AC: What have been your best and worst writing experiences so far?
KA: Worst? Starting a book, or starting to write every day. For some reason, when I start working on a new project, I’m terrified of the silliest things. Like, I think I have forgotten how to write a book, or I think my writing is terrible, or I think nobody will read it, or I think something absurd like as soon as I start, my laptop will explode and all this effort will be for nothing. Actually, something similar happened to me once, when Word corrupted my file and I have lost 1 day’s worth of work. But I always power through this fear, because it’s all it is. Fear.
And the best thing that I have experienced is finishing a book. I get high on it, drugged. I float and feel all fuzzy and warm and accomplished and happy and giddy and I can’t stop smiling. Nothing compares with that feeling. It’s hard to describe it. Perhaps, if you think you have just eaten the most delicious cake on the planet, and you know that you won’t gain a single pound from it, and you recline in a pile of warm puppies that lick your face and there are pink fluffy clouds shimmering under your ceiling that are really cotton candy puffs and your mom baked you your favorite cookies and all the kangaroos of the world…but I’m getting carried away. It’s awesome. The feeling is awesome. That is all.

AC: Now I'm hungry! I’ve been wanting to discuss this with you for awhile, but felt it best to do in interview form. I’ve read on your blog that you received a lot of criticism, hate mail, and even death threats (correct me if I’m wrong) regarding giving your books away for free. That’s not even delving into the possible criticism you may’ve received in the forms of book reviews, mean people on Twitter, etc. What I would like to know, for my own personal knowledge and others who struggle with this, is how do you deal with the negativity? I’ve had one person give me a snide remark on Twitter and it ruined a considerable portion of my day! What do you tell yourself to let these things go? Any tips on how to handle the situation when it arises?
KA: Oh, this sounds worse than it is. I did receive criticism and hate mail and once someone wished me death on Twitter, but those instances were really rare and most of them I turned around into positive outcomes. Often in the very beginning some self-published writers would admonish me and chastise me on how I’m devaluing their work by giving my books away for free. And every time I simply try to give people love. Those who tell you these things don’t tell you them because they know you really well and truly believe what they mean, the project their own pain onto you because you’re shiny and visible. This happens to celebrities often. They need a hug and a kiss to feel better. Often the pain they have been carrying around is so strong, it might take a lot of love to make them relax and stop hating themselves so much (this is why they project their self-hate on others). I’ve been through so much horrible stuff in my life, that when I wanted to commit suicide, and then decided not to, after I went through 2 years of therapy and recovered, I stopped being afraid of negativity because I understood it for what it was. It’s just a cry for help, for love. People who are hurt the most are the ones spewing bitterness around themselves. Give them goodness. If they reject it, block them and forget about them and move on. They are not ready to receive help and there is nothing else you can do.

AC: Fantastic advice that I will definitely focus on for the future. I know that you are wrapping up Irkadura and preparing to begin your fourth novel, Corners. Forgive me if this information is on your site, but could you tell us a bit about how the idea came to you, and what you’re most excited about with it?
KA: Oh yes, I have yet to set up a page for Corners on my site! Ah! So many things to do. I don’t specifically remember the very moment I had the idea for it, like I do with Rosehead, but I think it happened one day when I had a particularly hard day writing Irkadura and out of nowhere a whole scene popped into my head, inspired by my time as an elementary student, when after school I would hang out with 3 boys, my friends, and we would all race on bikes along the streets of Moscow. Biking was one of my escapes from harsh realities of life, and also a therapy of some sort, so I wanted to write about the adventure of taking off and ending up in different worlds. At the same time I thought how I missed all the books I have read as a kid and how some kids books I am only reading now, since they weren’t translated into Russian at the time I was growing up. I am reading them now and I wanted to re-experience this joy of jumping from one book to another. The two concepts merged, and that is how I have decided to write a book where the corners of the world could be turned like page corners of a book and have 4 kids drop into 30 books, or something like that.

AC: I typically ask my self-publishing interviewees why they decided to go this route, but know from your blog that you are too impatient to have waited. JSo I’ll ask this instead; out of all you’ve learned in the past two years since writing full-time, are there one or two things you really wish you’d known from the beginning? Something other authors can utilize as we embark on this terrifyingly wonderful journey?
KA: Yes, I wish I trusted myself more. I was so afraid to do things I felt were right in my gut, that I have made many mistakes which I could’ve avoided. But then again, you have to break your own forehead to learn, right?

AC: A quick anecdote from my past; I don’t recall the exact day I stumbled upon your site, but it was November of last year and I’d decided to pick up a half-finished novel and complete it for NaNoWriMo. I felt down about it, dejected, and the first post I read from your website was “Why 1st Drafts DON’T SUCK,” in it explaining that they actually do suck and that that’s okay. It literally changed my life, right then and there. I was new to writing, and to this concept. I thought to be a good writer, everything was supposed to be glorious prose. That month was when I decided to really pursue creative writing as more than just a random dabbling every so often—mainly because of that project, and you. What I’m trying to say in a round-about, slightly stalker-ish manner is that you really have become a beacon of hope for writers, mainly through social media. Aside from your background in social media (Lilipip!) and candid nature, why do you think you’ve gained such a following online? Any tips for other writers to also increase their social media reach, or do you even think it’s that important?
KA: Oh, wow, thank you! You’re making me tear up here a little. I will tell you what I tell everyone, as I get asked this very often. Be yourself and give. Just give and give and give and don’t ask for anything in return, and one day it will return to you ten-fold.

AC: Would you be willing to tell us something about yourself that we don’t know? Your DEEPEST, DARKEST SECRET. Or maybe a hobby you enjoy, when you’re not reading or writing. J
KA: Let’s see. This will disappoint so many readers, I’m sure. I don’t really drink alcohol. I do tweet about drinking vodka all the time, but it’s just a joke, because when I came to US, about 16 years ago, as soon as someone found out I was Russian, they would talk about how we have winter year around and snow and drink vodka. It always got me pissed off, this image of Russians, so I played along, and I told people that I grew up eating from wooden plates with wooden spoons, playing in the snow on the streets with wild bears, drinking vodka since I could hold the bottle in my hands. It was so much fun watching people’s faces, especially in the first few moments, before they understood that I’m making fun of them. So, sorry! I only drink coffee, and tea, and water. And, well, write and read books. J

AC: And finally, one of my goals as a writer and person with a “media platform” is to spread awareness about worthy charities and help those who need it. What organization would you like to select, so that I can add it to my charity page and raise awareness?
KA: Rainn.org - Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network.

Thank you Ksenia for giving a little writer like me your time for this interview! I can't wait to see the other amazing things you will surely do.

Until next time, keep writing and keep dreaming!
Ksenia Anske was born in Moscow, Russia, and came to US in 1998 not knowing English, having studied architecture and not dreaming that one day she'd be writing.  SIREN SUICIDES , an urban fantasy set in Seattle, is her first novel. She lives in Seattle with her boyfriend and their combined three kids in a house that they like to call The Loony Bin.
Before quitting her career in 2012 to write full time, an entrepreneur and social media marketer by trade, Ksenia helped clients establish social media presence as a consultant and ran her start-up  Lilipip  for 5 years, a company that created animated explanation videos. Ksenia's been named one of the  100 Top Women in Seattle Tech  and  Geek of the Week of Seattle PI .
Check out her website here!

How To Alienate Yourself on Social Media

Photo credit: Sarah Ann Loreth
As I've become more assimilated on social media, I feel that I am decently more knowledgeable about how to build an author platform, make worthwhile friends/readers, and ... how to alienate yourself in those forums.
Before I jump into my personal experiences on social media however, I'd like to say that I only need ONE more subscriber to my newsletter for the YouTube horrible kiss video to happen. So if you haven't already signed up and you want that to happen, then please subscribe by September 1st.

I've already got my first newsletter ready to go, and it's full of news regarding my steampunk fantasy novel and blog, book/song recommendations, and a secret prize!
Yes. You heard right. I am giving the chance to win a secret opportunity/prize to those who subscribe to my newsletter by mid-September. It's short. It's sweet. It's got Jennifer Lawrence in it. And it's your newsletter as much (if not more) than mine...hint hint. So go on and sign up if you dare.
Now here is my list of ways to alienate yourself in social media, or what NOT to do:
1. Add someone's Twitter handle to the ends of your posts.
What does this mean, you ask? Well, I've had it done to me, so let me explain. Someone I met briefly was tweeting numerous times a night (writing tips, so it was somewhat relevant) and would add my name onto the end. I didn't know why, and they explained that it was so that I would "re-tweet" them.
Now, I definitely appreciate being included in certain conversations/posts that pertain to me personally. However, adding my handle to your numerous nightly posts simply as a way to "nudge" me to re-tweet them seems a little heavy-handed. I will re-tweet something that I find relevant on my own, thank you very much. This individual was adding other authors as well, and I am curious to know how they felt about it. 

I HAVE done this in certain instances when I found a post or person who might be of interest to a Twitter friend of mine, for example: Jenny Bravo is self-publishing, and I found this incredible self-publishing author, Tiana Warner, through The Book Designer's blog. So I tweeted Tiana to compliment her, and included Jenny at the end. Jenny's done the same for me, and it's a great way to meet other authors and learn stuff I might've never found otherwise.

2. Spam someone's Twitter because they said a "keyword."
This is another thing that happened to me recently; someone included my handle in their tweets about "speculative fiction workshops." I had no knowledge of who they were or what this workshop was, and didn't understand why I had been included in their tweet. When asked about it, they stated it was because I had mentioned "speculative fiction" at some point. Um...what? I don't even really know what that is.
Again, this is something that I think is personal preference. Some people might like to be included in a tweet and get the tiny bit of "reach" it may provide. Personally, it turned me off. I don't appreciate being "associated" with something I have no knowledge of, or actual involvement in. So yeah, don't do that.

3. Write an author's name wrong.
Mistakes happen. People forget middle initials; I get it (it's Ashley "R." Carlson! I know, annoying). But keep this in mind when you are reaching out to or sharing what other authors have written: OUR NAME IS OUR BRAND. If you are going to share a blog post someone wrote, or compliment them on their work, please for the love of God spell their name right. Seriously. Do they have a middle initial? USE IT. Do they have two last names? USE THEM BOTH. Otherwise you are potentially cutting them out from the awesome recognition you are trying to give because their name is wrongly spelled. Not to mention, it comes off as insensitive and uncaring.

4. Lie about being a bestseller.
This one is pretty self-explanatory. If you're actively telling people that you are debuting your first novel ever, then how can you be a bestseller? By all means tell us where your books have become bestsellers; it's absolutely something to share.
But if you're not actually a bestseller yet, don't say you are. Readers are not idiots. They don't appreciate being lied to, myself included. And once they sense the stink of dishonesty surrounding you and your work, I highly doubt they'll want to support it with their hard-earned cash.

5. Recommend YOUR OWN BOOK to people on Goodreads.
This is another one that I think would be pretty self-explanatory, though it's happened to me a couple of times. This is something that I think can be handled correctly, and not correctly.
-Are you part of a YA paranormal reading group and that's the genre you just wrote a book in? SHARE IT.
-Do you have a friend on Goodreads who said they want to read your book, and to send it to them for easier retrieval? SHARE IT.
However, when you are a stranger, it comes off as pretty slimy to recommend your own book to me when we've never communicated in any way previously, and your book is not even in the genre I've said I like.
As you can see, most (okay, ALL) of this is from my personal experiences over the last nine months. If any of you have other tips of what NOT to do, please share in the comments. I think a lot of social media interaction is pretty self-explanatory; be a nice person, don't spam people, don't lie about yourself, and be fun!
I know that I love to read the posts of my friends like Jenny Bravo, Marissa Fuller, Lilly Raines, and Christine H. of Better Novel Project; because they are REAL, informative, and entertaining. Want some more tips on what not to do with Twitter? Read Ksenia Anske's post here.

Until next time, keep writing and keep dreaming!
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Self-Published Authors Interview Series: Alex Apostol

Photo credit: Alex Stoddard
Today is the third installment of my self-published author series, with my guest being a prolific young writer who I found out and about on the interwebs.

But first!

I said that if I had TEN more newsletter subscribers by September 1st, when the first one goes out, that I would make a YouTube video detailing the horrendous experience that was my first kiss. It is one that my family has refused to let me forget, due to its comical nature. So of course, I feel like embarrassing myself all the more and publicly sharing it.

I've gotten seven sign-ups so far since the announcement, which means that if three more of you subscribe below, that YouTube video is being made. As well as a "ninja cat" video of some kind, per request by a Twitter friend. So big things, people! BIG THINGS.

Also, I have begun the second draft edits for my steampunk fantasy WIP. I plan to write a blog post about the process, as well as about the FUN little gem that was the Smashwords e-book formatting guide for my short story, Cruel. I'm convinced that it's secretly from the devil...but I think I mastered it, after four hours and three submissions. So stay tuned!

I've made you wait long enough, so here she is...Alex Apostol!
AC: Tell us about Alex Apostol as a child (all the strange details!). Or maybe just some personality traits. Did you show signs of a future as a writer, even when you were young?

AA: On my twelfth birthday my mom gave me a small diary and ever since then I have always kept a journal. It was a great way to get all my feelings out. I think this is really what got me started on my love of writing. I've always been an avid reader, too. It wasn't until I was twenty-one, when I switched my major for the sixth time and settled on English, that I thought I could actually be a writer for a living. As far as the somewhat eerie and scary subjects of my first two books, Earth Angel and Hunted Angel, a deep love of all things scary runs in my family. My dad and I enjoy watching horror movies together to this day and his mother was known to watch scary movies alone in the dark in her house with the doors unlocked, which is my plan for tonight...though maybe not the unlocked door part.

AC: That sounds legitimately terrifying. You are braver than I! So, what have been your best and worst experiences in writing so far, and how have you handled them?

AA: My best experience with writing so far has been working on my second book, Hunted Angel. I think I've really come along these past few years as a writer. I'm learning to let go of my self-consciousness and fear of judgement. It's been a real great learning experience to dig deep inside myself in order to drive my characters and plots. Hunted Angel touches on subjects that have been very dark and hard times in my own life.

My worst experience with writing was probably when I was trying to go the traditional route of publishing. I'm very sensitive and took all the rejection letters personally, feeling defeated with each one. Then, when I finally landed a contract with a small publishing agency in Tennessee, I hated being stripped of my creative freedom. I had no say over the editing of my book, over the cover design of my book, the layout, nothing. This is what eventually and mutually ended my contract with that publisher, but made me realize that self-publishing was exactly the right route for me. 


AC: What an appropriate segueway! I read on your blog about this very thing happening to you. Can you tell us some more about that?

AA: Yes, I do feel the publisher I signed with was a bit unprofessional, but then again she felt the same way about me. We were not on the same page at all. She showed interest in my book, but wanted to take over it completely, which I was not comfortable with. She told me what to change with the content of the book first, and I did all she said, so desperate to see my book in print. When it came to the cover design, she showed me what she was coming up with, but would not take in any of my personal opinions. This drove her to design a cover that clashed entirely with what my book, Earth Angel, is about. She designed a cover featuring a mural of two naked baby angels sitting on a cloud. I told her I thought this cover was going to mislead its readers about what they would find in the book. When she told me she was not there to represent my book, but rather to establish a reputation of beauty for her publishing agency, I knew this was not someone I wanted to be working with. I really like to connect with my readers, even before a book is released. This is officially what ended the contract with the publisher, though I was very happy it did. I posted the cover design drafts she had shared with me on my Facebook page, asking my fans and close friends which were their favorites. I couldn't find anything against it in the contract. She blew up at me over this, saying it was extremely offensive and unprofessional and that what my fans and friends thought of the cover, as well as what I thought, did not matter to her. This horrible experience turned me off from traditional publishing, maybe forever.

AC: That. Sounds. Awful. Thankfully it turned out for the best, because you already have a couple of books releasing in the near future! Can you tell us about them?

AA: Earth Angel is my first book, which will be released on October 31, 2014, though it can be found on Amazon and Smashwords now for pre-sale and sample downloads. The story is told from the view of the main character, Kamlyn Paige. She goes through so much heartache and loss, especially in the beginning. These losses, though, are what drive her onto a new path of paranormal hunting. She travels the country fighting evil and searching for revenge on the demon-goddess who murdered her son. Kamlyn comes across new and old friends who help her to learn new things about herself and point her toward vindication. Once aware of who she really is, she may have a chance at survival when she finally finds what she's been searching for. The book falls in that genre called New Adult. The main character is twenty-five, so I feel it is a bit mature to be considered a young adult novel, though it does still hold a lot of the magical qualities of a YA book. There are some eerie moments that creeped me out while I was writing them and other parts that are sweet and romantic. 

Hunted Angel is the second book in The Kamlyn Paige Novel series which will also be released on October 31, 2014, alongside Earth Angel. The story picks up right where Earth Angel left off. Kamlyn is on the hunt again, but this time to save someone new in her life who she believes she loves completely. Kamlyn experiences a little more darkness within herself than battling it out in the world. She teams up with her two best friends, Cara and Don, who I feel round the perspective of the novel out. The characters are greatly different from each other, so it's interesting to see them work together and connect. I don't want to give too much away about the end of the story, but there are plenty of twists and turns in the plot to keep readers interested and hopefully I'm able to drop a few jaws as well. This story I feel is more emotionally-based and character driven compared to Earth Angel, which I feel was mostly plot driven. 

Short Shorts is a chronological collection of short stories centering around two young women who are traveling the country and getting into all sorts of fun trouble. Some of the stories are embarrassingly based on events that have really happened in my own life, while others are loosely based or complete fiction. I'm still in the beginning stages of writing it, but I can say that I am laughing out loud frequently as I remember the things I've done, talk incidences over with my friends, and make up new dilemmas for these two girls to get into. I think it is this book that is going to break my fear of judgment from my readers, but mostly from my family. I can just imagine my mom reading these stories and gasping over the things she'll believe I did, even if they're the fiction stories. 

Marketing is still my least favorite part of writing and self publishing. I am still learning a lot, but from experience I can say connecting with people on a personal level is the best way to market. I interact daily with my fans and followers and friends on Google+, Twitter, and Facebook. I started early and have slowly built a following who all have the potential to be loyal readers. I am also planning on creating a sales sheet for each of my books and sending these out to bookstores nationwide. I'll also be sending out press releases to many different newspapers and magazines. I've had some trouble getting people to do reviews. So many reviewers are closed temporarily because they have an immense amount of submissions and they need to catch up. It's pure luck when I find someone who wants to read my book and put out a review for everyone to see, but I'm grateful for every single one of them. All I can do is keep asking.

AC: That is definitely something I am intimidated by; the marketing piece of it all. You are WAY ahead of me on that one. So, what does your writing process look like? How long does it take you to write each draft, do you re-write the entire second draft (as I’ve read some authors do) or just tweak it, etc.? Beta-readers, editors, cover design? You have AMAZING covers by the way.

AA: My writing process was a mess when I first started, which is probably why I've had to do a complete overhaul on Earth Angel. I've finally, just now, found what works best for me. I like to write out a detailed outline first, so that my stories always have a sense of direction. Of course, it's not set in concrete and I can change it as I start writing, but I love knowing what's going to happen right from the beginning. With my first draft, I just get it out. I try not to watch my word count or page numbers and just write what I feel. This usually ends with a book that's only 150 pages long. I print those out and then edit by hand with the second draft. This is where the chunk of my details, background stories, and character depth comes from. It's my favorite part of writing. With Earth Angel, I did have a professional editor, but have not decided yet if I will be doing the same with Hunted Angel. Just by sending Earth Angel out to the editor I got to see what she thought were good changes to my writing style. I learned a lot and applied it to the book and feel with Hunted Angel, I have kept those changes in mind. I really love my covers. I'm very artistic, so this is always a fun part for me. Earth Angel was designed by BeSpokeBookCovers.com. It was a little pricey for me, which is the only reason I took a different route with Hunted Angel, but it was still a great experience. The designer worked closely with me and redid it several times till it was exactly what I wanted. Hunted Angel's cover was a pre-made cover selected by me after days of researching covers online. This was a much cheaper route and I think the cover is equally as beautiful.

AC: How interesting to hear your process! And they truly are great covers; very eye-catching and with the "paranormal" vibe I think you want. Actually, they sort of remind me of Twilight's covers, in the sense of a single object and being something that is abstract to the story, but still holds symbolic meaning. Is there anything you wish you'd known when you first started pursuing self-publishing? Something we should be aware of to prevent making our own mistakes that way? 

AA: There are a few things I wish I had known with my first book, mostly dealing with money and expenses. When you're just starting with self-publishing, you are spending and getting nothing back for a long time, so saving where you can is important. Spending days searching through countless pre-made book covers was a great option for me to find a beautiful, unique cover without breaking my bank. Print-on-demand publishing has also been a great start for me, saving me the cost of having to order my book in bulk and shipping it off myself. The world of self-publishing is constantly changing and the great thing is that these changes are making it easier and cheaper for writers to build their book the way they envision it and get it out to readers.

AC: What is something readers don’t know about you? Hobby you enjoy, or a fun personal quirk? 

AA: I'm a pretty private person, so I'm sure there's a lot readers don't know about me. It's been really hard for me, actually, to put myself out there for marketing. It's easier for me to share through my fiction than personally. I've made many mistakes in my life and it took me longer than most to settle down, but it has also given me great experiences to write about. Many people judge me on the fact that I've been married twice before, lived in seven different states, tried out five different schools and majors before completing my degree, and anything else that I've done that doesn't fit into the traditional growing up into a stable adult experience. All I can say is that I took the long route, but I eventually got there.

AC: And finally, I like to ask each interviewee to recommend a charity that they feel personally drawn to, so that I can add it to the charity page on my website! What organization or charity do you feel we should raise awareness about?

AA: Hm, this is a tough one. Usually when I donate my money it is to various museums. I feel it's important to preserve history and art, and museums are great ways to display these priceless artifacts of human existence.

Thanks Alex, for sharing your insight with us! Until next time, keep writing and keep dreaming!
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Want to support me as a writer? Donate! Alex Apostol is originally from the Chicago area, but has moved around the country for the past nine years. She has a Bachelors in English through the American Military University, and she currently writes full-time. When not working on her books, Alex likes to go to the shooting range with her husband or horseback riding. Check out her website here, where you can pre-order Earth Angel!

How To Date A Writer

Photo Credit: Alex Stoddard This is going to be a fun, easy post, because today and tomorrow I am spending the entire day READING THROUGH MY FIRST DRAFT. The steampunk fantasy is on its way! And the best part is, I have actually laughed OUT LOUD from some of the stuff I wrote in the first chapter. I can't wait to share some excerpts with you in my first newsletter, going out September 1st.

Because of some compliments on my YouTube videos, I've made a proposition. If I get TEN MORE SUBSCRIBERS to my newsletter by September 1st, I will make a video regaling you all with the horrific story of my first kiss. It involves braces, Hawaii, and me as an awkward sixteen year old. Three out of the ten have already subscribed, so I need SEVEN MORE. So if you want to hear about that and laugh your ass off (at least, my sister does), then Subscribe for it here.

You'll also receive my short story, "Cruel," for free! So far I've gotten an Amazon review from my Twitter and #wordsprint friend, David Hiller, who said:

"An exciting tale of the near-future that avoids any teenage clichés that plague many science fiction novels. The heroine commands our attention and the plot keeps delivering. I can only hope Carlson will surprise us soon with a novel or collection of stories."

Thanks David! Made my week. Maybe even my month.

So here are just a few funny (but probably true) things that you need to keep in mind when dating a writer. If you want it to go well, that is.
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HOW TO DATE A WRITER:
1. Read their stuff. Any time that they tell you it's ready. Bonus points if you beg to read it, even when they say it's NOT ready.

2. Listen as they discuss the writer's block they're experiencing, and provide as much sympathy and encouragement as you would to someone who is going through, say, a SERIOUS life crisis. Because it is one.

3. Provide creative character names when they ask you for some. Like, LEGITIMATE names. Not "Boris" or "Maude." Unless they want suggestions for a villain, or an old person, or something. Same goes for mythical places.

4. Provide coffee/breakfast to your writer loved one when they wake up from a dream and sprint into their office, writing furiously and talking to themselves. They are having a moment, a SERIOUS moment that cannot be interrupted. Except by coffee. That you brewed. And eggs, too. That you made.

5. Get used to your writer being on social media. And laughing about things people say on Twitter that you have no understanding of. Just...get used to it.

6. Also get used to your writer not wearing pants. Pants are very uncomfortable when you are sitting somewhere for many hours thinking up fantastical prose. Actually...pants are uncomfortable all the time.

7. Prepare yourself when your writer says they are about to write a sex scene. Because they are going to get very turned on, and will want to be intimate with you afterwards. Consider lying on the bed in the nude while you wait for them.

8. And finally.... READ THEIR STUFF (this is important enough to be on the list twice).  Did I say to read their stuff? Because you should really read their stuff.

Read it and offer five compliments for every criticism. Because they are sharing their soul with you, and since you are not only their partner, but probably one of the first people to ever read it, they are very fragile. And they want you to love it. Love their work, and you are loving them.

All right folks, I'm off to read my WIP now! Until next time, keep writing and keep dreaming!